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 Posted: Tue Jan 02, 2007 8:01 pm
And onto my stupid weekend...
Sunday about 2 in the morning I'm where any guy would be after watching UFC at his cousin's: picking up a gallon of milk from Wal-Mart so the missus would have something to drink in the morning. So as I'm heading for the check out line I am approached by a well-dressed, black man who asked if I would be willing to donate a quarter to the "a** Shaking fund". He was with a group of his friends who had obviously put him up to it. They also had no clue who they were dealing with.
Me: "So who's a** will be shaking, because, and no offense because I'm sure you have a very nice a**, but I don't need to see it shake."
Guy: "Well it won't be my a**, but there will be asses shaken."
At this point two of the girls in his group were literally rolling on the floor laughing and another girl had a camera out.
Me: "Now, will these asses be shaking along the guidelines and practices laid out by the United a** Shaker's Association, the UASA if you will."
Guy: "Oh yes, we are completely up to code on a** shaking."
So I gave the guy fifty cents and went on merry way.
BUT IT DOESN'T END THERE FOLKS!
The following evening found me at Wendy's picking up dinner for the very hormonal missus, who in fact called me while I was at the counter to make sure I got the order right.
Me: "Sorry about that, but she's got serious cravings. She's having twins."
Girl behind the counter who was COMPLETELY SERIOUS: (Turning to the manager) "How you get pregnant with twins?"
The Manager: (without missing a beat) "You have to do it upsidedown."
Now the girl's looking at me with a shocked look on her face.
Me: "That's how I roll."
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Posted: Tue Jan 02, 2007 8:39 pm
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Posted: Tue Jan 02, 2007 8:40 pm
Indeed. I fear my reputation in this town has taken on a life of it's own. rolleyes
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Posted: Tue Jan 02, 2007 8:42 pm
Only appropriate for a card carrying member of the UASA. 3nodding
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Posted: Tue Jan 02, 2007 8:45 pm
This is gonna turn into a thing, isn't it. sweatdrop
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Posted: Tue Jan 02, 2007 8:47 pm
Soon as I change my sig. xp
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Posted: Tue Jan 02, 2007 8:48 pm
Two days! I can't get two days into the new year without starting something!
Spider's gonna have kittens. gonk
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Posted: Tue Jan 02, 2007 8:49 pm
I don't care what he has so long as he shakes dat azz
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Posted: Tue Jan 02, 2007 8:55 pm
Oy vey.
I'm seeing it now. One week later. Sigs saying "Proud member of the UASA", "Donator to the UASA", "Sponser of the UASA", and the n00blets in the CDF PMing the hell out each other trying to figure out what the hell the UASA is.
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Posted: Tue Jan 02, 2007 9:01 pm
I wants to be a sponser!
We could maybe get a picture of Assey McGee for a badge.
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Posted: Tue Jan 02, 2007 9:01 pm
Jaeger_Ayers Oy vey. I'm seeing it now. One week later. Sigs saying "Proud member of the UASA", "Donator to the UASA", "Sponser of the UASA", and the n00blets in the CDF PMing the hell out each other trying to figure out what the hell the UASA is.
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Posted: Tue Jan 02, 2007 9:03 pm
And here we go.... gonk rolleyes
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Posted: Tue Jan 02, 2007 9:06 pm
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Posted: Tue Jan 02, 2007 9:07 pm
If it helps, you don't have to wear a bow this time.
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Posted: Tue Jan 02, 2007 9:13 pm
Lucifer Morningstar If it helps, you don't have to wear a bow this time. Actually I got a few compliments on the bow. And while on the subject... "studmuffin" eh?
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