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 Posted: Wed Jan 06, 2016 8:37 pm
A kiss-- one he'd actually wanted, how long had it been since that happened? Probably the last time they kissed, honestly. He melted into it, regardless of his feelings having dried up years ago - he no longer loved Rasiel the way that he had before... But this was comforting. This was familiar... This was what he remembered Home being like. The smile on his face made his heart ache again, like it always had. It was so rare to see him this happy. Was he happy? He hoped that this wasn't bad.
His own face fell when he began to recant what happened... A surprise - going into the city to buy something - something he'd never accept. His heart plummeted into the ground as the realization hit him. Oh... Oh no. What was he doing? He shouldn't have let that kiss happen - what if-- no. He couldn't have held onto that feeling for this long.
"...I probably would have..." He murmured quietly in response, though left off the afterthought of because I'm stupid too. By this point he knew they weren't any good for one another as a romantic pair - they brought out the worst in each other with how similar they were. Eventually one of them would end up burning out and the other would follow suit in a fit of grief.
"....it's not.... It's not your fault..." He shook his head slowly, then rubbed at his face again as he rolled a multitude of thoughts over in his head.
You know who's fault it is.
It's yours~
If you never existed--
He cut the train off there and sniffled a bit, averting his gaze to the floor between them. "It was Kagyaku, I'm sure...." He winced, preparing for the anger - for the rejection. His Malice had gotten him in trouble. His Malice had gotten Alice killed.
His Malice made everything the way that it was now.
Mirabelle... he knew that name. He knew that girl. "......I remember her.... He--... He tortured her -- and her twin..." He choked again, feeling the tears rise up once more to blur out his vision. "You-- you aren't bad... I kn--know that... you aren't..."
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Posted: Wed Jan 06, 2016 9:26 pm
Why was that the first thing that Deskri responded with? There was that stab of pain again, strong enough that it made him loosen his grip on Deskri a little. The voice in his mind erupted into mocking laughter.
"...i know." he whimpered quietly. It wasn't a lie either, he had a very long time to think about that day. About what happened. Anything that didn't occur that day, was toyed with in illusions. Possibilities. Most of them resulting in rejection. He'd had more than enough time to accept this as he shrank back in his mind. It was very true that he loved Deskri. Did he still love him? He was unsure.
He searched for an answer, nothing could be solidified. A lot had happened. Rasiel doubted anything could ever be the same as those days long ago.
"He doesn't love you anymore.." Rasiel wanted to retort defensively to the voice, but as he reeled back his thoughts, it was clear now, from before he took off the mask.
Because I loved him. Those were Deskri's words. He had been so overcome with his chaotic emotions to notice then. Loved. The word repeated over and over, each time jabbing harder and harder. Deeper.
Obscurite really had taken everything he loved from him. Not a single thing was left for him. That blatant fact stared him in the face as his face was slowly going blank. "..he was right.." Nothing else that Deskri said rang through over the static that was yet again starting in. It was beginning to annoy him now. Collecting anything to keep his conscience from plummeting and causing more problems. If he didn't try to gain control, Deskri would surely notice and blame himself.
Did he say Kagyaku? Of course he did. Whether it was true or not, he knew Deskri would be convinced that it was him. The bad things, no, the Malice's, he studied them while at the facility. This was another thing he wanted to do, was stop them from hurting Metas. Even if the damage had already been done to him, and even Deskri, maybe no one else would have to suffer.
He carefully kept his arms wrapped around Deskri, he'd embrace him for as long as he'd have him. Until he felt safe. He shoved the thoughts about his feelings for Deskri aside, he'd push that back down just like he had done before. Like he did with everything else. That was the only good think Obscurite left him with, the ability to effectively suppress his feelings, even though he'd done a horrible job of it this time. Rasiel vowed he'd make sure that would never happen again. Even over Deskri. He was not Rasiel anymore. That person was dead.
Rasiel had to be mindful that Deskri could probably still read him like a book. So he did his best to keep in control. Control over this.
Focus. But not too much.
He closed his eyes for a moment, trying to quickly and effectively clear his mind, trying not to keep his eyes close for too long. Nothing out of place. He smiled. It was not as genuine, but the same one he used frequently as Rhun to be welcoming and inviting towards others. It would have to do. Maybe Deskri wouldn't notice since his real smile was already a fairly rare sight.
Breathe. But not to slowly.
His breathing slowed very gradually. Simulating the natural decline to a relaxed state.
What was the third step? he only briefly glanced up as if picking through the thoughts in the air that swirled around his head. His eyes fell upon a family photo on the wall. Catching sight of Alice, he let out a soft longing sigh.
"...Melody." he whispered gently.
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Broken_Illumination Captain
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Posted: Wed Jan 06, 2016 9:40 pm
He was upset... he could tell - the fall of his expression, the quietness as he tried to reel himself in... He'd messed up - said something along the way that was plaguing his mind now. How could he be so careless? This was why he bottled the rage up - to keep up doing damage he would later regret. And he always, always regretted it with Rasiel. There wasn't a singular moment he could think of in which he'd said something harsh and not immediately wished he could retract the words.
"Who was right...?" He murmured the question as he shifted to bury himself further into his hold, wanting desperately to feel cocooned in warm safety. Rasiel's safety... He'd always been the stronger of the two of them - at least to Deskri. He'd always pictured Rasiel as having it more together, being able to handle so much more... Kagyaku had been very intent on drilling into his head that he was incapable of functioning on his own and honestly..
He'd been right.
He nuzzled his head down into Rasiel's chest, pressing an ear up against it to listen to his heart beat - a calming sound - something that could bring him down from this emotional high. I could do this...
No. No, don't.
Don't let yourself get drawn in.
You know it won't end well.
You'll ruin him.
Don't fall again.
You'll hurt yourself.
He rubbed at his head, desperately wanting the echoing voices to just leave him alone but it was so hard, so, so hard to quiet them when they got on a tangent... He knew they were right ... it was so comfortable, so nice, so perfect to be like this again and he really could fall for him again -- but it would hurt. Real pain.
Melody.
"Mmm...?" Exhaustion was bearing down on him again - the need for sleep was rising to almost unbearable heights. Was it a thing? A person? His instincts said thing - Rasiel's item was a violin, after all...
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Posted: Wed Jan 06, 2016 10:22 pm
The question that beckoned his attention, it made him realize he might have been talking aloud without realizing it. He couldn't just brush it off. Deskri would think too hard on it if he didn't give him an answer. Rasiel kept himself relaxed as he forced his thoughts to collect, calculating his answers, ordering those answers to be absolute. There would be no way for Deskri to question if he seemed sure of himself, pretending like whatever he came up with was definitely the real answer.
"Don't say anything stupid."
"Daemin once told my mother that I would always be naive. He wasn't wrong." he muttered softly, trying to keep at least a little pain still in his voice. Everything he did was becoming meticulous but fluid, he had done this before. A hollow shell of a person that fooled the world into thinking it was human. "Don't think too hard." it was getting easier to fake it.
He had even learned to control his heartbeat. To quicken and mimic being excited. Obscurite had liked when he got excited, whether he really was or not. Rasiel shoved back that memory. Stop.
He could feel Deskri begin to nuzzle. Don't do that.
Please... anything but that.
His thoughts began to teeter, fall out of line, become foggy. His mind longed to revisit the memory, but Rasiel refused. He couldn't do it. He had already been through enough pain today. He could control this.
His restraint over his heartbeat was slipping, he could feel it. It was gradually pounding harder. "Do not." he commanded.
Rasiel felt he was being tested again. Was he doing this on purpose? Maybe he-.. Stop.
"Don't be stupid."
His body was starting to tense, wait, no it wasn't. It was pulling Deskri closer. "Stop it! You can't do this again!"
His grasp compressed further, his body protested his thoughts as it was clear it really wanted this.
"He is not in love."
But what if he was, what if they could-... No.
"I am not in love."
He brought his head down to rest on his. Well, he hasn't let go yet. What if-.. NO.
His heartbeat was quickening. Not good. He begged himself not to lose control again of his emotions. He was doing so well if even for just a few minutes.
"We are not in love..."
Rasiel's face was starting to get hot, as he closed his eyes softly.
"..move in wi-.." he forced himself to stop mid-sentence.
"What are you doing?!" "This is a huge mistake."
He began to clench his teeth again. God dammit.
"Keep it together this time..."
Without warning, his mouth opened and words began to pour out once more, tears filling his eyes. s**t. "I don't care what this is, but I don't want it to stop. I don't know how I feel about anything anymore, and maybe you don't-.." he voice cracked, paused. "...even if it's not real, ...please..." he was begging in desperation. ".. let me just have this.... even for just a little bit." "Or don't keep it together.. again."
"Here we go again."
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Broken_Illumination Captain
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Posted: Wed Jan 06, 2016 10:37 pm
Daemin... Daemin... where had he heard that-- ah. The ever absent Father who had no business making comments. Especially comments like that. He shook his head against his chest, squeezing his eyes shut tighter. "Says the man who wasn't ever around for his family..." He snorted softly, muffled in the comfort of having his face nearly buried directly into Rasiel's chest. His heart seemed calm.... forcibly calm, but calm nonetheless. He'd take what he could get, as long as it was up for offer.
And then it began to speed up. Concern washed over him, slowly, lazily, he was too tired to react quickly but still... he shifted himself a little to peer up at him, hoping to see his face. He could read faces so much better than hearts. He blinked at the sentence -- move in wi--...
Oh. He blinked again, sleepiness starting to dissipate as his attention was brought back to full peak. Their current situation was being addressed. Whatever this was, it was being addressed. Deskri shifted himself again, pulling back to sit upright and stare him in the eyes, considering.
Dare he?
You're asking for it.
Don't say I didn't warn you.
You don't love him like you used to, idiot.
Don't do this.
But he felt it... Felt it in his heart when it ached at Rasiel's desperate plea to continue this moment. So he ignored the voices, and simply nodded. "I don't....... I don't want it to stop either..." He leaned back in, resuming his position nestled up against his chest. "I... just want to feel safe again..." He trailed off, thinking, "can... can you help me...? Feel safe...? I don't remember what it's like... but... I know that right now.. in this moment...... I wouldn't mind existing a little longer..."
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Posted: Wed Jan 06, 2016 11:40 pm
The comment about his father solidified his concern for scrutiny. He took it, good. That answer could stay safely tucked away where he'd pretend to forget about it. Family. That word was both painful and beckoning.
"Do NOT."
Rasiel was relieved that Deskri didn't address his almost-question. A stupid question to be bringing up now. Or at least at first. Baby steps.
Deskri was moving, Rasiel met his gaze and waited with bated breath for an answer. He didn't care what. Just any answer was all he needed. As long as it was a real answer.
"What makes you think it's going to work this time?" That was a good question, it never had. But none of that mattered as he was slowly losing grip on his control.
A nod. Rasiel's heart fluttered uncontrollably. Why did it excite him so much to get a positive response? Deskri continued, and he listened very carefully. He didn't even stop to blink as he stared at his lips following the words that came forth. He didn't want to miss a single one. Safe. He wanted that too, but not in the same way, he figured. Nonetheless, it was something he was more than capable of providing. He would do absolutely anything to protect Deskri, even if he had been denied.
He opened his mouth to talk, and paused for a brief second. His original thought was not good enough, "I would never let harm come to you." he wanted to say, but he could not for certain keep that promise, a lot of hurt Deskri experienced was caused by him. His anger. His stubbornness. His selfishness. His absence.
"I will keep you safe. I will always protect you. Forever." he was determined to keep his word. He wouldn't be the same as before. He could be better. He had control. No one could stand in his way of Deskri anymore.
Existing. It was a strange comment, but he knew exactly what it meant as it stuck deep in his chest. He knew that longing feeling all too well. A reason to live. A reason to breathe. A reason to exist.
Rasiel could tell Deskri was getting sleepy. He, on the other hand, would be awake for another few days at least before he'd finally succumb to unwanted slumber. He reached an arm back to grab his mask, knowing he'd have to put it back on later once he wasn't holding Deskri since the fastener took two hands to clasp it. It should be fine for now, he doubted anyone would be showing up today, even so they wouldn't be this far within the grounds to see him. Even Delilah wouldn't be crossing that path, so he was sure he'd stay hidden.
He placed the mask on top of Deskri for him to hold, and stood up, keeping him scooped into his arms. "I could never bring myself to live here again... not yet anyway. There's a small building towards the back of the school grounds that I've taken up as my home." He spoke softly, not expecting a response. As the headmaster, it would be too weird for him to be living in the dormitories with everyone else. The question that burned to be asked earlier beckoned again, Rasiel considered it. His lips pursed to pose the question once more, but then he thought back on Deskri's request and made the decision for him.
With that, he moved toward the front room and exited the mansion. He would have Delilah to help him clean it up later.
He walked along the paths for a few minutes, then eventually deviating from the path toward the back of the grounds. He had been walking longer than he remembered it taking, but he didn't mind it as it made it more secluded from the rest of the grounds, hiding behind the backdrop of trees. A decent sized cabin surrounded by a speckle of large trees and a fence. Even if the Malice's came for them at the school, they would still have a place to hide within the grounds. Rasiel knew this is where he could keep him safe.
He opened the door carefully and brought Deskri inside. He went into the main bedroom, he only had the one bed for now despite there being two rooms in the cabin. He didn't want that to be a problem, but he would have to see how Deskri felt about it. After all, they were together again. "...together.. like boyf-...." his thought trailed off in his mind. He could not solidify that notion, Deskri hadn't said it, so it was best not to dote on it too much.
He set Deskri down on the bed and took a deep exhale, picking up the mask and staring at it. It's safe here. You don't need it. He couldn't decide what to do, as he pulled the blanket up and over Deskri.
"You could lay down..." Rasiel shook his head in refusal.
"What, so you can make me sleep." he growled in his thoughts.
He knew it was a trap, but he couldn't help the feeling of longing as he watched his breathe from underneath the blanket. He looked so small, so frail. Beginning to blame himself again, his eyes narrowed then closed.
"Fine." he was reluctant as he set the mask down on the nightstand and pulled off his jacket and shirt then crawled into bed with him, pulling the covers up to his shoulders, almost like he was trying to hide the rest of himself. He didn't want to expose his scars, but he didn't have any change of clothes yet and he couldn't very well sleep in his suit jacket.
Reflexively, he wrapped an arm around Deskri. It wasn't hard to fight off sleep anymore, at least for now, it would a few more days before slumber threatened to take ahold of him. For now, this was nice.
Rasiel laid against the small meta, and carefully manuevered his hand to pull out his cellphone from his pocket, texting someone for a moment, tying up some loose ends. He didn't bother to put his phone back as he tossed it lightly to the floor and held him tightly. He stared off at nothing at all as Deskri slept next to him, waiting for him to wake up.
"Maybe... I could try...No" Despite the fact that his body wasn't even being demanding, he toyed with the idea of sleep, staring off intently, blankly.
The static hummed louder gradually. Rasiel almost wanted to force his eyes shut out of pure stubbornness if not anything else.
This was a mistake, wasn't it?
"I don't even care anymore."
He wanted this. He wanted to lay with him. And he could not even do that without his mind trying to deceive him. Letting out a disgruntled sigh, he unsnaked his arm from Deskri and sat up on the bed, flinging his legs over the side of the bed, letting the covers fall as he hunched slightly, hands finding refuge upon his head. The static was getting louder and it was agitating him. He hadn't been bothered by these noises for a very long time. Maybe. Maybe it would help. "...it's not like I need to hide it from him... he already knows now..." Another sigh escaped his lips as he slumped forward more, extending his hands beneath the bed, tugging softly, sliding out an obviously heavy black case. He hesitantly unlatched the case and propped open the lid. A sleek black violin lay within the case, used but untouched in what seemed like forever.
Rasiel hadn't played his violin in 20 years, could he still even remember how? His hand ran down the side of it, grasping the handle and dislodging it gently. His other hand carefully plucked the bow out and moved both items toward his face. They knew where to go. He hovered the bow just above the strings, he didn't know what to play. What if he had forgotten how to play? No, he could never forget. That simply wasn't possible. He pushed the bow to the strings and drew it forward then back. The resonating sound that resulted was calm. Sad. He played without thought. The static quickly died back down. Yes, this had quelled even Obscurite back then. What was this song? He couldn't place the song. Had he played this before? He wasn't sure. The melody echoed on throughout the house, his eyes falling closed as he continued to play. This was nice. He hadn't felt this calm in years. Truly at ease. His thoughts were clear, if not halted, listening intently, in awe at his one true talent. The only time he wasn't destroying everything with his own reckless behavior.nepsah Added more in case you read it after waking up this morning...
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Broken_Illumination Captain
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Posted: Thu Jan 07, 2016 9:59 am
He frowned slightly, to himself, since having tucked himself away it would be hard to see the expression. I will always protect you. Forever. It wasn't a new promise, and he wasn't sure if this one was any more believable than the last... He'd sworn such things before and not lived up to them, hell, even caused the very thing he said he'd prevent happening but--...... 20 years of neglect and isolation begged him not to pick it apart. Begged him to just accept it. This was the first real affection he'd felt in so long and oh, his mind craved it. Needed it. Suddenly it was as if he was getting a fix he never knew he was addicted to.
He shifted a bit to take the mask when it was set on him, and stared at it sleepily while he listened to Rasiel speak. "...I wouldn't want to either." He mumbled through a yawn, then curled into Rasiel once he was standing. Some part of him wanted to say he could walk- he wasn't so damaged he couldn't transport himself but that need overruled his words.
Let him.
You need it.
How long as it been?
You don't deserve this.
He rubbed at one of eyes, forcing some new tears back. He knew he didn't deserve it. Rasiel would likely toss him aside if he ever confessed what he'd resorted to in order to get by. Shame filled him up from his core, reaching out to every limb as he watched the scenery go by... He didn't know this part of the grounds, but it seemed nice. Secluded. Safe. Exactly what he'd been wanting, so far Rasiel was delivering on his promise... he could relax, he could stop trying to pick it apart...
One bed. Memories of their dormitory days came bubbling up in his mind's eye - Obscurite threatening to take what he wanted, his own weakness being willing to let it happen - Kagyaku screaming at him to get off of the bed... He shifted once he was set down to curl into a ball, wanting to be as small as possible and take up as little space - Rasiel was bigger than him - hell, even bigger than he'd been last he'd seen him... But...
"You aren't going to......." He trailed off, feeling his chest tighten up with dismay. He wasn't going to lay down. He was going to leave.
Don't go... I need you.
You don't need him.
He doesn't need you.
Did you think he was finally telling the truth?
You're so gullible.
But then he began pulling his jacket and shirt off. Oh. Instinct set in and he sat up, assuming only one thing could be happening here... He started to remove his own shirt, but then Rasiel was in the bed, pulling him into a warm embrace -- oh... He'd assumed wrongly.
You're sullied beyond saving.
He curled into Rasiel's side, internally sinking further into his own mental bog of negativity. He could never tell him. Ever. Not if he wanted this to last - and oh how he needed it to last... He was just about to fall asleep again when Rasiel stirred once more, unwinding himself from him to find something under the bed... Ah... his violin...
He watched through half-closed eyes, one part wanting to tell him to lay back down again - to hold him again - but... Rasiel was always more comfortable after having played something, so he remained quiet, and simply listened. A sad song, fitting for the reality of the world but still... sad. He closed his eyes, and finally attempted to sleep... For now.
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Posted: Thu Jan 07, 2016 1:21 pm
Rasiel suprisingly was unphased by Deskri's attempt at removing his own clothes. It had felt natural, like they had before. They did live together for a while, and even so they had been pretty close. Very close. Though it confused him slightly when Deskri hesitated and stopped undressing. Maybe he had changed his mind. Maybe he was cold. He couldn't tell.
After he had started playing the violin, Rasiel had felt so very calm, every distraction shut from his mind as the music was the only thing he had left to remind him he was still alive. Still trying to survive. But, it had still been so long. Why did he ever stop playing?
That didn't matter now. He was with Deskri. Everything he wanted was within his grasp and he was never going to let it go. Rasiel opened his eyes gently and turned enough to see Deskri, smiled at him. There it was again. His genuine smile.
"This was a good idea." Twice in one day, heck even twice in a week was a blessing, but this was a godly miracle. Something re-ignited deep within him. His passion. His unrestrained devotion to Deskri. He looked upon his face and knew this was it. This was the reason he was still alive. For this very moment. The music he played began to pick up, changing, growing. It showed his lively intensity. His determination. He could easily fight anything. Fight everything. Just to stay by his side. He would gladly die for Deskri, if it would make him happy. If it would keep him safe.
His face was soft but tired, so very tired. Even through sleepless eyes, they still shone bright with compassion. What was this feeling? Was it-..
This isn't even real. a smothered whisper glinted through briefly.
"Yet."
He doesn't love you anymore. it was increasing in intensity, trying to break through to the front. Trying to pull him away from his serenity.
"He will."
You're going to ******** this up. it was much louder now. Jeering his mind only a little as it rung out boldly.
Rasiel's eyes narrowed slightly in tenacity.
"No. This time will be different."
The voice was silent.
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Broken_Illumination Captain
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Posted: Thu Jan 07, 2016 1:42 pm
The longer he played, the more relaxed he felt - more at home... more... in the past. Like the last 20 years hadn't happened - like maybe he was still redeemable... Oh, he wished this feeling could go on forever. Let the sound of the violin wash away his sins - his desperation - his reckless tenacity for life despite having nothing worth living for... No, he did, Rasiel was here. He could fall back into the old ways - the old habits...
Sleep refused to come, so he opened his eyes slowly, just in time to see that smile again. His heart fluttered, feeling lighter than it had in far too long. Yes... This was what he was meant to do - live for Rasiel. Live to be at his side, help him when he felt sad, calm him when he was angry... Heal him when he was hurt... This was his purpose in life. Like a series of locks clicking into place, his mind felt cleared, at ease, whole.
Don't do this--
you know better than this--
Haven't you learned this lesson already?
Stop--
He shoved the voices aside - ignoring that for once, it was his own. His own consciousness warning him against falling so hard into old habits but what else could he do? He'd lost so much, an unspeakable amount, and yet here was the one thing he'd treasured most... One of them, anyway.
He reached out for him, bony hand desperate to make contact - something, anything. He needed one last anchor and the touch would seal it. He could do this again.. He could love him again, with all of his flaws, and all of his own... They could work.
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Posted: Thu Jan 07, 2016 2:28 pm
Everything he had experienced, even before the school closed, it felt worth it. All the pain, the loneliness, the burden of existing. He would gladly choose to experience it all over again in a heartbeat if he knew it would lead up to this moment. The memories broke through, flowed through his mind. The good and the bad, all crystal clear. All the things he endured seemed all so insignificant compared to how good this felt. To be so close. His heartbeat was quickening, spiraling out of control into a rythmic battle in an attempt to break free of its cage.
Something tried to prod. The voice was speaking, but the memories drowned it out, smothered it, as he couldn't even hear it anymore.
He had to be closer.
His eyes watched Deskri's hand carefully, lingering, longing, beckoning. He was overcome with desperation, his grip loosened on the violin and bow, in fact it completely fell from his hands. He didn't even see what happened to the violin he cherished as he heard it thud against the floor hard. He cherished Deskri far greater than the instrument to care. Rasiel was already grasping Deskri's outstretched hand. Hesitating for only a second, "Is this.. okay?" he meant to say aloud but instead he blurted out, "I-... I need to feel you..".
His eyes fought back a light wave of tears as he tried to hold back everything from spilling forward; his instincts would surely kick in. And they certainly did as he pushed himself forward, closing the gap between their bodies. His lips seized hold of Deskri's, he couldn't stand it how much he wanted this. His hands were already scouring, looking for a place to hide, to touch skin. His warm skin that he missed so much. He pulled back from the kiss to stare into Deskri's eyes, yearning, filled with a burning desire. "..i'm nothing without you.." he whispered, lowering his head somewhat as he leaned in to kiss his neck, his breath heavy and warm.
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Broken_Illumination Captain
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Posted: Thu Jan 07, 2016 2:45 pm
He dropped the violin, and for a moment Deskri was worried - concerned he'd done something wrong, but then he was moving forward.. touching, gripping, holding... That was all he needed - it was cemented now. Old routines were going to take their place in his present day self and the voices could no longer object to it. He nodded, feeling a burn rise in his chest as he uncurled himself, hand squeezing around Rasiel's. "I want that..." He murmured in response, voice filled with need.
He kissed him back, hard, needily, as if Rasiel were air itself and he'd been deprived of it for far too long. Something in him was screaming at him to make him stop-- to halt the exploring hand - but he was never good at voicing when he was uncomfortable. He gasped softly once Rasiel pulled away, breathing struggling to even itself out - I'm nothing without you... Some part of him knew it was a lie - or at least, knew it wasn't entirely true, it was another thing that had been said before...
But he didn't care. He rolled his head to the side, emitting a small, pleased hum at the touch. He'd always liked that spot... Slowly he allowed himself to curl his free arm up around Rasiel's neck, flattening his hand over his back with the softest of touches - almost worried this would disappear in an instant... was this real? It felt real. Please, please let it be real...
Stop him
Don't let him go further
You'll regret it
He'll see.
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Posted: Thu Jan 07, 2016 3:40 pm
His thoughts were racing, adding this moment to the collection of memories he'd hidden away about how close they had been. He wants it.. his heart skipped a beat and his grasp suddenly tightened, that was all the confirmation he needed to release all his lust for Deskri, everything he'd wanted to experience with him. Deskri was moving with his motions, there was no doubt in his mind that they would soon be a lot closer. This desire burned hot as he remembered what it was like to truly feel him. His hands were moving, closer to a dangerous territory that would certainly make him lose his mind in passion.
Rasiel tensed a bit as he felt Deskri's hand on his neck, flinching slightly as it compressed against his back. The last time they had been this close, he had wings, but now he was much like Deskri as the absence of leathery wings made him quiver slightly with self-conscience. This did not break his train of thought, however, he was more than determined to continue. He wanted to hear Deskri, he had forgotten what that sounded like. He nipped him lightly, as though demanding him to comply to his silent request.
Nothing could stop him now that he had intertwined with Deskri, except for persay a short vibrating noise coming from the floor. A text message. He narrowed his eyes, as if to tell it to <******** off".
Buzzzzzz. Another.
"A little busy here..."
Buzzzzzz. Someone was definitely sending a lot of messages.
"For ******** sake..." he waited, as it fell silent again. "Finally.." he seemed to turn his attention back to Deskri, kissing his neck once again, maybe a little lower this time. A trail of soft kisses moving slightly downward as his breathing quicken. This was really happening. For the first time in a long time, he was being pretty intimate with someone he wanted to be with. It wasn't forced, they both wanted it. No one would have to regret this later.
A melody began to play, breaking the rhythm of heavy breathing. Rasiel pulled back his kiss slowly and growled. Flecks of anger in his eyes as they darted over to the phone that interrupted them.Obviously it was important enough to warrant a call, it must have been urgent. "...sorry.." he whispered behind building rage as he uncurled from Deskri and left the bed, moving to pick up the phone. He twisted hard, reeling back his arm as if to throw the damned thing out of the room but then the melody began to play again and he hesitated. Slowly, he brought the phone down to look at it. Sighing, he looked over to Deskri. "I have to take this." he mumbled, at least loud enough to be heard then stepped out of the room, he left the door ajar just enough so Deskri could easily see him if he needed to. So he could be assured that Rasiel was still there, that he was still protecting him.
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Broken_Illumination Captain
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Posted: Thu Jan 07, 2016 3:54 pm
Teeth - oh god - he shivered, pressing into his touch for more as he emitted a soft sound of agreement to the treatment. Hurt me. Bite me. He was fine with where this was for now - content to touching and kissing and - well, apparently biting - but as he started to move lower, started to become more insistent, the panic began to rise.
From a low buzz in the back of his skull to a deafening sound of STOP!!! he began to freeze, first, his legs - something that wouldn't be noticeable as he attempted to quell he instinctive fear that was starting to take over. He hadn't done this in a consensual way since the last time he'd been with Rasiel - none of this had been pleasant - he couldn't remember what it was like for it to be okay.
And then the phone. Once... twice...three times? How many? And then it began ringing - drawing Rasiel's attention from what he was doing. Cold relief took over the instant he pulled away, though he tried not to show it on his face. He nodded stiffly, "it's okay..." There. No hints, no suggestions that he wasn't fully consenting to what was going on...
He watched him as he moved away, wondering who it was who could be calling him... He probably had other friends now - other people he talked to and liked... Healthy people... "I'll... be here..." He nodded and watched him leave, laying still on the bed for a few moments before slowly pulling himself out of the rigid form he'd gotten himself into. He eyed the doorway, curiosity getting the better of him... could he hear what he was saying...?
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Posted: Thu Jan 07, 2016 4:48 pm
Rasiel took in a deep breath and then pressed the button on the phone. "This is Rhun..." he started in, his voice calm and calculating just as he had shaped it, as though someone else entirely was talking. He listened intently. A forced chuckle escaped his mouth, he was smiling but you could tell in his eyes he didn't mean it even if he sounded like he really did find it humorous. If you listened closely, it was obviously a female's voice. "You'll be fine." he assured, the voice on the phone growing louder for a moment as though playfully upset. "I know... it has been a long time." his voice fell softer, reminiscent of days past. "Yes, they are here already." another firm reassurance. "Yes... Melody is fine. She's with a chaperon right now." his voice softened at the mention of her name. "Stop worrying so much." he chuckled playfully, his face grinned but his eyes remained stern. "..no, i haven't seen him.." he responded slowly, seemingly bad news to the person on the phone. The voice on the phone grew fairly quiet as if it had stopped. "I have." he said with a twinge of pain, but too subtle to probably be picked up by the other person. "Let me know when you get here. Just call me the first time. I can never read your text messages anyway.." he seemed to be cut off by a shrill screaming as the girl on the phone yelled, berating him though it was clear that the girl was not actually angry with him. Rasiel let out a pretty big laugh, it was hard to tell if the deep laugh was genuine as he had never been compelled to actually laugh that hard in his whole life. Not even now.
His laugh died down pretty quick as it became apparent that the other person had already hung up on him. Rasiel sighed, then turned and moved back into the bedroom, shutting the door behind him. He carefully stepped around his violin on the floor while slipping his phone back into his pocket. He sat down gently on the edge of the bed, looking Deskri over and shot him a look of remorse for leaving the room in the first place. "I will have to go meet with someone soon. It'll be a bit before they will arrive though." his voice was still cold. Still Rhun's. He hesitated, realizing this and softened his face, bringing back a splash his real emotions to his face. Rasiel forced a smile, apologetic for a lot of things. For everything. "What do you want to do?" his voice was soft, slightly frail with longing as he left the option open to Deskri. He was at his mercy, he would do whatever Deskri wished of him.
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Broken_Illumination Captain
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Posted: Thu Jan 07, 2016 4:58 pm
His tone changed... along with his body language. He was slipping into that mask again, even without wearing it. Deskri's gaze slid from Rasiel to the mask on the table next to the bed with a small frown... and then back to Rasiel. He shouldn't have to wear that mask... He shouldn't have to take the blame for something that wasn't his fault... Focusing on those thoughts, he slowly came down from the nervousness from before, and began stretching his limbs a little. There... Loosen up... stop the tension... Relax.
The conversation caught his interest- Melody was a person - someone he clearly cared about. But young enough to need a chaper--- oh. Another frown, deeper... Who had she come from, then? He blinked, putting a more neutral expression on his face as Rasiel hung up and then returned to the bed to sit down. "Oh.. who..?" He had to ask, even if he wasn't sure he'd get an answer. Maybe it was someone he might know... Had any others arrived? He hadn't thought to ask.
"I..." He hesitated, thinking about what they'd just been doing. He didn't want to do that. That was for certain. "I want.... to just be still.." He dropped his gaze to his lap, knowing that probably didn't make sense but he ached all over. How long had he been on the move? A sudden realization came to mind - he didn't have any other clothes, and he hadn't really bathed in a while....
"Actually... do... you have a shower... I can use...." Shame coated his voice, and weighed down on him visibly... He'd let Rasiel kiss him without washing first. Disgusting.
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