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Broken_Illumination Captain
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 Posted: Wed Sep 14, 2016 12:47 am
Si Deus Me Relinquit
[7 days after "Stubborn Views"] The sunlight beams through the window, the summer sun so hot. It's so beautiful and yet it only reminds me of how much I hate what I have done. I am constantly at war with myself within my mind. My thoughts betray my very soul. What I want and how I go about obtaining those desires.
Everything I have done burned up in the flames and now I feel I have nothing. Left to rebuild what has been broken time and again. When will I finally run out of material to build with it? When will there simply be nothing left of me to give? When will my fight be over?
That fleeting moment of what I was sure might have been happiness, only a bitter and short taste of what I could never have in this life I was never meant to live. Stolen from a family I was never meant to be apart of.
Why am I even still here? Why do I live? My only purpose is gone. And without it, I have nothing at all.
My body wants nothing more than to lay in this bed. Never get up. Never move. Just lay here until I cease to be. And yet I force myself to move. I cannot sit still even in the face of my sorrow. Moving towards an unknown goal that will likely never be discovered.
Amelia has already provided the spare room to me, given a key to me. I also start my service to her library tomorrow. I have been told that I'm healing well and might be able to play the guitar in a week or so. Amelia has been aiding in that, and I cannot understand why she has helped me so much. It is most irregular but yet she continues anyway. I owe her a lot.
She never questions me, even if I sit in silence for hours, she leaves me to my thoughts. Sometimes I open up to her. She listens with attentive eyes and it makes me feel a little better, if even for a few seconds. She wishes to help me but does not know how. I tell her she has done enough and she leaves it at that.
I am looking forward to going to assist in the library tomorrow.
Maybe it is just restlessness.
Either way, today will just be the same. Drifting without aim. My chest caving in with every breath I take. Nothing is how I imagined. And I begin to think to myself, maybe I should have just stayed the weapon I was. The moment I tried to become something different was when I started to die, and I cannot stop what I have become.
Tomorrow will only be the same. It is truly effortless.
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Posted: Sat Sep 17, 2016 12:36 pm
Time to Step Outside
[1 week 2 days after "Stubborn Views"] Hexxis had been home for a few hours now, opting to take the early morning shift and open the library for Ameila so there would be less likeliness of people recognizing her. Keeping the wig, but donning a black eyepatch that Amelia had bought for her. Hexxis had felt a sense of fleeting warmth over the gesture, feeling somehow safer the moment it laid secure upon her skin, her eye no longer left in naked view of those who'd stare with questioning looks. Ameila would take over evening shifts and come home some hours later.
Hexxis was sitting at the dining table, laying the top half of her body on the table with an arm outstretched as the other one was still in a sling. She was wearing the black and blue jacket she had come to love so much, her curly purple hair falling messily into her face as she stared at her cellphone and the pictures within. Although it was only four pictures now: the two of Tri at the beach, one of Witley eating ice cream, and the last of Ameila reading a book in the apartment.. Hexxis still cherish each of those pictures.
Keys jingling outside the door as the lock clicked open and Ameila entered cheerfully. "Good Evening, Hexxis. Hey, right after you left, you had a visitor. I tried to call you but you didn't answer." she spoke calmly, setting her stuff down and then frowning at how down the Meta had looked. Hexxis slid her eyes to look at Ameila with slight curiosity, but otherwise did not move at all. "Hey, cheer up, it was that small orphan boy. He wanted me to give you this..." she pulled out a notecard that showed an invitation to a birthday party for Witley.
Hexxis took it into her hand and a faint frown formed on her face as she she sighed, set the card down on the table she had been half-laying on and got up to walk away.
"Wait, Hexxis! You're not going to go?"
"No. It is for the best I stay away from him as well."
"What are you talking about? You can't just keep shutting everyone out like it's going to protect them. In the end, that only hurts you both. I don't know how you grew up, but trying to be some kind of martyr to protect those around you is only going to continue to end in failure."
She hesitated, turning only slightly back before pausing, her fists clenched at her sides. "I was responsible for Witley that day. If I had not insisted he accompany me to my performance he would not have been hurt and almost killed." she spoke flatly, her gaze fixated to the floor.
"Hexxis, you saved his life.."
"By putting him in the danger that I ultimately saved him from."
Ameila shook her head. "The police caught that guy. They found out he had been tracking the kid for weeks and was waiting for an opportune time to kidnap him because he traveled alone a lot. He had never seen you with him before so he assumed Witley was alone that night and acted. You saved his life. If you had not been with him, no one would have been able to stop him. The orphanage has been so thankful but couldn't find out how to contact you until I saw the lady that owns the orphanage in the library today. Witley had been searching across the city for you to give that to you before tomorrow. She said she would be so grateful if you came for him. she explained.
Hexxis looked at Ameila, her eyes widening in slight disbelief. "When is the ocassion?"
"Tomorrow at noon, Don't worry about the library, just go and have fun, okay?" she smiled at the Meta kindly.
Hexxis moved for the door quickly despite the pain in her knee and paused, realizing she didn't have a disguise on but decided she didn't care, continuing out the door anyway.
"Wait! Hexxis, where are you going??" Ameila called to her but she was already out the door.
An hour later, Hexxis opened the door and entered back into the apartment with several plastic bags in one hand filled with food and cooking utensils and pans.
Ameila had been reading when she bolted up to meet Hexxis, analyzing the bags then looking to the meta. "What's.. all this?" she asked with a slight concern.
Hexxis looked down at it all blank faced as she placed the bags on the floor. "...ingredients.." she answered in a monotone voice.
Ameila looked confused and then began to move through the bags and put items on the counter to survey what she had bought. "Are you going to bake something??"
Hexxis simply nodded then pulled a bowl and began to start on mixing the correct ingredients together by memory. Eventually Ameila stepped away to let her do her thing and soon went to bed. Hexxis, working through the night to make a two tier large cake and decorated it almost professionally as she felt good about it. Setting it in the fridge she moved to inspect the card. A birthday party? What was that anyway? A celebration of the day of one's birth? Hmm. She moved to the computer in the living room and looked up information on birthdays. Did she have birthday? If she did, when was it?
Looking to the window, she could see she had worked through the night and dawn was starting to break outside. It would be about time that she should text Tri. Moving to her phone, she unlocked it and moved to the messages screen and began to type. /I am okay today. I have been given the day off today. I do have a question that I know I will not be available elsewhere. Is it acceptable if I ask you this question?/
She stared at what she had written and frowned. Sighing, she deleted it and kept it simple. /I am okay today. My injuries are healing well, I should be able to start playing the guitar again very soon. I hope that you are doing well./ she decided to send that instead and locked the phone and moved to the couch to watch television until it would be time to leave later that day.
As the hour of twelve approached, Hexxis felt an increased tightness in her chest and an uncontrollable urge to move. Even it was not the time to go yet, she wanted to leave now. It was irrational but yet that was what her body desired. Eventually, the ten o'clock mark came and she couldn't sit still any longer. She put on her disguise, picked up her bag and then moved to grab the cake and headed out.
She had no problem arriving to the orphanage and was even greeted by the elf woman who owned the place. Once she had stepped inside and saw Witley's smiling face, all the anxious feelings she had felt earlier melted away.
She had presented the cake and he appeared so incredibly happy that the moment she had set it on the table, Witley hugged her tightly and refused to let go. Hexxis didn't even flinch as the pain in her hip and knee splintered through her leg, but bore the pain for him. She leaned down and hugged him firmly, feeling that she didn't want to let go either. "Thank you for coming, Miss Heart... you're the best." the young meta spoke gratefully.
His thankful words caused her eyes to water and she genuinely smiled even despite the tears that threatened to spill forth. Letting go she smiled at him. "I am so very glad to see that you are alright." she spoke with a hint of softness to her voice.
Hexxis remained back, watching as the celebration continued on, the kids played and she noted each aspect of the ritualistic occasion. The fire lit atop candles they placed in the cake, the song they sang that she didn't know the words to, how they all gave small gifts to Witley and he opened every one of them with wonder and a deep humility for his friends. Hexxis didn't understand what it all meant or why it happened, but watching Witley run among the other children playing with new toys he had received and willingly shared with the other orphans not only made her chest feel warmth once more, but her heart ache deeply. More feelings she couldn't understand.
She began to notice that Witley would look over at her, as though checking to make sure she was still standing by the wall where she had been the whole time.
Looking toward the window, she hadn't noticed the time fly by so quickly as it was getting kind of late for her. She approached Witley calmly and he just as calmly walked to her to bridge the gap. "You have to go?"
Hexxis nodded and knelt down to hug him. "Thank you for inviting me. I appreciate your consideration of my presence to your event."
Witley laughed a bit, "You're welcome, Miss Heart. Whatever all that other stuff means... I hope I can see more of you. Like when you get to play again."
Hexxis tensed slightly but nodded. "I will consider it. You must behave in the meantime."
Witley nodded confidently and gave her a thumbs up.
Hexxis smiled faintly before straightening up. She wanted to say more but her thoughts were beginning to race. The overwhelming urge to run, to push this child away emotionally. There was no guarantee she would stay in Belosh. She knew if she had to leave, Witley could not go with her. The idea of it alone, breaking her heart. She had the freedom to move while Witley did not.
No,.. she did not have the freedom to move. She was just like Witley. And now her feelings of pushing the boy away began into how Tri had felt pushing her away. Maybe there were other reasons. It would explain irrational behavior and why he appeared to be conflicted on what he would do. She was beginning to understand now, but it was only a cold comfort as it still left her own feelings invalidated and her quest for knowledge unquenched.
Hexxis took a long scenic route home that evening. Thinking about Tri and whether maybe she should just return. To give up on what she had here. To give up waiting for Zephyr. Everything too bleak to feel certain about what she sought here anymore.
Once she had returned home, she went straight to her room and merely laid down and thought deeply for an hour or so before finally falling asleep.
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Broken_Illumination Captain
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Broken_Illumination Captain
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Posted: Mon Sep 19, 2016 5:57 pm
Careless Whisper
[1 week and 4 days after "Stubborn Views"] The sun had gone down by now as Hexxis was staring out the window at the moon slowly making it's way into the night sky. Ameila unlocked the door and entered, smiling as she always did but frowned to see that Hexxis appeared dressed to go out. Her natural hair pulled back into a ponytail and jacket on, even her shoes. "Are you going somewhere?" she asked calmly but with concern.
"Yes. Mercenary hub." she answered blankly.
"You're not going to go do jobs for them, are you? You're not fully healed."
Hexxis shook her head. "I am not as reckless as to endanger myself when I am not fully capable to do mercenary work. Besides, my father disapproves of it. I am, however, still registered. I want to replace my IDs and use them for information finding. As much as I've spent my time in my own thoughts, I've spent far too long not doing anything with the resources I have acquired." she explained then grabbed her purse and moved to the door. "I do not intend to be out later than two hours."
Ameila frowned, "And what if you don't come back in two hours."
Hexxis almost frowned as she turned back to Ameila and pulled out a piece of paper and wrote two numbers on them. "If I do not return in two hours. Call the first number. If they do not answer or refuse to help..." she paused and shook her head. "In the very slim likeliness that the first number doesn't work, call the second one." she reworded then turned and left without another word.
Ameila stared down at the two numbers and then fished out another paper from her pocket and compared the numbers. Lo and behold, she was right, the first number of the two was the same as the mystery contact number for Hexxis in her address book from that day she had talked about her coming to stay with her. She at least felt a little better that the number appeared very valid as a point of contact should something happen to the young meta.
Hexxis moved about the late night streets which still had an abundance of people among them. It felt at home even if it felt lonely walking by herself. This was a slight risk, looking this way, being herself. But she didn't want to go to the mercenary hub in her disguise. She had even taken off her sling to make her look less weak.
As she finally reached the destination, she moved to the desk and stared down at the receptionist.
"How can I help you?"
"My ID and team ID were destroyed in a mission and I must replace them." Hexxis spoke flatly, keeping her gaze on the small-framed dark feral woman.
"Okay, name please?"
"Zero."
The woman blinked and looked up at her. "Wait.. the Zero? That meta girl who got a near perfect score then a perfect team score??"
Hexxis hesitated at the enthusiasm and surprise given by the girl at the desk then nodded slowly.
The feral began typing quickly on the keyboard and puled up the file and smiled, comparing the image to the girl standing before her. "Wow, never thought I'd actually get to see someone like you around these parts. Let me just get the ID cards set up to print." There was a short pause and a frown. "...oh... I can only print the ID. Your team is listed as dissolved." she relayed with a concerned look.
Hexxis stared at her, a cold pain reaching deep into her chest and grabbing onto her heart, squeezing it so tight. "That's-.. what..?"
The fetal looked confused and not sure if maybe she'd done something wrong. "Let me go get the ID." she muttered and moved to the office where the printer was and seemingly another person doing paperwork of some kind.
Hexxis was having trouble breathing as she gripped the counter and her hands were troubling. She could not understand why their team was dissolved. Her head was pounding. She didn't expect this. She had only come to retrieve the IDs and maybe even garner some information that was needed to locate those she had misplaced. But this was far more than she wanted to endure.
Maybe.. he was gone. No, she trusted that Zephyr would come here, to Belosh. Even if she didn't feel worthy of him, she could have at least tried to prove her worth in the end. But why this? Did something happen to him?
She began to hear whispers from the office.
"Their team was dissolved."
"Who was her teammate?"
"Wasn't it that amorous guy, Zephyr Kardos?"
"Oh.. him."
"Do you think he'd just.."
"Look, it doesn't matter. He could of left, they could have broken up.. s**t, she might have just forgotten to renew the damn thing. That's none of your business."
"They only just became a-.."
"Just do your damn job already."
After a few minutes, the feral came back and handed Hexxis the new ID and sat back down to the computer and looked over the file. "It shows your status as unavailable and in critical condition. Would you like to change that.?"
Hexxis barely heard her over her roaring thoughts. "..y-yes... Just unavailable for work. I'm fine. I just need time before I take on jobs again." she commented and the feral nodded, updating the status. Hexxis sighed and after establishing she wanted to do nothing else there, she left.
Pulling out her phone, she looked at the phone. She had another hour before she needed to be back. Taking a more scenic route once more to think. Moving to the outskirts of town into a wooded area as tears began to build.
She didn't know what to think anymore. Would he even come to Belosh? Or was she truly alone now? Her overcome thoughts boiling over into a frustrated scream as she summoned her sword into her right hand unsheathed. Drawing back, she sliced at trunks of trees angrily and in distraught fury. Her slashes nowhere near as precise as they normally would be. She kept swing her sword until there was enough slashes into the tree that it cracked, splintered, and eventually fell. Her breathing heavy as she dropped to her knees, paining shooting up her left leg. Damn.
Hexxis dropped her sword, desummoning it and shoved her face into both of her hands and screamed in despair. She screamed until her throat became raw and her thoughts went silent.
She didn't even check her phone as she walked back home. She unlocked the door and Ameila was standing there with a phone, ready to call. Hexxis glanced to the clock. Five minutes over, and her face still a hot mess of dirt and tears. "Hexxis, are you okay?!" she asked with concern.
"I am fine." she answered weakly, a voice barely clinging to existence as her eyes told of the pain she was in. She said nothing more than that as she walked to her room and shut the door. Laying down on the bed face down, she laid there until morning. Not even sure if she even fell asleep at all or whether she had been awake. It didn't matter to her, it was all a nightmare now. So it made no difference in the end.
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Posted: Mon Sep 19, 2016 9:16 pm
Heathen Even though I can say with certainty that Tri has not abandoned me, I still feel discarded. My usefulness has been fulfilled and I am no longer needed. Is this how brother felt when I was adopted into their family? Alone and forsaken? Now that Tri has Stormy and Akash, he is occupied by their presence. He still asks if I wish to return and yet I still deny it. I would only be in the way.
Or I could still return. Help with the twins. They need someone just as Witley needs..
Could I really leave Witley?
How much longer will I continue hiding this pain in my heart. Tri wanted me to be strong, but I am not strong at all. I cannot even overcome my own feelings.
I'm not even worth protecting.
Such a worthless person that I drove away my brother, I displeased my father, I pushed aside my love, and brought false hope to a orphan child.
How despicable of me. How could I possibly justify why I continue to live like this. I wasted a second chance at life to only hurt the people I care about and become further controlled as the weapon I was destined to become.
Yet, even in death, I would not be satisfied. I have too many lingering feelings. I'd likely exist through damnation trapped between worlds such as Ashral was. Become the things I feared the most. My own hatred betraying me, turning me into a monster. And then I begin to think to myself, what if I had been the malice the whole time.
What does it matter. It comes only as a matter of time before my death will occur regardless. Though, I find it odd most people would fear death more than they fear pain. I've felt that to experience pain through suffering is agony. As such, I have never feared for my own death. In fact, I invite it.
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Broken_Illumination Captain
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Broken_Illumination Captain
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Posted: Sun Sep 25, 2016 4:29 am
A Change of Pace Hexxis had taken the day off to visit the Merc hub, she put in requests to keep any information on the one named, Ree Luz, on her radar. All information for him, sightings and anything that would be dug up would be sent straight to her second phone she had acquired, registered under her mercenary name. She also did the same for Zephyr Kardos, now that he wasn't a listed mercenary, it would be harder to track him. Part of her had rose-colored glasses to what she wanted to believe had happened, but her father and brother's words only echoed through the silence of her mind at night as she lay awake by herself. He finally left you.Her voice, despite not being real, annoyed her. It reminded her of the things she didn't want to think about. The possibilities of what could have happened. The things she didn't want to face. She always seemed to be on their side. So much so, that Hexxis had begun to doubt herself.
The last information link she created was for the warrant Kage or Kylar Gatt. If she knew where he'd shown his face, the further she could stay away from him. With her renewal into the mercenary, she had to keep her bases covered in case anyone came looking for her now that her location could likely be hacked by just the right person. This was necessary.
She had spent most the day out, staying out fairly late, Hexxis had been out of it for hours, she barely spoke anymore now. Even Ameila had her concerns about her well-being. Most of Hexxis' injuries were healed up by now, her leg being the only thing that was still pained every now and again. She wouldn't sleep, and would sneak out at nights to go to the club, maybe a part of her had hoped she'd see the purple haired demon there again. But doubtful if he had hoped to avoid her, he'd know to find her here. Unless that's what he wanted, but then he would have arrived by now. None the less, she wasn't worthy of his love even if it was real.
It would be the first time she had actually drank alcohol in her life. All those times, she had ordered them but never drank them. This time was different. She spent several hours sitting at the bar, drawing in a small pocket-sized sketchbook. Doodling faces of people she knew and other various things.
After a while, she eyed the clock and realized she really needed to leave. Collecting her things into her purse, she came to a stand and felt incredibly off balance. She pulled out her phone to dial Ameila but couldn't remember the numbers anymore. She was trying to focus on the phone the best she could until she looked up and saw someone approaching her. She was moving away toward the door, just figuring she'd walk home and it would be fine.
As she made her to the street, a gentleman with a nice smile looked to her with concern. "Miss, you don't look too good. Need some help getting home?"
Hexxis shook her head and pulled out her phone again. "I need to call Ameila.." she muttered.
"Here, let me help you. Ameila, right? She's the librarian in first district? She's a friend of mine." he carefully took the phone from Hexxis and moved to call Ameila. "Hey, it's Ron, yeah, I have your friend here.. she's pretty drunk. I'm going to walk her home, is that okay? Alright, no problem, see you soon." he spoke then hung up the phone and handed it back to Hexxis. "She said she'll wait up for you while I take you home, okay?" he offered with a gentle hand to her.
Hexxis stumbled against and nodded slowly. Her head was so dizzy she could barely focus as she leaned into the guy, just letting him lead her back home. So much time passed, as she sighed and pulled out her phone to look at it. Thirty minutes? Was she imagining things? It shouldn't have taken so long to get home from where she was. She drowsily looked up and around, this was the edge of town, not near her home. He was still leading her as she unlocked the phone and went to the dialer. There were no calls placed and her eyes widened as she looked to the guy, a grin on his face to her realization to his deception. A backhanded hit to her face knocked her off balance as she fell down, her purse hitting the ground to spill its contents.
The guy waved his hand to shake the pain. "Jeez, what are you, a robot? It's like you're made of metal of something."
There was a certain building fear, a reminiscence of what happened in her failed mission. The attack and the impending fate of a box buried in the ground. "Leave me alone." she demanded calmly and tried to stand but was far too disoriented to do so, only making it to one knee as she focused on the man.
The man smirked and drew back to kick her in the torso, hitting partially into her healing ribs as she choked out a scream of pain, falling to the floor to curl up with shaky breath, her face scrunched in pain. The man shook his head and moved to her bag to look through her things, his intent to steal her money and likely more on his mind, but one step at a time it seemed.
Hexxis could only watch as he went through her wallet and other various random items in her purse, the two phones, and then paused at the sketchbook, opening it to the bookmarked page she had been drawing in the bar. "Who's this a*****e... Hey isn't this the guy that's on the news?..."
Hexxis grimaced as she slowly forced herself to a shaky stand. "Give that back." she demanded angrily.
"Aww, what, is he your boyfriend?"
Her glare only grew, "Give it back.. NOW!"
"And what if I don't.." he pulled at the page, ripping the picture out and throwing the rest of the book to the floor.
She gritted her teeth in anger, rage boiling over as she pushed forward to push the guy against the wall forcefully.
The man laughed and turned the momentum against her to pin her against the same wall instead and punched into her ribs again, laughing more as he continued to punch.
The pain was excruciating but she clenched her teeth, bearing the pain.
"This picture is not going to be worth much to you when you're dead..." he commented, crumbling up the drawing and throwing it aside.
"He's not my boyfriend... He's my brother. NOW GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME!!" she screamed, summoning her sword, her eyes narrowing in intense anger and stabbed him threw with the sword and cleaved to the side until the blade was clear of flesh, letting the corpse hit the floor before she straightened and stared down at the body.
Hexxis took a steady breath, blood splattered across her face now as she held the sword up and brought it down on his neck, wedging it until it separated.
She quickly took back her items carefully and desummoned her sword then moved over to the drawing and unfolded it, putting it back into the book, and back into her purse. From there, she took off running back home before anyone could find her.
The moment she opened the door at home, Ameila was there, panicked and unsure what to do or to even ask what happened.
"I don't want to talk about it."
Hexxis went to shower to get the blood off, taking a few extra moments to think before drying off and going straight to her room without another word. She was scared of what she had done. She truly couldn't trust anyone, and even so, she had felt an odd sense of satisfaction from killing that man that sent horrible shivers down her spin. Turning onto her side, she stared at the wall. She couldn't understand why she had been so angry to use that much force, but she was still pretty intoxicated. Maybe it would make more sense in the morning. Or maybe this was all just a bad dream.You're a murderer.'No... I'm still a weapon.'You are a killer.'......'
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Posted: Tue Dec 13, 2016 1:12 pm
Returning Home
[Right after leaving SIU] Have you ever thought back and wished you could change one thing about your past. Just one thing that would have made everything today much different...
Sometimes... I wish I was never born.
I lost everything. The only family I knew... doesn't want me. Maybe they never wanted me. Its hard to tell sometimes. So as I walk all the way back to the home I thought I knew... I stare at the sky, the tears endless, and the pain unbearable.
I thought I'd fight for my freedom until I drew my last breath, but today... I couldn't wish for anything more than death.
I feel like I failed Trisuri... He tried... and nothing I did could make me a normal girl enough to remotely be a daughter worthy of his love. I wish I could apologize to him. But I'm sure Mara has told him by now what I've done. Negating all his hard work.
I'm always making mistakes.
I never thought to go back to Zephyr. I wanted to go home to Tri... even if there hasn't been a home in his arms in a very long time. A thought that makes me cringe. How could I be so heartless.
I only wanted to be with Tri or Zephyr... I didn't even care which.
I just didn't want to be alone anymore.
And Mara...
She took my wedding ring. A final coup de grace on the broken family I created. I... I no longer have a family. Mara made that clear. I'm not even angry at how she hurt me... I deserved every hit. Every word. Not a single one was unjustified.
I am as selfish as she said I was. I make rash decisions, and burn bridges without thought. And cry when I realize the outcome wasn't what I wanted.
I begin to wonder if I was broken at some point and every move I made only exacerbated what was wrong...
Somewhere along the way I was caught up in an endless cycle. I made a mistake.. And I paid for it ten fold. I destroyed everything I had wanted.
And to blame it on my programming would be an insult to those I hurt with my actions.
And at the end of everything, I regret every choice I have ever made.
I was a fool to think that I could have been free from Haven and what they did to me. I was never really a person. I'm sorry Ree... I tried.
Maybe it doesn't matter... I found out that I'm dying. My heart condition is worsening... and one of these days, I will not wake up again...
So I suppose this will be the last entry in my journal. I'll be putting it in a drop. Which is where you will find this.
Tri, I'm sorry I only took away everything from you. I gave you a new life and all I ever did was destroy it time and time again. And I don't even know what I'll do from here.
Even if I fight, it would be pointless journey to an end that will only hurt everyone. I wanted to do so much. Show you that I could be someone you would proud of... I'm sorry that I let you down.
So now I'm not even sure I want to return to Zephyr after our last conversation either.... so maybe... this is goodbye forever.
I love you, Dad.
- the paper is signed 'Hexxis Luz' in fairly nice cursive then is crossed out and just says 'Hexxis' below it in normal handwriting-
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Broken_Illumination Captain
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Broken_Illumination Captain
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Posted: Sat Dec 31, 2016 8:16 pm
Happy Birthday Hexxis walked with a blank expression, not even at a fast pace, just walking. Her eyes staring down at the ground as she put one foot in front of the other and simply moved. Her thoughts consumed her mind, the feeling of emptiness in a dull rumble of consciousness that barely existed. After a few moments she found herself at the dead drop just outside of Belrad. She stopped, taking a deep breath as she removed the journal from her purse. Hexxis continued digging, a confused look surfacing before a panic set in. Throwing herself to her knees haphazardly and dumping the contents of her purse out onto the dirt ground, she frantically searched for her ring and but slowed to a stop as she began to realize it was simply gone. But this was no coincidence of misplacing it, she was better than that. Tears were building in her eyes as she knew exactly where it went; who took it. She ran a hand through her short hair in distress before picking up the journal and beginning to write. Frenzied scribbling of etched words across paper as tears fell upon the pages, her emotions slowly overwhelming her but she had to push it down. She couldn't let it consume her. Not like this.
After she was done writing, she reluctantly closed it, moving into the dead drop and putting the journal on the table, placing the seashells she had on top of it and put her purse next to it (Inside: guitar picks, eyepatch, medical bracelet for Zero, and a paper cozy from a coffee shop called Espresso Yourself). Her eyes were red with stinging tears as she frowned and left the drop equipped with only the cellphone given to her by Tri.
She pulled out the cellphone and texted Zephyr. /She..took my ring. As if ejecting me from the family was not enough./ Her phone rang but she silenced it. She knew it would be too much for her to handle hearing his voice after everything that had happened. He sent back messages that were never read as she just kept walking.
It was another hour before she stared down at the phone still in her hand. It had been a total of two hours since she had spoken to Ree, a frown developing as she narrowed her eyes in pain. Taking a deep breath, she texted Zephyr. /...I guess my brother hates me too.../ Watching the notification flash from Sending to Sent then moved to a new message, this time to Tri. She texted him the coorodinates to the the dead drop she left her journal at, her hands shaking and she swallowed hard. Tears starting up once more as she gripped the phone sideways in both hands and took another deep breath about to let out a pained scream of agony before she felt it vibrate. Her attention pulled immediately to the cellphone as she stared at the uunrecognizable number. Finally lifting it to her ear, "Hello?"
It was Ree. His voice have her a sense of relief but quickly shifted into sorrow and regret. After some time talking with him, she finally hung up and changed direction, now walking toward Morrad.
Her eyes focused downward as the only company she had was her thoughts....worthless... you shouldn't have accepted....Hexxis frowned....you don't even deserve anyone's love...Hexxis clenched her teeth, holding back from breaking down crying....you were better off dead..."...i know..." she whispered softly as she paused, looking up from her feet to stare at the sky with a hitch in her throat before looking back down to continue walking to Morrad.
Her steps slowed for a moment as the floor had gradually turned to metal and she stopped at the foot of a device, a table, someone strapped down. Lifting her left hand, all she saw was the bloody cleaver in her hand, a blank look on her face as she tried to understand what she was seeing. Her eyes slowly looked up to see a glimpse of Zephyr before she felt a sharp pain in her torso, a sword sticking out from in front of her as she inhaled sharply in panic and screamed out in pain and horror, falling to her knees in the dirt as she looked forward at the city in the distance before looking back down as she frantically tried to regain her breath. Her hands were shaking, but now clean of blood, only filled with dirt wet from tears. There was a whimper of agony as she shoved her face into her hands and cried out once again in tormented sorrow.
It would be some time before she could bring herself to move again. Coming to a stand, she stared down at her empty, dirty hands and sighed. Her eyes focused once more on the ground as she continued walking. As she reached the edge of the city, she looked up to view her surroundings. She hadn't realized she had even zoned out at some point, on auto-pilot as she looked down at her hands, finally realizing she didn't even have the phone she had earlier. A small panic setting in.
There was a flicker of deep confusion as she looked up and took a step forward. "...why... am I in Hinale?" she asked herself quietly, perplexed and worried. She looked around, trying to understand why she had just walked all the way to Hinale and not to Morrad where she had intended to go.
Why?
It didn't make sense..
Moving a bit further into town, she stared at the familiar housing, an increasing frown on her face. There was a memory of an address she didn't know that surfaced briefly before she sighed with a heavy regret when she finally realized she was near the address Tri had set as her return point. How? How could this have happened? When did she activate step one? How long had she been like this? Why didn't she notice sooner that she wasn't where she was supposed to be. Did it really even matter now..."...Experiment 001.." a voice called out from behind her. Hexxis whipped around in defense as she took several steps back with a look of alarm.A gentleman stood there with a smile on his face, and four soldiers in swat gear were behind him. "Suspercede order: Activate Breakdown protocol Step 2." he spoke calmly, with a coy grin on his face. Hexxis hesitated, her heart pounding as it quickly set in what was happening and why he was there. He knew her commands, granted her old ones, but this was not a person she wanted to be around. Turning on her heel, she took off running as fast as she could.
The man tilted his head and frowned, a slight that he hadn't predicted but no matter, he would still pursue her. She was far too valuable to let slip through his fingers. Giving a signal, the four swat members ran after her, catching up fairly fast despite their gear, split off into two pairs to try to cut her off quickly. The first pair didn't make the pass in time to halt her escape, as the other two made it far enough, only one of them making it close enough to body check Hexxis in an attempt to knock her down. A noise of pain as she hit the side of a wall but kept running regardless.
Hexxis dodged another attempt at knocking her down and jumped up to reach higher ground as she ran over rooftops as fast as she could manage, losing the first pair easily.
Getting out of sight quickly, she ducked inside a stairwell to a small parking garage, taking a moment to breath but it didn't appear anyone was following. She could hear voices a distance away and she was sure they were getting further away.
Although, after some time, she began to hear the first pair getting fairly close but didn't enter the stairwell, the voices coming from the first floor. Her heart was beating so fast as she tried to steady herself, think of what next to do.
Finally bolting from the top of the stairwell, she ran back out and jumped from roofs, only one of them noticing her movement but none of them had sight on her and had no idea where she was going.
Jumping down, she ran to the edge of town, trying to find the drop near there, anything to find another cellphone, to call for help. As she rounded the corner toward the deathdrop, she was faced with a line of soldiers aimed and ready to fire. Her eyes widened in fear as they all fired at once. She did a double back handspring to dodge most of the tranquilizers and summoned her sword, swinging it to slice through the remaining few. Narrowing her eyes, she ran forward, slicing through two swat members in anger as she turned on the others. They were still trying to shoot her to no avail as she dodged through tranqs easily. She turned and cut straight through two more swat before almost all the remaining men ran and screamed for mercy. She closed her eyes and took in their fear, their utter terror of seeing the sight she had created. Oh, but she couldn't stop now. Not until they were all dead. Picking one of the swat members to follow, she ran after him, tailing him closely. It only took seconds before she was already within range, taking her sword to pierce the lone soldier. A grin widening on her face as she whipped back around and no one was there. It took everything in her power to force herself to back away and run for it again. As she began to run, Hexxis was looking for a place to go. Wasn't there a safe house here in Hinale that she could stay at until things blew over or when she could get to a phone and call Tri.
Each new corner was met with more people or swat members, she was making a scene now, a brown-haired girl with a sword covered in blood being chased by the government. The only give away of who she was, was the markings on her face that showed the demonized experiment she had become. Every swat she came across was met with the same fate as the others, Hexxis' screams of frustration had only grown with each swing of her sword.
As she rounded a next corner, there was a sudden sharp pain that hit her stomach as she doubled over and stumbled. Wire stretching from her body as a surge of electricity shot through her being. A loud shriek of pain as it shocked her and she fell to the ground.
Grimacing as she stared up at the soldiers that were pointing their guns at her, ready for her to move so they could shock her yet again. There was a sudden fear in her eyes, this was the end of the line. There was very little chance to escape now.
"Noooo!! Someone please,.. H-hel-...!!!" she tried to call out, hoping by some miracle a passerbyer would possibly help her but none came, the shock through her body increased and she screamed again. "TRIII!!!" she called out reflexively, crying as she curled in on herself on the ground.The gentleman stepped forward and reached down to lift her chin to look him right in the eyes as the electricity died down. "He cannot save you from this fate, my dear. Really.. It's unfortunate how broken you are, 001... but don't worry... we will fix you." he spoke with a grin before a soldier used the butt of his rifle to slam against the back of her head in an attempt to knock her unconscious. She let out a pained whimper, before trying to get up, she had to get out, she had to get back to Tri. Hexxis came to a stand, barely a shallow breath leaving her lips as she took a staggered step forward then turned to simply walk away. Even if she wouldn't succeed, she would never go down easily. There was a sharp pain in her back, several in fact as she grimaced, the dizziness increasing substantially. "...i'm sorry... ree..." she whispered, "...zephyr..." She suddenly fell forward and hit the ground hard, finally unconscious.
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Posted: Thu Apr 04, 2019 10:35 pm
Status Report
[Years after her death, condensed select entries] "My thoughts are racing and blindingly silent. I thought I had left the peace of the world without me. I wanted it in the end. I could never please my family, disappointed my father and shut out my brother until he hated me. I cast out love and even after all that, I had the audacity to breed. Then left. An awful mother. What was it all for anyway when the only thing I wanted I could never have. Nothing could replace it. Grasping at anything to hold me in the hell I've created. And just like that, my life snuffed out and I thought that would be the end of it. That it was finally over. Time would be cruel to me. Turning the wheels again and giving me another chance at life. I never asked for this. But if there is something that I am meant to do, I will find it. I need to make sure my family is okay. I'll keep my distance. It's for the best. Then go to the only place that greets me with open arms. Whether there be ulterior motives or not, my heart no longer cares in its desire for warmth. I'm sure there is no peace in a soul slated for damnation. But I suppose we will see when the time comes."
"I've been in search of Trisuri, and while the news shows he's been in Norcrest... I get these flashes of images.. something telling me to go to Midena instead. It's painful, but I'm sure it is a sign."
"I could have sworn I saw someone unsettlingly familiar. Could it be that Ashral is still alive?... why is she in Midena... Are you looking for Tri too?.... or perhaps you are searching for Ree... just like me."
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Broken_Illumination Captain
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