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 Posted: Tue Oct 24, 2006 2:25 pm
It was clear to him, in that instant - familiarity questioned before, perhaps - but when you spend two entire days in the presence of but one other individual their tics, their tendencies aren't quite foreign anymore. Miika had receded, let the other... what? He still hadn't asked into that, into what the demon actually was - but no leisure to think about that for now, he knew Marks wasn't here to hurt anyone--well, he hoped, he hadn't seen that look on Marks in... a very long time, not since the other's... death, to be honest.
Oh complications.
He let Miika move them away - because that was... less tempting when it came to Marks and wanting to pick a fight, the distance --oh, right, gun. Well that screwed distance as an option for safety or reconcilia--or...
What was he doing here? It didn't--Peregrine wouldn't have--he shouldn't be here before Kingsley, shouldn't even have the remotest interest--or so precedent--but--
Through the whirlpool confusion Alex managed to steel himself enough to put a hand on Miika's shoulder from behind him, drawing up nearer to beside than hiding. "It's--Miika, this is... Marks," an attempt at polite introduction interrupte by a frown, though mild as any others of his facial expressions now characterized by something also mildly distressed.
"Guess that means I'm better in bed," Marks snarked back easily, "Not that we were really in question about that."
.....yeah, another one. The kid just seemed to bring that out in people - that or he naturally gravitated to these types, or they to him. Or just that Marks was picking up on something in Miika - after all, like recognizes like.
He remained standing on the bed, hands tucked into jeans pockets and the smirk growing only wider, deeper. His wings flapped once, an unconscious reaction to the other demon's - hunh. Was this the kid chasing after the metaphor again? Sheez. "Oh, Ollie's gonna love this one," he snorted in the manner of one enjoying sarcasm just a little too much. "Don't tell me this is what you've been missing over." A quirk of eyebrow that spoke volumes of... while not quite disgust, something a little like disapproval, though more detached than such a protective instinct.
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Posted: Tue Oct 24, 2006 8:20 pm
Miika said nothing, though his eyes kept on Marks carefully. Glancing to the side only once when Alex stepped up more beside him, he looked towards the other demon. He wasn't going to voice his opinion, he would let Alex handle this and only step in when it was absolutely necessary.
For once, he was going to do his best to keep out of the way of something... Besides, this was obviously someone that Alex knew, so he would just let him handle it by himself... Stay out of this little.. confrontation--if that was the appropriate, or correct, thing to call it.
Alek caught onto more sounds of voices and leaned against a wall at the very edge of the hall, scruffy clothes that made him look more like a bum rather than the gentleman he was. If anything, Andie was the worser out of the both of them. He had come here to settle something between him and his brother - those pills.
Why in the world had he gone overboard and made those pills anyway? Was he really that desperate for some company? Well, he supposed that problem all traced back to Alek himself. It was, in fact, the wolf's fault for leading his brother to this safe haven and then not choosing to stay with him - to settle the uneven scores--in which he had successfully done so.
But now he was back. What had his brother been up to all this time? At his young age of sixteen, he had better not be smoking, drinking, or having sex. Sex was the biggest issue. He, himself, was a smoker, so he would be a little more understanding... A couple of beers every now and again to unwind... and of course he was no virgin, but those were under different circumstances--when he had relationships... Andie couldn't exactly comprehend relationships in the least. Oh, he had better pay attention to what was going on, or he may miss the appropriate time to step in.
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Posted: Tue Oct 24, 2006 8:43 pm
Panic? No, that wasn't... that was too strong a word. It was something similar though, that spiked through his limbs and made his wings flick under pressure - it--was disconcerting, somehow, to have Marks here. Because--because in the recent past it'd been the other way around, he seeking out the demon than the other way around. Which meant something was up, and judging by the return of the... predatorial cast to Marks' smirk, something he ought to be worrying about.
And then there was that... every other time and... and even now, if he were to face Marks alone, perhaps - he had the feeling it wouldn't be nearly so suffocating as now. But that was a mixed intention and definition as well. Because... to have Miika here, the rippling confusion surrounding their interactions now dimming and fading but still obscuring his judgement... even without the confusion within the relationship itself there was the confusion it now caused without, in the world. With Miika here... he didn't know where he stood, not with--
Ah, right. Lost. The bird's fingers never left Miika's shoulder, tightening unconsciously as he stared thin-lipped and silent towards Marks, expression somewhere between deer-caught-in-headlights and pacing animal in a cage. That was... that was the worst Marks brought out in him, it seemed sometimes - in the connection they shared there was no way to hide beneath a veneer of civility and higher consciousness, not when Marks' world consisted primarily of the base and feral. Mixed in words, perhaps, but with intentions that were...
"Why are you here?" voice taut and sharp, as if about to snap. It was just--he didn't--couldn't fathom... could never think, not properly--not... no, he had been able to. But not now, and not then, and not when he'd first gotten here and he'd seen that face, that smirk --impossible to forget, impossible to leave behind, even post mortem...
He wasn't going to bother lying. Not because of the unhappy looking demon boy Rob chose to spoon with, nor out of any particular principles. Just knew it wouldn't make any difference except in the name of wasting time - and he wasn't here to torment, to drag things on far too long and so forth. So he'd keep it short and to the point--
or... well. No. He hadn't come with that intention, hadn't followed his instincts and what little information he'd gotten from the younger Kingsley with the purpose of having some 'fun' at Rob's expense - not that he ever did, it was dead (pun intended) serious with the kid. But now that he saw... well, this. This was interesting. Unexpected. But not really, once he'd seen it.
But not the first point in coming here. He knew the kid was out and at it with someone now - and rest assured he wouldn't forget it, but there was something else on his mind. Only... how much of it he wanted said around the newest guard dog, he wasn't - oh no, he was sure. None at all. So maybe his own issues could wait. Not like they were that pressing. Okay, maybe a little - but not around the broken winged demon.
Marks rolled his shoulders in a languid shrug, "Nothing particular - enough about me," about as obvious a way to say 'not gonna tell~' without actually saying it, "Let's hear about your new trauma." Hopping down from the bed with another stretch of wings, now as if flaunting them, Marks stepped forward with an intent and narrow-eyed look centered dead on the demon. "Where did you pick this up?"
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Posted: Tue Oct 24, 2006 9:03 pm
Miika's eyes simply narrowed just lightly as his cat-slit eyes focused dead center on the other demon in return. Marks. That was his name then, he remembered hearing it, but he had been distracted at that time. Feeling the hand tighten the hold on his shoulder, a wing twitched--but that seemed to be the only reaction, as he wasn't going to let this other demon stare him down.
To look away now that their stare was in a dead lock on one another, it would be rather... submissive of him to look away, even if it was a glance that lasted but only a split second. Give in to that in which stood infront of him? No. He wouldn't lose to some over pompous demon. When he seemed to flaunt his wings, Miika had no reaction. Oh, braggery. How unique. Not. Growling softly, that was really the only response he gave towards the demon. Either Alex would handle this, or he would.
Meanwhile Alek was growing quite bored in the hallway. He was aware that there had been one demon and a bird of some sort taken in by his 'kind' brother, but no where was a second demon mentioned. Soon enough he would break up the little... whatever it was in there. Runion, or something of the like. Growling softly, mainly out of boredom, he came to a conclusion; one of the demons had to go.
It was just that simple. One or the other, and he would allow the bird to choose... or perhaps, if there were matters needing to be spoken and the first demon was getting in the way, he could simply pull that first demon out into the hallway and inquire as to where his brother was, not that the demon would have any sort of idea... but it would still give them enough time to get unsettled afairs done and over with.
Making up his mind with this, he pushed away from the wall and began to slowly walk down the hall. Their room was the very last door, and it was a very long hall... so he could take his time in getting there. Give them.. time to do whatever it was they were doing now. But the unwelcome demon was going to leave, and he could only feel that there was an unwelcome demon because the tension in the air wasn't exactly well hid.
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Posted: Tue Oct 24, 2006 9:34 pm
It was difficult to say which carried more of the lie. The way he said it or the things he said - or maybe the total lack of motivation behind either. Marks had no reason to want to be here, nor any reason, if he were here by some terrible random chance, to be curious about anything he himself, Alex, was up to. It went counter to all precedented experience - well, that of recent years - and he could imagine no possible scenario in which that might change.
...Which was somewhat disappoint, on a personal note. He couldn't imagine Marks changing? How ultimately futile, weak, spineless--but it--
What had changed? Something had, he could... he knew it now, like he knew so much else about Marks. So this--this... just as confusing as Miika, but in a much more immediately distressing way. With Miika there was--comfort, sweetness -- here he could only summon memories of sudden anguish, terror, a longing that was in no way tender or pleasant. What...
He wasn't going to give to Marks' jibes - mostly because they simply didn't affect him nearly as much as the other's more subtle words, or his actions did. What he was going to do was keep Marks out of this. For the first time since arrival, he wanted Marks out. Enough of reconciliation--wait, no, if Marks had actually... actually sought him out... then... then no. It would wait, it had to wait - at least for a while, he couldn't deal with both these things at once, not Miika and--
Clearly tired of the bird's too long moment to respond, of the wide-eyed stare and brittle, frozen movement, Marks began to ignore him. Already focused on the demon as he was, it didn't take that much to shut him out. No more than usual, at least. Less than it had before. Even better.
His smirk, if anything, widened, darkened, shifted into something of a leer as he leaned forward slightly, looming over Miika in crimson-eyed, predatorial gaze. He didn't generally put much faith into Rob's hand-picked favorites and what-not - after all, he'd been one of them for a time, if unconsciously (on both their parts, theoretically) - the kid didn't end up lying in bed with most of 'em. So what was it about this close-mouthed, growling little b*****d that had the kid tripping on words all over again?
"Cat got your tongue?" he murred, voice deep and pleasant enough, though coupled with that darkened stare clearly intended as anything but. "What's your story, stubby?"
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Posted: Tue Oct 24, 2006 9:51 pm
Miika snarled at the other demon--guess he didn't know anything about personal space? well, probably not. The other didn't intimidate him, and that was quite clear. Perhaps in the sweeter state of mind he would have been a bit intimidated, but as he stood now, no... he wasn't. Not even in the least. What in the world had gotten into Alex? Why wasn't he taking care of this little... problem? In his demon state, he came to a rather unpleasant possibility that perhaps--just perhaps--Alex had some sort of feeling for this demon as well.
With that fresh in his mind, he growled up at the other, "None of your business," Shoving the other demon backwards lightly, showing no threat about it, he turned to Alex and growled lightly, obviously unpleased with whatever thought occured in his mind. They could talk about it later, and that was exactly what could be read clearly through his eyes as he brushed Alex's hand off of his shoulder. "Alex... Deal with your little problem. I'll be in the hall." At least his voice was softer when he spoke to the bird, which meant that yes, they could talk about this, and that no--his feelings for the bird hadn't changed. Though he did turn, walking past Alex and Marks, then out the door and into the hall where he ran into the wolf.
Alek raised a brow, and judging by the others' description.. this was the welcomed demon, not the unwelcomed demon. Giving a little smile after taking a step back, he looked the other up and down, slowly--but not deliberately. Simply seeing if he was harmful to his brother--or himself--in any way.
"I am sorry to... interrupt you, but I was wondering if you may know where Andie has wandered off to this time? Remember the fox--the one that let you and the... bird? into the asylum. It seems you've run into a bit of trouble already, but not from Vampires, so nothing for me to worry about, I'm sure..." At the other's silence, he frowned.
"I'll wait until the other demon is gone, and then maybe you'll be in a better mood to discuss the matter - if you know anything about it," Alek said calmly. He was a rather composed wolf, even when standing in the presence of a rather unhappy demon.
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Posted: Tue Oct 24, 2006 10:56 pm
Letting himself be shoved back and standing away with hands still tucked into his pockets, Marks smirk never faded as he watched the two narrowly, with a sort of malicious inner glee. The dynamics here were unexpected at the very least. At the most, Marks even bothered to appreciate them. The kid having issues in his personal relations? That made him happy in all sorts of ways, especially when the other demon skedaddled. Oh yeah. This was going to be all sorts of fun.
And he wasn't even second guessing himself about it, which was the best part. A year ago he would've been flipping out over alone time with the kid, a little touchy to admit it but it was true. And now... it really didn't matter. Didn't feel like it at least. Not even now, alone. "Having fun, Rob?" he purred, maintaining his distance and not shifting from where he'd ended after the shove, look both simultaneously dangerous and... a twisted sort of friendly. But that was Marks for you, though only if you knew him.
And it was undeniable that Alex really knew Marks. Trouble now, unsure, hesitant and feeling more alone than he had in longer than he cared to remember, the bird clutched the hand that had so recently clutched onto Miika's shoulder to his own chest, as if to hold the memory of that warmth, the living breath of that voice and skin, the inkling of touch--something, anything to distract from what was inexplicably different and disconcerting about his old... friend...
That was the problem. It was the change. For Marks to be anything other than recalcitrant or sulking was throwing him for a loop, and... and... "Not in the way you've been defining it of late," he mumbled almost incoherently, lips barely moving and eyes still on the now closed door. he should've--always should have, never--never what he'd done! Damnable freezing, fear, hesitation--
"Ha, or ever, I bet," Marks laughed then, short but not cruel - that wasn't his way. Not intentional cruelty - well, maybe a little. Maybe a lot. But not in that overdone, sadistic flaunt and pose you seemed to run into in all the other dark corners of the world.
"Come on, Rob, what's the sob story? How'd he reel you in? Or was it the other way around, per usual?" He moved forward then, closing the distance between them with an ease he'd not known in interactions with the bird for far tool long, stopping just half a foot away and watching all movements with one brow quirked in amusement.
Flinching at the renewed proximity, Alex shook his head, glancing away from the door and Marks both, down to the floor. This wasn't ever how he'd imagined renewing voluntary interaction with the other - though he supposed it was just as involuntary as before, only in reversed positions. "You don't care," he insisted quietly, no longer mumbling but voice soft in its precise articulations, "Just--just get to the point."
Chuckling again the demon's head tilted back and he smile at the ceiling with a brief whiff of amusement, a sound that made Alex wince again. "Fine, I give, I don't," Marks laughed, "But you're no use to me all insensible, Rob, I've got questions, they need answering when you're coherent."
Another chuckle briefly started but disappeared into silence as he leaned forward once more, this time to close the distance with the bird rather than the bird's new demon. "What's he done that's got you so jumpy, anyway?" he crooned, inches away from gray eyes that refused to look at him directly. A fine 180'.
"Stop it," a little more sharply, as time gave Alex the opportunity to settle and, if not to understand the new dynamics then at least to evaluate them to the point of not stumbling blindly through them, a frightened child in the dark, scary woods. Though he still refused to look at the other directly.
Eyes were--he didn't need to look into Marks', he already knew what lay there. Nothing could change so very much that... the truth, the core would be any different from before. People changed, they grew and metamorphsed... but not that radically, not in their essence. So why was it so strange now? What threw him off so very much? He couldn't bear to glance, to find something new and ultimately.... distressing? To put his fears lightly, perhaps.
Marks snorted in response - he could keep pushing at this, and frankly... considering the implications he'd caught from Miika's more terse movements and suggestions, would be all sorts of fun in the way of rousing the other demon's suspicions. Which he was really interested in doing at the moment, if only because... well, not only. But he liked watching people squirm. And he'd never realized it could be so gratifying when it came to Rob. Oh sure, he'd suspected - but there'd never really been much of an opportunity, or a reason. And now... both. Walking straight into his hands.
Just couldn't let the kid get too much further along the road back to the self-control he treasured so dearly. "Afraid of me, now?" he purred, one hand extracting itself from a pocket to run through his own hair, brushing black locks away from darkly crimson eyes. "No one to hid behind anymore and suddenly I'm not afraid to look you in the face," no dancing around the subject for Marks, oh no. Just not his way. Been so frustrating to do it in the past, really quite liberating now that the necessity or even desire was quickly evaporating.
But Marks had let the moment run too long, for Alex finally turned to meet his gaze, gray eyes serene but stern, a calm and even stare that spoke more than words could ever encompass.
Well fine then.
But he wasn't beaten yet, not even by that look. Especially not by that look.
Realizing his smirk had faded into a grim frown, Marks pulled the corners of his mouth back into a more neutral expression before letting those corners quirk just the tiniest bit as he leaned down to do exactly the last thing Rob might ever expect - and brushed his smirking lips briefly against the other's before pulling back with a look that was both satisfied and traitorous. There'd been no desire in that kiss, nothing lingering or truly sensuous - but hell if the kid would be able to tell, with his lack of experience. Maybe in his better mind he would've been able to discern by knowledge and awareness of Marks' persona and motivations that it hadn't been genuine either, but now? No chance. Not a single one.
And such was obvious in Alex's sudden reaction, frozen for an instant - for there'd been no fear until the contact, which started with a startled mingling of breath before--no, no that couldn't have--it didn't--something had changed--
The bird shoved desperately away at Marks, succeeding in making them both stumble somewhat (though it was more an act on the latter's part) as he clapped a hand over his mouth to stare in utter incredulity - something had changed--
His heart was beating in terrible syncopation now. Not that light fluttering, the strange and ecstatic sensations of the past two nights but--no, this was heavier, more full of dread and an inescapable - something...
He couldn't do it, couldn't stand alone with Marks, not if--
The bird practically fled to the door and out into the hall, decisive for once when motivated by the sinister confusion as he failed to question the possibility that he might in turn be intruding on something, that he should take into consideration the prudence of flight, that--changed, too much had changed.
Marks chuckled then, tracing the kid's steps to the door at a more reserved, languid pace, refusing to allow for a moment of the chaos he intended to instigate pass by without his especial attention and care.
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Posted: Tue Oct 24, 2006 11:16 pm
In the instant the door flew open and Alex ran into the hall, Miika snapped out of his anger. Whirling around swiftly, he reached out and grabbed onto Alex's arm quickly. It was obvious in that touch alone that Miika was back, Alex's Miika. Pulling the bird in close, he looked down at him, a hand brushing up to the side of his face as his eyes, less cat-like, searched for an answer in the bird's eyes.
"Alex..." He whispered softly as he put one arm around his waist, stepping away from the door and away from Marks, eyes narrowing, though still not harmful.
Aleksandir growled softly and shoved Miika and Alex in a direction further down the hall - further towards Andie who had been standing so silently none of them had noticed him. At the catch of his brother's scent, he turned his head and slowly backed down, taking small steps back towards Miika and Alex, watching as his brother brushed past him.
Miika, holding onto Alex so tenderly, and yet protectively, kissed his forehead and ran a hand through his hair, eyes narrowing once more in the other demon's direction before he looked back towards Alex, focused.. Centered on his bird. Yes, his bird, goddamnit.
Instead of Miika being the dangerous one, or even Aleksandir being the dangerous one, Andie walked up and stared evenly at Marks. This boy - this young boy - was the dangerous one. Gold eyes flashing with quite a bit of anger, he stood composed. Even. Steady. Solid.
"I do not care who you are, and I do not care what matters you need to discuss or of their importance, for that matter. I do not know what you did behind those closed doors, but I am unpleased with the reaction from one of my residences."
Andie did not growl, his tail did not lash behind him, his ears did not flatten. Solid. Even. Composed. He was so calm, it was eerie, even for his brother Alex to watch, though to Marks it may not have been so bad... Simply staring, danger flashing behind those gold eyes. He knew people. Yes, he could call Raecelyn and Stefan, and have this demon dealt with in a heartbeat. "You can say what is needed to say, infront of the demon AND the bird alone, or you can say nothing and leave. But if I hear of you returning, whether there are more matters to discuss or still the same ones, I will not be pleased."
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Posted: Tue Oct 24, 2006 11:59 pm
The only thought in flight had been to get away, the possibility of fight, or staying, or what would be run into after departure all nonentities in the grander scheme, the one entailing self-preservation of not only the body but the mind and soul, for it'd been not the former that motivated. There was just something so terribly wrong about--
And then to be caught and sheltered, flinching initially but in a moment receding from that fear - nothing so brief, even from Marks, was going to completely eliminate the developing trust Alex had come to find and encase himself in when it came to Miika. And so with but a brief catch of breath, he was in his demon's arms but--but unsure, unknowing--wanting desperately to hold in turn, to reach out and take and touch and--but couldn't bring himself to, not knowing nor understanding the entirety of what had just passed - the logic, or rather illogic of it all and whether or not--and what it--
But he had no difficulty, unlike with Marks, in making that eye contact with Miika. No averting of gaze, no embarassed glances away, just a stare that was... self-effacing, unsure of what to think of now, of what had happened, of what he himself had and hadn't done, absolute loss of a solution or of the calm characteristic to so much of his persona, that stillness now replaced with something brittle and crumbling. He needed--he didn't know, couldn't presume to know. Just couldn't...
No, let that slide, it's all right - take refuge, it doesn't matter if that's a selfish and useless thing to do, you're no help to anyone else if you can't function. And if you can't function, ever? So be it. At least you'll know enough not to go running into waiting arms, only to betray them again. Alex shivered a little, winced ever so slightly at the kiss but couldn't... quite bring himself to treasure it - he had to do something, apologize, make some effort beyond the silence that damned him before. But what was an apology worth? More than nothing.
"I'm sorry," voice tight and stressed once more, though lacking hesitation in deliverance as hands gripped tightly into fists, knuckles long ago white with the unabated tension on brain and body, wings pressed tight to his back. Motivated by uncertainty but free of stutter, though haunted by a detachment that made the words seem hollow, empty. A contrast with the eyes though not by much, for while there were certainly emotions, they were in indefinable turmoil, unsure of what they themselves were or where they were going.
Leaning against the doorframe in that languorus ease, wings stretching in that now apparently common way - he just liked the feel of it, you know? The added power, the increase of options in movement.
And this pretty little fox? That stared him down with icy cool threats. Interesting. Not unheard of, but certainly not typical. And it cared. Aw. How cute. Marks merely shrugged a little, standing from his rest and rolling shoulders to stretch a shrug, smirk dancing back across his lips. "I know when I'm not wanted," he smiled away, throwing the fox a mock salute before stepping forward to throw a brief, not quite calculating glance at all present.
"Don't have too much fun without me, kiddies~" he near sang, walking in the direction of the exit with a half-wave over his shoulder, not bothering to look back after that point. Gone for good? As if. Worlds of things to mess with here, and all in the name of a good dose of vengeance. No way he was missing out on this.
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Posted: Wed Oct 25, 2006 12:15 am
Miika simply narrowed his eyes and watched after Marks before looking down towards Alex. Pursing his lips together, he shook his head and smiled tenderly, his eyes growing softer with every ounce of affection he had, "It's okay, Alex... I'm still here... We're still together... I'm still your's..." He whispered softly as he kissed the top of his head, nodding a very gratefully in Andie's direction.
"Do you think... it would be possible for us to get adjointing rooms with you, Andie... and your brother? For extra safety... For Alex," Miika spoke softly, with deep respect towards the fox for his bold actions. Everything he was doing--everything he wanted and needed to do--was for Alex. Smiling down at him, he gently released him, but took his hand, interlocking his fingers loosely. He would let Alex decide how tightly their fingers needed to be locked together.
Then, leaning towards Alex ear, a whisper of the softest words he could ever express in such affection it was beyond what he believed himself capable of feeling. "I will always be with you, Alex, no matter what... I will never turn my back and leave you... I will always be your demon and no others." Looking down at him, a genuine smile crossed over his lips--letting Alex know that whatever had happened, it was okay, and he wouldn't hold it against him.
Perhaps others would think of that as unfair... but Miika never should have left that room, "I'm the one who is sorry, Alex. I left you alone with him... I," A pause. Biting his bottom lip, he attempted to bottle emotions.. bottle.. tears that were starting to roll down his cheeks. Whatever had happened in that room that frightened Alex so badly and caused him to flee, was his fault. It wouldn't have happened if he had been there to.. protect him. "I promise I will never leave you alone like that again, I'll always be there to keep you safe from him--and everyone else."
Anger still flashing in those dangerous gold eyes, Andie nodded. Holding Alex's clothes in his arms, he turned and led them to a new room. Pointing Alek to one room, he led Miika and Alex into the other. Setting Alex's clothes on the bed, he turned to them and nodded softly, solmenly. "I apologize for having been gone and letting my guard down. We are taking the room adjoining to this one, and the lock is on our side of the door.. so if trouble wanders back around, we'll be able to enter your room at any needed moment."
With that, Andie gave a little bow and walked out of the room, closing their door first before walking into the room he was to share with his brother. Walking through the adjoining door, he headed straight for Miika and Alex's door after they were safely in the room, locking it securely before walking back through the door into his room, closing that door, but not yet locking it. He walked to the main door of his room and closed the door, locking it tightly.
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Posted: Wed Oct 25, 2006 12:44 am
Blurry, bleary, unfocused and misting out of comprehension - perhaps far preferable to the acute awareness that he had failed in some spectacular way to respond, to recover, to... another battle of attention, concentration, conception - because all he wanted (and he did want it, despite all cries for propriety) was to wrap his arms around Miika, to have some sort of closeness that proved such was not a nominally bad in its indefinite, that to be lost in a touch and contact was not something to inherently fear or--
His own fingers clung, locked almost too tightly back, lips pressed together against more fumbling speech. There had to be something else he could...
It was just... the idea of having to hide, of having to be protected - or of not necessarily having to be, but of having people take those responsibilities into hand despite... had never sat well with him, had always offered equal parts of comfort and otherwise. It was to his preference to aid, to care for, not to be coddled and hidden. Not that--that was the strict intention of those who acted such, because he knew it was just concern, for his own... safety...? But nevertheless, that people should either be rightly concerned for his well-being or that it should actually be an issue at hand were both...
He didn't like the idea of having to be protected from Marks.
But just as much, or perhaps even more, he didn't like to see what it had done to... how... already... It was, ironically, tears shed in his name that made Alex finally grasp back onto some sort of self-assurance, as he finally gave a little to the comfort of physicality and with his free hand reached to brush tears away from Miika's cheeks with a solemn sort of tenderness. "Nothi--" he broke off before he could finish the instinctual protestation 'nothing happened' - no, he wouldn't stoop to something so transparently false. Not when it was... truly false, as in the now. "It's not... I'll be all right, don't -" broke off, mouth pressing shut for a moment, "It's... fine."
Then fingers withdrew from Miika's cheek, though the others remained latched tightly to his demon's hand - his demon's. Only now, he realized as they moved silently through so many unknown halls - now he began to remember all those instances when he'd already thought... Miika's dedication, his promise... wasn't a surprise (even if it hadn't been expected) because Alex had already... been thinking of him as such. Such... little time had actually... apparently a nonentity.
His silence lingered and seemed to echo through the locking of doors as they stood there together in the mutual quietude before with some effort, the bird slowly unlatched and withdrew his hand from Miika's, now... once more inclined to look away, down to the floor with a deeply etched frown over contrastingly typically mild features. "I feel... I owe you some sort of explanation..." he confessed, one hand moving to push a few strands of disheveled hair back behind an ear, the nervous habit returning - but with it some modicum of normality.
Locks. In and out. Concealed and... both protected and trapped. Marks... no longer... neutral... How were things at home? How would they be? ...Home? What did that imply, now? He wasn't sure what to call it at this point, the bond with his demon having so clearly shaped his world apparently. And for that reason... he truly did need... to share his own thoughts, facts, reasons... especially... it was just... not what he'd expected. Or desired, in any sense. And that was both strange but... oh, he didn't know. Just about the only thing he did know right now was that his heart and fingers ached, wanted to reach out and take a hand once more... but certain things were best shared from a more neutral perspective, one unmarked by the whirlwind of now and... now.
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Posted: Wed Oct 25, 2006 1:54 pm
Brows furrowing together while a confused expression creeped across his face, he stared towards Alex as words were failing him now more than ever, it seemed. Shaking his head softly, he opened his mouth slightly as he listened to the other. Not a protest--no, definately not a protest to his bird--just a gesture to grant passage to more air.
Turning slightly away from the word-stumbling bird, he walked over to one of the only chairs in the room. One which was wooden and more a stool than a chair, and he felt that whatever Alex might say was going to need comfort--so he chose the lesser of the two evils--and sat in a medium-sized black velvet chair.
Looking upon Alex for a few moments as he tried to figure things out--tried to figure Alex out--he shook his head. Why try to figure Alex out? he would explain himself sure enough... The thought that kept Miika from finding any comfort even within the comfortable chair was the thought that he and Alex wouldn't be the same again.
The same. Yes, he was afraid they wouldn't be like they were before--that they wouldn't touch, wouldn't lay so close together, wouldn't touch wings or carress cheeks or even hold hands. All those things that Miika wanted to do with Alex. Doubt filled his eyes once more as he leaned back in the chair.
Perhaps his doubt was a mixture of things changing too much, and the possibility of Alex fleeing, for whatever reason. Despite these thoughts he nodded towards Alex and allowed the corners of his mouth to pick up in a very, very light smile. How could he really smile while all of these unpleasant and rather horrible thoughts were running through his head? Senarios played out--bad ones, the lot of them--but he couldn't stop them. They just kept playing over and over, feeding on his newfound doubt. Were they still... lost together? Did Alex want to be... found without him?
"Alright Alex," Miika let out in a breathy sigh as he closed his eyes. This time, he was blocking out the world, blocking out whatever what was to come. Or, rather, he was preparing himself for the worst. Always prepare yourself for the worst thing ever. What he prepared himself for mentally had put a rather... pained expression on his face, a very hurt expression, but it lasted only a moment before he opened his eyes and focused them on Alex. Watching... waiting.
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Posted: Wed Oct 25, 2006 2:49 pm
There was, of course and as ever, the problem of... where to begin. He couldn't actually recall a time when he'd sat down - or stood, as the case now was - to articulate to required detail the precise and in some ways... painful nature of what had passed before. Once, perhaps, but then aided by Oliver when words trickled away to nothing - and Kingsley had at least been able to form questions, had had some basic understanding of... because... it'd only been... a few months before. Months of such compacted... everything... that he was afraid of somehow being unable to encompass all that needed to be said.
Because it needed to be said. In hopes of feeling less... a burden? Perhaps that was the sentiment. To see if his own baggage could be... well, he was... afraid in his certainty that Miika would accept too many hardships in his own name - and he had no right to thrust these sorts of problems on Miika, not when... they simply weren't his. And especially when they were... possibly taking a turn for the worst. Why couldn't things have remained in their neutrality? Because that would have been stagnation, of course. And stagnation led to worse than failure.
He would try, then, to find some jumping point, to make an effort of being coherent and succinct. Not deigning to sit himself, nor pacing in the growing anxiety - and it wasn't exactly such... for he felt himself escaping from nervosity in even positing the possibility of narration. It would be... hopefully, liberating even. Helpful probably that Miika wouldn't interrupt either - strange to be so sure... but then again, neither of them was particularly talkative.
Almost instinctively he waited until Miika's eyes had opened again, catching the wince and forcing himself not to react to it in turn - this wasn't... obviously, only hard on him... One hand reached up to the back of his neck, massaging it almost unconsciously as if for want of something else to do - he wasn't used to fidgeting, it was uncomfortable. Best talk then, if he wished to quash awkward silences. "I met Marks... almost seven years ago, now," a slight frown, wondering both whether it'd really been so short a time as well as if he should clarify certain... no, those details weren't quite as important now, weren't entirely necessary for this aspect of the tale.
"He... I was in a very large bit of trouble with the local government in a certain city and... he, being vexed with them for... other reasons, agreed to help me get out." After almost killing him, true, but that was when Marks had been under the mistaken impression that the government was fond of him. It hadn't been anything personal--not that it made it entirely better, but it was something of a plus. "We spent... a good deal of time in each other's company for a while after that."
Another pause and frown, for that was the beginning, yes, but it hadn't become any clearer on how to progress after, if only because things became not only complicated but slightly ridiculous. The hand on his neck trailed up to push hair once more from his face. "A little more than three years ago... Marks was killed..." the frown on his face wasn't quite pained, not in grief for a close friend, which contrasted with the words that came after, "I was... quite upset... and... through that... he was able to... come back..." More like he'd never actually left. "As in... a sort of ghostly possession - until," mild wince then, the events from that time until the end of his relations with Marks had been anything but pleasant for the most part, "He made a deal with a necromancer, one who was able to provide him with his own body, instead of having to rely on mine."
The break came again. For there stood the logistics, the facts as it were. And now... speculation. Though it felt like so much more than that - it couldn't really be proven. "But... while we were sharing the same head space, some... things changed." Not like they had here, not so strangely as they had here and now. "It's difficult to know even yourself, but to share that sort of mental intimacy with..." a briefer pause and a light laugh more strained than he'd hoped it would be, "I sometimes think I know him better than I know myself." Which was... not a comfortable place to be, for someone who possessed such radically different ethics.
The final hurdle, he hoped now, "Things... didn't go so well, after a point however... We had... built up a certain trust in each other..." one he had regrettably often betrayed his better judgement to follow, "But... for some reason... Marks disappeared for a few weeks, and when he came back... he wanted nothing more than that trust should be gone." The pained look was real now, not because the wound was still fresh but because... things were changing again, and what he thought he'd been so over and ready for... "He was... reckless, in his endeavor to rid himself of... our shared knowledge. To the point where... he got himself killed. ...Again." A hint of irony, but one such that it was a desperate grab at humor more than any real amusement.
There, plenty of details set aside for sake of brevity and portrayed in the most explicable light he could think. Except for one last thing, perhaps - that Marks was back, specifically. The frown latched onto his voice's desire for rueful irony and quirked into a weak smile, "It might be prudent to let you know... we're not... from around here," shook his head once, now looking away and towards the floor, though he'd very rarely looked directly at Miika while speaking, settling for the arm or corner of the chair upon which his demon... his?... now sat. "I don't know why he's back." Or even now... what he wanted. Which was most distressing of all, unsurprisingly.
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Posted: Thu Nov 02, 2006 5:05 pm
Golden eyes watching carefully as Alex setted for the arm of the chair in which he sat, he allowed them to shut softly as he listened to every word the other had to say. So, there had been a relationship once... but what was it now? Alex said he did not know why Marks was back, but perhaps it did have something to do with the old relationship, or perhaps he was just out to make things more difficult than they already were for himself and his bird?
He didn't really know, so he couldn't really say. It could be any number of things, no matter how irrelevant they were. With eyes still closed, he spoke gently and yet firmly, "I cannot forgive you for any ties of a relationship you had with him in the past--it is not mine to forgive. I can only forgive you for the present, and that is even if you are wanting any form of forgiveness for whatever went on behind closed doors."
Golden eyes fluttered open as he slowly stood up from the chair and walked to the barred window. Gently reaching a hand up to grab a bar, he leaned his forehead against the cool metal and stared out the window for a few moments before, once again, his eyes closed. Gently biting his bottom lip in thought, he finally opened his eyes only to continue the avoidance of eye contact by focusing on things outside the asylum.
"Love is like a car crash, you never see it coming... You never know who you are going to fall in love with," Miika started softly, "I am falling in love with you." A pause, a frown, before every trace of expression slipped away from his face, his lips forming into a mere thin line. Neutral expression, not light nor heavy.... simply... there.
"You may not be ready to hear that, or perhaps you may not want to hear that at all... but I'm not going to deny my feelings to you or myself. It is best to state that allowed, so when and if you break whatever form of a heart I have," A moment to breath, "...you will break it quickly." Tattered wings twitched. Tattered... didn't even begin to explain them. More heaven than a heart could hold, and more damage than a sould should see...
That was him-- that was Miika. It was no lie that he had his heart broken once before, but it had been done so gently... that, in the end, led him to the path in which he chose... Led him to submit to becoming a demon. If Alex was going to change his mind at any point, he had best do so quickly before any of Miika's feelings grew more. He was just now feeling mortal once more, and he wasn't going to start lying about his feelings. Perhaps this was just the beginning of him loving Alex, but it was all the same.
"All I can offer you at this point is my protection, which you may not need or want, but that is all I can do... take care of you. I have little more to offer than that. Just something that you should know," Miika stated softly as he slowly turned to face Alex, opening his eyes very slowly with one hand still on the barred window. Expression still empty, emotions still hidden. "You don't have to answer anything. Just think, if it makes you any more comfortable."
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Posted: Thu Nov 02, 2006 5:44 pm
There was just too much to respond to, to let it all stay silent. Things that needed to be said, communicated, no matter how they ended up being articulated, things that just needed to be understood! Like... what exactly there was between him and Marks - he couldn't find a word for it, and he wouldn't deny that it was some form of love, but it wasn't... that love, the one Miika breathed into definition now, the verbalization of which sent a shiver down his spine in a way he'd never quite fathomed nor even encountered. Strange, unfamiliar, but so far from unpleasant that he wanted to hear something, to know something that would light up the back of his mind, travel into his limbs to elicit that sensation again, the sensation of...
Even if the words had stopped and even if Miika chose to hide what the words meant behind stoic expression and neutrality of action, there was no escape as to what had been said, and the... even if it was hidden, there was no way to turn it back. Time progressed, things changed. Things changed.
He could feel something other than the propensity for thinking before acting interrupting his words, the breath that led to them now. A heartbeat - something so significant it got lost in day to day affairs. Fluttering now, despite absence of touch or any other such negligent thing. Oh yes, things changed. How they had, so dramatically at that...
Only a few things were certain - but what more could he even think to demand? The only certainty is uncertainty - except for the occasional hiccup in such. For he was certain that he wasn't going to leave, not because he was obligated... no, after the advent of... Marks... it wasn't an obligation to remain with Miika, might even be more trouble than it was worth--so... his desire to stay, then. It was because... he wanted it. Not some self-righteous endeavor, but a self-serving... or something... slightly... else and other...
That interruption of communication, the fluttering beat took hold as he crossed the distance from his podium of confession - what felt now so simple as a story, things were becoming easier, softer - neither slowly nor tentatively nor even cautious, a simple though not quite so bold as to be called deliberate grace guiding his movement to stand near to Miika, gaze temporarily towards the outside world until turning back to his demon. "If you don't want me to leave," soft, almost bemused, "Then I don't want to." An explanation, not a supplication. Small smile, or more the beginnings of one as hands reached to clasp lightly behind his own back and beneath his wings.
A pause, contemplative rather than dark despite the subject matter at hand - because if things could change... well, they might change out of control in some areas, but what was here... while perhaps not certain, was something he neither minded nor feared in terms of alteration or progression. "It... wasn't... isn't the same," he said then - and a break and correction, "With Marks." Small shift of shoulders before he glanced fully towards Miika, "I don't know if you can call that love." And within the explanation something of a suggestion - because if that wasn't love, then something else must be.
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