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 Posted: Mon Aug 11, 2008 6:10 am
Blood Staind Guitar There was a brunette, a redhead, and a blond working on a bridge. The brunette opens his lunch and he gets a burrito. He says,"Man, if I get a burrito again tomorrow I'm going to jump off this bridge." The redhead opens his lunch and he gets pasta. Ha says,"Man, if I get pasta again tomorrow I'm going to jump off this bridge." The blond opens his lunch and gets mac & cheese. He says,"Man, if I get mac & cheese again tomorrow I'm going to jump off this bridge." So the next day the brunette gets a burrito and jumps off the bridge and dies. The redhead gets pasta and jumps off the bridge and dies. The blond gets mac & cheese and jumps off the bridge and dies. The next day at the funeral, the three wives are crying. The brunette's wife says,"If I had known he didn't want a burrito, I would have packed him something different!" The redhead's wife says,"If I had known he didn't want pasta, I would have packed him something different!" The blond's wife says,"I don't know what he's doing, he packed his own lunch!" HAHAHAHAHA, FUNNY!
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Posted: Mon Aug 11, 2008 6:14 am
18luck A couple years ago I received this joke in an email... and it's the funniest joke I've ever heard.... Once upon a time there lived a woman who had a maddening passion for baked beans. She loved them but unfortunately they had always had a very embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction to her. Then one day she met a guy and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry she thought to herself, "He is such a sweet and gentle man, he would never go for this carrying on." So, she made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans. Some months later her car broke down on the way home from work. Since she lived in the country she called her husband and told him that she would be late because she had to walk home. On her way she passed a small diner and the aroma of the baked beans was more than she could stand. Since she still had miles to walk, she figured that she would walk off any ill effects by the time she reached home. So, she stopped at the diner and before she knew it, she had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home she putt-putted. And upon arriving home she felt reasonably sure she could control it. Her husband seemed excited to see her and exclaimed delightedly, "Darling, I have a surprise for dinner tonight." He then blindfolded her and led her to her chair at the table. She seated herself and just as he was about to remove the blindfold from his wife, the telephone rang. He made her promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned. He then went to answer the phone. The baked beans she had consumed were still affecting her and the pressure was becoming almost unbearable, so while her husband was out of the room she seized the opportunity, shifted her weight to one leg and let it go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. She took her napkin and fanned the air around her vigorously. Then, she shifted to the other cheek and ripped three more, which reminded her of cabbage cooking. Keeping her ears tuned to the conversation in the other room, she went on like this for another ten minutes. When the phone farewells signaled the end of her freedom, she fanned the air a few more times with her napkin, placed it on her lap and folded her hands upon it, smiling contentedly to herself. She was the picture of innocence when her husband returned. Apologizing for taking so long, he asked her if she peeked, and she assured him that she had not. At this point, he removed the blindfold, and she was surprised!!! There were twelve dinner guests seated around the table to wish her a Happy Birthday!!
gonk That is such a terrible joke!
.... And yet so fun. I've read it before somewhere and still it makes me laugh. rofl
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Posted: Mon Aug 11, 2008 6:21 am
Here's a joke I translated from Finnish just because I haven't posted any joke here for a while. Don't know if it's good, though..
A priest was sitting in an aeroplane. Right after the plane was in the air the priest called for an air hostess and asked: "Excuse me but how far up are we now?"
"About half mile", the air hostess replied.
"Well, then, I would have a double whiskey in that case", said the priest.
After a while the priest called for the air hostess again and asked how far up were they now.
"We're about 3 miles above the ground."
"Well, then, I would have a regular whiskey", said the priest.
Later the priest once again called for the air hostess in order to ask how far up were they.
"It's 6 miles now, would you still want something to drink?" the air hostess asked politely.
"No thank you", answered the priest, "not this close to my boss."
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Posted: Wed Aug 13, 2008 1:28 am
Wicked Feenix Here's a joke I translated from Finnish just because I haven't posted any joke here for a while. Don't know if it's good, though..
A priest was sitting in an aeroplane. Right after the plane was in the air the priest called for an air hostess and asked: "Excuse me but how far up are we now?"
"About half mile", the air hostess replied.
"Well, then, I would have a double whiskey in that case", said the priest.
After a while the priest called for the air hostess again and asked how far up were they now.
"We're about 3 miles above the ground."
"Well, then, I would have a regular whiskey", said the priest.
Later the priest once again called for the air hostess in order to ask how far up were they.
"It's 6 miles now, would you still want something to drink?" the air hostess asked politely.
"No thank you", answered the priest, "not this close to my boss."
I love this one. XD
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Fashionable Businesswoman
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Posted: Thu Aug 14, 2008 3:06 am
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Posted: Thu Aug 14, 2008 5:05 am
Here's another joke I translated from Finnish, that's why the money is in euros, but don't let it bother you though.
A homeless, filthy looking woman stopped another woman on a street and asked if she could get two euros for food.
The woman took ten euros from her wallet and asked: "If I give you this, will you go and buy alcohol instead of food?"
"I quit drinking ten years ago", the homeless woman answered.
"Will you go and spend the money on clothes, then?"
"I don't waste my time going shopping, all my time goes to keeping myself alive."
"Well, are you planning to go to a hairdresser, then?"
"I haven't done anything to my hair for 20 years!"
"In that case I won't give you any money. Instead I'll invite you to a restaurant with me and my husband tonight."
The homeless woman was completely shocked.
"But doesn't your husband get angry if you do that? I'm filthy and I probably smell horrible too."
"That's only a good thing. It is very important, after all, that my husband sees what becomes of a woman when she quits shopping, visiting hairdressers and drinking alcohol."
Good, bad? I liked it, though. xd
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Posted: Thu Aug 14, 2008 5:31 am
A group of men decided to go hunting, one of them a blond. Before they separated, however, they made a deal that if anyone got lost and didn't know how to get back, he should shoot three times in the air so the others could come and find him.
The men wandered on their own ways and it didn't take long when the blond one realised he had no idea where he was. So he shot three times in the air. But no one came.
He was not going to give up, so he shot another three times. But however, still no one came.
When the blond had shot in the air the third time he muttered angrily: "If the others don't come and resque me soon, I'm going to run out of arrows!"
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Posted: Fri Aug 15, 2008 8:13 am
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Fashionable Businesswoman
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Posted: Fri Aug 15, 2008 12:11 pm
I'm glad someone likes them. razz
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Posted: Fri Aug 15, 2008 8:32 pm
Lots of people like them smile Jokes are good
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Fashionable Businesswoman
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Posted: Thu Aug 28, 2008 10:45 am
some of my jokes:
A)
There are 10 kinds of people in the world,
Those who understand Binary, and those who don't.
B)
A blonde called her boyfriend and said, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure it out or how to get it started." Her boyfriend asked, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The blonde said, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger." Her boyfriend decided to go over and help with the puzzle. She let him in and showed him where she had the puzzle spread all over the table. He studied the pieces for a moment, looked at the box, then turned to her and said, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger." He took her hand and said, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of hot chocolate and then............," he sighed, ..... "Let's put all of these frosted flakes back into the box."
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Posted: Fri Sep 19, 2008 1:17 am
Three men went camping, two of the three forgot to bring a tent so they all ended up in one tent. They slept three in a row like the roman numeral lll
They fell asleep and later in the middle of the night, the one on the right wakes up, "I dreamed I just got a hand job from Jessica Alba!" HE said happily
The man on the far left wakes up and exclaims excitedly, "I dreamed I got a hand job from Beyonce!!"
The man sleeping in the middle, woken up by the other two sat up to share his dream as well, "I dreamed I was skiing!!" biggrin
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Posted: Mon Sep 22, 2008 2:28 pm
nasty!!! But reallllly funny
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Posted: Tue Sep 23, 2008 10:48 pm
Gekigami Three men went camping, two of the three forgot to bring a tent so they all ended up in one tent. They slept three in a row like the roman numeral lll They fell asleep and later in the middle of the night, the one on the right wakes up, "I dreamed I just got a hand job from Jessica Alba!" HE said happily The man on the far left wakes up and exclaims excitedly, "I dreamed I got a hand job from Beyonce!!" The man sleeping in the middle, woken up by the other two sat up to share his dream as well, "I dreamed I was skiing!!" biggrin Yup. Me and my sick sense of humor for laughing at this. lol
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Fashionable Businesswoman
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Posted: Wed Sep 24, 2008 1:35 am
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