What have I forgotten?
Blessing of the Hopeful
"Mama?" asked the stressor, smashing a clumsy handful of building blocks against the woman's leg.
The woman stared at a place on the wall and made no indication that she acknowledged the stressor's existence.
"Mama?" asked the stressor, pressing a stuffed rabbit against the woman's arm.
The woman stared at a place on the wall and made no indication that she acknowledged the stressor's existence.
"Mama?" asked the stressor, pushing a book into the woman's lap.
"What?" the woman responded, pushing the book away from her. She looked at the stressor with lost, tired eyes and still couldn't make anything make sense.
The woman stared at a place on the wall and made no indication that she acknowledged the stressor's existence.
The little girl picked up the book and looked at the cover. It looked a lot like the night sky.
This was what made mama talk to her.
Blessing of the Voice
"Daddy?"
He smiled down at the little girl, but the smile didn't reach the sadness in his eyes. She said she felt like this had been a mistake. He felt a lot like she didn't love him now, not after...
"Daddy? Can we play 'science man' when you get home from work?"
('Science man' involved a lot of pouring milk into water into orange juice, just to see what would happen. Alone.)
"Sure, sweetie. If daddy isn't too tired."
(Work involved a lot of pouring chemical a into chemical b at the requisite ratio, diluting it, then testing it, typically failing, and trying all over again. It was always tiring.)
She said she felt like this had been a mistake, and sometimes he found himself thinking it too.
Mimsy couldn't hear it, but she could see it through the love that faded in his eyes.
Blessing of the Chosen
She was not much of an adventurer, preferring the enclosure of a little room with a lot of books and science and distractions, but she knew the forest well.
She knew the right paths, the best places to hide, the trees to climb to find what she was looking for.
She remembered, most importantly, how to not be afraid of him.
And she would have to forget all of it.
"I can't come to see you again," she said, hands clasped behind her back. "...ev...er..."
Her brows furrowed and she frowned, staring at the ground as if the recited words had finally begun to sink in this time.
"I am too old to speak to things that are not real - even if I am sure that they are. I have been informed that imaginary friends are no longer 'cute' at 'my age'. I apologize."
She ground the toe of her shoe into the ground, making a hole that reached the dirt beneath the damp, rotting leaves.
"But, um. Thank you."
When she left the forest behind, she pushed the thoughts of the right paths and the places to hide and the trees to climb to the back of her mind, where it would be replaced by homework and science fairs. She would do her best to find someone else to rely on, even if it was just herself, soothed with the assurance that she was old enough to handle the challenges presented to her on her own.
Most importantly, she would forget how to not be afraid of him.
Blessing of the Gifted
"I will join you," she spoke up, collecting her notes, explaining in the next breath that this was the same path that she'd always taken. A path towards uncovering the truth.
"Truth ain't power and the events are already unfolded. Give it up." Dakota said to her, shrugging.
"But there is truth to be found in the past," She began, tilting her head towards him. She explained with patience how her science would not be a science at all if not for attention paid to the things of the past, that many of the stars we see are already gone, that everything her world was built on was created by theories and formulas, all in the past.
And they went back and forth and back and forth, analogies and annoyance, everything she might have expected in an argument with someone from this place, until:
"...if you're so keen on taking the next portal out...I'll be sure to tell Kostya and take care of him while you're out finding the 'truth'."
She froze, grip tightening around her papers until they began crinkling audibly.
"Dakota." Her tone was as rigid as she was, now devoid of any amusement. "I still intend to hold up my end of our bargain, but-" Her voice cracked, and she took a deep breath before continuing. "You will not touch him. This is about me. Not him."
"And how do you think Kostya will be when his only friend here, the only person he trust goes off to god knows where?"
Her body surged with anxiety and disgust when he tapped her chin and tilted her head up.
"I'd think in the pursuit of knowledge, you'd take the consequences of your actions as well. You leave, you leave Kostya. You leave Kostya and he's left with the rest of us hunters, And with the rest of his hunters...when you return do you think he'll be the same?"
He lingered there, even after he stopped talking, in that bubble of way-too-close and please-get-away until he did something that she never could have accounted for.
A kiss, pressed forcefully against her lips. It was not chaste or delicate in the slightest and it seemed full of an intent that she didn't understand, and it infuriated her that he would even think that he could do that, and actually doing it was so far out of her charted possibilities that she could no longer retain her composure.
"Why did you do that? Do you really think I would let feelings change my mind?" She spat the bitter words from her mouth and wasn't sure if she was sickened more by the idea that she appeared so feeble-minded or the idea that she appeared capable of any feelings at all.
"Because I can." Dakota snorted at her.
She hated this <******** awful place and almost everyone in it, but especially hated him, because he thought he could just take everything he wanted from her. When everything she had was carefully guarded, all excess discarded over the walls she had built, each thing that remained was important.
And he'd taken something from her that she could never get back.
So she would take something of his and ensure that the circumstances were the same.
Blessing of the Strong
"Hey!" she called to him, realizing in the next instant that she didn't remember his name. Or...hers...which was much more concerning. "Why'd you leave in such a hurry?"
She reached to take his hand and gave him an encouraging smile.
"I..." He shrugged sheepishly, face pulling into the most awkward, sheepish half-smile half-grimace known to man. "Am not knowing?"
"Oh," she said, sighing in relief. "Well, I'm glad that it wasn't because of something that I did that I couldn't remember, at least. But you not knowing either means we're on the same page."
She smiled again, patting his hand.
"We'll get this figured out, okay? Don't worry!" She leaned forward to give him an assuring little kiss on the cheek. It just seemed like the right thing to do when in an upsetting situation with someone you were dating, even if she couldn't place why.
He yelped a little as she kissed him on the cheek, pulling away with an expression akin to a gaping fish. "Nyet," he said, waving his hands in front of him. "Nyet, no touch, cannot-"
He tried to hide that he was trying to wipe the kiss off of his cheek.
She tried to hide that she was hurt when her best efforts were met with a negative reaction.
Sweet Sorrow
She pushed the scissors into its chest, over and over, digging away at that useless material that covered its heart. It was a great deal of work to move all of that nonsense out of the way, that worthless, rubbery, fleshlike...
Nothing else remained. Only the Heart.
She removed it. It stopped beating.
Watchful
She saw Robert nearby, but thought that passive-aggressively pretending not to notice him until he noticed her was her best option in this situation, so that was exactly what she did.
Or would do, for as long as she could stand it.
Friendship
She scoured what she could remember in search of a song, of anything that might even be somewhat indicative of one, but nothing surfaced. It belatedly occurred to her that she had never thought to ask, only followed and listened. She was quick to defend herself to...herself (which made a lot more sense when the fact that there were several of her rattling around in her head) with the recognition that it was not her job to remember the songs, it was the B...why was she thinking of him?
"I'm sorry. I don't remember."
She didn't want to think about songs any more.
Lonely Spirits
She knew that she could not exist in this world if she had to exist in it alone.
Cold Heart
Her hair was pretty. Her skin was still pale, still so close to white. It looked especially colorless against the necklace.
A lock over her heart.
Yeah, she thought. Seemed right.
Blessing of the Hopeful
"Mama?" asked the stressor, smashing a clumsy handful of building blocks against the woman's leg.
The woman stared at a place on the wall and made no indication that she acknowledged the stressor's existence.
"Mama?" asked the stressor, pressing a stuffed rabbit against the woman's arm.
The woman stared at a place on the wall and made no indication that she acknowledged the stressor's existence.
"Mama?" asked the stressor, pushing a book into the woman's lap.
"What?" the woman responded, pushing the book away from her. She looked at the stressor with lost, tired eyes and still couldn't make anything make sense.
The woman stared at a place on the wall and made no indication that she acknowledged the stressor's existence.
The little girl picked up the book and looked at the cover. It looked a lot like the night sky.
This was what made mama talk to her.
Blessing of the Voice
"Daddy?"
He smiled down at the little girl, but the smile didn't reach the sadness in his eyes. She said she felt like this had been a mistake. He felt a lot like she didn't love him now, not after...
"Daddy? Can we play 'science man' when you get home from work?"
('Science man' involved a lot of pouring milk into water into orange juice, just to see what would happen. Alone.)
"Sure, sweetie. If daddy isn't too tired."
(Work involved a lot of pouring chemical a into chemical b at the requisite ratio, diluting it, then testing it, typically failing, and trying all over again. It was always tiring.)
She said she felt like this had been a mistake, and sometimes he found himself thinking it too.
Mimsy couldn't hear it, but she could see it through the love that faded in his eyes.
Blessing of the Chosen
She was not much of an adventurer, preferring the enclosure of a little room with a lot of books and science and distractions, but she knew the forest well.
She knew the right paths, the best places to hide, the trees to climb to find what she was looking for.
She remembered, most importantly, how to not be afraid of him.
And she would have to forget all of it.
"I can't come to see you again," she said, hands clasped behind her back. "...ev...er..."
Her brows furrowed and she frowned, staring at the ground as if the recited words had finally begun to sink in this time.
"I am too old to speak to things that are not real - even if I am sure that they are. I have been informed that imaginary friends are no longer 'cute' at 'my age'. I apologize."
She ground the toe of her shoe into the ground, making a hole that reached the dirt beneath the damp, rotting leaves.
"But, um. Thank you."
When she left the forest behind, she pushed the thoughts of the right paths and the places to hide and the trees to climb to the back of her mind, where it would be replaced by homework and science fairs. She would do her best to find someone else to rely on, even if it was just herself, soothed with the assurance that she was old enough to handle the challenges presented to her on her own.
Most importantly, she would forget how to not be afraid of him.
Blessing of the Gifted
"I will join you," she spoke up, collecting her notes, explaining in the next breath that this was the same path that she'd always taken. A path towards uncovering the truth.
"Truth ain't power and the events are already unfolded. Give it up." Dakota said to her, shrugging.
"But there is truth to be found in the past," She began, tilting her head towards him. She explained with patience how her science would not be a science at all if not for attention paid to the things of the past, that many of the stars we see are already gone, that everything her world was built on was created by theories and formulas, all in the past.
And they went back and forth and back and forth, analogies and annoyance, everything she might have expected in an argument with someone from this place, until:
"...if you're so keen on taking the next portal out...I'll be sure to tell Kostya and take care of him while you're out finding the 'truth'."
She froze, grip tightening around her papers until they began crinkling audibly.
"Dakota." Her tone was as rigid as she was, now devoid of any amusement. "I still intend to hold up my end of our bargain, but-" Her voice cracked, and she took a deep breath before continuing. "You will not touch him. This is about me. Not him."
"And how do you think Kostya will be when his only friend here, the only person he trust goes off to god knows where?"
Her body surged with anxiety and disgust when he tapped her chin and tilted her head up.
"I'd think in the pursuit of knowledge, you'd take the consequences of your actions as well. You leave, you leave Kostya. You leave Kostya and he's left with the rest of us hunters, And with the rest of his hunters...when you return do you think he'll be the same?"
He lingered there, even after he stopped talking, in that bubble of way-too-close and please-get-away until he did something that she never could have accounted for.
A kiss, pressed forcefully against her lips. It was not chaste or delicate in the slightest and it seemed full of an intent that she didn't understand, and it infuriated her that he would even think that he could do that, and actually doing it was so far out of her charted possibilities that she could no longer retain her composure.
"Why did you do that? Do you really think I would let feelings change my mind?" She spat the bitter words from her mouth and wasn't sure if she was sickened more by the idea that she appeared so feeble-minded or the idea that she appeared capable of any feelings at all.
"Because I can." Dakota snorted at her.
She hated this <******** awful place and almost everyone in it, but especially hated him, because he thought he could just take everything he wanted from her. When everything she had was carefully guarded, all excess discarded over the walls she had built, each thing that remained was important.
And he'd taken something from her that she could never get back.
So she would take something of his and ensure that the circumstances were the same.
Blessing of the Strong
"Hey!" she called to him, realizing in the next instant that she didn't remember his name. Or...hers...which was much more concerning. "Why'd you leave in such a hurry?"
She reached to take his hand and gave him an encouraging smile.
"I..." He shrugged sheepishly, face pulling into the most awkward, sheepish half-smile half-grimace known to man. "Am not knowing?"
"Oh," she said, sighing in relief. "Well, I'm glad that it wasn't because of something that I did that I couldn't remember, at least. But you not knowing either means we're on the same page."
She smiled again, patting his hand.
"We'll get this figured out, okay? Don't worry!" She leaned forward to give him an assuring little kiss on the cheek. It just seemed like the right thing to do when in an upsetting situation with someone you were dating, even if she couldn't place why.
He yelped a little as she kissed him on the cheek, pulling away with an expression akin to a gaping fish. "Nyet," he said, waving his hands in front of him. "Nyet, no touch, cannot-"
He tried to hide that he was trying to wipe the kiss off of his cheek.
She tried to hide that she was hurt when her best efforts were met with a negative reaction.
Sweet Sorrow
She pushed the scissors into its chest, over and over, digging away at that useless material that covered its heart. It was a great deal of work to move all of that nonsense out of the way, that worthless, rubbery, fleshlike...
Nothing else remained. Only the Heart.
She removed it. It stopped beating.
Watchful
She saw Robert nearby, but thought that passive-aggressively pretending not to notice him until he noticed her was her best option in this situation, so that was exactly what she did.
Or would do, for as long as she could stand it.
Friendship
She scoured what she could remember in search of a song, of anything that might even be somewhat indicative of one, but nothing surfaced. It belatedly occurred to her that she had never thought to ask, only followed and listened. She was quick to defend herself to...herself (which made a lot more sense when the fact that there were several of her rattling around in her head) with the recognition that it was not her job to remember the songs, it was the B...why was she thinking of him?
"I'm sorry. I don't remember."
She didn't want to think about songs any more.
Lonely Spirits
She knew that she could not exist in this world if she had to exist in it alone.
Cold Heart
Her hair was pretty. Her skin was still pale, still so close to white. It looked especially colorless against the necklace.
A lock over her heart.
Yeah, she thought. Seemed right.
