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 Posted: Sun Jun 21, 2015 2:12 am
He faltered. Was this still part of the preacher game, or did he have to switch to the knight persona? Or was it real? He didn't know how to handle real, not adequately and non-awkwardly at least. So he went with the usual.
"Well, uh, hopefully I'll do a better job than last time," he replied with a wincing smile. "N' hopefully it won' need tackles."
No persona, rooted in reality, fed as a joke.
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Posted: Sun Jun 21, 2015 2:14 am
She was just glad he hadn't played it out as a persona. He'd made the right choice. "I don't think we should wait until I can fully see again." She murmured, her voice gone quiet, but no less confident. "To have that talk." They were doing so well, now. She was doing so well. For one single moment, she believed in herself.
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Posted: Sun Jun 21, 2015 2:20 am
He was left with only a wince for a moment. Then Dawson took a deep breath and exhaled it as, "Okay." At least he didn't have the time to build up his nerves like he had the first time; maybe it was a blessing that Maebe was springing it on him like this.
He clasps his hands together in his lap and leaned forward. "What's on yer mind, sweet pea?"
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Posted: Sun Jun 21, 2015 2:25 am
She wasn't going to talk to him on the floor. She pushed herself up off of it, and turned to walk towards the bed. Instead, she walked into the bed, and fell flat on her face on it. Well. Mission accomplished, she supposed. Crawling meekly onto the bed, she turned around and sat indian style there. When she looked up at him again, she couldn't help but grin - because she could tell he was there, and it thrilled her to see that formless blob of color. "Come closer. Move the chair over to sit here with me. I might need a hug or ten."
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Posted: Sun Jun 21, 2015 2:29 am
Well, at least she fell on something soft...
Dutifully he picked up the chair and followed after, settling down at her side. "If you wasn' tryin' t'worry me, I'm gonna say you failed," he said with a tone that was more concerned than joking. "This buildup ain' good fer my heart, honey."
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Posted: Sun Jun 21, 2015 2:35 am
After all the flutters and dread and pain Dawson had inadvertently managed to cause her heart, she didn't look especially guilty about making him wait a little longer. "I don't know, maybe I am trying to worry you. So what I have to say is more of a relief than it should be. Yeah?" That didn't sound like such a horrible idea, when she thought about it. Hindsight was 20/20. "First thing I want to talk about is why I've been acting so weird lately. And I mean, I'm going to assume you literally notice nothing when I talk right now, so I apologize if some of this doesn't come as a surprise. But the fact is, I'm jealous. I get super jealous. Like, violently jealous. And I have nothing to be jealous over, because truth be told, I don't have any right to be. But I do. So I'm sorry about the whole.. Creedence thing. And about - God, about any other time I started to act weird just because you were talking to another girl." Admitting that was easier than she'd thought. Perhaps it was because she hadn't actually admitted any reasons behind her jealousy at all. Baby steps.
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Posted: Sun Jun 21, 2015 2:45 am
He wasn't even surprised if that was the tactic. This was Maebe. And just the same, Dawson wasn't surprised she decided to assume he noticed nothing, because frankly he could be a very dense man. In this case he had noticed since it was hard not to--especially with the irrational behavior around Creedence--but sometimes it was easier to have it all laid out like you were an idiot than to try and figure it out for himself, because past things had taught him he was s**t at striking it out on his own. Better to have it spelled out for someone like him.
In this case, he already knew where it was headed thanks to Thaw. But he had to pretend he didn't for her sake, and that was what really ate away at him more.
"You did say I was important," he offered mildly, and she could choose to take it as another joke or as something serious, or as nothing at all. White noise to bridge the paragraphs of her explanation.
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Posted: Sun Jun 21, 2015 2:55 am
"Yup. And you are. And I think it's really easy to forget that I'm important, too. That's the worst part, you know? How easily I forget that you've proven, time and again, that you care about me. Just because I see you with somebody else and I get jealous. It's dumb. And just because I say it's dumb, doesn't mean I'm going to stop doing it." She ran a hand through the unmarked side of her head, and sighed. "But I needed you to know that deep down I know it's stupid. You don't deserve some catty little ******** like me getting jealous every time you make a new friend." And that, perhaps, was where the ease of the conversation ended. Because she wasn't talking about friends anymore, was she? So far, it could have easily sounded like she was. She could have stopped there and no one would have ever been the wiser. But she promised herself. She believed in herself. She could get through this, no matter what. She was going to be an adult. "So, here's the thing. We met under some really messed up circumstances. Somehow, you still wanted to be my friend, and that means a lot. I don't ever want to lose that, and as far as I'm concerned, we don't ever have to. Even after what I'm about to say next." Deep breaths. Sit up straight. Use your words. "Because I don't want to just be your friend anymore. And I've felt like that for a long time, but I've always been scared that if I admit it, you're going to pull away from awkwardness. I can't read your mind. I don't know if you'd ever even consider something more than friendship with me. But it's easier to just joke, and not admit how I feel, you know? It's just easier." She was so glad she hadn't waited until she could see him. She didn't want to have to look in his eyes, right now. "So I was wondering.." She could feel herself giving in to the easy route. Make a joke, Maebe. Make it easier. "If.." Pull out some dirty double entendre. Tell him you want to go buy promise rings. Tell him anything but the truth. "If you wanted to try, like, dating. For a while. And if it doesn't work, that's okay. Because I'll never let anything get between us again." Being an adult was hard.
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Posted: Sun Jun 21, 2015 3:20 am
And...there it was. He had difficulty swallowing despite knowing it was coming up, and for once he wished he had true ignorance to excuse himself. Because the more Maebe kept talking, the more he kept thinking of Thaw's messages. does she still love that otto guy?
n cami?
She does. Just as much as she loves you and I. It is a very small group.And the guiltier he grew. Part of him wanted to say yes, and part of him wanted to say no, and it was crazy how similar the reasonings were. What was safer: making her happy, or sticking to what he knew? Was she expecting something else to come out of dating him? That was what scared him the most right now, the idea that something was lacking in him right this second that couldn't be accomplished without something more romantic. And God damn the timing too, as awful as he felt thinking so. Hadn't he been through enough lately? Did he have to agonize and grow anxious over something new now? "I, uh..." He put his hat back on and felt a little better with something snug on his head. "Yeah, we could try a date if ya want." Always what they wanted since he never knew what he wanted. "See how that goes." One date to test the waters, that was a good compromise, right? It was still a yes, it was still safe, it could still make her happy without making him feel inadequate. It was Good, right? "But, Mayb?" Dawson reached out to take her hands into his. "I wantcha t'know yer right. Doesn' matter f'it don' work out, s'not gonna get awkward or nothin'." Beat. "Well, unless ya pull that b*****b joke on me in the middle've eatin' dinner. We might get a few looks, then." She was right. It was always easier to joke. Nio Love i read this in bed like a goddamn b***h and i hate you all
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Posted: Sun Jun 21, 2015 3:04 pm
Dawson would not be surprised to know that Maebe had extensive experience in the sound of a man saying yes just to make a woman happy. "I know it won't." She chuckled out quietly. "That's why I said it. That's also why I thought it was okay to tell you about this. Because I know you. At least I know you well enough to truly believe that we're going to be fine, no matter what." She settled back, letting her head rest on the wall, and contemplated his existence with thinned eyes for quite a few seconds. Then her lips quirked down in a frown, and she quirked her finger at him to come closer. "You know you don't have to do this, right? If you don't like me like that, you'd hurt me a lot worse by making believe you do. I was honest to you about my feelings. I need you to be honest about yours." She hadn't even responded to his b*****b joke. That's how serious she was taking this.
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Posted: Sun Jun 21, 2015 3:30 pm
Somehow, the honesty was worse. Somehow, knowing it would be okay either way brought a deep sadness along with the relief. Dawson studied her for a few moments, a ball of nerves bouncing in his chest as he mulled it over, and for all the world Maebe wasn't blind. She could see him perfectly well in all his simple, awful conflict. There was only one quick way to find out, and he hated himself for it. He hated every little motion as he crawled onto the bed next to her, sat on his leg, cupped her cheek, and kissed her slow. And for a few heartbeats the contact was wonderful, the warmth a warm welcome in and of itself, and he felt a little bit of hope bloom because maybe this time, maybe Maebe... But there wasn't a spark. No instinct to continue, no urge to explore and sate and excite. There never seemed to be when he tried. What felt like a small eternity was only a few seconds long, and after he pulled away, Dawson sighed quietly. The ball has hardened into an ugly knot. "Sawry," he mumbled, his hand sliding away. "I-I jus' had t'know..." He faced forward again, playing with his hands in his lap like he was guilty for not being able to reciprocate. "You sure we okay?"
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Posted: Sun Jun 21, 2015 3:54 pm
She realized that depth perception wasn't going to be her best trait for a while, when she recognized Dawson climbing on the bed by the way it felt before she actually saw how close he'd gotten. But she'd asked him to, so she breathed in a quick inhale, before he leaned in to test the waters. This was how it was done, she told herself. If she had been in his situation, she would have done the exact same thing. He was giving her a chance. And she appreciated it. Or she would have, if she wasn't so caught up in how much she wanted this. It took her like a tornado, swirling her up in that brief, bright moment of happiness. It burned harder than it should have, and just like anything that burned that hard, she could feel it burning out the moment he pulled away. Because no matter how good it felt for her, no matter how much her heart sung with finally and her entire body arched like lightning had struck it - no matter how much she wanted him, she could tell that he didn't feel the same way the instant they parted. And that was important. It was fair. It was the right way to be honest, she told herself, to try and tamp down that welling heartache and loss. The apology was a little much, though. She hadn't moved from the position his kiss had put her in, but she let out a soft, empty laugh, and nodded her head. "We're okay." A scratchy voice left out. "I'm glad you checked. Better this way." Nothing about her voice sounded better. She opened her eyes, and realized she could see him better now. The revelation gave her the strength to smile when she had nothing to smile about. "I'm - I'm going to be sad for a little while. But that's okay. I needed this. I needed to know, just as much as you did." Her smile dropped into a sudden, needy little pout. "Would it be wrong to ask for one more. Just - not trying to figure anything out. I just want one more. Then I'll stop. I won't ask again." She let out a shaky breath. "I promise. I just need to feel you one last time."
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Posted: Sun Jun 21, 2015 4:07 pm
"M'sawry," he repeated anyway, closing his eyes. It would've been ******** stupid to cry right now, he had to chase that idea away. Who ******** cried after kissing a girl? ******** Dawson Grace almost did, what a p***y. But so much s**t had happened to Maebe already that it was agony having to add this on top. He wasn't supposed to make her sad for any reason, worst of all because of himself. Better this way, she said in a voice that didn't agree. And somehow he was finding new depths to sink into, because Dawson knew she wanted this. One kiss had been enough to tell him plenty. Telling her no would've cut it off quicker, but it would've made the ache worse. So too would kissing him again, though. Nothing felt right about either, but what could he do? Continue punishing himself, he supposed. Continue making up for it. He opened his eyes and shifted again to face her. "Course you can ask, darlin'," he rumbled softly. Before he could stop himself, he added wistfully, "You deserve better, though."
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Posted: Sun Jun 21, 2015 4:29 pm
She gave him a look that had all the sarcasm inside of her welled up into one crooked, twisted little smile. "Yeah, but I mean, nobody really cares what we deserve. The heart wants what the heart wants." But she wasn't going to ask again. If this one was for her, then she was okay with being selfish about it. She placed her hands on either side of his face, and pulled him hard, until her own head hit the wall from the force of it. She took from him what she wanted, because it was okay to be selfish, this time. He wasn't trying to figure himself out. He'd already made his decision. This - this was just a gift. And like any gift she'd been given, she ripped the wrapping paper open like an animal and made it her own. She was briefly aware of new things, as she deepened the kiss and didn't lose herself in it. She was aware of how scratchy the stubble felt against her skin. It made her want to laugh, because the poor man had so long to go before he'd get his beard back. It made her want to cry, because she wished she didn't like it. She did neither. She just drank him in, hoarding her little moment in the sun for as long as she could, before she remembered the first time she'd kissed him. Had she known then? Was her heart that obvious? She bit down on his lip, hard, and pulled away. When her teeth let him go, she laughed. If he didn't want her, then at least she took comfort in the fact that she'd once made him bleed. Not this time, though. She was never going to hurt him like that again.
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Posted: Sun Jun 21, 2015 4:56 pm
His mouth quirked sadly. "I care." That was perhaps both the basis of his existence and the biggest problem of it. But the force surprised him, and hearing her hit her head caused him to whimper with worry out of instinct. Dawson didn't dare pull away, though; he doubted he could even if he tried. It was in his nature to give, give, give, and what Maebe didn't swallow up herself he simply offered. Maybe he didn't love her the way she wanted, but he knew he did in some capacity still love her, still wanted her to be as happy as she could be. The rawness behind her desire both awed and frightened him, but at least there could be satisfaction in knowing he'd helped—that at least he didn't fail here. (And, with the greatest guilt, he still liked being kissed, still liked the graze of stubble against smooth skin, still liked knowing someone thought he was attractive.) Nevertheless, a hand eventually found itself to her shoulder and squeezed. Reminding her to stop, because if she kept asking for more, he would be in no position to stop her. He blinked his eyes open in surprise when she hit his lip and nearly jerked back. As Maebe laughed, he sucked it in and looked at her in some confusion. And then it clicked: she did like biting the people that had did her wrong these days. It was only fair. So a weak laugh escaped him too. "Remind me not t'get on yer bad side," Dawson said, sounding a little dazed.
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