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 Posted: Sat Sep 30, 2006 4:01 pm
Gourou Bandai jugh3ad Gourou Bandai I just found out my girlfriend was cheating on me. I don't know what else to say. I feel like I just want to rip out my own heart-- my hands are shaking so bad I can barely type this. I don't know what solace I can find, but I heard it helps just to say it-- just to tell someone else. I need to go take some pills for my tremor, it's getting very hard to type. I'm not crying, I haven't cried. But I hurt. Alot. wow the last couple posts were on my birthday in here. Also Gourou it will hurt for a long time, it always hurts to lose the one you love, I've been through that recently as well, she's with the man who was my best friend before. It does help to talk to people and get it off your chest, or listening to music can help too, if you're a physical kind of person train like crazy and hit the heavy bag up, or just get down your thoughts in writing on paper or in a blog. I know it seems terrible right now and it's a very bad cliche but things will get better eventually it just takes a lot of time. If you ever need an open ear you can talk to me, my email is shikiriryu@hotmail.com. I know that we don't know each other very well, but yeah I'm willing it listen and try and help you through things. Thanks Jug, ugh I'd take you up on the offer if I wasn't so busy >> Yeah I know how you feel, I'm only online for like an hour a day, but you can always email me to get stuff off your chest if you want, just vent and crap like that.
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Posted: Wed Dec 13, 2006 4:26 pm
Is takeing 2 college classes over the summer (not becouse you failed them but becouse you wanted to devote extra time to those courses) and staying on though the fall smester (becouse you got screwed on studant advisors) really that bad?
I tell my mom that and she nearly ends up in tears... (not the good kind stare )
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Posted: Wed Jun 10, 2009 3:01 am
"..I got issues, but you're pretty messed up too..."
what a perfectly heartfelt kind of thing to say.
Lyrics..to a song I heard on the radio.
Hmmmm........reading back on this thread I wanted to apologize for being a pompous a##.
I've always liked to think I know what I'm talking about..and most of the time I do have an inkling...or rather, a large enough inkling to get myself into a boatload (i'm talking the Titanic here) of trouble, backpedalling, and future embarrassment and disbelief.
So yes...so much for knowledge gleaned from the world's view...namely cinema.
Real issues and real experience end up dealing the real knowledge...and I think i understand some things better now...
Such as the driving need for experiencing...finally went through that. And of course...being ridiculously myself...I was stupid and screwed up something that could've ended a whole hell of a lot better than it did. It's a strange thing...to see yourself becoming a different person, and hating what you're turning into even as much as you need the cause of that change. By the way - new soap opera, here's the plot:
Straight A student Lizzy attends a community college...continues to excel at school, makes it through her first semester with no academic problems, but is somewhat of a social recluse. Says hi in the hallway, but always looks busy so that she doesn't have to interact.
Second semester, she's in a class with dual-enrolled highschoolers - the advanced kids, the work is no big deal and she loves the class; the highschoolers are funny, they liven things up a bit.
Friend of hers, Carrie is like them - a dual-enrolled highschooler, but like the protagonist, she makes straight A's - probably why they get along so well.
Carrie is in a class with one of the highschoolers in the protagonist's class, Duke; he's a funny guy and a flirt, she's witty and they seem to hit it off.
When the girls have art class together, Carrie tells Lizzy about everything that's been going on. Carrie's always had guy friends..but Duke is the first one to show interest, she's excited. Duke starts giving Carrie rides to the art building since the class is after dark and the building is across campus, so all three hang out together and talk.
That night, Duke texts Lizzy -Carrie gave him her phone number- just talking about stuff...and relationships. Lizzy's a romantic, she doesn't believe that relationships should quickly move to intimacy..that being in a deep relationship should involve sharing, talking..intellectual discussion about the greater things of the universe over a cup of coffee. What started as a debate concerning the position of intimacy in a relationship progressed to endless conversations lasting well into the early morning hours.
She finds that she enjoyed talking to him; the fact that she can talk to him. He is a boy - a member of the unfathomable species of man she always has problems communicating with - and he made it clear that he liked her. Most of all, she enjoys the way he always makes her laugh. She'd never been in a relationship before, and the one she fell into wasn't carefree. She finally tells Carrie...the worry over how it would affect her friend made Lizzy sick. Carrie was a good liar though...and Lizzy's worries fade as Carrie insists that she harbors no illwill, that they're still good friends.
Lizzy and Duke talk about everything, especially uncomfortable subjects he knows she will blush at. She can read his mind, and he can read hers. She learns about his past, and she cares. And worries. He is prone to destructive behaviour, but he wants her to keep him out of trouble...in her heart she swears she would never hurt him enough to provoke a suicidal reaction.
She talks to him for several hours each day; they hang out before and after class; at the end of a week he proposes that they be "official". She agrees. Three days later her parents find out; she's been misleading them this whole time. After they rant on her dishonesty and betrayal, they point out how the age difference makes a legal difference and insistute rules. The rules are strict, and Duke "can't handle" them; they mutually break it off.
Later that day Duke hooks up with a girl he previously dated briefly. He stops talking to Lizzy, and refuses her offer of friendship. She finds out that he's being self-destructive again, and he won't talk to her or see his psychiatrist. She realizes by the end of the first day just how addicted to him she had become...and the wtihdrawals are hell. She doesn't want to do anything but sleep, just so that she can dream and forget. It takes her six days, but she overcomes the emotion-less state of being.
A week and a half later, he and his new girlfriend have broken up, badly...he's started talking to Lizzy again. She undergoes a relaspse. Three days later, he asks for Lizzy's help to "get over" the girl he just broke up with. He can't handle being alone...he makes a list of why they should get back togeter. More than anything she wants to help him, but she can't say yes, she's too scared. He stops talking to her again.
She undergoes another session of lethargy and apathy...but this time she's angry. At herself, and only herself, for letting him manipulate her. She can't be mad at him, she will never hate him. She uses the anger to change herself; her hair and make-up, her attitude. It doesn't work well, and they finally lapse into an uneasy peace.
She decides to forget him. She's going away for a week, and it's the perfect opportunity. She writes him, saying goodbye and that she's sorry for everything, and proceeds to brainwash herself.
It doesn't work...at least, not as well as she was intending..but she managed to control her memory. Memories she didn't want to remember don't bother her anymore; she can talk to him without feeling anything more than friendship towards a boy she knows from class. She survived a month of apathetic hell and surprisingly managed to keep her grades up as well.
At the end of the semester, and after her English finals, Lizzy is asked out by a young man in a pale cream suit. His name is Charles, and he is making a movie. She accepts, and meets him at the theater Friday night.
The really sad thing is....it's all based on a true story. The names have been changed, but the story's the same..the details I left out only make it all the more soap-opera-esque.
I finally realize the importance of good friends...and experience versus theorized knowledge.
So yeah..sorry again...especially for this ridiculous rant! XD
Night...or morning, whichever you prefer.
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Posted: Sun Jun 14, 2009 8:18 am
*comforting emotional support*
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Posted: Thu Jul 02, 2009 4:25 am
Bristi you seem to be stuck in a shojo manga if you were unaware.
In the last year I've:
-gone to prison
-dated a prostitute (She didn't tell me. I found out about it at random and ended it)
-Been on the receiving end of a hit and run
-Had a bad hallucinogenic trip
-Gone into debt
Hopefully this year is better
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