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 Posted: Sun Aug 22, 2010 10:06 pm
Well, we've been asked to give our opinions of your rp sample, Kay, so here goes.
While this isn't necessarily a bad rp sample, there is certainly room for improvement. It's all fine and well that you can list a lot of jutsus, but that doesn't necessarily mean that you're a good rp-er. In my mind if you only used a couple of abilities but described everything very well, and used the abilities in unique ways that would show more skill. Again, not a bad sample, but I don't know that it's good enough to deserve a demon personally. Sorry if I sound harsh sweatdrop
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Posted: Sun Aug 22, 2010 10:10 pm
Lance Fulgurant Well, we've been asked to give our opinions of your rp sample, Kay, so here goes. While this isn't necessarily a bad rp sample, there is certainly room for improvement. It's all fine and well that you can list a lot of jutsus, but that doesn't necessarily mean that you're a good rp-er. In my mind if you only used a couple of abilities but described everything very well, and used the abilities in unique ways that would show more skill. Again, not a bad sample, but I don't know that it's good enough to deserve a demon personally. Sorry if I sound harsh sweatdrop Well, my first thought was not to use many jutsu at all, seeing as everyone expects that, but I saw that it said that the demon itself uses strong offensive and defensive jutsu... so I thought that is the way to go. But seeing as how you are one of the authorities on Naruto I can kiss all my dreams of having Sanbi good bye... scream gonk stressed burning_eyes
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Posted: Sun Aug 22, 2010 10:15 pm
I'm hardly an authority on Naruto, but don't give up, just try and improve, what I would like to see is more powerful writing. I don't really know how to explain what powerful writing is exactly, but I guess you could say the difference between weak and powerful writing is how well it can draw on a persons emotions. When I read something that makes me feel some kind of emotion, that's the sign of a great rp-er, IMO.
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Posted: Sun Aug 22, 2010 10:17 pm
Well, seeing as how I know they won't let me try again, I'll just have to hope in vain that no one takes sanbi for THREE WEEKS... *****#@$%*$@#$@$#* (Very long swear here)
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Posted: Sun Aug 22, 2010 10:19 pm
Alright two things. One you didn't do the ninja types correctly. Look at the listings for them and you'll see what I mean. Two, Lance is right you could have added more description but it definitely wasn't horrible. Don't try to change it now. What I'm going to do is place this submission on standby and basically you are not accepted or declined at the moment. We will leave the Sanbi open for more applications for probably a week or so and if you still have the best application then you will be accepted.
Lance you did a pretty good job and considering the fact that you run a Naruto guild and have the experience I'm thinking you could make a vary good addition to the DON crew. You have the components to a great crew member. Patience, Intelligence, Skill, Experience and Diplomacy. If you would be willing to accept then we'd very much like to have you as a crew member.
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Posted: Sun Aug 22, 2010 10:22 pm
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Posted: Sun Aug 22, 2010 10:23 pm
Yeah Ik, I was going to redo that and I read that you wont accept even if I change so I forgot to edit lol
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Posted: Sun Aug 22, 2010 11:31 pm
Rpc Name: Yoruichi Shihōin
Rpc Element: Chakra...if I am to be the Kyuubi Host (Wind, Lightning)
Rpc Type: Speed/Taijutsu
Demon Apllying For: Kyuubi
Rp Sample:
Jade fell to the floor, unable to comprehend what was happening. All around her, her friends were dying in an onslaught of jutsu and weaponry, though nothing seemed to be aimed at her. Everyone was trying to protect her, the weakling who could do nothing. The enemy continued the hailstorm of techniques, all she could determine from them was a red and black mass. Something inside of her snapped, causing her anger to burst forth. Jade screamed aloud, grabbing her head as if to keep it from bursting. Her chest heaved with each breath she took, trying to calm herself somewhat. The blood was everywhere, on her, infront, around. It was almost as if her very vision was in blood. The whiskers on her face were tear-stained, running red with blood as well. This was a trademark from the monster that lived inside of her. Body after body fell as Jade ran through the streets of her beloved village So many people were fighting for her, and she couldn't fight back. No, not anymore. Her soul was made of anger, and nothing else. Hatred for the red and black robed men. Jade fell to the floor, clutching her head as she entered her mind.
A large cage stood before her, the bars and a seal only visible. Behind the cage, there was nothing but blackness. No, Jade knew better. She knew the monster dwelled here. The Kyuubi's eyes opened wide, his slanted, wry eyes. A large smile crept over his face as he laughed a menacing, deep angry laugh. "C'mon little girl, use my power to slay your enemies...." Jade needed no more beckoning than that. She reached out to the monster's cage, and ripped the seal off. With a terribly loud boom, the Kyuubi's chakra engulfed Jade. Outside of her mind, the world seemed to stop as a blast of red and orange chakra shot into the air, and Jade's scream issued forth. Her green eyes gave way to red, the whiskers on her face appearing more feral. Her nails grew to claws, as well as her teeth to fangs. Chakra began to wrap around her, starting from the crown of her head and moving down her body. She was on her hands and feet, looking much like a fox. Jade shot off into the distance, looking for the first robed man she could find. It wasn't long until she saw one, standing over a defenseless mother protecting her child. He had a katana in hand, and it was already poised to slice the woman. Jade gave the man no chance, and jumped at him, her fist cocking back and shooting out. Due to the chakra cloak and energy from the Kyuubi, she managed to send the man flying off of his feet, and into a nearby wall. The woman and her family ran off after the sight of Jade. The man rose quickly, and with an angry yell charged Jade.
She hadn't been expecting a quick retaliation, and was a tad slow on the reaction. The man swung his katana in a crescent fashion. Jade rose her arms in an 'x' taking the attack on her forearms. She grimaced as blood began to drip down her arms. Jade jumped backward, creating space between herself and the robed man. An odd itchy feeling caught Jade's attention making her look down at her arms. The shallow cut that she had received was already healing, which brought a smirk to her face. With that, Jade charged the man tackling him in the process. As they landed, the man's head connected with a rock, temporarily making his vision go black. Jade took that time to disarm him, and then continuously pound on his face with her enhanced strength. With each pound, her anger grew as flashbacks of her comrades dying, began slew like a batch of pigs before her very eyes. Jade screamed again, her voice piercing the night. The chakra of the Kyuubi began to bubble, and envelope her body even more. This time, she grew fox-like ears, and two tails that floated just off of her body. The chakra cloak was not attached to her though. After being able to what was left of the man, Jade set off to find the next monster of a man to defeat. She ran like a fox, running on her hands and feet through the village.
As she passed each bloodied body, hatred overwhelmed her. Another tail of chakra grew. Her eyes immediately took on a black-outlined look, and her incisors grew to an even sharper and larger size. Three tails of bubbling chakra hovered over as she ran. Then, as if on purpose, two of the tails lashed out, knocking aside a boulder that had been shot out at her. Jade turned her body and skidded to a stop, locating her next victim. The man grabbed a large scroll, and through it high into the air, and began to summon a barrage of kunai, shuriken, swords, axes, and any other pointy object you could think of. The tails lashed out once more, the three acting as a shield for Jade. The man created quick hand seals, and out shot a spear of earth from the ground. Jade planted both hands on the ground, and emitted a powerful roar, laced with chakra. The immediate area around her cracked and crumbled, and the spear was violently pushed backward, embedding itself into the wall just to the left of the man. One of her tails shot out at the man, wrapping around his body. It squeezed until a rib cracked, causing the man to shout in pain, which brought delight to Jade's face. The tail whipped in one direction, and the rapidly in the other, launching the man into a building, sending him straight through the outer wall. Jade hopped up against one wall, and pushed off of it, reaching the top of the roofs via wall jumping. The tails lashed out, and began to hammer the building the man had been hit into. Smoke rose and debris flew in multiple directions, until a shattering kick hit Jade squarely on the side of her head. The man had went around after being hit into the building, and in her rage, Jade could not see this. Her vision went black as soon as the hit connected, knocking her unconscious.
"Wake up! Kill them! Rip them to shreds! Grind their bones! Tear them limb from limb!" The rantings of the Kyuubi had awoken Jade, whose head was throbbing. "Get up you worthless girl! Remember their faces! Remember the blood, the guts, the ashes!" The Kyuubi's words brought a tirade of images to Jade's mind, her retinas forever scarred by them. Hundreds of bodies piled on to each other, kunai embedding bodies, limbs missing, heads lost. The remaining cloaked man had Jade slung over his shoulder, bound with rope. The hatred and anger that had been lost immediately sky rocketed, pushing Jade even further. In her mind, she slipped between the cracks, falling into the Kyuubi's grasp. Outwardly, the chakra of the Kyuubi began to cloak Jade, burning off pieces of her skin. The chakra burned the man's shoulder, causing him to drop Jade, and jump back a few feet. Jade crouched on the floor, her claws digging into the earth. The majority of her skin had melted off, giving way to black and red chakra that was continuously running over her body. Four tails of chakra grew from her, swishing through the air menacingly.
In reality, Jade's body was healing so fast that her life span was actually growing shorter. The cloaked man gasped in shock as Jade's Kyuubi face turned to him, nothing left of herself could be determined. If he had been a friend, and not a foe, Jade would have still attacked him. She lost herself when she slipped through the barrier, granted power but at the loss of self control. The man removed his cloak, and attempted to heal his shoulder via medical techniques. To his great dismay, nothing happened. The Kyuubi's chakra had greatly burned him, and it could not be healed so easily. In a fleeting attempt to save himself, the man created a clone, and high tailed it out of there. Jade was not going to give the man a chance, and immediately pounced on the clone, ending its short existence.
The cloaked man couldn't run very far with a broken rib, and thus it was easy for the Kyuubi Jade to catch up. She blindsided him, lunging out from the trees to his left. Her massive chakra paws pinned him down, holding down both of his shoulders. The man began to beg and cry for his mediocre life, which caused Jade to roar to the sky, and her tails to swipe, knocking over trees. Then, her tails lifted above her, and curled down. Chakra bubbled and began to collect, as well as Jade's very blood. The man screamed and struggled to free himself, only worsening his burns. Jade now had a basketball size chakra ball mixed with her own blood, and opened her maw wide. She swallowed the chakra ball, and inhaled deeply. The man continued screaming, even when she opened her mouth, and roared, the white light blinding him before the chakra blasted him into oblivion. Not only that, it created a large crated under and infront of her. Jade continued roaring, knocking down anything she could find.
It took awhile before Jade came to her senses, remembering who she was. From there, it was an issue of getting the Kyuubi back in his cage. The chakra began to slowly dissipate, revealing her badly burnt body. Despite the healing tendancies of the Kyuubi, Jade's skin was burnt, charred, and peeling in many places. She lay on the floor in utter pain, her chest painfully rising and falling with each desperate breath she took. It was awhile before anyone found her laying there, and rushed her to the hospital. It was days later when the whiskered girl awoke in the hospital, listening to the little beeps of the machines. In order to kill the monsters, Jade had become one herself. She vowed to learn to control the Kyuubi, in order to use it's endless power.
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Posted: Mon Aug 23, 2010 7:04 am
Rpc Name: Fuun Chiroku
Rpc Element: Wind [Primary] and Fire [Secondary]
Rpc Type: Taijutsu, Speed, Ability Control
Rp Sample:
”Where is he?! Damn that brat.” came the shouts of the shinobis as they frantically searched the mountains, leaping from one peak to another as they scanned the area. ”Tch.” cursed the leader as he bit his lip in frustration ”Given that he had a lead start, he could be anywhere by now. Fuun, where the hell are you? The village head is going to have my head if I don’t bring you back.” with a wave of his hand he then ordered the scouts to move on, seeing as how the area seemed to bare no traces of Fuun Chiroku, the mischievous little brother of the first Raikage, Ryuji Chiroku, and also the host of the Two-tailed Monster Cat, the Nibi. Thus the scouts moved on, both them and their leader growing more and more anxious by the hour. It was to be expected, given Fuun’s rather important place in both society and the military, it would be foolish for them to assume no one was bold enough to try and capture him. In fact, several kidnapping attempts have been thwarted over the past few months, so much so that they assumed Fuun was as safe as he could be. However, seeing as how they were now forced to dispatch a total of three search parties to find him, and have not yet done so, indicates their assumptions were unfounded.
Meanwhile, however, as the shinobis scrambled to find a trace of him. The Nibi host Fuun stopped to rest as he stood on top of one of the higher peaks in the area. Crouching as to make himself less visible, he chuckled as he looked at the barely visible figures of the shinobis as they jumped onto one mountain, and split up to cover more ground, only for them to regroup a few minutes later to repeat the entire process. ”Let’s see... my current record was one day.” spoke Fuun to himself, giggling as he did so ”But, seeing as how they haven’t even seen me yet. I may just beat my own record!” he yelled out as he jumped, before covering his own mouth to shut himself up. ”Whoops, better keep quiet. Wouldn’t want to--“ however, before he could even finish his sentence, a quick hit to the head knocked him out cold, as the wooden boomerang fell to the ground beside him with a thud. Walking over to his unconscious body, the band of rogues snickered tied him up and went off.
A half hour later, Fuun and the rogues were already nearing the borders of Kumogakure. A few more miles and they would be outside the borders, and tracking them down would prove even more difficult. The rogues knew this fact well, and they nodded to each other as they hastened their escape. Meanwhile, Fuun was still knocked out and was blissfully aware of the consequences of his foolish actions. It seemed as if the Nibi would successfully be stolen from Kumogakure, but then the rogues stopped as their sensor detected the fast oncoming chakra of the shinobi scouts. Realizing they were being assaulted from all sides, the rogue leader ordered his men to cut out a path through their ranks towards the exit, as he held on to Fuun’s still unconscious body. Like professionals, the rogues nodded and quickly attacked the weakest side of the oncoming attack wave. Utilizing their speed and dexterity, they quickly took out the weak shinobis before the stronger ones came along. Nodding to their leader, the rogues prepared to once again move, until Fuun’s body slowly stirred awake.
"It was five hours... just five more damn hours.” spoke Fuun ferociously as a fierce chakra started to leak out from him. Gritting his teeth, his chakra started to escalate even further, to the point that the rogue leader had to drop him to the ground out of instinctual fear. Kneeling on the ground, Fuun’s body became more and more enveloped in a shroud of blue chakra ”I was about to beat my damn record, until you jerks showed up. Do you have any idea how pissed off I am, right now!?” he roared as his chakra output spiked and he was covered in a blue shroud that seemed to be more akin to a fire than mere chakra. ”You know what, to hell with explaining! I’ll just show you myself!” just then, the flames morphed themselves into a giant two-tailed cat, its fur made of fire. It glared the leader down with its menacing eyes, one yellow, one green, and leapt at the man as he screamed for help. Seeing their leader killed in such a brutal way the rogues dispersed and this scouts chased after them. Soon enough, Fuun calmed down and returned to his normal self. When asked to apologize for his childish actions, he merely stuck out his tongue and ran off once more.
Demon Applying For: Nibi
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Posted: Mon Aug 23, 2010 7:44 am
@Jade - APPROVED!  @Dante - OMG!! YOU HAVE NO HEAD!! Approved! It seems you both know how these two demons work. Very well I might add. I have been watching all of the tailed demon episodes so I kinda now know how each of them act.
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Posted: Mon Aug 23, 2010 4:53 pm
Rpc Name: Cody Omega
Rpc Element: Wind Fire (If Demon Darkness)
Rpc Type: Ninjutsu, Speed
Demon Applying For: Hachibi
Rp Sample:
Cody was walking down the path as he did every day. He loved just seeing the peace of normal world with the way he has to live people messing with him since he got the dam demon. He does love having the demon at some times since he can use it power, but mostly he loses control and hurts people he loves. Cody was tired so he stopped and sat down in the shade of a large random tree. Cody was not that smart at the moment he was so tired that he did not see the ninja hiding in the leaves. He lied down to rest as the ninja jumped down and held him to the ground. Cody got pissed and quickly kicked the ninja causing him to go head first into the tree. Cody smiled as he jumped up and slid to a stop looking at the ninja you turned and looked at Cody all pissed.
Cody smiled as he pulled out his twin hooks that he loved so much and charged head first into the ninja's gut. The ninja spit up blood all over Cody's back. He Loved fighting when he needed to but he tried to not fight since almost every gets hurt. Cody had his left fist pulled back ready for an attack as he started to lose control over his demon he stumbled backwards trying to regain control over the demon.
Sadly he lost control and went into the first stage of the demon He was somewhat in control but the demon was able to convince him to do things he did not like. Cody was still stumbling back as he was changing his eyes turned green his skin turned darker his body size also changed increasing power. Chakra started emanating out of his body, a cloak and cephalopod arm-tails formed.
Cody smiled a bit as he charged at the ninja the second before he hit the ninja he became near as solid as a rock. He was using Charge of Recklessness he hit the ninja who flew back into the rocks near by which exploded into dust. Cody smiled as he turned back he opened wide before making hand sign. A large concentrated charka beam fired out at the ninja making him fall to the ground and die this attack was called Homicide blast.
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Posted: Mon Aug 23, 2010 4:56 pm
Declined. The length wasn't acceptable and the detail wasn't anything worthy of a demon.
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A City Of Fools Vice Captain
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Posted: Mon Aug 23, 2010 5:58 pm
Rpc Name: Cody Omega
Rpc Element: Wind Fire (If Demon Darkness)
Rpc Type: Ninjutsu, Speed
Demon Applying For: Hachibi
Rp Sample:
Cody walked into the building he hated doing solo mission but he had to since the kage ordered him to. He smiled as he did not see the needed stuff to finish the mission he had to kill some wild dog. He thought the dog was already dead, but as he turned to walk out a dog barked he turned just in time to flash a few hand sign and dark gloves engulfed his hand as he swung it at the dog causing him to fly back into the tin wall of the building. He smiled as he turned to walk out once more glad that this stupid mission was done. Then out of nowhere he heard a voice "Hey you meanie head you killed my dog" a little 10 year old boy walked out of the shadows. The kid turned to his buddy who was bigger then Cody him self. "Big brother attack him please" Cody jumped out of the rampaging kids way.
Cody smiled as he jumped back down to the ground level of the building. he was already a bit tried from the attacks he had down they were powerful maybe a little to powerful. Cody Still did not want to underestimate his enemy and use some low level attack. Tentacles then formed around his arms and they flew at the kids brother. One tentacle grabbed the brother and held on tight as the other shot for a piece of scrap wood. The second tentacle pulled the piece of wood quickly at the ninja. The wood hit the kids older brother knocking him out. he smiled as he thought it was done "Sorry kid but my mission was to kill the wild dog who will attack anyone and well your dog was the only one to attack. The kid looked really mad. "DAD!!!!!!" he yelled as a large hole got torn in the wall of the building.
"s**t" Cody said as he did more hand signs Giant horns formed on his head. He smiled as he lowered his hand and charged full speed at the Father. The father dodged as Cody hit him hardly with his left horn. Cody turned to him and Turned near solid stone as he charged at The father again knocking him back into the tin wall of the building. The Building began to fall on top of them. "Crap again" Cody said as he ran out of the building watching it fall on the father and son. At the end when all the dust cleared the father was holding his child in his hand. Cody knew then the only way to fight the father was to use his Demon.
"Hachibi may I borrow your powers" he asked asked the Hachibi. "Yes you may since you are close to losing but not all of it" Cody nodded as he began to change his eyes started turning to the color of green, his skin tone darkened, a tattoo appeared on his left check. Cody's body size increase adding powerful. Cody was still in control of the Demon he smiled as he opened his mouth wide and began hand signs. After finishing the hand signs a large beam of concentrated Chakra shot out at the father who dodged it but was still hurt largely by it. Cody knew that he was close to dieing. Cody smiled and with that he pulled out a kunai and charged had first into the father and cut him. Cody knew it was over.
Sadly did he not know that there was still one more person. This time it was a female ninja. "You killed my dog my brothers and my dad you must die" she said as she threw a Kunai at Cody. he jumped up and landed next to her causing the ground around her to crack. He Smiled as he knew she was scared at least a bit but he needed more power to stop her. "Hachibi Sorry to bother you again but I need all your power" Cody asked the hachibi "Well you know that if you keep asking me for the power you will not be truthfully powerful. Cody smiled as he knew it was true but he did not care about that he just wanted to finish this fight and get home to train more. His body now looked like a Ox and Octopus.
Cody Smiled as he was larger then before and had more power his charka was off the charts. he smiled as he slammed his fist down onto the ground. The ground under the female ninja shot up causing her to fly into the air about 100 feet in the air. Cody looked at her ans swung at her body throwing her into the ground about a mile away. Cody smiled as he fainted from all the power. About an hour later he woke up in his villages hospital His sensei and team was there They were all glad he was alive. "What happened" he asked them with a confused look on his face. "Well You went on a S-Ranked mission and survived. He smiled as he lied there.
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Posted: Mon Aug 23, 2010 6:01 pm
You can only apply once every 3 weeks, and it wasn't much better. Declined.
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A City Of Fools Vice Captain
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Posted: Tue Aug 24, 2010 3:41 pm
Rpc Name: Hiro Matsuda
Rpc Element: Katon/Fuuton/Douton/Suiton/Raiton
Rpc Type: Sensory/Speed/Elemental Control
Rp Sample: Hiro awoke, and got out of the bed he had been laying in. He stared out the window, one on the third floor out of four in the Hyuuga Mansion, bathing in the light of a full moon and a sea of stars, as was his bare chest. He turned to looked at the beautiful woman still in her bed, her long light blond hair covering her face, down along her naked back.
His eyes darted back to the window overseeing the landscape, all the way to the forest line connected to the plains. Three shadows flickered. They were still in the forest, but they were still there. He had about fifteen minutes before all he'll broke out. He gently woke the woman and kissed her cheek before whispering something in her ear, which caused her to give him a more... Fierce kiss before letting him go and running out after putting on her nightgown. He opened the window and scaled down the side of the building, skillfully and accurately. This was a day he'd been waiting for.
He knew they were looking for him. He thought acting as an unnamed mercenary, taking jobs without giving any sort of ID would have helped. The only one that knew his name was the woman; he was a Princess's paramour. But somewhere along the line, he screwed up. Somewhere he got sloppy and revealed himself somehow. This was going to get ugly, exactly what he was trying to avoid.
He landed on the ground and spun to face the forest line that laid beyond the plains as four hooded figures exited the same forest line. Both sides knew the other's intentions, so there was no need to exchange words. Hiro made the first move, sprinting forward with incredible speeds. The four figures jumped off in a fan formation. Hiro immediately look notice and fired off a ball of fire at the biggest of the four. As he dropped like a fly, the other three threw kunainin unison. They were blown away by a gust of wind.
Hiro bit into his thumb and pressed his palm into the ground. Moments later, a monkey with a staff appeared beside him, then the two got back to back as they became surrounded by the four, the big one now back inthe fight. Both the monkey and Hiro nodded and began to move and attack in sync. They moved the exact same way, at the exact same time with the exact same speed and power. Figures would fly into each other, and in one instance, one figure was launched into te air, and both Hiro and the monkey systematically attacked the airborne enemy while defending themselves from the other three.
This lasted for a good while, long enough for the estate to slowly turn ablaze. Each side was slowly becoming warn out, but the figures had the upper hand, two against four. Then everything went black for Hiro, and when his eyes open, so did the giant wolf eyes in front of him behind a large metal caged cell door.
"You will die here, Hiro. And when they're done with you, they'll go after Sana next. You can't protect her if you're face down in the dirt. Let me help you. Don't get me wrong, it's just I'd rather you not die, killing my home in the process. After a minute or two, Hiro snapped back into reality, and now silver chakra was surrounding his body. Fangs showed themselves and his irises turned yellow, his pupils black.
The monkey was shocked, as were the figures. They knew what this was. Though this was his first time using it, this was the the Gobi's Demon Coat. He'd gotten stronger and faster, fast enough to take the figures by surprise. A kunai shot through one of the figure's throat, killing him or her instantly as the monkey poofed. The other three still stood in shock, just long enough for Hiro to gather lightning in his hand and shove it through the chest of another figure. Two down, two to go, all in seven seconds. Hiro was on an unholy high. The power he had, over the elements, surged through his body all at once. He felt invincible. As one began to run, the other charged. Hiro's irises went from yellow to brown as the charger performed an earth just, an earth dragon. Hiro used the same, then his irises turned green, and a piercing gust of wind shot out in an orb form, slicing the charger down in seconds. Hiro let the last one run freely.
Sighing, Hiro shook his head as his eyes turned blue, then used a water dragon to smother the fires on the estate. He'd been attacked by maids earlier on, and now by assassins. He'd been threatened by Sana's father. He'd been screwed out of a payment. Now he had to find somewhere to lay low for a few weeks and find another Princess to bang. This day sucked.
Demon Apllying For: Gobi
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