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 Posted: Mon Nov 21, 2005 3:11 pm
Merlinic Matrices I agree that this is a fairly good character--seems generally human and such--but I'm still going to go pick through it to try and improve you and such... Now... He has a Japanese name (capitalize the word, by the way) and is Japanese in orientation--but somehow has blond hair? That's possible if it was part of his eruption or just dyed, but explain what it is... (I took the 'suggesting artificial color' clause to refer to the purple tint only--correct me if it was supposed to refer to the blondeness too.) HajimaHotaru ...suggesting maybe an artificial haircolor... Merlinic Matrices Krome already talked about the power stuff. Your description... is okay. Krome will probably find it acceptable, as Galvan has a kind of comic-book quality to it. If you back up, though, you've got a tall, thin, dresses-in-black, has-cool-hair, silent-type-with-ruthless-side-and-a-smirk bishi. If you treat him like a human (as opposed to treating him like the uber-being above) in-roleplay, he can sneak by that 'too cliche to live' line... But watch yourself, okay? (The smirking in particular can get annoying if you write it along the lines of 'look how evilly cool he is like this'; there are actually a few other characters in Galvan with that little failing right now ><...) I was planning on playing him as the really shy, unpopular guy always in the background, but never recognized for much, backing up the unwillingness to socialize with the fact that he almost killed his best friend and no longer trusts himself to be able control his powers. The smirk comes from his transformation, it's kind of an instinctual gesture to suggest how completely different the two personalities are. His transformations only occur when he's emotional, but as he progresses in the RP I hope to refine that, and have him be able to change at will. I'll get back to the description of his powers later. Merlinic Matrices Personality--well, I suppose that's acceptable for a personality outline, but remember to give him more 'layers and facets' when you play him (aka, flesh out the personality there into a fully-rounded human). *Points to some of the details in your history and such for evidence that you probably have the capacity to do that*. For example, the trading card game fixation suggests that he's at least a little 'nerdy' somewhere in there. I had prepared for stuff like that. The tidbit about cards was intentional, though 'nerdy' isn't the word I'd use, as card games aren't 'nerdy' stare Merlinic Matrices History--I wouldn't mind some info on his family, actually. You've got the school side of things covered fairly well, but the family details aren't there. Small phrasing question--he's only planning to work hard during the race, as opposed to giving it his all? Even if he doesn't need everything to beat everyone else, there's still the fact that he's probably trying to personal record to consider... I'll get on the family stuff later, though I didn't think it was important, because the roleplay happens at a school where his parents wouldn't be seen much at all. The race was a matter of pride, so he had to win, or else. Hotaru's kind of an underachiever with no reputation, other than being a fast runner. I wouldn't think he'd be concerned with a personal record.
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Posted: Mon Nov 21, 2005 7:54 pm
Still didn't answer my questions. O_o.
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Posted: Tue Nov 22, 2005 12:36 am
Now, before I post anything, I want to make sure that characters from elsewhere than this guild are allowed. They are, right? smile
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Posted: Tue Nov 22, 2005 7:11 am
Yeah, they're allowed. As long as they fit with the plot and storyline. I don't want/expect any "half dragon's" or "elves" or anything of the sort, or i'll REALLY have a field day on your application.
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Posted: Tue Nov 22, 2005 9:52 am
I meant that I would not try to join into your roleplay, yet.
I recently joined into one concept contest of one breedables shop. The idea of the shop/roleplay is that characters are invited to the tropical island for reason or another. They have infected unknowingly by animal's DNA that slowly turn them to anthrolike characters.
Either way, I didn't win and now I'm curious to know what went wrong. Just general opinions about where I did make mistakes. What I could fix in them?
3nodding
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Posted: Tue Nov 22, 2005 8:21 pm
Ty-chan--We'd be fine with giving you feedback on that, but you'll have to copy-paste or link to what exactly you want edited...
And now for a reply to Hajima; life's been kinda tough recently, but I should have time tomorrow for the other critiques.
Okay--well, I'll answer your little rebuttals just directly here, but, in order to actually be approved and/or critiqued a second time, you still need to repost your profile after you've made whatever adjustments.
In that first paragraph, I asked you to let me know if the 'suggesting artificial color' clause referred to both the blondeness and the purple tint. Simply repeating the artificial color clause didn't really help anything--I already knew it was there. I was asking for clarification on exactly what it referred to--which you, by the way, failed to actually answer through anything but implication.
Your general description/personality didn't really get across the nuances of this plan you have for how you're going to play him. Please work on adjusting it accordingly.
Keep the 'trademark smirk' if you insist--but it really is one of those overused, uninteresting, and unrealistic cliches people complain about all the time.
Trading card games aren't nerdy? I don't particularly care about what they are or aren't (hence why the description earned quotes the first time, to imply it came from another source)--but, in the interest of seeing whether you had a valid argument there, I went ahead and asked around for people's opinion of them. I'm afraid to say that exactly 100% agreed that 'nerdy' was an apt description. Perhaps you don't feel that way--but your opinion isn't going to change the fact that the popular one disagrees.
Family is one of those things that makes you who you are--in my opinion it's quite important enough to make your history, so please follow through with that promise to get on it later.
Your explanation for the race attitude is sufficent--it'd be good to work that 'underachiever with no reputation, other than being a fast runner' phrase into your personality.
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Posted: Tue Nov 22, 2005 11:07 pm
Chaos Sakura Name: Calintz Locke Age: 18 Alignment: Unknown/Dependent upon internal circumstances to be explained later in detail Special Abilities: Calintz has only a handful of abilities, but the power of them can be immense. He has the power to manipulate space and gravity. Gravity only effects himself and an area of about 5 feet surrounding him. He can't effect any individual person or space outside of that area yet. Space is the same, he can form holes that will lead him where he wishes, or form space to make him invisible. A few things beyond this but hardly anything else as it places a great strain on Calintzs' mind. ... Not exactly passive, but he hasn't run into a situation where he has no choice but to fight.The first two abilities deal with physics and something that he had studied and dealt with as a kid, always aspiring to be invisible(Space usage) or be able to fly without wings(Gravity usage). The time ability came about from him wanting to take it all back, his family living and the bad people dead, but in his rage he didn't use his powers correctly and after the fact his head was messed up and all that came back were his mother and father. He had also been reading many books about physics before the incident occured. Finding them in the library or simply thrown away. Ok, I'm just going to say this about the powers... Orginally, for my character, I too was going to have her manipulate gravtiy so she could, in essence, fly. But then I realized that this probably wouldn't work because of physics... Now, you're bending the laws of physics within a 5 foot radius of you. Great. But the rest of the earth doesn't care if you have 0 gravity affecting you. It'll keep on spinning, and you know what? It won't take you along with it anymore, because you aren't in its gravitational pull. So you'll be just left floating in space... At least I think that what would happen if it was actually pure gravity control like you said. However, if it's either always relative to the current gravity system (so you get the effect you want and it will technically work), or you come up with some other way to make him fly, that'd be fine. I just think it'd be worth mentioning that straight gravity control like you're saying wouldn't be too swell....
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Posted: Wed Nov 23, 2005 8:34 am
I actually have a problem with the whole "manipulating time and space" on that one. I mean..you've got alot of powers rolled into one character there, i think you either need to modify that or perhaps be a bit more decriptive on exactly what your powers would do >_>
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Posted: Wed Nov 23, 2005 9:38 am
Panpear Ok, I'm just going to say this about the powers... Orginally, for my character, I too was going to have her manipulate gravtiy so she could, in essence, fly. But then I realized that this probably wouldn't work because of physics... Now, you're bending the laws of physics within a 5 foot radius of you. Great. But the rest of the earth doesn't care if you have 0 gravity affecting you. It'll keep on spinning, and you know what? It won't take you along with it anymore, because you aren't in its gravitational pull. So you'll be just left floating in space... At least I think that what would happen if it was actually pure gravity control like you said. However, if it's either always relative to the current gravity system (so you get the effect you want and it will technically work), or you come up with some other way to make him fly, that'd be fine. I just think it'd be worth mentioning that straight gravity control like you're saying wouldn't be too swell.... Ok, this is a working that I've been dealing with for a long time. He doesn't use the gravity to fly, though it is possible, in essence when one controls gravity, one controls the earth. It's a large amount of power, but it is also controlled, or else one could in essence hurl himself off the planet or crush himself. A five foot area around him is like a circle and it's used as a force field type area. Someone steps in he doesn't like it pulls them down within a few minutes. It is my fault for not stating it does take time for gravity since one would have to in essence change the world in certain ways. So even if someone attacks him unless he already has the area around him enforced nothing happens. He also can't move during this period of time, again my fault for not stating. Space and time are a bit more confusing, but again it isn't anything of great power. Time he can't use without the threat of death, and more likely then not he would die to change a timeline. In other words, he alters time by traveling or by any means of alteration, he would die. Space he can only alter so much, such as warping space to turn invisible. Not so much using air as that would only cause wind, but by actually warping space he can disappear. The most he can do beyond that would be transporting himself with a hole type thing. This takes time to make as it's a great deal of concentration that must be used. Transportation also causes more breaks in the mind causing more instability. So in essence Calintz can turn invisible, and change the gravity around him after concentrating. He has a few other abilities but he's never explored them deeper as it cause him pain and mental instability. He never plans to explore further and if he were to die, I could create a different character. But if you still feel he's too powerful then I can alter the history a bit and the powers. ^_^
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Posted: Wed Nov 23, 2005 12:52 pm
How exactly does one 'warp space' to make themselves invisible?
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Posted: Wed Nov 23, 2005 5:16 pm
They make a demensional pocket and step into it? No one can see that demension, so they're invisible.
But I'm not too sure if that's what happens. ^^;;
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Posted: Thu Nov 24, 2005 9:45 am
Well if that were the case wouldn't they be 'out of the loop' so to speak and not know what was going on around them?
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Posted: Thu Nov 24, 2005 6:40 pm
Chaos Sakura ((I hope this is sufficient. He's not exactly overpowered, since even if he goes into a rage as when he first used his powers one could get in close and knock him out, or hit him from afar. When in a state of blind fury he can't see clearly enough to attack accurately, or defend. He's hitting randomly and though he may often hit correctly, it is only because he's hitting so much so often. If there are any questions please ask me and I'll explain them, or change the character as you see fit. I can change the powers easily, but I simply thought it would add in a bit of flavor to have a character with such powers as well as mental disorders. Shred it apart, I never claimed to be the best or even near best with grammer or profiles. ^.^;;;; I'm sure I'm going to be adding on to the history thing once this is reviewed and adjusting things around ^_^ Enjoy the slaughter)) Name: Calintz Locke Age: 18 Alignment: Unknown/Dependent upon internal circumstances to be explained later in detail Special Abilities: Calintz has only a handful of abilities, but the power of them can be immense. He has the power to manipulate space and gravity. Gravity only effects himself and an area of about 5 feet surrounding him. He can't effect any individual person or space outside of that area yet. Space is the same, he can form holes that will lead him where he wishes, or form space to make him invisible. A few things beyond this but hardly anything else as it places a great strain on Calintzs' mind. Calintz also has the ability, at a very great and possibly fatal cost, to control time. He can travel through it, and manipulate it, but anything dealing with time will put a horrendous pull on his mind, which more likely than not would kill him. Calintz can't effect people unless they enter that 5 foot space around him, though they might be able to use abilities, though it would be hard to tell since the manipulation of space and gravity has many benefits. Hence the reason Calintz doesn't fight or try to pick fights. Not exactly passive, but he hasn't run into a situation where he has no choice but to fight.The first two abilities deal with physics and something that he had studied and dealt with as a kid, always aspiring to be invisible(Space usage) or be able to fly without wings(Gravity usage). The time ability came about from him wanting to take it all back, his family living and the bad people dead, but in his rage he didn't use his powers correctly and after the fact his head was messed up and all that came back were his mother and father. He had also been reading many books about physics before the incident occured. Finding them in the library or simply thrown away. Appearance: Calintz was never a person who liked to stand out and being born into poverty probably wouldn't have helped into that department. He normally will wear a dress shirt that is left unbuttoned, with an undershirt underneath. If it gets cold enough he will put on a jacket and a beanie. The color of his shirt is dependent upon his internal circumstances. Calintz normally dons a pair of jeans, being one who grew up poor and so bought older clothes rather then new. He owns about three pairs of shoes for the sole purpose of wearing each out slower. Calintz wields a piercing set of violet eyes, and a head of pure white hair. He was born with it strangely enough, and was greatly picked on as a child. His hair is long and reaches just below his shoulder blades. He was picked on as a child and dyed it many times before just giving up and not caring any longer. Calintz stands at about 5 feet 11 inches and weighs probably around 150 pounds. Despite this seemingly lack of weight, he holds an impressive set of muscles. Nothing that would win a muscle-builders contest, but well defined and usable against an opponent if he ever found such a need, though he never has. His skin is slightly olive tinted, giving him the appearance of having at least a semi-nice tan year round. Calintz rarely carries a bookbag that has books in it. Normally slung over one shoulder it carries a few knick knacks, but nothing school related past maybe a few pens and pencils. Calintz is something of a pretty boy, though because of his demeanor it seems a bit different then simply that. Personality: Calintz is in all normal sense, unpredictable. He doesn't seem to have much of a purpose for the things he does, at least when viewed from the surface. Before the 'eruptions' he was a mostly normal child. He played, and did many things, but after he erupted, he became reclusive, self-confiding, schizophrenic, and bipolar. He didn't change immediately, but the changes did occur, and they did change him drastically. He changes personalities often, and though he knows about who they are and what they do, he can't control them. There are only a few but they can be damaging at times. One is something of a Suffra, another is like a Paradigm. Then there are others and each has its' own style of functionality. Only one or two doctors understand truly why the schizophrenia popped up, but swore themselves to secrecy, as Calintz made them. He didn't want anyone to know, nor did he want them to see it. Hence the reclusive and anti-social tendencies. Despite all of these reclusive tendencies, he does wish somebody could understand, or could help him. He doesn't want to deal with what he has been and hopes to find someone, or something that will make him alright. Not quite an 'emo' per say, just a kid with problems that tries to deal with said problems, in the wrong way. Sexual Orientation: Varies dependent upon internal circumstances, normally is Heterosexual. History: Calintz was born into poverty. Raised in poverty, and has only seen the rich from a distance. He lived a life of scrambling for food and many times starving, despite living in the great world of America. He hated every moment of it but was still kind and considerate to others. He let himself go hungry in order to help his siblings and parents. It's a wonder that he didn't die from starvation. Calintz gained his powers when his family was killed. Horribly enough it wasn't from some gang war, but instead, the 'higher-ups' murdered them. They felt his family was a burden on society. It was in this moment that Calintz lost it. His violet eyes shone with unnatural brightness, and the air around him started to warp it seemed. His uncontrolled powers expanded and threw the men to the ground no matter how far from him they stood. He almost crushed them to death before stopping and in that same instant reversing time, and adjusting everything so that instead, they simply ran. Calintz didn't understand as he was only about 14. In that same day his mind 'separated' to form the schizophrenia that the doctors saw. His time ability as his mind was cracking brought back the last two they had killed, mother and father. They saw him floundering around and took him to see a doctor. Of course they couldn't afford a normal one and so he was at a free clinic. Through many cycles he was allowed into a real good study hospital and they discovered his troubles. He was disjointed and couldn't understand it at first. He then heard about the other 'Novas' from the television, the doctors, and the letter a doctor sent him. So Calintz decided he should check out this so called Academy for himself, it would be interesting to find out what could be done about his abnormal powers, and condition. What? I'm going to refrain from talking about the powers yet as others have already questioned them; I assume this phrase is supposed to refer to them, but it doesn't really make sense... Perhaps I'm missing something... Name: Calintz LockeLast name's fine. May I ask exactly which planet the first came from, though? Since this roleplay is supposed to be set in a version of today's society, I'm going to continue knocking these names that aren't from it... Age: 18
Alignment: Unknown/Dependent upon internal circumstances to be explained later in detailSpecial Abilities: Calintz has only a handful of abilities, but the power of them can be immense. Only a handful? Like I said, I'm going to attempt to refrain from repeating the others on the whole power thing, but space + gravity + time does seem like an unfair endowment when there are other characters with the equivalent of only one of those. I mean... *summarizes character's powers after reading the stuff below* controls gravity, teleports, becomes invisible, controls time, and a few other things too if he had a mind to kill himself in the process? He has the power to manipulate space and gravity. Gravity only effects himself and an area of about 5 feet surrounding him. He can't effect any individual person or space outside of that area yet. Affect. Affect, affect, affect. Da grammar: You affect someone/something else. The results of your actions are effects. If you want to go for the special words, you can actually effect a change if you know how. As I have for the last few, though, I'm going to refrain from the thorough grammar check 'till the conceptual stuff is figured out. Space is the same, he can form holes that will lead him where he wishes, or form space to make him invisible. A few things beyond this but hardly anything else as it places a great strain on Calintzs' mind.
Calintz also has the ability, at a very great and possibly fatal cost, to control time. He can travel through it, and manipulate it, but anything dealing with time will put a horrendous pull on his mind, which more likely than not would kill him. Calintz can't effect people unless they enter that 5 foot space around him, though they might be able to use abilities, though it would be hard to tell since the manipulation of space and gravity has many benefits. Hence the reason Calintz doesn't fight or try to pick fights. Not exactly passive, but he hasn't run into a situation where he has no choice but to fight. The first two abilities deal with physics and something that he had studied and dealt with as a kid, always aspiring to be invisible(Space usage) or be able to fly without wings(Gravity usage). The time ability came about from him wanting to take it all back, his family living and the bad people dead, but in his rage he didn't use his powers correctly and after the fact his head was messed up and all that came back were his mother and father. He had also been reading many books about physics before the incident occured. Finding them in the library or simply thrown away.That last phrase is a fragment. Appearance: Calintz was never a person who liked to stand out and being born into poverty probably wouldn't have helped into that department. He normally will wear a dress shirt that is left unbuttoned, with an undershirt underneath. I assume if he's wearing dress shirts now he must not be very poor anymore. That doesn't really make sense with your history, though, unless I managed to miss something. Which is possible--I've been a little kooky lately... If it gets cold enough he will put on a jacket and a beanie. The color of his shirt is dependent upon his internal circumstances. That second line could probably be scratched as unnecessary--most people dress at least subconciously according to their mood. Calintz normally dons a pair of jeans, being one who grew up poor and so bought older clothes rather then new. He owns about three pairs of shoes for the sole purpose of wearing each out slower. More slowly (use an adverb, not an adjective). I would also point out the fact that wearing three pairs of shoes out more evenly isn't going to actually reduce the rate at which you have to buy new ones. Calintz wields a piercing set of violet eyes, and a head of pure white hair. He was born with it strangely enough, and was greatly picked on as a child. His hair is long and reaches just below his shoulder blades. He was picked on as a child and dyed it many times before just giving up and not caring any longer. My original response to this particular bit of description was a notch too ugly to actually post. Moderately cleaner version: Are you trying to be cliche? Not only do you get 'pure white hair' and 'piercing violet eyes', you get to be born with them? (At least you didn't say silver.) The color choices themselves are bad, but your characterization of the colors ("pure" and "piercing") makes them just that much worse. And of course to aptly show off these wondrous locks his hair has to be relatively long too... You say 'picked on as a child' twice, by the way. I also don't get why he was still picked on if he did the intelligent thing and dyed it--other than angst purposes, of course. Even if the other kids were able to remember his hair before he dyed it and picked on him that way, without the actual color in front of them they probably wouldn't have been nearly as severe. Actually, in the schools I've been in, anyway, as long as he was a semi-normal kid I doubt white hair would've really garnered that much attention after awhile. And if dyeing it worked even a little bit, it doesn't seem like your last sentence makes that much sense unless he has an extremely low level of perseverance. Dying your hair ~once a month doesn't really take that much out of you, after all. Calintz stands at about 5 feet 11 inches and weighs probably around 150 pounds.
Despite this seemingly lack of weight, he holds an impressive set of muscles. Nothing that would win a muscle-builders contest, but well defined and usable against an opponent if he ever found such a need, though he never has. Oh, of course. A less annoying (also known as 'less in your face about how awesomely hot this guy is apparently supposed to be') version that means basically the same thing: Despite the seeming lack of weight, he does have enough muscle to hold his own in a fight. Or: Despite the seeming lack of weight, he does have muscle tone and enough strength to hold his own in a fight. His skin is slightly olive tinted, giving him the appearance of having at least a semi-nice tan year round. Oh, of course. Less annoying version: His skin is slightly olive tinted. Calintz rarely carries a bookbag that has books in it. Normally slung over one shoulder it carries a few knick knacks, but nothing school related past maybe a few pens and pencils. Calintz is something of a pretty boy, though because of his demeanor it seems a bit different then simply that.Oh, of course. We were doing okay there till you said 'pretty boy'... I would actually consider this infraction less severe than the ones above, but the phrase is still a bit eyeroll-inducing--I would probably just drop it on the assumption that we can put 'looks like a pretty boy but is actually psychotic' together ourselves... Personality: Calintz is in all normal sense, unpredictable. He doesn't seem to have much of a purpose for the things he does, at least when viewed from the surface. Before the 'eruptions' he was a mostly normal child. 'Normal' is very vague. I can see what you mean, but I wouldn't mind at least a few words of greater detail on what he was like before... For example, was he completely unpredictable then too? Your history shows a few things... (The phrase "did many things" below is also overly vague.) He played, and did many things, but after he erupted, he became reclusive, self-confiding, schizophrenic, and bipolar. He didn't change immediately, but the changes did occur, and they did change him drastically. He changes personalities often, and though he knows about who they are and what they do, he can't control them. There are only a few but they can be damaging at times.
One is something of a Suffra, another is like a Paradigm. Then there are others and each has its' own style of functionality. Your apostrophe in ' its' ' is in a weird place, probably from fixing it after Microsoft word and Gaia managed their formatting screw-ups--but since you're dealing with the possessive its you shouldn't have an apostrophe there in the first place... I think it'd be good to give us a rundown of exactly what each of the personalities is like, even if it's a fairly short one. The exact number would be good too--at first you say 'only a few', but then 'others' suggests it could be more than that... Only one or two doctors understand truly why the schizophrenia popped up, but swore themselves to secrecy, as Calintz made them. He didn't want anyone to know, nor did he want them to see it. Hence the reclusive and anti-social tendencies. I'm not completely certain on this, but it's possible that legal constraints would've sworn the doctors to secrecy anyway--both the counslers/psychiatrists and 'women's health' clinics that I've seen have required paperwork on what the doctors can share and who with... Despite all of these reclusive tendencies, he does wish somebody could understand, or could help him. He doesn't want to deal with what he has been and hopes to find someone, or something that will make him alright. Not quite an 'emo' per say, just a kid with problems that tries to deal with said problems, in the wrong way.
Sexual Orientation: Varies dependent upon internal circumstances, normally is Heterosexual. History: Calintz was born into poverty. Raised in poverty, and has only seen the rich from a distance. He lived a life of scrambling for food and many times starving, despite living in the great world of America. He hated every moment of it but was still kind and considerate to others. He let himself go hungry in order to help his siblings and parents. It's a wonder that he didn't die from starvation. This kind of situation could, in theory, actually occur, but your rendering of it manages to make him into one of those Mary-Sueish 'Look how pure and kind and considerate he/she still is/was even in the face of all that hardship and horror' characters. Note: didn't welfare do anything to help? Also, exactly what kind of living situation did his family have? (Employed, unemployed? In a house, somewhere else? Etc.) Who was even in his family? Calintz gained his powers when his family was killed. Horribly enough it wasn't from some gang war, but instead, the 'higher-ups' murdered them. They felt his family was a burden on society. The reasoning behind the killing isn't really adding up to me. First off, does 'higher-ups' do you mean high gang members, or...? And exactly why would they bother going through with a murder of one olive/white/whatever trash family when there are probably hundreds of such 'burdens on society' in the area? It was in this moment that Calintz lost it. His violet eyes shone with unnatural brightness, and the air around him started to warp it seemed. You're doing the 'look how evilly cool he is' thing... And I'm very disenchanted with it. See the other example changes I made for guidance on how to make that less eyeroll-inducing... His uncontrolled powers expanded and threw the men to the ground no matter how far from him they stood. He almost crushed them to death before stopping and in that same instant reversing time, and adjusting everything so that instead, they simply ran. Calintz didn't understand as he was only about 14. That may have to be adjusted if your powers change. In that same day his mind 'separated' to form the schizophrenia that the doctors saw. His time ability as his mind was cracking brought back the last two they had killed, mother and father. They saw him floundering around and took him to see a doctor. Of course they couldn't afford a normal one and so he was at a free clinic. Through many cycles he was allowed into a real good study hospital and they discovered his troubles. Real good... Reaaaal good... Can you hear the hick imitation yet? Anyway, try 'really' or 'very' instead of 'real'. Also, what are these cycles you're talking about...? He was disjointed and couldn't understand it at first. He then heard about the other 'Novas' from the television, the doctors, and the letter a doctor sent him. So Calintz decided he should check out this so called Academy for himself, it would be interesting to find out what could be done about his abnormal powers, and condition.Comma splice in that last sentence. Try replacing the comma between himself and it with a semi-colon. Alrighty... Hopefully I haven't ventured beyond the legal limits of snippyness. Actually, I'm not sure if I've really given enough attention to this profile and Hajima's before it, but hopefully if I have skipped over anything it'll be caught in the second read-through. *shrugehness*
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Posted: Thu Nov 24, 2005 7:57 pm
I would give an explanation for the way to manipulate space to make oneself invisibility, and many other physics and metaphysics things, but I'm simply changing my powers when I post my profile in this post or a new one depending. In any case, if you'd like an explanation pm me about it. I saw that there were a few too many and I think there is a better fashion that I can use in order to create a shizophrenic child ^_^ So anywho I'll post later as I'm supposed to be watching a movie with family among other things. whee Thank you Merlinic for the shredding. The profile needed it ^.~ Be back later all
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Posted: Sat Nov 26, 2005 8:50 am
Alright, this is a roleplay that my friend and I created. Its just a rough sketch and I'm not sure if she's going to end up running it with me or not, but I was wondering what you think. Quote: NEW ISLAND HAS BEEN FOUND! The island, which has yet to be named, is covered in sandy beaches and lush jungle. At the center, a large volcano looms which is believed to be dormant. Several competitors have been chosen to compete to be chief of the island! Being chief includes naming the island and ownership, but they also have the duty to care for the island and its rare inhabitants, as well as to discover how they can be used to help progress the world. The competitors will be given a set of tests to complete and will earn points for how well they complete them. Whoever earns the most points becomes CHIEF of the Island. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Alright, that's the summary. Myself (Pandali) and Vanessa_Antonia_Dupree will run the competition and decide the points. We're going to try to keep it structured and each challenge will be limited to a certain amount of days on the island so that it doesn't get carried away. We will take up to 12 competitors. Each challenge will be set when the one before has been finished. There will be a total of 6 challenges. The points will be between 1 and ten, the winner of each challenge always gets 10 and there could be several people with the same score. Rules and Applications are below. Please PM all applications (you must include everything): Gaia name: name: (full name please) gender: age: (please be relative, nothing below 25 or above 55) Profession: bio/history: (be descriptive! why where you chosen? who were you before?) Appearance: (no pictures, once again, be descriptive) *: (if you read everything, you know what this is) Rules: 1. Follow TOS and Guild rules. 2. That means NO god-modding 3. Please keep it pg-13 4. Anything Pandali or Vanessa says goes 5. Post "sporks are duh coolies" in your application, please enter this next to the star 6. Each post should be at least 5 sentences 7. Have FUN! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Challenges: 1. Get into partners and have 3 days to build a shelter and find edible food with the least harm to the island possible 2.Race to the top of the volcano, first one there wins. 3. Map a part of the island from the ground with a partner. 4. Assigned an animal group, find a group of that animal, id it, and track it and take notes for 2 days. Done with partners. 5. Comb the beach, try to find most valuable item. 6. Given lab kits, discover something of value on the island. Option of working in groups or alone
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