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 Posted: Thu Jan 10, 2008 11:40 pm
You are quite right, Exxos. Even now, I can feel myself recoiling anytime I remember some of the things people have said to and/or about me. There were moments when I wished they had brutalized me physically. At least then I would have some sort of visual evidence to attest to how much I was suffering. What was worse is that anytime I actually tried to talk to a few of my friends about it, they were so surprised to discover anything was wrong. Since I always appeared so calm and balanced around everyone else, none of them had any idea of what I was having to endure at home. Towards the end of my last abusive relationship, I felt so dead inside that I had almost completely withdrawn from everything around me.
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Posted: Fri Jan 11, 2008 12:27 pm
Everyone is so strong in this thread writing about what they've dealt with!
I can understand the mental and verbal crap too. I have a medical condition that isn't catching or anything but has caused me lots of ridicule in the past especially in school. I get cold, extremely cold to the point I have been hospitalized for hypothermia several times. Nothing makes you more unpopular than being picked up from school in an ambulance. Then the teachers treat you special and the kids hate you for it. Kids can be so, so cruel. I hated being different.
At some point I grew numb and tried ignoring them. Eventually I became depressed. I tried to commit suicide by overdose of some pain medication. Not recommended, let me say. When I met my husband I started getting too cold on one of our first dates at dinner after we'd seen a movie. He took my face in his warm hands and said "I like you just the way you are and everyone else be damned." It struck me like lightning and it became a sort of shield that made me smile inside. I said it to myself anytime someone would say or do something cruel. Eventually they got the message that they could no longer hurt me and found someone else to bother.
So take heart in that and that everyone here likes you. I know I do.
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Posted: Fri Jan 11, 2008 9:00 pm
Aww...now you are going to make me cry, crafty. Not that bringing me to tears is that hard to do these days. The last several years have made me rather emo apparently, especially now that I am no longer in the relationship I spoke of before. I suppose when you suppress something so powerful for such a long time, it all just comes rushing out once you finally do release it. stare
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Posted: Sat Jan 12, 2008 11:44 pm
I've been away from my abuser for about two years now and it still affects me greatly. (My dad). I am at a loss for words at to what I can even say in here honestly.. no one ever really listened to me about it (always thought I was looking for attention and making it up).
I am always constantly looking for people who have been through similar things such as this, but I never know what to say.
Sorry for my awkward post, hah. confused
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Posted: Sun Jan 13, 2008 12:22 am
Shayd3
I've been away from my abuser for about two years now and it still affects me greatly. (My dad). I am at a loss for words at to what I can even say in here honestly.. no one ever really listened to me about it (always thought I was looking for attention and making it up).
I am always constantly looking for people who have been through similar things such as this, but I never know what to say.
Sorry for my awkward post, hah. confused
So many posts are awkward here, it is nothing to apologize for. After so long and never having the ability to get help, one's voice comes out shaky and unsure. I know all too well the faces of those who would not listen. They brush it off as exaggeration, crying for attention, or lying. It took a long time before I met someone who would listen. I think I can risk saying that, you can talk here, anyone can talk here, and WE WILL LISTEN. If someone here can't help, they won't berate or degrade you, they will keep silent or just give you a supportive nudge or hug to show that, while they can't say much, they are at least there for you. Though I guess, in a way, I am not as much one to talk. I have so much pain and trauma that I have at best only hinted upon, yet for some reason I still keep it inside. I have a problem talking about it, calling attention to myself, exposing myself... I fear getting hurt. Even though I know this place is ultimately a very safe place. I guess I still have a lot of work left in getting better.
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Posted: Sun Jan 13, 2008 12:55 pm
I'm so proud of you guys for even venturing into this thread. Drudging up memories of this type of stuff hurts and can be hard but ultimately as Amaeli said it is healthy. You can't feel better until you let it out. As they say the sun shine always come after the rain. So know, as Exxos said, we will listen and promise not to look at anyone funny. Well maybe a little funny but only if you want us too. wink
*hugs*
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Posted: Sun Jan 13, 2008 3:54 pm
I have been a victim of D.V.
My last boyfriend was verbally abusive for the whole time we went out and then he finially attacked me physically. Of course I letf him after that and called the police on his a**, then he started sending me threats to murder me if I didnt drop the charges. I told the police about this...
Then he commited suicide eek
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Posted: Mon Jan 14, 2008 7:35 am
Man, what a selfish guy. I'm glad you got away form him Glamarama. It sounds like he had more hate for himself than you and didn't know how to deal with it properly. I'm glad you are safe! Someone like that guy could have easily turned his anger and hate on you instead of himself. *hugs*
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Posted: Mon Jan 14, 2008 8:42 am
glamarama... *hugs*
shayd.. no one judges here ... *hugs* you can feel safe and know that we all listen with open hearts and open minds
I keep saying that my heart cant take this thread but I still keep coming back....
I love all you guys soo much.
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Posted: Mon Jan 14, 2008 2:46 pm
JoeEuphonium I keep saying that my heart cant take this thread but I still keep coming back... The difference between a friend and an acquaintance can be as simple as that a friend will walk with you no matter how painful and thorny the path becomes, while an acquaintance will turn away from you when the path gets too rough.
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Posted: Mon Jan 14, 2008 5:26 pm
I've just been reading through this thread and you guys are insanely strong.. it's amazing. I love how crazy supportive you all are too.
Right now my mind is so messed up, it's hard to keep it straight. I have been abused by dad since I could remember.. actually if I were to be technical I don't even remember some years of my life (which I believe are probably for the better). But I moved from NJ to Florida to live with my mom when I graduated high school to get away from him. I ended up moving out on my own a couple months after that realizing how much damage has been done.. there seems to be no way any of us can get along now. My mom was abused by him too (which is why she just left when I was 11) and she denies it to my face making me feel insane.
Not to mention when I talk to him on the phone now, he is constantly apologizing, saying how much he loves me, and basically blaming me for what he did (saying I was really cold and rebellious) but he made me that way when I was living with him.. it's so frustrating. I just want to completely erase him from my life but I can't.. he's still making me be a dependent on his taxes when I live on my own in a different state, and he's still paying for my insurance (which I really need right now since I got really sick a year ago). I still feel controlled, and everyone tells me to just "deal with it". It's not that simple.
Ahhh, I probably made no sense.. I left a huge chunk out obviously since what I just wrote makes no sense. Forgive my massive ramble..
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Posted: Mon Jan 14, 2008 5:34 pm
Shayd3
I've just been reading through this thread and you guys are insanely strong.. it's amazing. I love how crazy supportive you all are too.
Right now my mind is so messed up, it's hard to keep it straight. I have been abused by dad since I could remember.. actually if I were to be technical I don't even remember some years of my life (which I believe are probably for the better). But I moved from NJ to Florida to live with my mom when I graduated high school to get away from him. I ended up moving out on my own a couple months after that realizing how much damage has been done.. there seems to be no way any of us can get along now. My mom was abused by him too (which is why she just left when I was 11) and she denies it to my face making me feel insane.
Not to mention when I talk to him on the phone now, he is constantly apologizing, saying how much he loves me, and basically blaming me for what he did (saying I was really cold and rebellious) but he made me that way when I was living with him.. it's so frustrating. I just want to completely erase him from my life but I can't.. he's still making me be a dependent on his taxes when I live on my own in a different state, and he's still paying for my insurance (which I really need right now since I got really sick a year ago). I still feel controlled, and everyone tells me to just "deal with it". It's not that simple.
Ahhh, I probably made no sense.. I left a huge chunk out obviously since what I just wrote makes no sense. Forgive my massive ramble..
Why do our dads have to suck? cry If it is okay, I would like to extend a hug - a true hug. I can't think of what to say right now and I just feel that that is the best thing I could do for you right now.
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Posted: Mon Jan 14, 2008 7:55 pm
HUGS to all of you! heart
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Posted: Mon Jan 14, 2008 8:29 pm
Exxos Shayd3
I've just been reading through this thread and you guys are insanely strong.. it's amazing. I love how crazy supportive you all are too.
Right now my mind is so messed up, it's hard to keep it straight. I have been abused by dad since I could remember.. actually if I were to be technical I don't even remember some years of my life (which I believe are probably for the better). But I moved from NJ to Florida to live with my mom when I graduated high school to get away from him. I ended up moving out on my own a couple months after that realizing how much damage has been done.. there seems to be no way any of us can get along now. My mom was abused by him too (which is why she just left when I was 11) and she denies it to my face making me feel insane.
Not to mention when I talk to him on the phone now, he is constantly apologizing, saying how much he loves me, and basically blaming me for what he did (saying I was really cold and rebellious) but he made me that way when I was living with him.. it's so frustrating. I just want to completely erase him from my life but I can't.. he's still making me be a dependent on his taxes when I live on my own in a different state, and he's still paying for my insurance (which I really need right now since I got really sick a year ago). I still feel controlled, and everyone tells me to just "deal with it". It's not that simple.
Ahhh, I probably made no sense.. I left a huge chunk out obviously since what I just wrote makes no sense. Forgive my massive ramble..
Why do our dads have to suck? cry If it is okay, I would like to extend a hug - a true hug. I can't think of what to say right now and I just feel that that is the best thing I could do for you right now.
Aww, stupid dads..
You can never go wrong with a hug, thank you. smile
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Posted: Tue Jan 15, 2008 12:47 am
Unfortunately the reason there are so many bad dads aka sperm doners is because people let them get away with crap like the afore mention! If my hubby even so much a thought about anything near any of that stuff he'd remind me why my nick name is B-bomb. (The A-bomb had already been dropped on Japan) Luckily I got extremely lucky and he is one of the few and far between great fathers who actually wants to do a good job.
My sister's ex-boyfriend, the (bad) dad of her son (my nephew) broke up with her for one of her friends... there was nearly a year of drama and bull crap then I found out he was ignoring my nephew while he was suppose to be watching him on occasion. Grr... So naturally my two-year-old nephew ended up getting hurt. Not seriously but just enough to piss me off. The next time I saw that jerk I didn't even say anything I just walked up to him, smiled, forcefully kneed him in the groin, and as he kissed the ground in pain I told him exactly why I think he is a member of the scum of the earth club and should die. He tried to file an assault charge on me and the judge laughed at him. I am a tiny person and well, he isn't. He has at least 200lbs of muscle on me so what I did wasn't smart, nice, or right but it helped for the moment.
I feel bad because I know doing what I did didn't solve anything and if my sister hadn't gotten full custody and a restraining order is could have made things worse. I'm not usually a violent person but the thought of him neglecting my adorable little nephew or goodness knows what else when no one else is around makes homicidal thoughts rage through my brain!!! People like him deserve forceful sterilization and the death sentence.
Like I said above most of the problem is that us women have let this crap go on for so long that most of us don't know that we don't have to allow it to keep happening! I won't even let my hubby spank my son with his belt and my dad used to do that to me. My hubby isn't whipped by any means he and I just know how to respect each other's wishes. Maybe that is what these crazy jerk dads are lacking, respect for anyone. I... I... Hmm... I am ranting and rambling and need to stop. Sigh...
I think getting away from our parents is a natural and healthy part of life especially for some of the people in this thread, not all but some, me included. Not that I don't love my parents because they are better than most but I could never live with them now that I know what it is like to control my own environment and not have them lording over my existence.
Darn, I'm still going huh? Sorry guys. I feel really strongly about this topic for some reason and I really care about the people here. *hugs*
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