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 Posted: Mon Feb 18, 2008 4:35 pm
O.o wtf are you guys talking about....OMG I'm so emo XD are just feeling creative....>.> I made like...10 poems XD and guess what? I feel like sharring ^_^ *searches through my backback for crumpled pieces of paper*
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Posted: Mon Feb 18, 2008 4:53 pm
I feel like jumping off a bridge, I;m stressed and freaked out right now it's killing me.
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Posted: Mon Feb 18, 2008 4:54 pm
Shipooopi. Shipoopi, Shipoopi. Please share though.
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Posted: Mon Feb 18, 2008 4:58 pm
Full Heart, Empty Arms
Tell meh whatcha think XD
Thoughts of you illuminate my spirit;
Never a flicker of flame, but with
Arching bolts which strike with a force
That disturbs my equilibrium.
My min draces as waves of passion flush over
My pale skin, causing me to gaze upon visions
Of impossible romantic possibilities.
Pathetic is this woman who anticipates the
True rhythm of love, with a man she will never hold.
My imagined discourse of thoughts leave me suffering,
As my lips quiver with the words I shall never speak
to his: "I have loved youmore than anybody in this world."
The Mistake You Cannot Forget
You say you cannot forget
And you aren't ready to forgive
But I need your friendship
More than you'll even know
I need you there to live
Without you by my side today
Life's been going, oh so slow
I miss your calls
Our endless talks
The things we'd say
You can't even bare to look at me,
And I know my mistake
For because of one night,
And a few thoughtless actions,
When you saw me you ran and hid
I know we cannot take it back
As much as we would like to
But we could forget
And start all over
Just friends, that's me and you
If time is what you need,
Then I guess that's what you'll get
But I need you there for me soon,
My friend,
I hope you will forget.
Darkness
I'm swimming all alone in a pool of darkness
and I feel like darkness is slowly pulling me under
I yell for help but no one is there to hear it
I begin to see the water at eye level
and I kick and flail
fighting to stay above the darkness
But the darkness won't let go for its hold on me
and I slowly begin to give in
to teh feling that lies below the water line
the waters start to fill my lungs
the longs that once held so much life
yet now they allow the murky water to replace that
I know that this path doesn't lead to happiness
But why doesn't someone grab my hand
pull me from darkness' grasp?
because no one knows I stand at teh boundary
the boundary between light and dark
so I give in to the thing that holds me
All of my strength and all of the courage
that I once held in my heart
can't save me from the water
So I slowly slip below the world of conscientiousness
undetected by the occupants of thta world
I don't want to fight anymore
I've given into the darkness
Beautiful
He is beautiful, so very beautiful
Just like a winter's shining landscape,
As delicate as the petals of a daisy,
And as freely as the eagle soaring against teh blue
His eyes are as mysterious as the calm sea
Everything about him is so very precious,
More precious than all the gems in teh world
His soul is teh essence of teh sky and earth,
His feelings are a valcano that is yet to explode
His smile is the smile of lost innocence.
Pain vibrates deep inside his gentle heart.
A lock shuts in teh disturbed thoughts of his mind,
A mind with as many roads as the world has.
I look at him and I see a pure truth,
Like looking at a clear night sky,
Millions of starts twinkle within him.
He is beauty as I define it,
He is perfect, his imperfections make him so.
He is my best friend, and I love him,
I love him although, not because.
And I would give up all the things which I think are pretty
If only I can hold his beauty within me,
For he is everything in this world,
And I have found a world in him.
To put it simply, I want you
I want to be your companion
and walk hand in hand,
your strength enveloping mine.
Autumb leaves falling,
scuffing feet and laughter,
sharing nights, not finished by the dark.
I want to be your confidant
as you pen your deepest
thoughts, as your heartaches
bleed and finally break free.
Your dreams, I keep as if my own.
I want to smile as you smile
and giggle with you
at nothing at all.
I want to be your lover
and find the passions
that move you to action.
I want to be the softness
that reduces you to trust.
I want to be the naughty
that makes you come back for more
I want to please you.
I want to share your breakfast
and your dinner,
I want you in the shower
and in your bed and
with soft steps to bring you coffee
(I take mine black)
Your strong arms, the legs
that power your thrust,
your lips of pleasure,
these are the fuel of my desire
no it is no secret, my love,
and to put it very simply,
I want you.
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Posted: Mon Feb 18, 2008 5:14 pm
Some were a little emo-sounding, but the poetry is outstanding. I like the Beautiful. Oh and hi... Oh and I'm now making a new clan in Taki. I will soon be joining you kira. I'll be working on that right now. xd
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Posted: Mon Feb 18, 2008 5:39 pm
Ok I'll critique as I read, I don't know why but I'm really good at this.
K first one,
The last line in the frist Stanza, it doesn't flow well, I'd replace "That" with "Such to"
Arching bolts which strike with a force
Such to disturb my equilibrium.
Ans than the last line in the last stanza, Anyone sounds more poetic than anybody. Other than that great job! Now I shall read the others,
Sorry if looking at it, the critique was a little forceful.
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Posted: Mon Feb 18, 2008 5:50 pm
Okay, first cheerio...i made these in class in like....a minute O.o they aren't going to be perfect pieces of art... >.>' And you of all people looking through it and TRYING to find something wrong with them is kinda....grr...XD
uh...thank you kuronu~ XD
oh and a piece of info for you miss 'find something bad' XD I won a nation wide poetry contest, went to to nations capital and got a big a** trophy, a certificate stating my winnings, 30,000 dollars, a plaque, and my poem published! So take that!!! XD Oh, and I was only in 7th grade XD
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Posted: Mon Feb 18, 2008 6:02 pm
delete crying I knew this would happen
I feel really bad, because I have harsh critiques and I just really want to butcher your poem because i'm really good and the mix ad match thing, but I'm afraid I'll hurt your feelings, if you want me to keep going I will. but I just don't want to piss you off or anything. I hate it when people touch my work none the less draw on it, and i end up hating them a lot, I kind of feel like that's what I'm doing, sorry if I all ready made you feel bad. sad
Oh but thanks for the whole in your face thing...
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Posted: Mon Feb 18, 2008 6:09 pm
.....did you delete something cheerio......
and yes b***h! In your face XD and the poem I won wiht I spent like....ten minutes on...>.>" it was about Haku's death...I saw it in teh japanese version and i was so sad. I called it something angel...I want to find it again. I loved it.... crying made me cry when i read what i wrote...It was about haku and zabuza.
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Posted: Mon Feb 18, 2008 6:13 pm
Yes I deleted the critique I was working on for like the past ten minutes crying I've got a good poem too!
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Posted: Mon Feb 18, 2008 6:18 pm
NEVER DELETE A POST CHEERIO!!!!!! scream scream If I see you do it again I'll personally ban your a**!!!! I'm sick of telling people! It's in the ******** rules of the damn guild!!! meh, you didn't delete a post, sorry for the confusion
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Posted: Mon Feb 18, 2008 6:21 pm
I DIDN"T delete the damn post! I just deleted the critique and left the whole appoligy thing! GOD you think I'm that stupid! AH I HATE THIS I HATE EVERYTHING I JUST TRY TO DO SOMETHING NICE AND IT EXPLODES IN MY GODDAMN FACE! GOD I HATE THIS BYE I"m GOING TO EAT MY ******** DINNER!
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Posted: Mon Feb 18, 2008 6:23 pm
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Posted: Mon Feb 18, 2008 6:25 pm
Hey I'm sorry Kira, I'm really stressed and the in your face thing just pushed me over the top, I know it wouldn't seem that offinsive It's just that every time I've ever tried to do something like that, it never came true, I'm just sort of unlucky and than you said you wrote that in like ten minutes, and I got pissed. So I was all ready mad, and than I spent all that time doing your critique I and I got really into it too. and than I had to delete it Sorrry again
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Posted: Mon Feb 18, 2008 7:09 pm
Don't worry Cheerio. I'm used to being yelled at and beign told to ******** off <(^.^)> My family does it to me all the time~ I'm not accepted anywhere but online so meh~ One more yell couldn't hurt. ^_^ Pretty much have a cold metal plate for a heart as it is with all the crap I've had to go through. And if you didn't pay attention, I oppologized for the confusion. I misstook what you said about deleting is all. No need to explode on me for doing such a thing. And the in your face thing is just what every person does cheerio when they feel unworthy^_^ you critique-I find something to tell you I'm better than what you think. It's natural >.<' And sorry about hte whole thing about me writing it in ten minutes...its true though...>.<" If anything I can help you if you ever need it <(^.^)>
aw...poor ieviathan...*hugs* its okay. ^_^ If she meant it she would have already been banned and more than likely I would have gotten ahold of one my friends (who is a gaia mod XD) to delete her account and put a block on her pc ever getting on gaia again ^_^ yey for connections, again, listen to the Oto rules. Never get the Otokage angry ^_~
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