But a small part of him wanted to rage against it all.
He wanted someone to catch him when he inevitably fell. Be there because they wanted to be and not because they felt obligated to. That there was genuine concern if not understanding. Companionship that was all encompassing, wholesome, and healing. But, it felt like nothing more than false hope. Some pipe dream that he couldn’t be accepted for just being him, as a human being. But gods, he wanted it. So desperately. Love that was given freely, no catches, nothing. He thought he had it. Thought that since he and Faustite had survived so long an continued to kindle feelings for each other that he had found it.
But, his love had walked out the door. Tired of the baggage, problems, and break-downs.
It all hurt. Aelius just needed Waru to stop…everything. So he didn’t crumble like the cookies strewn across the floor.
Golden eyes didn’t turn back as Waru continued. As he spoke about sleeping in a bed. His, Aelius’s bed. To share a space that Aelius had managed to hold off as his own. The last bit of his life that Aelius had managed to keep to himself. His safe-heaven. While he could join Waru, he instead listened as the man left to explore the one bit of territory left unexplored in the apartment. Waru would find nothing more impressive in the room. Nothing that screamed that it belonged to Aelius and not some other young man in the city. A bed, a clothing rack with neatly hung clothes, nightstands, lights, a dresser. Really, the only bits of Aelius in that room were the bits of dance attire kept beside the clothing rack, and whatever attire in there the other man thought ‘felt’ like Aelius.
Aelius on the other hand wouldn’t enjoy the comforts of a bed. He wouldn’t fool himself. Waru was here on orders. Orders that he apparently weren’t revoked, that and the fact Faustite made it quite clear he was to be left alone for now. Besides going back home, Waru likely didn’t have…no. That wasn’t right either. Waru could probably go anywhere. He’d find a warm bed and open arms.
Left to the living room alone, Aelius finally looked around. Despite the atrocity that was nearly conducted, the room over-all looked normal. Beyond the mess in the kitchen it was like nothing had happened. Even the smell of the gas had begun to dissipate. That or he’d gone nose-blind to it.
He hated it. Hated how normal it was.
With no energy left to even care about the cookies, Aelius rose to turn off the lights, stepping over the ruined baked-goods from and to the couch. He paused long enough to close the window before practically crawling onto the near rock-hard couch.
He pulled the thin throw from the back of the couch onto him as he turned to face to the couch back. Curling into himself as much as the space would allow, he utilized the throw pillows and the blanket to block the sight and sounds as he mourned the loss of the one good thing in his life and the utter self-loathing that came with it.
strickenized
shiningamisgirl
