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Strategies for Successful Relationships

Ever wonder why some people have tons of friends and seem to be able to make any relationship a great one? It’s because they’ve learned the secrets of relationship strategies. These strategies aren’t really secret, but since so many people struggle with relationships, we tend to think there must be a huge secret to establishing and maintaining great relationships.

The truth is, Jesus knew the art of good relationships, and He wants us to have solid relationships, too. So let’s look at a few strategies that will enable you to establish solid relationships.

• The Power of Words. If you’ve ever said something you immediately wished you hadn’t, you know the power of thoughtless words. They can crush, demean and intimidate in a matter of seconds, can’t they? On the other hand, positive words can affirm, encourage and motivate. People who have good relationships know the power of their words. They have realized those around them can never receive too much encouragement. Think about it: Have you ever grown tired of someone affirming you? We can’t get enough, can we? We love positive affirmation!

Your words hold a lot of power. In fact, we’re warned in James 3:1 about the power of our words. We’re told that not many of us should be teachers—or people who give instruction—simply because of the potential damage we’re able to do with our words.

People all around you are dying for encouragement. If you truly desire to have good relationships with others, you’ll learn how to become a genuine encourager. Why is it sometimes difficult to encourage others?

A. Because of intimacy. To affirm those around you requires an intimate exchange of words. Often times our own personal insecurity keeps our mouth shut. What will he think if I affirm him? I don’t feel good enough about myself to encourage someone else. If I try to encourage her, I’ll come off sounding stupid, are thoughts that often invade our minds.

B. Because of inability. Are you harboring anger in your life? If so, it will be tough to encourage others. Think about it: What comes out of your mouth reveals what’s in your heart. Ask God to help you resolve any anger and bitterness you may be holding inside.

If you’ve been encouraged by someone, you know the results genuine affirmation can produce. (1) It brings change into a life. What an amazing challenge—to be able to build someone’s self-esteem and change her life by your encouraging words! (2) It brings confidence. “I believe in you” are four extremely powerful words! Use them to make a positive difference. Exercise them to provoke change.

Know It!
God wants to perform heart surgery on you! He wants to soften your heart to be more sensitive to others. This will automatically make your relationships more genuine.

Read It!
Matthew 12:35; James 3:1.

Pray It!
Ask God to bring to your attention people who need a special word of encouragement from you.

Sunday May 6th

Food That Endures

Jesus said to them, “I am the bread of life; whoever comes to Me shall not hunger, and whoever believes in Me shall never thirst.” John 6:35

After Jesus fed the five thousand, a crowd of people followed Him across the Sea of Galilee. Even though they had eaten all they could the day before, their hunger had returned. They wanted another meal. Jesus knew they were following Him only because He had given them their fill of bread.
Jesus pointed them to the hunger than gnaws more deeply than does any hunger of our stomachs. This is the spiritual hunger of our souls. Like the crowd looking to satisfy their bellies, we sinners attempt to fill our spiritual hunger with things that do not satisfy—money, possessions, food and drink, power, sex, or various forms of spirituality devoid of Christ.
Jesus shows us that He is the food that truly satisfies our spiritual hunger. He is God in the flesh, who has come to fill our hunger for God. Christ is the bread of life, who feeds us to eternal life in Him. Christ suffered and died on the cross to save humankind from sin. Christ rose from the grave to live forever and to die no more, so that He may be our only life and salvation. Our hearts and souls are satisfied in Him.

Lord Jesus, thank You for renewing me through Your Word and Sacrament by the comfort of Your Holy Spirit. Amen.

Identification Station I

He calls himself CatMan, and he’s spent thousands of dollars transforming his physical appearance to look like a tiger. And if you’ve seen photos of him, you’d have to admit he really does look half man and half feline. He spares no expense. CatMan’s body is covered with tiger-striped tattoos. He’s also undergone countless surgical procedures—implants have been placed in his brows and in the bridge of his nose. His ears have been cut to shape in a pointed fashion and his earlobes relocated to give his ears a more cat-like appearance.

CatMan’s septum has also been relocated to stretch out and flatten his nose and his lip has been cleffed— all to appear more cat-like. He’s had silicone implanted in his cheeks, upper lip and chin in order to change his profile. He wears cat-like contact lenses and has had his teeth cut and reshaped to appear tiger-like. His front teeth are split in the middle, and he has long pointed fangs in place of where his scissor teeth used to be.

Is that all? Not by a long shot! His upper lip sports labret-type piercing—six on each side—that his “whiskers” thread into. You can imagine what his fingernails look like: They’re a few inches long and curl downward near the end . . . yes, just like a tiger’s. When he has the money, and has found the right surgeon, he’ll have fur sewn onto his skin.

Sound like someone’s having an identity crisis? What would motivate someone to spend thousands of dollars to look like what most of society would consider freakish? Hmmm. What motivates us to spend big bucks just to have the latest Nike laced up our feet or to wear Tommy Hilfiger’s newest creation? It’s all about identity, isn’t it?

Not only do we desire to know ourselves; we also desire to proclaim it. We want to be noticed for who we are. You may be known as the best trumpet player on your campus, the most popular student in the hallway, the girl with the golden voice, the guy who makes everyone laugh, the girl who could actually make professional basketball her profession, the future model or the one who’s headed for Broadway.

Maybe that’s what others are telling you, but what is God telling you? Who does He say you are? (Hint: It has nothing to do with your talents, skills or gifts.)

Know It!
God created you in His image, and He wants to shine through your life. Your true identity will always be found in Him.

Read It!
Psalm 139.

Pray It!
If you’ve struggled with your identity, admit that to God. Ask for His guidance in finding your identity in Him.

Identification Station II

It was the stuff movies are made of. Handsome, strong, athletic 19-year-old Brian Sakultarawattn (pronounced skoon-tra-WATT) hiked the mountains with his best friend, 18-year-old Haley Havlik. She had packed their lunch, and the two were excited to be breathing in the fresh Oregon air. They laughed, panted and half-ran to very top, then paused to thank God for His beauty.

While Haley packed the remains of lunch back into the basket, Brian reached into his backpack and pulled out a miniscule box. When Haley turned around, he was on one knee and had opened the box.

“I always want to take care of you,” he said. “Will you marry me?”

Brian had already cleared his intentions with Haley’s parents and promised they wouldn’t set an immediate date. After Haley affirmed her response, she and Brian talked about a year and a half engagement. They hiked down the mountain happier than any two people in love with God and each other could be. Little did they know their world was about to change forever.

* * *

Tuesday. December 26, 1995. A day Brian and Haley would never forget.

Brian was working at Teen Trees International, a tree farm near his home in St. Helens, Ore. He had been learning forestry management skills there for the past two years. Brian and his supervisor tossed a few loads of discarded paper into a burn barrel in the parking lot and watched it burn. Dan left for lunch, and Brian guarded the fire alone.

When the flames shot above the barrel’s rim, Brian glanced around the shop for a bucket of water to dowse the fire. As soon as he tossed the contents of the bucket onto the flames, it was evident that Brian had mistaken what was in the barrel.

BOOM!

Brian had grabbed a bucket of gasoline instead of water.

* * *

Hours later, Haley, her family and Brian’s family listened as the surgeon approached them with the news that Brian had miraculously survived. Even though 94 percent of his body had been grotesquely burned, Brian was alive. But the handsome, dark- skinned, athletic young man was no longer even recognizable.

Brian learned fast that true identity can not be established on anything other than a close relationship with Jesus Christ.

Know It!
Resist the temptation to place your identity in things that can quickly change. If your identity is founded on talent, physical appearance or those around you, it can be demolished in a matter of seconds.

Read It!
Genesis 1:26-27, 31; Romans 12:2-8.

Pray It!
Pray that you won’t base your identity on outward appearance.

Identification Station III

During the next several months, the burn staff had to reconstruct Brian’s exterior shell—the gatekeeper against deadly infections. Using skin from cadavers and grafts from what little skin he had left, surgeons stapled together an intricate quilt of skin.

This blanket of cadaver skin was just temporary; it bought the physicians enough time to have Brian’s own skin grown in a lab from a small graft. When his new skin arrived, cut into squares the size of mini Post-It notes, doctors repeated the grueling process of scraping off the old skin and stitching on the new.

To keep Brian alive, surgeons had to sacrifice his infected limbs—his forearms were amputated, part of his left leg was gone, and he was still in danger of losing his right foot. He endured 19 surgeries during the several months he was at the Oregon Burn Center. Three weeks later, Brian regained consciousness.

He later lost his vision, hands and fingers.

What about the engagement? Haley had a big decision to make. When she promised to spend the rest of her life with Brian, he was everything she’d ever dreamed of—physically, emotionally and spiritually. Things were different now.

But Haley’s response? “I just doesn’t matter to me how Brian looks on the outside,” she said. “He’s still the same on the inside. I still see that boyish smile. I still share the dream of someday raising a family.”

Two years after the accident, Brian and Haley were married. Brian wears his wedding ring on a chain around his neck, and the doctors say he can father a child. “I thank God every day for another chance to live,” he says. “I especially thank Him for Haley. Someday, we’ll have kids!”

The community rallied around the young couple and collected enough funds to build them a special home with ramps for Brian’s wheelchair. And today, seven years after the accident, Haley still doesn’t question her commitment to Brian. She knows true beauty comes from the soul and real identity comes from a solid relationship with the Creator.

Know It!
God can use you just the way you are! He wants to help you discover your true identity in Him, and He yearns to guide you into developing a positive self-image of yourself. He wants your identity to come from the fact that you have incredible value to Him!

Read It!
Genesis 2:7; Judges 3:15-21; Romans 13:9.

Pray It!
Thank God for the privilege of being made in His image. Ask Him to help you accept yourself just as you are.

Identification Station IV

“So, I don’t know,” Latasha said after the youth meeting. “Like . . . how do I know who I am?”

“Ah, you’ve asked a great question,” Pastor Steve responded. “People have been asking that same question for centuries.”

“Okay. So how do I find my identity?”

“It all begins with a strong relationship in Jesus Christ,” he answered.

“Yeah, I’ve heard you say that before,” Latasha said. “But I don’t get what that has to do with anything.”

“Latasha, God created you. He knows everything about you—your fears, what makes you happy, when you sit or stand, why you procrastinate on your homework . . . He knows it all.”

“Yeah, I believe that. But I still don’t understand how that can help in my search for identity.”

“Let’s say you invented something, Latasha.”

“Yeah, right,” she smirked.

“You’re on the track team, aren’t you?”

“Yeah, but what’s that got to do—”

“Latasha, let’s say you created a special running shoe that enabled you to run the mile in one minute.”

“That’s impossible!”

“Not only will this shoe enable runners to have greater speed, but it will also assist in jumping long distances. Get this: From a stationary position, you’d be able to jump 10 feet.”

Latasha couldn’t help but laugh.

“But, there’s something special about these shoes,” Pastor Steve continued. “They have to be laced a certain way. They need to be kept in an exact temperature of 34 degrees for eight hours before you wear them to enhance your athletic ability, and you have to rub baby oil on the soles. If you do all this before you wear the shoes, you’ll be able to set new records in running and jumping.”

“That’s wild!”

“But let’s just imagine it’s true,” Pastor Steve said.

“If it were true, my shoes would definitely be a hit world-wide!” Latasha said.

“They sure would. And the media would be hounding you for interviews.”

“I’d be famous!”

“But other sports companies would soon start copying your shoe, and the media would begin interviewing them as well.”

“Yeah, but I created the original. So what I say holds more weight than those other guys, right?” Latasha asked.

“Exactly,” Pastor Steve said. “And guess what—it works the same way in your relationship with Jesus Christ. Since He created you, and knows you better than anyone else, doesn’t it make sense that if you really want to find out how you work and who you are that go directly to the Creator?”

“Ahh,” Latasha said. “I think I’m starting to get it. Keep going.”

Know It!
Jesus Christ wants to lead you in your search for identity, and since He knows you better than anyone else, doesn’t it make sense to trust His guidance?

Read It!
Psalm 139; Ecclesiastes 7:13.

Pray It!
Identify the hardest thing for you to accept about your personal identity. Ask God to take control.

Identification Station V

“Pastor Steve, I’m really glad you’ve been doing this series on finding our identity,” Latasha said. “And thanks for taking time to talk with me after youth group tonight. I really do want to find my identity.”

“You’re not alone, Latasha! Every human in the world wants to know himself. Think about this: There will always be other voices who surround you proclaiming that they can tell you who you are, how you work and what you’re made of. Some of your friends will offer their take on your identity, and I’m guessing your school friends will say your ability on the track is who you are.”

“That’s exactly what they’d say,” Latasha admitted. “But they don’t know how tired I am of competing. In fact, I think this will be my last year on the team.”

“So their assessment is incorrect. They don’t really know you at the core of your being, right?”

“Yeah.”

“And I’m guessing your church friends would say your identity is in your voice. After all, Latasha, no one can sing ‘America the Beautiful’ like you!”

“That’s exactly what my church girls tell me!”

“But if you developed nodules on your vocal chords in the next few weeks, chances are good that you’d never sing again. So music really isn’t your identity, is it? Your church friends don’t actually know you at the core of your being, do they?”

“Wow. Guess not.”

“But there’s Someone who does know you, and He knows you much better than you’ll ever even know yourself. And that’s your Creator. Just as you would want the media coming to you to find out about your creation—your shoes—so your heavenly Father wants you coming to Him to find your identity.”

“I get it. That makes sense!”

“So Latasha, the more you get to know Jesus Christ, the better you know yourself. You learn your identity through the only One who can give you identity!”

“Yeah! I’m with you. If I want to know myself better, I need to spend more time with Jesus.”

“You got it.”

“And the closer I grow to Him, the more whole I’ll become.”

“Exactly. Now I’ve got the munchies. How about a burger and fries?”

“No thanks, Pastor Steve. I’ve got an idea for some athletic shoes I wanna sketch out.”

“Ha! Get real.”

“And then I’m gonna start a prayer journal.”

“Now you’re talking!”

Know It!
Instead of searching for your identity in temporary things such as relationships, activities or talent, base it on a firm foundation in Christ. He is an unshakeable Kingdom and can’t be defeated or swayed. He is eternal.

Read It!
Psalm 139; Hebrews 12:28.

Pray It!
Tell God that you want to know Him better and better. Ask Him to help you discipline yourself more to Him each day.

Identification Station VI

The bottom line on finding your identity? Get to know the source of your identity, Jesus Christ. Here are some practical tips on discovering who you are.

1. Determine to be real. Pretending to be something you’re not will only harm your search for identity. In the classic children’s book The Velveteen Rabbit by Margery Williams, a toy rabbit longs to become real. Let’s eavesdrop on his conversation with another toy in the nursery:

“What is REAL?” asked the Rabbit one day. “Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?”

“Real isn’t how you are made,” said the Skin Horse. “It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real. It doesn’t happen all at once. You become. It takes a long time. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”

2. Understand the risks. Being real means being vulnerable. And being vulnerable means being honest. Jesus was extremely real. He never pretended to be something He wasn’t. When He felt anger, He showed it and explained the source. When He was moved by pity, He expressed it and taught His disciples to do the same.

But with being real, comes the risk of being rejected. Jesus was willing to take that risk, and He wants to empower you to take the same risks He did.

3. Don’t argue with your Creator. Ask God to give you contentment in who you are. Instead of questioning why you’re not good at this or don’t look like so-and-so, simply trust your heavenly Father in knowing that His plan is absolutely perfect! As Brian and Haley Sakultarawattn found the strength to accept without understanding, God desires the same of you!

Know It!
You may not understand God’s reasoning for making you tall, shy, stocky or impulsive, but His plan is perfect! The mature disciple will accept God’s ways, even though he doesn’t fully understand them.

Read It!
Isaiah 45:9-12; Psalm 40:8-10, 16-17.

Pray It!
Admit to God that you have questioned His ways. Ask Him to help you become content with the way things are and for strength to accept His ways without understanding.