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xD;; D'aww, thank you! Without further adu, here's chapter two. And, before you ask, I realize that I got a couple parts mixed up, so bare with me.

~Onto Chapter Two! Mm, can you taste the Canon-rape?~
The water was icy cold, but as they got closer to the rock, it seemed so much warmer.
Sora: Oops... sorry, that was me. *blush*
Almost comforting. Riku heard the singing even clearer. It was so beautiful and was almost hypnotizing.
Kairi: So... the 'sue is a Siren?
It was clear that it was female and it was calling him and Sora.
Riku: Calling me and Sora what? Bad names? She's already insulting us.
They were now keeping afloat in ocean water. The rock was about 10 feet away.
Kairi: Error, sentence does not make any sense. Get a Beta-Reader.
“Alright,” said Riku. “Let’s dive down.”
“Man!” complained Kairi.
Kairi: It's like... they're purposely trying to mess up my character.
They all took a big breath and sunk below the surface about 15 feet (A/N: yes, I know that in real life their ears would be busting open at that depth, but hey, if Goofy can drive a gummi ship and Pluto can’t, then I don’t know what…).
Sora: That's redundant. Goofy didn't drive the gummi-ship, Donald did.
As they got closer they saw that the rock had a picture of an elaborately decorated keyhole etched into the stone. The picture glowed with a bright white light. As the three stared at the light, they noticed that they were going blind. they noticed that they could BREATHE (yes, someone was being stupid and gulped in some air while they were in water)
“Holy sh!t!” Apparently they could talk as well.
Riku: Holy S-H-Exlimation Point-T?
Right away, the two boys knew what to do. They summoned their Keyblades and held them out to the keyhole. Immediately, a strand of light came from each Keyblade and joined the other together to meet the Keyhole. There was a faint click sound that was muffled by the water. A blinding flash of light and a flurry of rapid bubbles (think of a Jacuzzi) made all three teens shield their eyes. When the light disappeared, the trio could see that the picture of the keyhole was no longer glowing but remained normal.
Sora: ...So... okay.... what? You lost me at the 'keyblade' part. Isn't this post Kingdom Hearts 2?
“Ah, great,” muttered someone. “More blinding light.”
Riku: Is the author supposed to be sporking her own fiction?
To that person’s dismay, there was a trace of light peeking from behind the rock that blocked the entrance to a cave-like room, like light escaping from underneath the bathroom door.
Kairi: Only like the bathroom door. Light doesn't glow like that through any other doors, mind you.
“You guys, help me move this boulder,” said Riku. With much struggling and straining of arm and leg muscles, they managed to move the boulder to leave a man-sized hole to swim through.
“Someone has to go first,” stated Sora.
Riku: *raises eyebrow* Orly? Couldn't tell by that hole.
“Riku, this was your idea,” said Kairi smiling. “I think you should do the honors.”
Riku nodded and slowly floated through (teehee that sounds funny…. Okay I’ll shut up).
Kairi: *eyetwitch* Please do.
The other two followed closely behind.
“O…M…G…” uttered Riku.
Riku: The return of the letters!
“WHAT?” asked Sora and Kairi in unison.
Sora: We yelled it?
As all three swam up inside the rock the reached an air pocket. The whole cavern was surprisingly bigger than the rock itself. Well, from the outside, at least.
“This defies logic…” whispered Kairi.
Kairi: Wow, am I stupid!
The cave was filled with glowing crystals that shined brightly thanks to the opening at the top of the rock. Colors were flying everywhere and it was hard to focus on anything inside. Now the singing was clearer than ever: (a cappella/soprano-ish)
Kairi: Goddamn those A/N's! Why do we care about her voice so much?!
“Where the voices can be heard
The angel calls for freedom
And when the Keyblade bearers come
They will save the Heart-filled Kingdom”
Sora: ...But I thought this was post-KH2...? *confused*
Riku, Sora, and Kairi climbed out of the water and stood up on the soft sand. Then, at the back of the room, Riku saw the most amazing sight. There floating there in all her grace and beauty was the angel herself.
Riku: Que even MORE canon-rape.
She was about a foot off the ground and she wasn’t moving.
Sora: So does that make her... dead?
She had long chestnut brown hair which flowed around her slender body. She wore a white gown with gold trim and black accents. Wrapped around her was a radiant scarf that donned all the wondrous colors of the rainbow. Atop her head was a delicate circlet made of gold. Around her neck and resting on her collar bone was a mysterious necklace that resembled a compass rose and had a diamond inserted in the center. She looked delicate, almost like a glass figurine.
Riku: I wonder if we can break it?
“Holy sh!t, she’s ho-OW!” shouted Sora. Kairi had kicked him in the shin.
Kairi: ...This fiction even makes me hate Sora.
Sora: ...*blinks* She's... hoow?
“Sorry...sniff”
Kairi: Speech and actions don't go together.
Riku slowly walked up to the radiant creature. “Hmm… Strange…”
“What?” Kairi asked.
“She doesn’t seem to be breathing,” he replied. He was about to reach for her wrist to check her pulse when she fell from her “floating” position on top of Riku making him fall backwards.
“GAH!”
Riku: 'I've just been gang-banged!'
“Riku!” His to friends ran over to him to help him up
“I think we should go now,” Kairi said quickly.
Kairi: For once, I agree with myself.
“What will we do about her?” Riku asked in a worried tone. He laid the girl’s body on the sand.
Riku: Let her die?
Kairi: When'd we get out of the water?
“I don’t know,” she replied with some frustration in her voice. “She’s more than likely… dead…”
“What!” cried Riku in disbelief. “We don’t know that yet!”
Sora: Wow! It's a record! She hasn't spoken to you yet, and you've already fallen madly in love with her!
“Well, what will everyone think?” asked Sora. “I don’t think anyone knows a girl who can float 2 feet off the ground!”
Riku: Too bad we were underwater when she was floating.
“coughItwasaboutafootcoughreadthescriptcough” coughed Kairi.
Kairi: No. No I didn't.
“Let’s just take her to the hospital and see what they can do,” reasoned Riku.
Kairi sighed. “Fine,” she reluctantly concluded. The tree quickly prepared to dive down into the water again, planning to go at to speed to keep the mystery girl alive. If she already was alive, that is.
Sora: Woah! New character at the end! Apparently, his name is 'Tree' and he's in love with the mystery girl as well! I smell drama.

Roflmao Tree?! Wtf kinda name is THAT? xD I can honestly imagine birdnests in his hair. xD

*stabs fic, Sue and A/Ns with Stabby* D<

Ack! This thread isn't at the top of the list! D': Alright, here are the last two chapters.

~Chapter Three. Things really can't get any worse, can they...?~
The trio reached the shore in time to catch their breath.
Sora: I wonder what ever happened to that 'Tree' guy?
“She’s still not breathing!” said a worried Riku. He was still catching his breath.
Everyone flipped out trying to find out a way to help.
Riku: Because preforming CPR is obviously not the way to go.
“Gahh…. Oh! Mouth to mouth! Riku! You learned that in health class!” shrieked Kairi.
Sora nodded.
“Right!” Riku said. Hesitantly Riku put his lips onto the girl’s and blew in air. Her lips were soft, like petals on a flower. Except they weren't as soft as his oneREALtruelove, Sora, so he kind of just ignored it. He put his head against her soft chest to listen for a heartbeat. Nothing. After what seemed like an eternity of thumb-twidling (Kairi) and
“OMG!”-ing (Sora), the girl opened her eyes slowly just as Riku was leaning in to put his lips to hers again. Riku stopped about and inch from her face. She stared at him. He did the same. So did Kairi and Sora.
Kairi: I haven't seen this done. Ever. Seriously, it's not cliched.
Her longshort, stubby eyelashes eyelashes quivered as she gazed at Riku’s face. Riku was fixed on her eyes. They were the exact same shade as honey in a jar when you put it up to the sunlight.
Sora: But... if the honey's in a jar, then how can you tell what it looks like when you put it up to sunlight...?
It looked almost as if, they were alive.
Riku: Because the 'sue was actually dead.
He slowly backed away to give her some room. She slowly rose up to a sitting position, not blinking even once. She stared at the ocean, at the setting sun which was only a sliver of orange lying across the blue waters. She seemed very distant and there was a look of worry on her beautiful face.
Kairi: The authoress likes to abuse the word 'she'.
“Miss?” Riku asked with concern. “Are you okay?”
“HYAAAAH!” she cried. As fast as lightning, she summoned a staff, which she used to whack Riku’s head like a piñata. “HOW DARE YOU TRY AND TOUCH ME! YOU LOWLY, FILTHY PIG! (A/n It nearly killed me to type this about Riku…) Then she proceeded to curse in a different language which was unknown to everyone else.
Riku: *chokes on spit* Ex-excuse me?!
Sora: *re-reads that* ...So, she just assumed that you wouldn't be fast enough to back away, even though we spent almost all our lives training like that?
Kairi: 'Sue's mess with your physical health, as well.
Riku: x.x
Sora: K.O!
Kairi: WOAHMYGAWD!
Kairi: No. Shut the hell up, Kairi.
Sora: I think I would've beat her over the head if she treated Riku like that instead of saying something stupid, like 'KO'.
For the first time, the girl blinked. Her scarf fell around her feet slowly, devoid of life. She was still in her fighting stance and her scared eyes were set on the unconscious Riku. She then relaxed and looked at him as if she were trying very hard to concentrate on what he just asked of her.
Riku: So, she hit me so hard, I went unconcious? And she did this all before even listening to what I said?
Kairi: It seems as if the 'Sue is also stupid.
“W-what is this place?” she asked in a scared but demanding tone. Sora sensed her uneasiness and explained everything that happened, from the constellations, to the keyhole, and to finding her. Riku finally woke up and said, “Holy sh!t, lady. I was only trying to help….”
Sora: You know, I might be naive, but why would I tell a total stranger; who just bashed my best friend over the head, anything?
Riku: And again with the S-H-Exlimation Mark-T. Can't I just say 's**t' like a normal person?
“And what about just a moment ago? What were you doing?” she asked quickly. “Were you trying to kiss me?”
“WHAT?” Riku exclaimed.
Sora snorted. Riku was his boy-toy.
Kairi shouted “HEH!” quite loudly.
Kairi: Heh? So, I laughed at the 'Sue? Loudly?
Now it was Riku’s turn to blush until he was the shade of a ripe tomato.
“Uhhh…” The girl’s eyes focused on Riku inquisitively. “It’s called mouth to mouth resuscitation.” (I think that’s what it’s called.)
Riku: *snort* 'resuscitation', huh? I thought it was called 'resesatation', but that's just me.
The girl still looked confuzzled.
Kairi: ...She just used a made-up word. I... wow. Kill me?
“You know, when someone almost drowns and you do that to restart their breathing."
“O.O………… Was that your intention? Oh my goodness! I’m give you my sincerest apologies!” she gasped quickly.
Riku: You should. Stop using smilies in your fiction, it's getting ridiculous.
“S’okay,” assured Riku in the nicest voice anyone could hear from someone who was just savagely attacked. “Just don’t be too quick to attack people…”
Sora: ...Does the authoress find herself witty?
The girl reverted her staff to who knows where and gave a shy smile. She held out her hand for Riku to help him up. Riku gladly accepted and slowly got up to stand next to her. The girl suddenly became interested in staring at shiny reddish rock that was in the glittering sand. She was clearly embarrassed about the whole scenario.
Awkward pause
“Soooo,” started Sora, trying to break the ice. “What’s your name?
Sora: Just kidding, I don't care. Please get out of my life before you take Riku away.
Kairi: Aww, is someone possesive?
Riku: He has the right to be. I'm already stupid past reason, so why wouldn't I leave my best friend for some freaky girl?
The girl thought hard for a moment and then answered, “Shino… My name is Shino…”
“What about your last name?” Kairi asked.
Shino had a blank look on her face and started biting her lip. “I do not… remember…”
“Oh… okay,” said Riku. “Well, where’d you come from? Like, which world?”
Kairi: Hah, she can't remember her name, so you think she can remember her world? I agree with your earlier comment, your stupidity is unbareable.
“I’m afraid I do not remember that. In fact, I cannot remember much at all,” she answered looking out to the sea. “The last thing that comes to mind is when a group of people in armor where l-locking me in that chamber and started chanting some magical nonsense over me!”
Sora: Ohnoz!!!1 Drama!
“So, you don’t remember how old you are?” asked Kairi.
“Not even that!” Shino replied. “All I remember is… my name and what happened to me right before I….. fell into a deep slumber.”
“Could you excuse us for a moment?” asked Kairi. The girl nodded and proceeded to pick up the shiny red rock and observe it. The other three huddled together.
“You guys, I think this is something we should write to King Mickey about,” Kairi whispered.
“Most definitely,” agreed Sora. Riku nodded.
“This is all so…. Weird and… sudden,” he stated. He looked towards Shino who dropped the rock and was currently fleeing from the grasp of an incoming wave in terror. “Looks like she hasn’t been out in a looong time.” He laughed softly.
Riku: Of course, because everyone lives on an island.
Sora: Ahh! The waves! Those horrifing waves!
Kairi: Comma's are your friends.
“Did you hear the way she speaks? She doesn’t use contractions in her wording…”
Sora: ...So... her words are pregnant? Are they going to have little vowel babies?
“Sora, I’m surprised you even know what contractions are,” Kairi said smartly. (A/N: yes, I’m talking about contractions such as ‘can’t’ and ‘isn’t’)
Kairi: ...If I ever find out where the Authoress lives, I'm going to kill her.
Stare
“Anyway…” Riku said, “We should try and keep an eye on her until we get a reply.”
“That could take days!” exclaimed Sora. “Where will she stay?”
The two boys looked over at Kairi.
“Uh... no… What will my parents say? She’s just gonna have to stay at the shelter until we can figure things out,” said Kairi.
“Well, they’re gonna ask where she came from, and when she says “I cannot remember” that’ll win her a ticket to the insane asylum. Especially since she doesn’t have birth records,” said Sora, putting a mocking emphasis on Shino’s quote.
Sora: Yes! Fic!Self already hates the 'Sue!
“That we know of,” added Riku. “We could always check out the hospital or something for them.”
“And we could always just tell the people that she was abandoned,” Kairi said.
“Okay, the shelter it is!” concluded Sora.
Riku: Woah, wait. I suggested the hospital, and we suddenly get the homeless shelter?
“Okay, Shino,” started Riku as everyone turned to face the girl. “Uh… Shino?”
The oblivious girl was now spacing out while sitting on the shore. She seemed very concentrated on something.
Sora: I think she's constipated.
“Shino?”
“Yes?” she answered still staring out to sea.
Riku sat next to her. She turned to face him with her glowing eyes. He couldn’t help but feel overpowered by her gaze.
Riku: 'Overpowered'? Ohno, those glowing eyes are intimidating me! *shudders*
“Gah……”
“O.O”
“Uhh…..”
5 min later….
“Uhhhh….”
Kairi: What. the. Hell.
“What Riku is trying to say, here,” broke in Kairi, “Is that you’ll be staying at a place where you’ll be taken care of until we get things settled.”
“Oh, alright. Then…” she slowly stopped speaking as she felt something like warm breathing on her head.
“SORA, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!” Kairi screamed.
Apparently, Sora had a VERY strong urge to try and bite the top of Shino’s head. Luckily for her, Kairi stopped him when he was about an inch away.
Sora: AHH! I'm a canniable!
Riku: *groan* Aww, why didn't you let him dicapitate her?
Kairi: ...No comment.
“Aww…. But I-“
“NO,” stated Kairi, sounding as if she were talking to a 2-year-old… and she probably was… “No biting the nice girl.”
Riku: What nice girl? Oh, you mean the one who beat me senseless?
Sora: *whines* I'm not a retard!
Sora quickly cowered away like a defeated dog and rolled into a ball and Riku lmao’ed.
Riku: ...I... I what?
Kairi: You laughed your a** off. 'Ed. Way to not make sense.
Sora: ...Okay?
“O.O… Is this what you people do nowadays?” Shino asked with a mix of fear and amazement in her voice.
“Uh… well…. For SOME of us… Sora has frequent outbursts of randomness,” Kairi said, her voice exploding with embarrassment.
Kairi: Yes. My voice exploded, killing the retard!Sora, Fic!Me and the 'Sue. Riku just forgot to breathe and died along with us.
Sora: *huffy* Why do people think I'm some sort of moron?!
“Oh! I apologize for not properly introducing myself! I’m Kairi! Welcome to Destiny Islands,” continued Kairi with a cheerful smile on her face. She stuck out her hand to shake. Shino stared at it.
“What am I to do with this?” she inquired.
“Oh, you shake it like this,” explained Kairi and she took Shino’s hand and shook it. “It’s our way of greeting each other for the first time usually.”
“I see… I presume that I have much learning to do,” Shino said with a laugh.
Riku: Hey, look! She's laughing at herself.
Sora bounded up to Shino (who jumped about a foot into the air) and shouted, “I’M SORA! WHEEE!” And with that he proceeded to run around them in circles.
Riku: Owch.
Kairi: ...No comment.
Sora: No! That's not Sora! That's Selphie with her hair spiked up!
Shino gave a confused smile and laughed politely. “Nice to meet you two- oh, I am afraid I didn’t get your name.”
She turned to Riku who was looking at something he picked up and quickly hid it in his pocket as soon as he realized that everyone’s attention was on him.
Riku: Because I like stealing things off the ground. Like this wad of chewed gum! *pries off ground and shoves it in his pocket*
“Uh… My name is Riku?”
Sora: *snicker* Riku the Retard.
Riku: You're one to talk.
Awkward pause again
Shino broke the silence by saying, “Well, Riku I would very much like to thank you for- er…- performing that tactic which has awoken me from a… lifeless state.” And with that she gave him a very big grateful hug. Shino realized how tall he was… Riku, however, almost fell over. He was VERY red now.
Kairi: From sunburn, obviously.
“…. N-no problem!” he said with a stutter, and mentally kicked himself for doing so.
Riku: ...I don't stutter. Ever.
Shino backed away and gave a happy “hm!”
“So… shall we get to the shelter?” Kairi piped in.
Sora and Shino nodded and started to head off with Kairi while Riku looked as if he were in an extremely pleasant trance. A HUGE wave was about to come crashing down on him.
“Riku?” Kairi asked. “HOLY SH!T, RIKU! GET YOUR BUTT BACK DOWN TO EARTH!” (A/N: Or should I say “GET YOUR BUTT BACK DOWN TO DESTINY ISLANDS!”?... I think ‘earth’ suits it better.)
Sora: Hm, what happened to that wave?
Kairi: *headpalm* Do the A/N's ever stop?!
“EH? Oh!” he said, snapping back into reality and caught up with the other three.
Riku: God knows how many times I space out.
“So Shino,” started Sora, “got any questions about anything?”
“Well,” the girl started, “I DO have one…”
“What’s that?” Kairi asked.
Shino whispered into Kairi’s ear. The girl was now laughing uncontrollably.
“May I tell them?” Kairi asked Shino.
“Very, well,” she sighed and Kairi passed the question on to the other two.
Now, it was their turn to ‘lmao’.
Riku: Well, I lost my a** twice.
Sora: I never knew I had a donkey.
Kairi: Shouldn't it be 'ltao' if we all did it?
In the fit of giggles and laughter, Shino looked very bewildered.
sweatdrop
“No, really!” confirmed Shino. “What means this ‘holy sh!t’ you speak of?”
Riku: *yawns* This fic fails, but at least I'm not drooling all over her.
Kairi: Not yet, at least.
Sora: *groans* Can I get any stupider?!
~Chapter Four, Which really isn't that Important. At all.~
It was a usual, lazy, sunny day on Destiny Islands. Somewhere on the island there was a girl who was currently sleeping on the white sands of the beach. Her friends would come to meet her later that day, but right now was just a lazy Saturday morning. It was June 24, the day after the last day of school! Awesome… no school…
You are probably wondering: how did she get into a grade if no one knew her age, not even herself? Well, let’s just say the making of birth records involved illegal stuff… nah, I’m just kiddin’! The kids just explained that Shino had been abandoned and developed amnesia (hey, that’s the best I can think of…)… So, yeah…. She is now, in 11th grade at Destiny High, the same as Riku.
Riku: God Forbid her be in a different grade than her love interest.
Kairi: *comforting pat* Such are the laws of the 'Sue.
And of course, this girl was indeed, Shino. It had been almost a year since she had arrived- or, to be more precise, awoken on the island. Her trustypretend friends, Sora, Riku, and Kairi had always been there for support and stuff from learning the “new” way of speaking (like how we speak in this generation), to discovering the miracle of TV and computers, to today’s clothing. She also made friends with Tidus, Selphie, Wakka, and some other random (yes, random) kids, but Sora, Kairi, and Riku were the closest. Kairi was like a very dear sister to her.
Riku: Too bad we don't talk like how you fanbrats do.
Sora: We have computers and television on the islands?!
Kairi: A very dear sister to her. A very dear sister that wanted to strangle her with her entrails.
“Hmm…” she said thoughtfully. “What a year…” She couldn’t help but smile at the thought.
Shino had to admit, she was very different from everyone else including her own friends. But then again, she was also very much like them. She, unlike Sora, had frequent outbursts of randomnesswas a big, annoying b***h, much to Kairi and Riku’severyone's dismay. Like Selphie, she was very energetic. And then, when the time was right, she’d turn a little more serious and calm, like Riku… but she was very determined to bring out his child-like side. She was like a sponge (whee!) and had absorbed all of her friends’ examples and behavior and added a little of her own- having the tendency to be VERY out of it. She was even really good at various sports (though it took quite a lot of practice), though her specialty was… colorguard! Whee!
Kairi: Next person to say 'Whee' gets my foot up their butt.
Spinning the flags, sabers, and rifles, helped her develop a lot of arm strength which she used to duel against her guy-friends using a staff. And most of the time… she won… yesh, she wins cause she’s cool like that… take that all you shovanist pigs out there….
Riku: Go fall in a ditch and die. Sora would never lose to you. ...He's too busy losing to me.
Sora: She has a staff? And she used it against her 'guy-friends'? Does that make her a gay transvestite?
However, she had never faced Riku before… everyone else suggested that she save the humiliation and admit defeat… NO ONE had ever battled the “great” Riku and won… yes, let’s pretend that no ever beat him….
Sora: Well, there was that one time...
Riku: Oh, Bull! If you didn't shove your goddamned hand down my pants... *grumbles*
Shino laughed at the thought… she’d change that…
Kairi: No.
Her thoughts moved from the previous topic to her “secret”. No one besides Sora, Riku, and Kairi knew about the night they had found her.
Shino thought about Riku…
“…” she paused from her thoughts to think about why she was thinking about him… he always seems so… alone… That was her goal… make Riku smile more….
Sora: See?! I told you she'd try to become Riku's best friend! *hugs Kairi* I still have you, at least.
Riku: But I'm not alone, I have Sora and Kairi...
She sat up from her laying position.
She laughed at the time she remembered when she had first met Riku… She had attacked him without thought…
Shino suddenly felt very fatigued and lay down again to fall into a deep sleep.
Kairi: From which she never woke up from.
Sora: The next morning, the trio woke up to stumble upon her cold, lifeless body.
Riku: Then, me and Sora screwed each other until we were both in-canon and Kairi proceeded to gouge the 'Sue's eyes out. The end.

Enjoy. I'll be over here, crying.

xD Crap, I should've sporked that line... but it kind of got to the point where my eyes started blurring, and I kind of just skipped things... D':

Does that author ever shut the hell up?! Ever?! Nobody likes reading A/N's. Especially when they're in the fanfiction.

I bet this scarf was once alive, really. Until the 'Sue killed it. crying That poor, poor scarf.

It's ok. *patpat* You were risking your IQ level as you read through that fic anyway.

*shoves a pillow in author's mouth to hopefully shut her up* And the smilies! gonk

I prefer fics on LJ. x3

Damn, I'm tempted to spork something now. I was skimming through some stuff on FF.net, and there's a lot of stuff that had potential to be sporked. Like that one random Riku/OC Axel/Roxas fic...D:

Actually, I think I'm going to call that one. XD *goes off to find it*

Me either! =D -pulls up a chair and waits for Torr's sporkage-

Haycock, it's not amusing. D': It's... it's scary. Horrifying, and just plain wrong. Don't people know how to write decent fanfictions?

Apparently only a rare, treasured few know how and the rest don't.

Sporker!Kairi always ups my liking of her canon character more. :'D