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 Posted: Sun Feb 19, 2012 9:32 pm
I guess I am not sure of what to say... My fiance lives in canada and i am american... I move around a lot but currently live with my older sister who has a two year old girl. I see my fiance a couple times a year... for valentines day he sent me money so i bought chinease food. On valentines day I got called about a house sitting/cleaning job and jumped at the chance to make money... my sister works so i watch over my niece i had to take my niece with me to this job witch is ok because the person knows my sister and my niece and loves them... i left my valentines food at my sisters place not realizing how long i would be gone that and with my sister always butting into my conversations and making me nervouce and afraid i couldn't think clearly and be like "Hey she wont eat this i should taker it" well she actually ate some complained and ate it... then threw the rest away after i practically begged her not too... i know it sounds stupid but i dont ask her for nothing and i give her all i can. I am the kinda person who wont express my issues i hate confrintation and my sister is a big mean woman who as a child beat me and made me miserable and to this day scares me... why am i living with a woman like this you may wonder... well because i am trying to help her with my niece... but i am practically raising the child with out the rights to properly disapline her....
Oh goodness i think i might have typed to much...
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Posted: Thu Feb 23, 2012 6:57 pm
Hello. It's nice to have you here. I hope you find it to be as helpful as we all have so far. And trust me, in this guild, there is no such thing as typing too much!
It sucks that you're so far away from your fiance. I don't know what i would do if I had to move away from my guy or vice versa. He keeps me sane. It is really hard living with family. I know that from personal experience. It really complicated things. My best advice would be to, if you're able to, save up and try moving in either with your fiance or to your own place. It can really ruin a family relationship to have such strong issues like that going unresolved.
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Posted: Thu Feb 23, 2012 7:00 pm
So I applied for some jobs today. I met with the manager of one of the places and he really seemed to like me. He said as long as I show up with another reference then I'll be put in with the other couple of applicants and if I get call within 72 hours, then I get a second interview. I'm terrified as hell and actually had to work through a few panic attacks but I know this is the best thing for me. I'm having a birthday soon and I'm really feeling like I should be doing something with myself, instead of sitting in my apartment all day, too scared to live my life. I am completely petrified but at least if I fail, I can say I tried. But I have a pretty good feeling. I'm excited as well. Since we'll have more money. We'd be able to get a house and start settling down, have the wedding we want instead of the cheap one since we're poor. Other than that, life is still the same. Sitting at home, doing chores and watching Netflix. Gaia kind of became an nuisance for abit so I took a small break. Not on as much as before but every now and again. Most of the people on here don't have anything to say that interests me. Haven't heard from a lot of you guys in while...It's very lonely without ya'll. Just letting you know that you are missed! Hope you're doing okay out there in the world.
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Posted: Sat Feb 25, 2012 2:47 pm
I got diagnosed with ptsd... Yay... I don't know how to feel about that.... Excuse me while I cope to another illness. With alll my issues you would think I could get disability...
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Posted: Wed Feb 29, 2012 4:23 am
I am not sure what to do... on one hand living with my sister makes me miserable on the other if i leave i may never see my niece again. My sister is cruel and I am trying to leave but it is hard because my niece is only two and i love her so very much and she is the reason i moved in to start with...
My sister has no recpect for me or my stuff and the things we said we would do we aren't doing. I am her on call baby sistter here to do the things she wants me to do with out any growth of my own. but she doesn't realize that I can always leave i have a few other people i could go live with. I get offers all the time but I always turn them down because i am trying to help my sister instead i am being used and abused. My stress levels are threw the roof.
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Posted: Wed Feb 29, 2012 6:11 pm
I am so angry and frustraited and just generally ticked off right now. I have been helping a friend with some house work stuff off and on for a couple weeks and this week i am helping prepair for a yard sell. Things happened very last minute but I am glad for the work and to be out of my sisters place. I stopped by the appaerment tonight to pick up some stuff because everything happened so last minute and i didn't have time to go home and gather my things. Apparently while I was gone the she decided to "clean". Her idea of clean and mine are different. Her idea of clean was to shove all of MY stuff into the closet where I can't even get to it with out trying to kill myself. Now first off I don't have much stuff to start with and then she makes it where i can't even get to my things. No recpect for me or my things and you know what pretty soon i am gonna leave. I have recived another offer to move in with some one and its the best i have gotten so far. She wants to use me, she wants to disrecpect me and my things, she wants to make sure i have no life or freedoms. Well she will be so sorry when I leave her with the responsibilitys of raising her child her self.
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Posted: Sat Mar 10, 2012 8:13 pm
Busy busy busy. I just got back into posting on here. Been vending to kill time and anxiety mostly but now I am starting to miss the interacting with other users so I'm back to posting like crazy. I wish I could make a solid update but it's kind of late here and I've been up since early this morning. Definitely tomorrow I will bore you all with a complicated post about my mundane life.
I feel like you guys have all dropped off the face of Gaia. Hope you're all doing well in your lives.
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Posted: Tue Mar 13, 2012 6:32 pm
Pink Peppercorn Busy busy busy. I just got back into posting on here. Been vending to kill time and anxiety mostly but now I am starting to miss the interacting with other users so I'm back to posting like crazy. I wish I could make a solid update but it's kind of late here and I've been up since early this morning. Definitely tomorrow I will bore you all with a complicated post about my mundane life.
I feel like you guys have all dropped off the face of Gaia. Hope you're all doing well in your lives. I check out Gaia daily but don't post as often as I used to, and check this guild every now and then. Life's been alright for me lately, with more anxiety from school-related things than otherwise, which is good.
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Posted: Mon Mar 26, 2012 2:44 pm
Kinda starting to freak out right now. My friend is coming over tomorrow to spend a couple nights. I am getting super nervous and scared because I haven't done this kinda thing in at least 10 years. (not counting past relationships) Some how it seems different and more strange to have some one I am not in a relationship with spend the night than some one I am in a relationship with. I've known her for years but it's been a long time since we hung out and spent time together.... Actually the last time I actually got to spend time with her was around Christmas of 2008 we went and saw a movie... After that I moved to Texas.... I saw her a couple weeks ago but it wasn't for long so I don't really count it as spending any time together.... I feel pressured but I need this right now. Every one I live with is gone for a whole week so I am home alone and last night the silence and darkness started to get to me. I can handle being alone that's not the problem. I just don't like being alone at night.... I guess my fears are a bit of a contradiction I have a social phobia but don't like being alone. Lol some times I feel my head isn't screwed on the right way.... Like when you put a bottle cap on wrong and it leaks water still so you unscrew it and screw it back on.... I wish I could do that to my head some times....
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Posted: Sun Apr 15, 2012 11:13 am
I feel so terrible that I let both the guild & thread pretty much die. It wasn't intentional, I promise. Apparently the laziness I have been feeling is actually my depression kicking back in. It is literally a struggle just to get up and make food. That, coupled with my poor health lately, have made for a pretty lousy guild owner.
Here's the basic up-date : About a month ago, give or take a week, I was at work with my fiance. Everything was fine, I was chatting with the lady who answers the phones since she's really nice and we get along pretty well. I had an awful pain in my right side. I immediately went to appendicitis and started having an awful panic attack. My man left work to rush me to the hospital where they did a a bunch of tests. I found out I had kidney stones. It was awful, the most pain I have ever been in.
I'm still having random boughts of anxiety, which seem to come and go whenever. It is extremely frustrating seeing as they tend to happen when I'm out in public. I am literally afraid to leave my own apartment. It's bad. I am seriously considering taking medication at this point because I am almost at the end of my rope. I can't live in my house 24/7, it's just not normal. I guess we'll just see what happens.
Well I hope all of you guys are doing alright with yourselves.
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Posted: Tue Apr 17, 2012 10:20 pm
I have been having some panic attacks a lot the past couple of weeks for no real good reason. Because of how I am and where I live I now fear that anything I do will result in be getting kicked out not because they don't like me but because of just how I am. The woman I live with has three teenage sons and it's hard for me to deal with them at time... I am used to privacy but now I have to watch ever thing I do and make sure they aren't around if I want to talk to my fiance or something because as teenagers they are nosy... We are also having money issues which puts me and the woman I am living with under a strain. Another thing that is making things difficult is that the woman I live with takes sleep medication and soon after taking it she some times becomes a bit loopy or has conversations she wont remember in the morning which messes with me because a kid i used to have conversations with myself with people and even if I know I am over it, it still brings those memories up making me feel like i am crazy especially when she wants me sell something for her then in the morning she is like "Oh noooo Don't sell that why would you sell that?" Well cuz you told me too.
I am sick at the moment... Feeling like crap absolutely miserable...
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Posted: Thu Apr 19, 2012 4:57 pm
So I've got a community service presentation next Thursday. Shouldn't be hard to make the powerpoint. But I have to present in front of a few other people in my grade, along with some members of the community.
I'm going to have hell trying to get my mom not to go. I seriously cannot present with her in the room. I hate my parents seeing things I've done. They criticize everything and question me and I can't stand it. I'll panic if she's there. I'll be shaky.
I don't like presenting to begin with, but a few people I don't know is perfectly fine. A few people I know is alright. My family? Hell no.
I'm worrying over it even though I shouldn't. God, I've been craving self-harm so badly in order to calm down. I've been on edge enough that I have been using it, and very impulsively too--my OCD has me flip out when I go to shower thanks to my sister leaving her hair all over the bathroom floor and walls. EVERY SINGLE DAY. I've taken a habit of biting my arm (without thinking about it) when cleaning it all up, it causes some very nasty bruises and some bleeding...
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Posted: Fri Apr 27, 2012 12:07 pm
I'm sorry you're so miserable. I feel your pain. Random panic attacks have been hitting me as well.
Ugh, my mom used to do the same thing when she took sleeping medication. She'd be up, cooking, holding complete conversations with me. Then the next day she'd be pissed because the kitchen was a mess and thought it was because of me. When I would try to explain to her that she had indeed been awake, she'd swear I was lying to get out of trouble. It was bananas.
The privacy thing would drive me nuts. I'm very much a private person and to have someone else's kids all up in my business would irk me.
I know my reply is quite late and I hope things have improved a little since you posted this.
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Posted: Fri Apr 27, 2012 12:13 pm
If I calculated correctly, your presentation was yesterday. I meant to post sooner but a bunch of crap happened and I haven't been feeling my best.
What was the presentation about? How did it go?
I remember having to do an oral report in my Medical Sciences class one year. My boyfriend at the time had that class with me and while I was scared about giving the report in front of the class, the fact that he was there made it a million times worse. I actually had to beg him to stay home from school that day so I could give it or else I would have failed. It was really weird. I guess I figured he's be overly critical, as opposed to the random kids that I could care less about.
I had a panic attack in my shower a few weeks ago and now every time I even go in my bathroom, I feel that fear all over again. It's really freaking weird. I'm all paranoid about taking a shower now. I'm basically forcing myself to do so.
I hate how people say, "Just get over it. Face your fear." I am at the point where I literally want to punch everyone that says that crap to me.
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Posted: Fri Apr 27, 2012 12:20 pm
Pink Peppercorn If I calculated correctly, your presentation was yesterday. I meant to post sooner but a bunch of crap happened and I haven't been feeling my best.
What was the presentation about? How did it go?
I remember having to do an oral report in my Medical Sciences class one year. My boyfriend at the time had that class with me and while I was scared about giving the report in front of the class, the fact that he was there made it a million times worse. I actually had to beg him to stay home from school that day so I could give it or else I would have failed. It was really weird. I guess I figured he's be overly critical, as opposed to the random kids that I could care less about.
I had a panic attack in my shower a few weeks ago and now every time I even go in my bathroom, I feel that fear all over again. It's really freaking weird. I'm all paranoid about taking a shower now. I'm basically forcing myself to do so.
I hate how people say, "Just get over it. Face your fear." I am at the point where I literally want to punch everyone that says that crap to me. Was last night. I was nervous as hell, my nail-picking got VERY bad and I nearly bit myself a few times because my mom was there. Now I'm nervous about getting shots--I've got very faint scars on my shoulder. I don't like or respect my mom at all, but she insisted on watching me present. It went fine. It was about required community service. My mom just tends to judge everything I do. I'm at the point where I ******** hate my sister. She sits next to me on the bus--close enough to touch me--and refuses to sit anywhere else. She leaves hair all over the bathroom. I can't tell you how many times I've cut or bitten over hair in the bathroom. I know I get incredibly angry and distressed at it. Plus, my dad's been making life s**t again lately. I'm just having a very bad time.
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