Welcome to Gaia! ::

The Official My Chemical Romance Guild!

Back to Guilds

 

 

Reply MCR Fan-Fiction!!
Hang Em' High Rated PG-13 ~~RECONTINUED~~ ((Chapter 11)) Goto Page: [] [<] 1 2 3 ... 4 5 6 7 [>] [»|]

Quick Reply

Enter both words below, separated by a space:

Can't read the text? Click here

Submit

Do you like it so far??
  yes
  no
View Results

my unholy confessions xx

PostPosted: Fri Oct 05, 2007 9:34 pm


I feel like you should know. Every time a new person speaks. it's a new paragraph. and your title is spelled wrong. Your fanfic is great I swear. It's just grammar that bug me. You spelled your title "Hang Em' ". When it should be "Hang'em". I'm really sorry if you are offended, but proper grammar bugs me.
PostPosted: Fri Oct 05, 2007 10:09 pm


The only few suggestions I have is that you might want to try and give it more detail.
For example: When you write things like, "I did this, I did that, "...." I said this. I did this." The story gets pretty boring. Try and write more to keep people interested and dont repeat yourself too much.
Also, as it was already said, try and work on your grammar, and yes, when someone talks, a new paragraph starts. That's why TOO much dialog isn't good. Some is fine, but try to keep it more detailed.

Well, that's my help :] other than that, good story idea so far :]

Devyn333


xvanyaa

6,150 Points
  • Autobiographer 200
  • Signature Look 250
  • Person of Interest 200
PostPosted: Sat Oct 06, 2007 8:53 am


YEAH, WHAT THEY SAID. IT'S A GREAT FIC, BUT WORK ON YOUR GRAMMAR AND SUCH. IMPROPER GRAMMAR GETS ANNOYING TO ME.
PostPosted: Sat Oct 06, 2007 3:19 pm


I agree with all them.

@Moshy: Errrmmm...well..ummm. I think I'm half teenie.

@MS.MCR: *sniffs donut that is covered in white powder* Hmm.....I get the feeling that this isn't powder.......
I have a feeling that it's arsenic. Don't eat teh donut! *Tosses donut in nuclear waste, making donut monster* RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!

Ieros Baby567


LAST GAY S0NG

PostPosted: Sun Oct 07, 2007 10:06 am


OH GAWd NO! EVERYONE RUN FOR YOUR LIIIIIVES!!!!!!!!


Yes, Nikki. You should work on that stuff...........but DON'T KILL MEEE!
PostPosted: Sun Oct 07, 2007 3:51 pm


@BABY: AS LONG AS YOU'RE NOT FULL TEENIE. I USED TO BE FULL TEENIE. THOSE WERE SAD TIMES... U.U

EEK!!!!!!! MYCHEMROSHROOMS! PROTECT US!

SHROOMS: NO! WE JUST TOOK DOWN THE LAST DONUT! NOW IT'S YOUR TURN.

xvanyaa

6,150 Points
  • Autobiographer 200
  • Signature Look 250
  • Person of Interest 200

HinataLoveRises

PostPosted: Wed Oct 10, 2007 1:24 pm


aw...man...i s**k....i'm sorry guys, my fanfic is really boring.....i'll discontinue it.... crying
PostPosted: Wed Oct 10, 2007 1:41 pm


You BETTER NOT! Or I'll sic my cocaine nuclear waste monster donut after you!

LAST GAY S0NG


xvanyaa

6,150 Points
  • Autobiographer 200
  • Signature Look 250
  • Person of Interest 200
PostPosted: Wed Oct 10, 2007 3:00 pm


NO! CAUSE I LIKE YOUR FIC! AND STEPH WILL DISCONTINUE HERS TOO! crying
PostPosted: Wed Oct 10, 2007 7:19 pm


It's not cocaine it's ARSENIC! It's rat poison!!!

Ieros Baby567


xvanyaa

6,150 Points
  • Autobiographer 200
  • Signature Look 250
  • Person of Interest 200
PostPosted: Wed Oct 10, 2007 7:38 pm


"COME BUY MY POISON!" MY FRIEND ACTUALLY HAD TO DO A SALE'S PITCH FOR ARSENIC IN SCIENCE CLASS. IT WAS FUNNY.
PostPosted: Thu Oct 11, 2007 12:21 pm


I was hinting at cocaine. But fine. I'll sic my arsenic nuclear waste monster donut after you.

LAST GAY S0NG


xvanyaa

6,150 Points
  • Autobiographer 200
  • Signature Look 250
  • Person of Interest 200
PostPosted: Thu Oct 11, 2007 2:32 pm


RAT POISON!!!!!!!!!!!!
PostPosted: Mon Oct 29, 2007 5:16 pm


Ok, OK, OK. I'll re-continue it! Luckily,i've been making new chapters just for the fun of it and for Stephy. For you grammer-freaks out there, read it for the story, not the grammer.

Chapter 4: Mikey’s Hero


The next day, once again, Olivia woke me up like a hyper active puppy. I got up and slipped my dirty socks on since the hard wood floor was always cold in the morning. I took Olivia, not afraid of the small rodent anymore. I knocked on Gerard’s door not waiting for an answer but just walking in. I heard Gerard mumble. “I’m just returning Olivia”, I said it loud enough so he could wake up a little. “What are you doing with Olivia?” Gerard said calmly, probably still asleep. ”She woke me up again”, I said.
“Gerard, Ami, Mikey! Get up! Time for school!” Mom yelled up the stairs. “Come on Gerard.” I said while throwing a pillow at him. He got up out of his bed just dodging the pillow. He looks back and says “Nice shot”. I could tell he was being sarcastic and I just gave a face that says, “Bite me”.
I walk downstairs and prepared a bowl of Clever Crisp Cereal and put it on the counter. I went to the stove about to make myself some coffee. Mom and Gerard told me how coffee wasn’t healthy for someone my age, but I didn’t care, it was to good to give up. As I walked to the stove I found a pot of coffee already made. Mom and Dad never drink coffee so I was confused. “Who made the coffee?” I asked, particularly not talking to anyone.
“I made it” Mikey responded from across the kitchen. I took in the moment that Mikey was actually talking to me. “Oh, well, do you mind if I have some” I asked politely. He nodded. I took the kettle and poured it into my favorite coffee cup. I started munching on my breakfast. I took a few glances at Mikey, but as soon as he looked at me I would look away.
Mom drove us all to school. I said bye to Gerard, and as soon as I turned back around I saw this scary face in front of me. I jumped and let out a little yelp. It was Steph. “Don’t scare me like that” I told her. She apologized. Steph and I heard some ruckus over to the right of us. We turned to find a circle of people crowding and seem to be enjoying some entertainment.
Steph and I barged into the crowd to find Mikey and someone I recognized from my math class. He was a big child and it was hard to tell that he was in my grade. The big kid had Mikey’s glasses and was holding them above his head as Mikey tried desperately to jump up and reach them. The bully snickered in the attempt of the small child of retaining his glasses back.
“Give them to me Kurt!” Mikey said. “What are you going to do about it?” Kurt said in pity for Mikey. Mikey gave him an angry look and he pushed Kurt. Kurt dropped his glasses breaking them as they fell to the ground. The crowd showed their reaction in unison. Kurt got really pissed off and jumped at Mikey and started beating him up. Mikey tried to fight back but, he couldn’t. He looked like he was about to die right there on the ground.
Half of me was making me plant my feet on the ground. The other half was making me go do something about it. Guess what? The second half won. I ran in the middle of the circle and pushed Kurt off of Mikey. “Get off of him you jerk!” I yelled. Both my anger and strength went into the most fearsome punch I ever gave. The crowd paused then a bunch of Kurt’s buddies went to help him beat up a girl.

HinataLoveRises


HinataLoveRises

PostPosted: Mon Oct 29, 2007 5:22 pm


Another Chapter!!! wOoT!!!!!

Chapter 5: Way’s Day Out


That same day we got sent to the principle’s office. Somehow Kurt and his buddies persuaded the principle enough for him to believe that it was all our fault. We didn’t even go to any of our classes and we are already being sent home. Mom ran into the principle’s office. “What happened? What’s going on?” Mom yelled. She took a look at Mikey and me. Mikey had a black eye, a bleeding nose, and sprained ankle. I had cuts all on my face, bruised arms and legs and a sprained arm.
“Oh my god! My poor babies!” Mom ran up to us and hugged us both tightly. Mikey and I both moaned in pain. “What happened?” Mom asked. As the principle told her the story, Mikey and I walk to the car. When we got in it was just an awkward silence. For once, Mikey was the one who broke the silence. “Why did you do that?” Mikey asked. “Do what?” I threw right back at him. “You know, go in after me? You knew you could’ve gotten’ hurt!” he explained. “Well, you’re my brother Mikey, I care about you. I couldn’t just sit there and watch you get hurt.” I told him. Another awkward silence occurred. “Thanks Ami, you’re the best.” He said quietly. “That’s what I’m here for.” I said caringly.
The next day it was finally Saturday. We decided to go out and enjoy the wonderful day, after a long week. We all went to the Belleville Park. As Mom and Dad set up an area to have lunch, Gerard and Mikey rushed me over to what they called their “secret sanctuary”. We arrived at the “secret sanctuary” and it was just beautiful. It was a pond with a whole school of Koi Fish. On the sides of the pond there were a mixture of small bamboo trees and cattails. “Isn’t it great?” Gerard asked. “It’s…It’s beautiful!” I said. I looked over and Mikey had a stick and was playing with it in the dirt of the pond.
I hovered the pond and watched as the Koi’s danced in the water. Gerard then tripped on a rock rammed into me, I grabbed Mikey, and we all fell into the pond. Gerard and I both looked at each other and started laughing. I looked at Mikey and he didn’t seem to be happy at all. “Come on Mikey! Don’t be such a Mr. Grumpy Gills!” I said making a hilarious pun. He looked at us and a Koi Fish bursted out of his mouth. We all looked at each other and we laughed even harder. I looked over at Mikey again. I never saw him this happy before.
That day was one of those rare days, where everything goes perfect. For me those days happen every time after a bad day happens. I seem to be skipping a lot now. Mikey and I are now entering the sixth grade. Are first day in Middle School. If you are wondering what happened those other three years, well that’s easy. After that Saturday, it seemed my entire life from here on in was going to be perfect, me and Steph have been closer than ever, my new family was loving, and my brothers were the best brothers I ever had. They are the only ones I ever did have, but you get the picture. So everything was smooth sailing, until now…
Reply
MCR Fan-Fiction!!

Goto Page: [] [<] 1 2 3 ... 4 5 6 7 [>] [»|]
 
Manage Your Items
Other Stuff
Get GCash
Offers
Get Items
More Items
Where Everyone Hangs Out
Other Community Areas
Virtual Spaces
Fun Stuff
Gaia's Games
Mini-Games
Play with GCash
Play with Platinum