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 Posted: Mon Aug 28, 2017 8:37 am
"First off, you are worth it. Don't put yourself down. Let Deus work that magic. And if Roswell and Lysander have as strong a bond as you say, are loyal, and close, I doubt a few kisses would destroy everything. Anddd, if something were to happen, then it wasn't as strong as they thought and that wouldn't be your fault. It would be other issues just coming to the surface. Things happen out of your control and you shouldn't feel as if you are a walking match that might burn everything."
He watched him. "It's hard being the new friend. You are still feeling out boundaries and building a history and it can feel disparaging when compared to a much longer friendship."
He seemed mainly focused on Lysander and Roswell and nit himself though. "What did you find thrilling and exciting about Dare night and what might have upset Lysander?"
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Posted: Mon Aug 28, 2017 4:55 pm
He wondered if that was really true, all things considered. Roswell and Lysander had certainly been in their own little world during their own kisses, which was entirely unsurprising; but that didn't mean that Merric was willing to do anything to break up that world.
"Nothing is going to happen," said Merric forcefully, as though by saying it, he could make it become true. "I'm not - we're not. Anything. I'm just a - colleague and a friend, and that's it."
Maybe if he repeated that, as well, he could keep it true. Merric lifted a hand to his brow, fingers lightly massaging his temple.
What did you find thrilling and exciting, Melvin had asked. Merric was afraid of that question, as he was afraid of everything else that had happened, though acknowledging that was causing his chest to feel tight in his attempts at drawing breath.
"I didn't want him to be upset that I...that I kissed Roswell," he said, voice very quiet. "Twice. Or that things just...got out of hand, for whatever reason. Or that I was dared into kissing him."
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Posted: Mon Aug 28, 2017 5:11 pm
"Why should he care? He isn't dating him. Who was the one that dared it? Wanted to see it? If it happened twice, then no one said no to it. If it happened twice, then no one pulled away from it. You can't control the dares, but you can control if you do them. So why did you not deny the kisses?" He asked, leaning in a bit.
"What did you find thrilling and exciting, Merric?" He asked again.
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Posted: Mon Aug 28, 2017 5:32 pm
Merric wasn't even sure he knew the answer to that question. "Because they're...protective of one another," he said, though he didn't even know if this was the right thing to say. "And like I said, I don't - want to come in between that, I..."
He hadn't said no to any of the dares. The question was filtering through Merric's mind, his free hand curling so that his fingers were fisted, nails digging into his palm.
"All of it," he said, and the words came out in a rush that he hadn't intended, the bottled up, closed off feelings spilling out before he could stop them. "I found - all of it thrilling, and exciting, and different, because I'd never been kissed like that before, especially not by anyone I find comfortable to be around, and I liked it, and I - "
Merric broke off, sucking in a sharp, startled breath, the crimson bright on his cheeks.
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Posted: Mon Aug 28, 2017 5:45 pm
One fist set itself under Melvin's chin and he leaned there, elbow on his knee, and watched him with a soft smile.
"No, do go on. You were getting to the heart of it. You were saying......." He said, giving a little gesture of one of his hands to becon him to continue before placing it under his chin.
"Have another drink of water."
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Posted: Mon Aug 28, 2017 6:00 pm
He allowed the touch, but didn't want to meet Melvin's eyes, Merric's own gaze averted. His hand was now so tightly fisted that there were red marks against his palm, nails digging in almost painfully hard; his other hand clutched the forgotten water bottle.
< Weak. >
Rinzler's voice, like a rough growl through his thoughts.
"There's no point," said Merric roughly. "Even if I - even if I liked it, even if I wouldn't mind - doing it again - I would never do anything to cause discord between either of them. I'm not - like that, and as I've said, they're in their own world, I will not break that."
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Posted: Mon Aug 28, 2017 6:13 pm
He set a hand, very slowly, under Merric's chin to bring it away from any lingering spot on his carpet, as it was rather bothersome to have him looking at one place as if Melvin didn't clean every nook and cranny of ever spec. He lifted the chin up to stare back at him, eyes wide and the deepest of blues.
"You will be amazed how worlds can expand. With a little wiggling, the little nooks and crannies find just enough space, and all the weak points get stronger for it. This world is rough, and we could use all the help we could get. We could use all the happiness we could get, and those lovely little thrills are very fleeting. Those little thrills that not only you enjoyed."
He scooted in his seat moving to the edge to speak above a whisper to him, holding his chin in place as his eyes searched from one eye to the next. "Maybe you aren't a little hammer come to break the porcelain. Maybe you are the glue that binds and makes it stronger. Just think about it. Who dared who during that night to give everyone those thrills. Who dared who to do all those exciting things you liked? Tell me."
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Posted: Mon Aug 28, 2017 6:24 pm
It was, for Merric, an instinctive gesture to continue averting his eyes. He remembered his parents' voices, sharp and harsh - "Don't look away when I'm talking to you" - and had the urge to do so now, breath catching in his throat. Slowly his gaze moved over until it met Melvin's, wide and dark.
He didn't want to think about this. He didn't want to come between anything, didn't want to be in the middle of anything, to ruin anything else like he had before. Barron's voice was a derisive sound in his head, raucous laughter that clanged noisily in his thoughts, pressing down on them, colliding with Rinzler's repeated dismissals.
"I'm not," Merric whispered, "I'm - not - anything. I can't be anything - "
He knew the answer already to Melvin's second question, glaringly unspoken.
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Posted: Mon Aug 28, 2017 6:35 pm
"You put a lot of effort into not being anything." He whispered, a thumb moving to hold his chin. "Exhausting, isn't it. I don't see nothing here. I don't feel nothing here. I don't hear nothing here. Someone kissed a something, and a something they thought good enough to kiss twice and let themselves be kissed. If these are two men you think so highly of, then you are insulting their high standards, aren't you not? Would these two men you want to protect kiss a nothing and dare to kiss a nothing?"
Melvin craned his head to catch where Merric was looking. "I think not."
"Or do you think anyone can kiss anyone twice and it not mean anything?"
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Posted: Mon Aug 28, 2017 6:46 pm
"I put a lot of effort into a lot of things," Merric managed. But it was exhausting. It was exhausting to continually try to remind himself that he was not his brother, that he would never be Barron. It was exhausting to listen to Rinzler's rough, arrogant voice. It was exhausting to try and work through all of the confusion inside of his head, a resilient pounding that made his skull ache.
It was exhausting.
Except it was the truth, as well, because he was not a part of that world.
"It didn't mean anything," Merric whispered, "Not to them."
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Posted: Mon Aug 28, 2017 6:58 pm
His chair creaked as he leaned forward, and with the strength of a full hunter and the surprise of someone who didn't see the point in not going with the moment, he pulled Merric over and into his lap, letting his back set towards Melvin's chest so he could at least stare out. "You are hurting my neck with how often you look away. This is better." He stated, setting his arms about him just to hold him a moment. He was clean, smelling of fresh toiletries, with a hint of aftershave. Nothing overpowering that was a big mistake for younger men, but nice, with a hint of sandlewood.
"Let's have a moment and just, let yourself conserve some energy, won't we. Put a little less energy in all those Nos, Nothings, and Nots of yours." He said as he held him, letting him look wherever he wanted.
"Let's state what we can actually confirm and we know for sure. It's one thing to be confused, but it's another to write off things without evidence or confirmation."
"Evidence now. Who dared and how did the kisses go? Where they quick pecks on the cheek? A small press of the lips? A lot of evidence is in a kiss, and you said you had two. Was there a reason to dare for seconds?"
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Posted: Mon Aug 28, 2017 7:05 pm
He had not expected the sudden movement. Merric's eyes were already wide, and he gave a small, startled sound as Melvin shifted them, his back against Melvin's chest, the pile of neatly folded clothing falling to the floor. The water bottle hit next, rolling away, and Merric instinctively reached for Melvin's arms, trying to push them away.
"I'm not - writing things off - " said Merric, voice rising a little, the low sense of panic throbbing in his throat. " - and Ly - Lysander dared Roswell to kiss me, I think, and Roswell dared Lysander, and there was that - that Al person, he dared the second kiss and n-no it wasn't - just quick presses, I - "
His fingers dug into Melvin's wrist, though it wasn't a push, more of a need to just hold onto something. Merric's chest felt tight.
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Posted: Mon Aug 28, 2017 7:14 pm
He leaned in to talk to him. "No quick presses but ....longer? They shared you between them. One kiss for Roswell. One kiss for Lysander. Were they both long kisses? The same kind of kiss?" And he whispered. "It's just us."
The pain didn't bother him, and he held his breath as the fingers dug into him to let the hot, manicured daggers pinch. With no gloves, a set of red marks were plain on his wrists. One long slash on either one. A mistake. A dream. A bad night at the morgue. Things fear shields couldn't heal.
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Posted: Mon Aug 28, 2017 7:32 pm
His eyes squeezed shut in an effort to block out the barrage of questions and conflicting emotions, except that with his eyes shut, all he could see was that damned dare night and everything else that had happened. And Melvin was not helping at all.
"They didn't - share me - " Merric said, because that was patently absurd in many ways. "They were - almost the same - Lysander was a little - a little more forceful, I don't know why, he was angry at Roswell, he wanted to - I don't know, but - "
He shook his head, once, twice.
" - I'm not - we're not together."
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Posted: Mon Aug 28, 2017 7:34 pm
In the dark behind closed eyes came a simple question back.
"Do you want to be?"
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