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 Posted: Tue Mar 13, 2007 7:29 pm
"I-I'm sorry it took me so long to approach you. I had to think about it, I guess, it all kinda' took me by surprise, you showing up here and all," he took a few deep breaths, regaining composure, and tucked the necklace back into his clothing. "Can we talk somewhere else?" He didn't like all the people around them.
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Posted: Tue Mar 13, 2007 7:47 pm
Ian just nodded. He didn't trust his voice at this moment. He knew that if he spoke it would just come out shaky or worse, he would end up crying. He was so sick of feeling like he was going to cry. He had, had that feeling too many times today. He slowly reached out and held on to Jamie's sleeve motioning that they should go somewhere else to talk.
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Posted: Tue Mar 13, 2007 7:51 pm
Jamie walked them slowly out to the balcony, holding onto Ian's hand, running his thumb over Ian's knuckles gently, silent as they walked. He locked the door behind them, letting them out onto the balcony, and leaned on the railing. He didn't look at Ian, "What are you doing here?"
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Posted: Tue Mar 13, 2007 7:59 pm
Ian followed Jamie out onto the balcony, looked at Jamie and then at the view from the balcony. "I...I came here for my gun...I know you have it." He said without thinking. He did but the real reason was obvious. He came here to see Jamie again. It was too lonely back home. He liked it better when he could see Jamie. Even if it meant that they were going to fight again. It was just comforting to know that Jamie was still there. Plus, the mafia had gone a bit haywire with the loss of the boss's son. Ian wanted to get away from it all.
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Posted: Tue Mar 13, 2007 8:29 pm
"Why? You still have one, its the same model, you didn't need to come all the way here." In a way, Jamie knew that wasn't why Ian was here, but he was willing to pretend for the moment, it made life a whole lot easier. He didn't want to think about the way he and Ian still felt for each other, yet still, he couldn't find it in himself to face the other man. He continued leaning over the balcony, staring off into space.
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Posted: Tue Mar 13, 2007 8:44 pm
"That's....because...um..." Ian faltered for a few seconds. Darn it...Of course he had the same model...He put his hand in his pocket. He felt the cold metal of the gun he had brought with him. It was Jamie's gun. The same exact model only without the butterfly clip. "It's...not my gun...I need that gun...Yours...doesn't..shoot...the same way. That's all..." Ian bit his lip. The bitter taste of blood hit his tongue. He had bit his lip way too much lately. Ian held his breath for Jamie's answer. He knew that they were both only waiting for the other to confess but neither wanted to be the first one to take that first step.
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Posted: Tue Mar 13, 2007 9:55 pm
"Thats a load of crap and we both know it," Jamie sighed, turning to look at Ian for the first time since entering the balcony. Christ I could use a drink about now, and not just to throw it in his face. He managed a weak smile, rubbing his bare arms as if cold. It wasn't cold outside, but Jamie had to move, somehow, to distract himself from what was going on in the real world.
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Posted: Tue Mar 13, 2007 11:53 pm
Ian glared at Jamie. "A load of crap? No. I don't think so. I'll tell you what a load of crap is. You leaving me and the rest of the mafia behind and then expect me to pick up after you. Do you know how much stuff your dad has pulled on us because you're gone? Don't just leave and not expect one of us to come and look for you." Ian pulled off his jacket and threw it to Jamie. "Put that on. You need to eat more. You're still so damn skinny...."
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Posted: Wed Mar 14, 2007 12:11 am
"I'm not cold," he groaned. He didn't like where this was going, to have all the blame set on him, and, in a way, he was angry at Ian for it. He was angry at a lot of things at the moment, and, to a point, he just wanted this settled so he could move on. He didn't like avoiding everyone else, he didn't like withdrawing and becoming just a reaction to other people. He wanted to be able to move on, he wanted all of this to pass. It didn't look like it was going to. He ignored the jacket, let it fall to the ground. "You didn't have to come stalking me. You could have stayed there and let it all go to Hell. I know you don't really care, puts you right in your place, the poor little victim of it all."
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Posted: Wed Mar 14, 2007 12:23 am
Ian could only stand there shocked. Then something just snapped."Who-WHO THE HECK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE!?" Ian screamed. "How dare you! I came all the way here just to look for you! And this is what you're throwing at me!? I loved you for 7 years of my life. I gave them to you! And you do nothing but cheat on me in return?! Then you run off, ignore me, and then step all over me like I'm nothing but s**t on the bottom of your shoe?! VICTIM MY a**! You're the one that acts like a victim! You can't take it all so you run away! YOU ALWAYS RUN AWAY!" Ian stomped right over to Jamie and slapped him hard. "You can die for all I care. Forget you! I want nothing to do with you anymore! I'm so sick about constantly worrying about you!!!! GO AND DIE!"
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Posted: Wed Mar 14, 2007 1:29 am
He reached up to touch the abrased skin, test how bad it hurt. He closed his eyes, but even that couldn't chase away the images, years ago, the world he thought he was escaping.
(Flashback, warning.)
“You get yourself right back here before it gets any worse! You deserve everything you’re getting!”
Jamie had forgotten he had the keys to the door. His hair was pulled back forcibly, he closed his eyes to avoid the face. He was drunk again. Not Jamie, no, of course not Jamie, Jamie’s too small, fourteen, maybe he should, but Jamie doesn’t drink. He’s scared of drinking, apparently it makes you hurt people badly. He could feel the rug beneath his body, pulling along him, burning heat. He opened his eyes tentatively, saw the hallway going by. He was being dragged towards the stairs. Instinctively, he flinched, curled his body into himself in preparation.
He sensed the movement, dragged Jamie to his feet. “You think you don’t deserve it, huh? Then WHAT WERE YOU DOING?!” Jamie flinched, again, for the blow that ran across his face, forced it to the other side, slammed him into the wall. At least it wasn’t the stairs. Those would have, may still come, to be worse. He tasted blood, pooling in his mouth, and spit without thinking.
That only made it worse. “What? Does it hurt? Well I’m sorry, but you really asked for it, ignoring your duties and all.” Sadism, repressed anger in a sickly saccharine voice. He forced Jamie to face him, Jamie closed his eyes. If you look at it then its real. If you look at it its really there, it really hurts. If you don’t, maybe, just maybe, it’ll go away.
It didn’t. Another slap, he twisted Jamie’s arm, holding it to the wall above him, twisted at an unnatural angle. The bones grated against each other, struggling against the way they were held by a hand three times their size. Jamie’s fists clenched, his face contorted, he couldn’t control his movements anymore, so he struggled. Dragged by the hand that had so recently been forced into the wall, he was pulled down the stairs, and thrown into the wall separating the main room unto itself. His shoulders took most of it, fortunately avoiding the head, he didn’t want another concussion, no thank you, not with having to go to school and everything, he didn’t need a concussion. He slumped to the ground.
Jamie could hear him in the kitchen. He stood, flinching through the shockwaves in his shoulders, and ran for it. Always running yes I know I’m always running, but what can I do when everything hurts and no one’s there for me they’re barely there for themselves how can I really expect them to be there for me?
Running won’t solve a thing I know but it makes it easier for you and safer for me if I’m not there.
He locked the door, propped a chair under it and locked himself in the bathroom attached. No way in, he thought. Under the sink, in the cabinet, was a knife. Maybe the same one he was looking for in the kitchen.
Fine. You don’t want me here I don’t have to be here.
Warm, wet blood on his lower stomach. Something no one would see. Didn’t have to, unless they wanted to. Not a cry for help, not a need for attention, not a need to die. A need for numbness, for things to go away. To dull the sounds of his anger, his heavy footsteps on the stairs. The pounding on the door dulled to a thud in his ears, bass on speakers. He cleaned the knife, bandaged the wounds, put everything away.
“Where’d the knife go ya’ little s**t??”
He had unlocked the door, but he didn’t have the key to the bathroom. It wasn’t a key lock.
“I know you’re in there! Don’t go running from me!"
Jamie curled himself into the shower, making himself as small as he could, still bleeding. The cuts stung, his shoulders throbbed. But he could take it. Was it really that important? Its just a little pain, if it makes him feel better let him do it. But I won’t. I won’t ever. I don’t want to hurt people. I can’t hurt people.
No but they can hurt you just fine. In fact, more and more its seeming they like to. They want to.
No no no, I let them. I ask for it you heard him. Its my fault.
The door splintered, he curled further in. He wouldn’t break his own door, would he? Jamie tried to remember, would he? Yes, but he’d make Jamie pay for it. He moved to the door, opened it, tried to duck under the large man, just like he knew he’d want Jamie to.
He grabbed Jamie’s shirt, threw him into the bedroom, dislodging a framed record from the wall, shattering the frame with the force. Jamie couldn’t look at him, still telling himself in that five year old part of his mind that if he didn’t look, maybe it wasn’t real. Maybe he could still wake up. He couldn’t move further back. He couldn’t fall any deeper. And he couldn’t blame himself more. Don’t provoke him, keep to yourself, do as you’re told and you might be able to survive long enough to run as far away as you can. Four more years, four more years Jamie and this will all be over.
Call the cops. He’s drunk and he’s violent.
Remember what happened last time? He owns the cops. They’re under his control.
There has to be a good one.
Aren’t parents supposed to love their children? Someone told me that once.
They lied. Theres an exception to every rule.
First strike.
He cried out.
Second strike, away from his face, don’t want the bruises to be too bad.
Tears escaped, unbidden by anyone, unwanted.
“Fine, I’ll do it myself. I don’t know what you expect, I feed you, I clothe you, you can’t even do a few simple chores in return? You stay here and think about that.”
Like I could move.
(End flashback)
He looked at Ian. "I never hated you. Never once did I hate you."
He wasn't sure who he was talking to.
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Posted: Wed Mar 14, 2007 9:31 am
Ian stared at Jamie for a long time until he realized what he had done. I...I hit him.... Ian had never hit Jamie in all of their 7 years of knowing and being together. Sure, they had their fights but they never resorted to physical violence. What Ian had done was against the rules. Ian knew how Jamie was with physical abuse. Just mildly hitting him could trigger painful memorizes that they had both tried to suppress in Jamie. Ian had been there for him. But now it had taken a turn and Ian was the one abusing him. Ian stepped away from Jamie. Guilt and disgust for himself hit Ian hard. There was no need to yell at him and hit him no matter how much Ian wanted to hate him right now. But Jamie didn't hate him...Ian finally let the tears out. "I-I'm so sorry...I didn't...mean to....I'm sorry...I didn't mean any of it...I really...do care about you...Please forgive me..."
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Posted: Wed Mar 14, 2007 5:35 pm
Jamie chanced a hopeful smile. "Does... Does this mean, maybe, we don't have to fight anymore?" He wasn't ready to get back together with him, by any means, but he didn't want to argue, to fixate on him anymore. He hoped they could just exist, together, as friends. And he wasn't sure he could take being hit again.
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Posted: Wed Mar 14, 2007 5:49 pm
Ian slowly wiped away his tears. He was still crying but managed a nod. "O...okay..." He whispered. "I...I'd....like that..." Ian really didn't want to fight anymore. He was so sick of it all. In fact, if he could just leave then everything would be even better. Ian timidly hugged Jamie and picked up his jacket off the ground. He silently left to go and take a shower...somewhere...A hot shower would make him feel much better. Maybe he could even put all of this behind him.
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Posted: Wed Mar 14, 2007 11:35 pm
Izzy stood about the living room, watching as the large group of people that had gathered there slowly went their seperate ways before realizing that Kyrin also went missing. Ky? With all these new people about with the potential to be her new friends, Izzy was distinctly reminded of how little time her and her best friend had spent together recently. Now feeling the need to add to that small amount of time, Izzy went about looking for Kyrin, beginning in the backyard. She walked about outside the house for a good while until she realized that the sun was quickly setting. Not wanting to be stuck outside when the darkness swooped in, not to mention all the potential ghouls and creatures that came along with them in Izzy's mind, she went back into the house.
Closing the door behind her, she spoke out into the emptiness of the entryway, "Ky?" but gathered no response. In a way, she was hoping that if she said Kyrin's name, the girl would appear like a genie. Not here... Izzy's expression dampened a bit but she continued on her search.
Peeking her head into the kitchen, she found only Lily, sitting upon a stool there. No Ky. Normally she would talk to Lily but she really didnt want to talk to anyone other than Kyrin right then. Leaving the kitchen doorway, Izzy walked towards the staircase, thinking that perhaps Kyrin was upstairs taking a bath. She passed by the doorway to the ballroom and heard a jumble of voices. She seemed to perk up instantly. Ky! Rushing into the room, Izzy stopped at the entrance, one hand resting on the doorframe. She scanned the crowd that had gathered around Kyrin's throne but nowhere did she see the familiar blue of Kyrin's hair. Craig, Draven, and Jaydn seemed to be in deep conversation while Nori watched. Seeing them all together, Izzy felt a pang in her chest. I want Ky...
She wiped at her eyes slightly before turning away and sprinting up the stairs, running by the bathroom that she recognized was unoccupied and then coming to Kyrin's room. Immediately her hand went to the doorknob, her turning and pushing at the same time, desperate to get inside and be in good company. "Ky!" Much to her dismay, the door didn't give way and the knob simply rattled in response. What? Ky never locks her door, what's wrong? Doesn't she want to see me? Does she not like me anymore? Suddenly Kyrin's missing presence and neglect of Izzy seemed more than just pure coincidence. She felt she knew now why her friend was always gone and they never hung out anymore. She hates me. Tears flooded down Izzy's cheeks, one hand reaching up, almost as if to wipe the door away as she sobbed, "Ky..." Her voice was choked up and her chest felt tight. Slowly she sank to the floor, head bowed as her arms wrapped around herself. Softly, desolately, Izzy cried, "Please, don't leave me alone..."
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