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MoonKitsune rolled 2 10-sided dice:
2, 10
Total: 12 (2-20)
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 Posted: Thu May 14, 2015 1:39 pm
He said......
Melvin stopped, watching Horace. He heard America's name thrown a lot before on Twitter but he never heard Jan say her name in person. He didn't know the story and it felf like an squabble between exes from a messy breakup. Stalking seemed just another word for those who were angry or jealous. Again, it seemed messy and he liked to distance himself from Jan's affairs as he was only concerned with Rin's life. He paid for that mistake. She paid more. He ignored the host's problems and it affected them all.
But it was Horace's words echoing in the chamber that stilled his anger.
He said he couldn't love...
Horace thee his fists and he saw that anger and yet a flinching pain in the sharp light and shadows of the flashlight's glow.
His fingers adjusted against Saliva's grip as he held her tightly and she wiggles in his mind in irritation.
"He said. He said he couldn't love you and he hurt you." His voice was a thin line of restraint as he looked at this Jan. This thing of a thing.
He held his weapon up and fired, eyes narrow and distant as he shot. It turned and lashed out and he felt his stomach twisting as violently as his thoughts.
And yet he had to ask - after nearly dying - what Horace felt now.
"Do you love him then? Do you love a monster who hurt you? Who will only hurt you again?"
HP: 35/50 Chrg: 2/3 Quote: Jan clone: HP: 40/40 Autodamage: +5 when attacking (even if not successful) No damage is done and HP regenerates after each attack. An attack of 10+ will remove one limb. Limbs: 2/2
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The Semblance of Unity rolled 2 8-sided dice:
3, 6
Total: 9 (2-16)
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Posted: Thu May 14, 2015 1:41 pm
Horace looked at the clone and was reminded, horribly, of how he'd made that cave into a fairy tale. How Jan had skin as white as snow, hands as red as blood, and eyes as black as ebony, the pupils empty and as cold as stars seem. As far away. He moved forward, arms jerky and stiff - fighting not because he enjoyed it, but because it was expected if him. When the return blow came he took it, closing his eyes in penance. Everything that had happened, he deserved. Gasping, he flung himself backwards, catching himself against the crumbly, sandy rock of the wall. "Melvin... I... yes, okay? I love him, even though I'm not supposed to anymore. I don't know what to do. Everyone says I shouldn't, I can't, but maybe if I just try hard enough... if.. I... I." He cut himself off, biting down on his lip hard, memories shining in his eyes. This was hardly the time or place for him to let himself be so weak. His fists curled briefly, clutching the hem of his vest. HP: 16/40 DMG: 3 CHG: 2/3
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MoonKitsune rolled 2 10-sided dice:
2, 1
Total: 3 (2-20)
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Posted: Thu May 14, 2015 1:43 pm
Melvin stared at him hard before he moved closer to the clone. "If you try hard enough, he might. He might really start loving you despite all the warnings he gave you. Over and over again knowing you'd get hurt."
He told her no when she asked. He warned her what would happen. Said he didn't like her like that - but she insisted. Insisted because she said she loved him.
"And then you'll wind up doing something stupid for that monster and then what? Then what?!" He reached out slowly to touch Jan's throat and it lashed back. Being his hand to his chest, he looked past the clone and then started moving to Horace against the wall.
He raised his weapon. "You'll wind up gone. Gone just like her because of that stupid love of yours. Your better than that. That person can't measure up to what you give them. It's ******** mean, Horace. Loving someone who can't return it as fully and purely as you give them. They can't ever measure up."
He pointed Saliva to Horace's face. "You want to loose yourself to that monster? Wind up lost like her?!" He shouted, voice rising and echoing in the chamber.
HP: 30/50 Chrg: 3/3 Quote: Jan clone: HP: 40/40 Autodamage: +5 when attacking (even if not successful) No damage is done and HP regenerates after each attack. An attack of 10+ will remove one limb. Limbs: 2/2
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The Semblance of Unity rolled 2 8-sided dice:
4, 6
Total: 10 (2-16)
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Posted: Thu May 14, 2015 1:46 pm
Melvin's words echoed all around them as he moved towards the clone. It was easier, he thought, to think of it as a collection of limbs. This wasn't Jan, it was an arm. This wasn't him, it was a pale shoulder, a hand Jan didn't have, a leg that moved with not-quite grace. And when he struck it, he wouldn't think about bruises that would form later - because they wouldn't. This wasn't him. "Did ya know-" he said, conversationally because a certain air of flippancy was always a good defense. "-that it took Dr. Morris fifteen months and sixteen days to entertain her husband's love. Forty days after that was when she first felt love for him, even though she had been previously incapable." Of course Horace had the periods of time memorized; they had been written word. He could not, if he wanted to, forget them. It was clear that Melvin was somehow interjecting Rin into this conversation and he paused, almost confused. He turned and saw that Melvin had trained his gun on him. Was that how it would be, after all? The people he cared about were always the biggest threat. "Do you think it's not worth it - that slim chance? Is that where our fundamental difference lies?" And it had to be worth it. If not, then what were his missing finger, his scars - what were they all for? Everything had to be worth it in the end, because he could not bear to think about what if it wasn't. HP: 11/40 DMG: 4 CHG: 3/3
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MoonKitsune rolled 10 4-sided dice:
3, 2, 1, 1, 2, 2, 4, 2, 2, 1
Total: 20 (10-40)
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Posted: Thu May 14, 2015 1:54 pm
He didn't pause to consider this question. He already asked himself similar questions over and over in bed, at work, silently wandering hallways or staring down at his plate during dinner for months now.
Was it worth it?
Had his happiness meant more than Rin's safety? Had her desire to move him been worth the misery and pain she must have felt? The disappointment that he must have been to her?
"It's never going to be your ideal. No matter what you do. No matter how hard you feel and work softly to try and fix it. To fix him. Some people aren't success stories. Some people wind up working hard for something they want and no matter how hard that person tries to live up to their expectations, they only wind up hurting back."
He moved closer, barrel pointed at Horace's temple, just the slightest jitter. Then it moved down the curve of his throat to point at his heart.
"You're just like her. - gonna go like her." He whispered. His eyes moved back and forth from Horace's eyes, as if looking at them would make him see the insanity that he and Rin shared - this desire to love horeie people.
But he couldn't find it and he wished it had been that easy. He wished he could find it to break some horrible affliction. He couldn't. One of the many couldn'ts that were added to the list. He couldn't see why? He couldnt understand it? He couldnt love without it.
And just like her, he knew he couksnt stop it.
Aileen, he opened his mouth to say something, but instead coded it and, after a pause, fired the gun.
HP: 30/50 Chrg: 3/3 Healing Horace +17 Quote: Jan clone: HP: 40/40 Autodamage: +5 when attacking (even if not successful) No damage is done and HP regenerates after each attack. An attack of 10+ will remove one limb. Limbs: 2/2
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The Semblance of Unity rolled 2 8-sided dice:
5, 3
Total: 8 (2-16)
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Posted: Thu May 14, 2015 2:02 pm
"Is that what I'm supposed to do - fix him? Everyone says the words 'monster', 'broken', and I'm tired of it." There was a distinct thread of bitterness in his voice. Labeling Jan with eother of those words was hard for Horace - it meant admitting he loved a broken thing, a monster, something not quite human. "I don't need a success story, Melvin, I just want something , anything that's given to me." He watched Melvin's gun move down to point at his throat. Suddenly, things clicked into place in his head. He tamped down on the anger that surged through him at the thought. He didn't think Melvin and Jan were anything alike, and didn'y know Rin. Horace breathed out shallowly. "I'm not Rin. And you're not Jan, Melvin," he said softly. He didn't think Melvin was really going to shoot him, not here and now, when they had to focus. But nerves still skittered along his skin and his muscles bunched uncomfortably. Horace closed his eyes. It felt like slime. Cool, and dripping, it moved across his shield and healed it. He cracked open an eye, a smile ghosting across his face. "Thanks," he said, and darted past him to land a glancing blow on the clone. HP: 28/40 DMG: 2 CHG: 3/3
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MoonKitsune rolled 2 10-sided dice:
5, 1
Total: 6 (2-20)
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Posted: Thu May 14, 2015 8:31 pm
He stared at where Horace was, his back turned unwisely to them all as he tried to sort thought his thoughts but it wasn't any use and he reached up to rub his eyes under his glasses before combing his hair back with his hands. After a shuttered breathe, he turned around towards Jan.
"He doesn't love you. You want to be with him. You don't want to fix him." He wasn't eloquent or wordy, simple processing the barest facts for what were given to him. Barest because that's all he had and knew. He didn't know anything and he kept feeling that as close as he thought he were to these people's lives, he wasn't at all.
He didn't know anyone.
He rose his weapon bit wasn't focused anymore as he should have been. "Why do you want to hurt yourself? Isn't hoping he will love you hoping he gets fixed?"
Glistening eyes looked at the corners to Horace beside him. "Do you want to let yourself get hurt for what might be nothing? Don't you think your feelings are worth more?"
Did Horace want to let himself get harmed for someone who couldn't match up?
HP: 25/50 Chrg: 0/3 NO PROBS BRO Quote: Jan clone: HP: 40/40 Autodamage: +5 when attacking (even if not successful) No damage is done and HP regenerates after each attack. An attack of 10+ will remove one limb. Limbs: 2/2
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The Semblance of Unity rolled 8 4-sided dice:
1, 4, 2, 2, 2, 3, 4, 4
Total: 22 (8-32)
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Posted: Thu May 14, 2015 8:42 pm
"It.. it's not fixing, ok? Jan said he'd be willing to try to learn, together. And I'm supposed to throw that away because everyone else says I should?" He ignored Melvin's glossy eyes, trying to get his charge to focus. The spark leapt up from his tekkos as normal, but... {protect yourself, first, horace. why do you try to save those who would distract you?} Dr. Jannisari hissed into his mind as the spark fizzled and died. She didn't understand, although in a different way than Melvin did not. He almost rubbed his hands over his face before realizing he could take an eye out. He barked out a short laugh, the corners of his mouth turning down. "Worth something? What have I ever done to be worth anything?" Horace tucked an errant strand of his hair behind one ear. "I don't deserve anything, Melvin. And so, if nothing happens, that's that. But if he can, if he does... isn't t-that worth everything?' Horace concentrated on the way the clone moved and how it wasn't quite the same, concentrated on keeping his breath from hitchinig painfully in his chest. HP: 28/40 DMG: CHG: 0/3
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MoonKitsune rolled 2 10-sided dice:
5, 5
Total: 10 (2-20)
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Posted: Fri May 15, 2015 3:59 am
"Is it worth your happiness? Is it worth your body? Is it worth loosing my only friend?" He turned and moved past Horace to fire againt, but the clone wasn't phased after all this time.
"I want to say no, but I'm not you. I just want to have you around, unharmed. I may not know you and for as long and as close as I've spoken with Jan, I guess I don't know either of you. I've been reminded that I don't know anyone I've been with. I just don't want to loose you, to take the same path as her and wind up lost and podded."
He swallowed hard and it sounded too loud in the soft shuffling inside the pit.
"What would you call someone who hurts those around them that only show them love and kindness? Emotiinally.....physically?" He stepped back as he was hit back. "Wouldn't you call someone like that a monster? When they couldn't return those feelings and only took and took?"
HP: 20/50 Chrg: 1/3 NO PROBS BRO Quote: Jan clone: HP: 40/40 Autodamage: +5 when attacking (even if not successful) No damage is done and HP regenerates after each attack. An attack of 10+ will remove one limb. Limbs: 2/2
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The Semblance of Unity rolled 2 8-sided dice:
4, 4
Total: 8 (2-16)
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Posted: Fri May 15, 2015 4:59 am
"Worth my happiness? He is my happiness." It was sappy; it was trite, and Horace knew it. But in the time they'd had before... in the times when Jan had lied, Horace had been happy. An maybe he was lying now, but he'd said he wanted to try and maybe that was enough. "You're my friend, too, Melvin, but I... I just want to be happy like before." Before, when he'd felt like he didn't have to try and be someone he wasn't around Jan, when... He wondered, for a moment, about Melvin's 'podded' comment - had Rin been podded before? Maybe that was why Melvin felt so strongly about it. He swallowed at Melvin's questions, moving in uncomfortably close to the clone. It was horrible that they had the same appearance, he thought. But up close, they smelled different, moved just a little differently, had a blank look in its eyes. The thought surface again that Jan had looked like that before - just a bit, around the eyes - and he resolutely squashed it back down. "They're not a monster if they try to love and they still can't. Jan... Jan and America both said that I only got what I deserved. And Jan, at least, he said he'd try. How am I supposed to demand more? How am I supposed to stand over him like judge and jury?" It was hard to organize the thoughts tripped around in his head, to flatten them out and speak clearly. Horace's mouth felt like it was full of mud. His hand went up and pressed againt the scar on his chest. Even through the layers of clothing he wore, he could feel it: rasied scar tissue. A reminder. HP: 23/40 DMG: 2 CHG: 1/3
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MoonKitsune rolled 2 10-sided dice:
9, 9
Total: 18 (2-20)
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Posted: Fri May 15, 2015 5:57 am
Before.
He could understand the fondness of "before," "I can understand wanting things like they were." He wanted so much to go back when Rin was in her body. When she was here and they were joking about Twitter gossip and where they could text and he'd get a response. He missed shared warmth and the naive mindset that THIS, what was, had some guarantee of continuing without interruption.
But that couldn't be that way. While he wanted to continue, was fighting to bring her back in what feeble ways a person like him could manage, once she came back - he couldn't allow it to be the same. He wanted her happy and being happy and health couldn't exist with him near her and in her life, it would happen again and then what was all this for?
But Horace spoke again and Melvin turned, gun slowly lowering as he stares, wide-eyed as if he saw a phantom - which was true. A ghost of Rin from his memory that spoke again, repeating to him calmly among their many fights where all he wanted to know was why she could love a person like him who never could measure up to someone as strong or with more sexual liberation as Rep or anyone else who peacocked their bedroom abilities on Twitter.
And she would always say, softly and exasperated, that she never wanted those other people. She wanted him. He made her happy.
This is what Horace felt. This is what Rin felt. Despite pleas and warnings and what might happen, they were only happy despite every logical sign they shouldn't be.
He looked away, a restrained frown and a settling resignation. "Jan... Is lucky to have you then. If you think that is the only way, then I hope you can make it. I... Just want you to be happy." And with that, he knew Horace would not last in his life long. He would be gone - unless Jan was strong enough to save him. He could only hope Jan would be more capable than he was.
As for him, how successful had Rin been in showing him love? Far more successful than he wished and he had hoped she wouldn't have been. Just not as successful as she probably hoped for and it was that among many other things that kept him up at night.
Despite his conviction to not let it get to him and trying to convince himself to separate himself quickly by detaching his emotional ties with Horace, he could only feel a crushing lossthat Horace was running into the maws of destruction and that he would see it and be helpless as he had been before. That his track record would continue.
He felt himself shaking as he rose Saliva up and fired. "...you're going to leave like her."
HP: 15/50 Chrg: 2/3 Quote: Jan clone: HP: 40/40 Autodamage: +5 when attacking (even if not successful) No damage is done and HP regenerates after each attack. An attack of 10+ will remove one limb. Limbs: 1/2 LIMB ONE OFF!!!
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The Semblance of Unity rolled 2 8-sided dice:
6, 5
Total: 11 (2-16)
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Posted: Fri May 15, 2015 6:35 am
'I just want you to be happy.' Well, ********, he thought. Him too. Horace wished he could forget everything that happened in the cave and be happy with the lies and 'I love you's and everything he'd accepted before. Now he only wanted Jan's truths and he knew that when Jan came back it was going to hurt. He knew that he probably wasn't goign to succeed in anything at all, but he held onto his hope like it was a small, frightened bird. And he was careful, so careful not to crush it. He shot Melvin an almost exasperated glance. "I'm not Rin, Melvin. I'm not going to go off somewhere where I can't be found - no one would try to bring me back, anyway." A breath whuffled out of him into the air. If he was gone - who would really care? Horace knew the reasons America, Taym, and Peyton had come to that cave, and not one of them had anything to do with him, not really. They'd wanted Jan's head on a silver platter, had been waiting in the wings like an overzealous understudy praying the lead actor would trip. Horace had been nothing more than their cue. No, if he disappeared, there'd be a minor outcry, Jan would be questioned and then no one would care. "You, the man who's workiing so diligently, so hard, and for such a long time to bring Rin back... Are you telling me not to even try?" HP: 18/40 DMG: 5 CHG: 2/3
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MoonKitsune rolled 2 10-sided dice:
7, 2
Total: 9 (2-20)
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Posted: Fri May 15, 2015 6:38 am
(Posting rp limb removal in this post cause - :I )
He gritted his teeth and glared at the other man. "I'D CARE!" He said, whipping around to turn on him. "I'd care if you left! I'd find you. I'd find wherever you are and bring you back! Just like her!" He couldn't believe that Horace felt that way. "Why does everyone feel so quick to dismiss people here? Why are we all acting like just cause we're in this s**t life means we shouldn't be trying to work together? To help keep each other ali - " He flinched as he neared something. "..here."
He made a motion, a hand to grab Horace's arm, but stopped as he looked at his own hand and Horace's arm. He pulled it back and looked at him. "If you leave.......if I'm still here.....I'll bring you back." He'd bring Horace back just as he would bring Rin back. There were doors now. Doors that Rin told him to find. Doors to bring people like her and Horace home. The good people. The people who loved even monsters.
Instde of touching him, he held his hands on either side, before he held his gun up to his chest, touching it with his other hand. "I'm not strong, Horace. I never was. I know that means what I'm saying doesn't weight much, and I'm not the type of person who can protect you." He couldn't protect anyone. Letting anyone believe that was a mistake.
"But I'd still care. Even if I don't know you. Even if I don't know Jan. You're the only friend I've really got in this place." The only one he felt would notice if he left.
Rep was gone. Jordan was occupied with his own troubles and Melvin always felt the man's mind was on his ex'es anyways. Noah had Al apparently and he was just a passing assistant in the garden anyways. He only just met Shu but she was too sweet and naive to be weighted down by a horrible person like himself.
Horace was the only one he had hanged around with since Rep. Saying he was a friend might have been a mistake seeing as he seemed to know just as little about Horace's feelings and loyalties as Rep showed, but he still needed to have some anchor here. Something to feel connected with now that Jan was away.
He turned to Jan this time. The gate he had been looking for. "You're not her, but you have her feelings. The same things you said - it reminds me a lot of her. If he has hurt you already, you can't tell me that it might not happen again." Then how would they find him? Not in the infirmary, but in the morgue. He'd lay against those cold walls again, watch them take the shelf out, and then it would be the incinerator. The body would be gone and then where would Horace go? Would he need a new door too?
"You can try. You can try as hard as you can, and if you fail. I'll bring you back."
He moved to Jan, a straight line, and he reached out, grabbing it with his free hand. It lashed and struggled out, clawing and punching against his shield as it whittled away bit by bit. "I'LL BRING EVERYONE BACK!" He said, calling over the noise of the creature and his own struggled breathes. He pointed the gun against the clone, pressing the barrel against its shoulder. Just like the horsemen. Just weaken it down. Immobilize it.
He fired and a limb blew off, flopping to the ground as it bleed out and dripped on the ground, He was thrown back, and landed on his back, but sat up again to fire. The creature leaped on him, but the blast threw it back.
Staggering back down, it now looked more like Jan. It looked a bit more like Rin. It looked a bit more comforting now.
It stood there, dripping matter down the side of its uniform.
He panted there on the ground, Saliva crackling with energy and panic.
YOU IDIOT! YOU ARE GOING TO DIE BEFORE YOU EVEN ACCOMPLISH ANYTHING!
No.....not yet.
HP: 10/50 Chrg: 3/3 Quote: Jan clone: HP: 40/40 Auto damage: +5 when attacking (even if not successful) No damage is done and HP regenerates after each attack. An attack of 10+ will remove one limb. Limbs: 1/2
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The Semblance of Unity rolled 2 8-sided dice:
7, 3
Total: 10 (2-16)
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Posted: Fri May 15, 2015 6:44 am
Horace was stunned by Melvin's shout. He hadn't expected that, not after the censure, the 'you'll end up like her's. "Thank you," he said quietly, and opened his mouth to say more but it was swallowed in the wet thud that was one of the clone's limb severing, sliding to the floor. How funny, he thought, that he'd somehow expected them to bleed a different color. He had gotten too used to fear creatures, maybe - their sticky, ichor blood, black and thick. Horace gagged and swallowed against the bile that rose in his throat. "Thank you, Melvin," he said again. "-my friend. Even if I am a lost cause." And he figured that maybe that was why America stopped poking at him on twitter: she'd labeled him as a lost cause and maybe she was right. Either that, or she'd simply gotten bored. ********, he wished Taym would get bored. The damn man seemed to lurk in the corners just to pop up at the 'right' times. He darted forward, ignoring the sick lurch in his belly. It wasn't Jan, he reminded himself. It was a copy, a cardboard cutout, a fake. The things hissed in pain as he buried his tekkos in its side. As Jannisari chattered in his head about the humours of the body and blood, Horace wondered how exactly much blood it would take to cover up the light from her runes. The clone shoved him back, catching him around the face with a vicious punch. He stumbled, nearly tripping over Melvin's legs. Horace looked over at the other hunter, panting with exertion. "What will you do" He swallowed. "You can't bring everyone back; what will you do?"HP: 13/40 DMG: 4 CHG: 3/3
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MoonKitsune rolled 10 4-sided dice:
2, 3, 1, 3, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 1
Total: 30 (10-40)
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Posted: Fri May 15, 2015 9:48 am
He got up, rising from where he had fallen to look at Horace. "I'd die trying. I'd right that mistake." The mistake of good people dying so people like him who didn't change things, who needed their protection while failing to protect, could live. That wasn't how survival should work. That wasn't how making the group stronger should work. That wasn't how justice, karma, or whatever system of the universe anyone followed should work.
The world wasn't right until those he loved were back to live and, like Horace, do what they wanted to do to be happy.
He watched as the limb moved, twisting and trashing as it tried to make it's way to it's host. The Lifer moved, grabbing the arm that twisted and tried to grab him despite no body to tell it what to do.
Moving, he threw the arm at Horace to catch. "Keep it. We don't want it to take it back." He called, not wanting their work to go up in smoke. He was beyond exhausted and didn't know how long he could last.
Turning, he pressed the gun barrel against his chest and fired, sending a fresh wave of fear into his shield. "I'll handle this Jan." He called to him, walking over to the bleeding clone. With each step, the blood that had been in a pool on the ground was moving alongside him, trying to make it's way back the clone.
Melvin cut it off, stepping into it as he approached the Jan. The clone was his. He would not let it get away. He would not let her down. Their chance down.
He would get his gate and bring it to her. Make it right.
HP: 38/50 Chrg: 3/3 Healin Self!! Quote: Jan clone: HP: 40/40 Autodamage: +5 when attacking (even if not successful) No damage is done and HP regenerates after each attack. An attack of 10+ will remove one limb. Limbs: 1/2
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