[PRP] In The Midst Of The Garden (Lawr + Rodney)

[Baneful]

"It's not your fault." he said. "You try. I just don't understand everything I'm told. I see the world in very..different ways I suppose. I see things in terms of what I could get, what I can have. It's hard. I resent rules and restrictions after my childhood, it all felt so arbitrary. I know your rules - if they are even rules - are for a reason."

"I don't want to sleep with anyone else. I just don't know if I will. I do things sometimes and then I am so dazed about why it happened." He illustratively held up his missing hand.

"I'd rather work on things too."

 

[Toshihiko Two]

"Y-yes, I know," Rodney said, gently taking Lawr's wrist.

"If you're in a situation that you- feel your resolve is leaving you, and you- need out, you should- call me, I'll...I'll come no matter where I am. Or if there are...temptations, you should...talk with me about them. It's...better for things not to be hidden. If- if I know, I can help. And...th-that's....what I'm for. I don't....want you to see me as- I-I don't know, someone with one foot out the door, waiting for you t-to do the wrong thing. I'm...I do the wrong thing, too. B-but that's what...forgiveness is. We're...in it together."  

[Baneful]

Lawrence relaxed again, seeming to finally accept that Rodney wasn't going to leave him the moment he wasn't a perfect example of a flawless human being. He hadn't realised what a weight off his shoulders it would be to hear, but it was.

"I make mistakes more than most people." he said. "But I'm glad you are committed to it. I wouldn't leave you either, I made a decision, like I told you, I'd always want to work on things."

He moved closer to lean against Rodney. "Everything is a temptation Rodney. Melvin especially, I miss him, I do. It doesn't help you to tell you that but if you want honesty I can give you it. It doesn't impact how I feel about you, but I can't properly let him go."

 

[Toshihiko Two]

"I..." Rodney wilted a little, "with Melvin, I guess I- I don't know. I'm glad it didn't go...violently, but there were sometimes when it felt like it might. Where it...still feels like it might. But maybe...neither of you are as afraid of that as I am."  

[Baneful]

Lawrence shrugged. "I'm not afraid of violence Rodney. Violence isn't always negative, it isn't always a subjugating controlling thing, sometimes it is a controlled creature with boundaries it can't cross. With Melvin I never felt my life was actually in any danger, even when it got violent and I don't doubt he felt the same way." he shrugged.

"It is simply another language, like artistic taste, like morals, like opinions. It just happened to be one we speak in similar compatible ways. I enjoy showing you the tamer sides of pain and violence but even in its intense forms it can be safe, and I felt that it was."