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 Posted: Tue Dec 13, 2016 4:02 am
Orion seemed bothered by the fact that Alpha didn't start going into detail about the circumstances behind his criminal record. He didn't say as much though, likely because he already knew that most people's records were doctored or exaggerated to make the prisoners look worse than they were. Nonetheless he kept them on the counter for Alpha to look over, while he answered Alphas question. "He said that you were a strong leader with a lot of experience and that you were the second one of your group to be imprisoned in Sans Espoir, the first being Carpo who has been in and out in at least 5 times. He said you were the best at tactics and guerilla fighting and that you helped train a good number of the rebels. He also said that you are fiercely loyal to your group and have no qualms throwing people you view as outsiders or uncooperative under the bus should their use as a scapegoat or fall guy prove to be more beneficial to the groups survival... Kravos handpicked people from the prison to join but you ultimately whether or not they were a good fit or not," he said calmly as he watched Alpha to see if he reacted negatively to anything that had been said," mostly business related stuff. We generally ended up relocating a lot of your rejects to our country in hopes that they could find what they needed there." Rene listened closely to what Orion said about Alpha, curious to know about what Kravos had told him. Upon hearing that last bit, he stoped his idle stirring and looked over to the two, curious to hear what Alpha had to say about that matter. --- "Hm..? Oh they just wanted me to get TR's files out of the database... They were afraid that the government would try to delete them after knowing that I accessed them," he said and he kept his head on Pan's chest, not wanting to look him in the eyes while explaining this next part. "Alpha wants to show them the files in hopes that they will see the program as threatening enough for Zed's government to try and dismantle our government...... But I don't think it's a good idea.... It will probably just cause a war of some sort.... rather than change things the way we want them too... Not to mention, it puts you in danger....." Lifting his head at that last part, he looked up to Pan, locking eyes with him for a few moments before digging into his pocket. "I was going to hold onto this for safe keeping, make sure that if they did need to find out about the TR program... that they wouldn't know you were related to it.... but that's... that's not really my call to make... It's yours. So.. umm... here," he whispered and he slipped the zip drive into Pan's shirt pocket,".... it's yours to control... and I... I support whatever choice you chose to make with it..."
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Posted: Fri Dec 16, 2016 8:59 pm
Alpha pursed his lips and nodded in agreement to most of what the guard had said. Though it peeved him that Orion seemed to be expecting someone else to be this person to match his expectations, but Alpha took most of it pretty lighthearted. Kravos seemed to have a bit of a mouth on him. Well, if this man had any issues about the way Alpha presented himself, surely he would be distinguished enough to discuss his thoughts directly. Alpha gave a small grin,
"Heh.. sounds about right. Thank you for doing all you can for those citizens. I may not have trusted them, but I'm sure you can understand my levels of precaution. Our main goal is to topple our government's tyranny. A goal I'm sure someone must've told you... ". he said.
Alpha took some of the papers from the counter in hand and carefully began to glance them over. "What are these? " he asked as he examined the pictures first, not yet reading captions or reports. Some were just basic pictures or himself running or other scenarios from their efforts in the past.
~
Pan lovingly embraced the red head closer, leaning his cheek on the other's head. The moment was sweet and warm until Carpo revealed just what they were doing. It seemed that Alpha was ready to use Pan as a piece of evidence to support their case. Carpo seemed against it though. Which made Pan concerned and elated all at the same time. Elated because Carpo cared, it was the simplest of acts that brought the greatest joy to Pan's heart. But also concerned because Pan didn't feel worthy enough to receive his protection, not for the greater cause at stake. "mm.." he muttered softly.
But then Carpo pulled out the flash drive to give to him. The doctor's blood sort of ran cold as he gave the slightest of unnoticeable glaces to the two men talking across the room. He stared long and hard at the drive presented to him. The curiosity of what exactly was on the drive was tugging at his brain. He looked over Carpo's face and felt like for once he couldn't follow what Carpo was thinking. Everything so far had been for their cause. Carpo had always been protective but what ever was on that drive seemed to have Carpo so unnerved that things might come to a halt if Pan was given the chance to say 'don't show this...'. With a slight frown, Pan pulled back and whispered in a voice full of worry.
" Can you show me whats on it?"
he asked quiet enough to hope that the other commanders wouldn't hear but he did his best to not seem nervous by smiling a small questioning smile. It must be something big to rely it Pan so his curiosity was peeked. Now, If Carpo didn't show him what was on the drive, it wouldn't be the end of the world. He'd let the guards have, and it allow them to do what they can. He trusted Carpo to make the right decision in a matter he'd been striving for for so long. Maybe it would be best for Carpo not to show him anything at all... But if he did find out whatever damning evidence was on that flash drive... would Pan be selfish enough to withhold that information....?
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Posted: Mon Dec 19, 2016 7:49 am
"I have been told, yes," he said as he watched Alpha closely. There were a number of pictures, capturing him at different ages and in different places. They had one of him running through the woods, another during a shoot out. They even had a few of him as he grew up within the system. "This is everything your government knows about you. Your hacker did a good job erasing your records online, but not in person. In fact, if I remember correctly, it was these files he was looking to get rid of before one of his more recent inprisonments into Sans Espoir...," Orion said as he began opening up Carpo's file," ah yes. Right here. A mixture of the burning of confidential fires and the murder of two federal agents.... Anyways, everything we know about you two is in there. And the picture it paints of you and Carpo are not very bright. I recognize it's because you two are rebels, but I'd still like an explanation for the reason that at least fifty people have been killed between the two of you..." Rene's eyes widened a bit at this announcement and he turned to look to Alpha with concern. He didn't know that many people had been killed.. Had it been mostly Carpo or-.. -- Carpo could hear them talking about him and his file.. And part of him wanted to stay and explain himself, but at the same time, he knew this would be his only chance to show Pan what was in those files. So he nodded and took Pans hand before leading him down the hall and towards the computer. He needed to do this quickly... before Alpha or anyone else realized that he was gone. Pulling him into the room, he hacked into the computer, to make sure that he wouldn't be monitored. He then carefully stuck the flash drive in before handing the mouse over to Pan... "It's all about TR.....And some of it is bad.... Really bad... I can get rid of my files or all of them....I'm the only one who knows what I was all able to grab. Alpha has an idea, but he doesn't know what I could safely take without detection..."
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Posted: Mon Dec 19, 2016 11:38 pm
Alpha kept his cool through most of the man's interrogation. In his view, of course people were gong to die if they got in his way... To be completely honest, he thought the count was more.
"As I said before, you should be able to understand understand my overly cautious actions. We're not a league of terrorists bent on ruining societal peace." Alpha stated very matter of fact.
"If you've gathered that much then you must already know of my government's ways of problem solving through artificial and cruel means. In my home, 'Peace' doesn't exist. Just oppression and tyranny." he added.
"We have only killed whom we needed to in order to protect ourselves and others... And Sans Espoir is no correctional facility, should you believe the things our state tells outsiders like you.."
Alpha had not raised his voice, nor had he tried to seem intimidating, but if Orion was intending to throw more events at him, the long-haired leader was more than ready to take on the commander's game of chess.
" Just to make one thing clear however.." he paused again, "... I am the leader of the rebellion. So please do not slander the name of my mates. I am the one..." Alpha paused momentarily to glance back by Carpo and Pan only to see that they were gone. He assumed that they want to sit by the heater.
"... responsible..." he finished.
~
Pan followed the red head down to the computer and took the mouse gently in his palm. Slowly he moved it as if nervous that he might break something. The albino started fidgeting over the documented pictures and couldn't quite understand much of it. But then Carpo mentioned that most of the evidence could hold disturbing things about TR. The only thing that Pan ever really understood while being in his TR state, was that he wasn't in control of his body.
When TR was in control, Pan could only remember very little and just saw glimpses of blurred visions. Never before had Pan even remotely new what he looked like as TR. And that was a large problem. When TR was out of control, not only would Pan not remember anything and never know what happened, the likelihood of Pan returning to his normal state kept dwindling. But the fact was, TR was still Pan. Neither side could blend together to be one, and how could they? When Pan was supposed to save lives, and TR seemingly destroyed them..
Pan clicked over things quicker now in silence so he could find something he could properly understand. Finally, he came across one of the video clips. Probably something Carpo didn't actually want him to see. It was the event that they had just escaped from days before. The camera on the shoulder of the officer was flung off and the next scenes that zipped by were of TR. The creature was.. just that.. he wasn't human and its constant slashing and ripping of throats made Pan more uncomfortable. His stomach churned ruthlessly as he saw himself in that video. One man looked like he even begged for his life only to have T-.... Pan... throw him against the wall and crush his windpipe. Blood escaped every where in the room and Pan was already ready to be sick. He didn't even realize that of the worse video that existed. The scenes of this current one played over and over again...not only in Pan's mind but on the computer screen as well.
Pan froze and tried not to gag... His voice was shaky and cracking as he tried so hard to let tears fall in front of Carpo.
"..I..I-I n-never knew... Just what he was like.. like that...." he squeaked out in a painfully nervous shiver. He wanted to throw up so much when he was about to click on the next video... but something didn't feel right.
"..W-....You.. should show them ... I'm ... The people..Your... everyone should be... " Pan didn't know how to finish that sentence. Afraid? Aware? Of Pan? or TR? Pan began breathing deeply in hopes to try and calm himself down.
".......Carpo.." he whispered up to him with most terrified expression Pan has probably ever made. "Y... You need to stop me.." he shuttered as he about to click on the next video.
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Posted: Tue Dec 20, 2016 7:13 pm
Orion watched in silence as he explained everything to him. He then glanced over to Rene, who looked down and away upon seeing that Orion was looking. "Of course. Of course... We aren't attempting to slander. We just want to understand.I mean, we do know some of what happens, just not all of it. For example, in Carpo's file. There is a section about mmmm. Here it is. Future Progress Institute... There's a list of inventions there that we haven't been able to replicate... Did he help create those? And if so do you think he would know how to help us replicate them?" The Future Progress Institute was where Carpo had been raised and tested on. Orion seemed completely unaware of this fact though and assumed that Carpo must have been an engineer there. "We also wanted to know more about Rene.... Or well Leo does," Zed added on as he looked over to the blonde as well... ---- 'Wait Pan D-," he started to say as Pan clicked on the link. Before he could stop Pan, the link played, showing TR rip people's throats out. Turning him around quickly, before he could see the video play again, Carpo held his chin in his hand and lifted it up to face him.... "Pan look at me... Please.... That looks bad... But it's not... Not really. They had you imprisoned ad were taunting you and the soldiers sent in there were trying to hurt you.... You were just protecting yourself and me... I've done. I've done so much worse than that," he said as he slowly moved Pan's hand off of the mouse with his free hand. After Pan's hand was off of it, he carefully clicked out of the files and took Pan's hand in his. "That wasn't you.... That was TR... And it's not s bad as you think... That's the worst video I found... And you only got like that because you were cornered..."
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Posted: Sat Dec 24, 2016 4:14 am
Alpha was trying to read all of Orion's expressions to see if he was trying to use or was there a possible trace of him lying. But Alpha could begin to relax as he couldn't find anything. Orion seemed legit. Still, his next questions made Alpha look down and frown. "ahh.. " he murmured.
"I'm sure you'd have to speak to Carpo more if you wanted the fine details... But, well, If you do know the extent of our government's oppression, then you know that natural human reproduction is illegal. I am an example of what outsiders call a test-tube baby." Alpha paused and clenched his fist as he went on. "Carpo, however, is a different. He is a very seldom case of being conceived naturally. Most cases are destroyed. But he was born unto a mother who had been incarcerated. If I remember correctly, both his parents were killed. So.. the natural born was to be set as the example. Any "inventions" of which you speak are probably experiments Carpo was put through as punishment for being born...." Alpha figured as he glanced over the list. "... but some of these... well, why do you want to replicate them? Sorry, but I'm not too familiar with all of what these are. Carpo was categorized as an engineer, but through out most of his life, he was mostly tortured...from what I know.. anyway..." Alpha was gonna try to continue, until Zed spoke up about Rene. He whipped his head in Zed's direction and gave a cold glare, ready to protect his man if need be. He glanced at Rene and then returned his glare to Zed, "Yeah?.. whaddya wanna know...?" he asked, clicking his tongue.
~~
Pan shuddered at his touch as Carpo held his face in his hands. Pan frowned and really couldn't look Carpo in the eyes. Part of him wanted to really justify the reasons Carpo gave. That defending his friends was really okay to kill all those people. But.. worse? How could Carpo have done any worse?! Was he like him? Pan himself didn't even understand why he had this split personality. TR knew... Meaning the answers were in Pan.
"but-"
Pan muttered when Carpo finished. "That wasn't you...That was TR..." was all Pan heard to press Carpo's hand and keep it there close against his face. Pan would suddenly hear a voice in his head. He knew who it was. The albino couldn't stop shaking.
You are me!
"C...Carpo... was that really... the worst thing you found of me? All those documents about me.. I don't understand them? ... Did they say .. did they say what I was?" Pan asked, his chest clenching tight for just a moment or so. Carpo had clicked out of the files pretty fast, so it made the doctor believe that there was something he didn't want him to see.
"Whatever you know, please tell me. Tell them! Anything we know should.... well... I-...I'm dangerous and I shouldn't be allowed to hurt people, Carpo. So if they ask... you'll let them see these files.. won't you...?" he asked. Through out all he felt, he still held back tears. "I'm not really a doctor.. am I?''
Pan was getting a headache now, he needed to do something, but ... probably not until everyone was asleep.
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Posted: Sat Dec 24, 2016 8:35 pm
Zed jumped a bit at Alpha's glare and looked to Rene, who had begun to look at the files from over Alpha's shoulder. "I uh... Well. There just isn't any file on him. And he he speaks French.... So we thought maybe he was from our country. I'm mean French isn't our number one language, but some people do speak it," Zed said as he continued to look at Rene, whose gaze scared him a lot less than Alpha's. Blinking some at this revelation, Rene seemed to ponder the idea for a few moments before shaking his head. "No. I am from here. My Grandmother was living in the woods when the war first happened. She was pregnant with my mother.... My father may have come from your country though.. I don't know, I never met him," he said with a smile before turning a page in Alpha's file. He flinched some at the gory sight he saw and quickly shifted his gaze away from the files and back to the oven. It looked like the chicken was nearly done... Orion listened as Rene explained himself and nodded softly before looking back to Carpo's files.. "Anyways, we didn't know that it was illegal. We just assumed that was the way your people preferred it.. ," Orion said before turning the document around and looking at the list," there are a number of things on here we were interested in. Some of them were vaccinations for things, others were weapons, and some just simple inventions... I thought... I suppose that does explain why some of the dates didn't seem to line up properly. But that's so terrible. I had no clue that they would treat one of their own citizens so poorly. I mean some of these experiments would've really hurt. And he would've been sick a lot...Do you think we could find any files on that? I mean that mistreatment would certainly turn some heads." --- "Yes... that's the worst.. I swear it. It's the bloodiest most violent video of you... And like I said, it was because you were cornered. The documents explain the tests they did to come to you, and the genetics, and your abilities.. They... They made you to be a super soldier, I guess. But that's not... You're not...," Carpo paused in his speech for a moment and closed his eyes. He was feeling anxious and overwhelmed. He didn't know how to convince Pan not to be scared, when he himself was scared... He knew he could reel TR in... Knew that as long as he stayed by Pan's side... that Pan would come back. But... Carpo took a deep breath as he tried to calm himself down, in hopes that it would also calm down Pan.. "They created you to be a soldier... But they trained you to be a doctor.... And you... You are a wonderful doctor. You've saved my life so many times...," he said as he slowly let go of Pan's face and looked down. "I can show them the files, if you want. But, I'm scared. I don't want them to take you away..."
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Posted: Tue Dec 27, 2016 5:58 pm
Alpha nodded in agreement with Rene's explanation. He was pleased that Rene stepped up to speak for himself. And by the looks of the other two men, they didn't seem to question it. But perhaps with what they know so far, they didn't quite grasp the severity of the extent of their government.
"One of the citizens? Didn't you ever question what Sans Espoir was for? Those who are deemed 'rehabilitated', are so brainwashed they usually have an entirely different identity then before they entered. Espoir is just a giant testing facility for the big curious psycho- analysts to test their toys out on those called 'prisoners'. Of course, that part has still yet to be proven.." Alpha added but subconsciously glanced away when his thoughts tread back to Pan, thinking that Pan's creation might prove something... But Alpha wouldn't reveal anything until Carpo ...
Until they had his approval to do so...
~~
Pan's mind seemed like it was racing too fast to keep up until he heard Carpo speak again. "Huh?" Take him away? Why would they do that? All Pan really wants after all this is said and done, is to live with Carpo. If someone were to ask him, Pan would say ' To live forever with the one I love, I don't need anything'. Probably to many that would sound cheesy and cliche`. But to Pan, cliche didn't really exist.
Pan's face was frozen with his eyes wide in disbelief. Not only was he some kind of soldier, but should anything go wrong, Pan might be taken away from Carpo. Pan needed answers and the TR in his heart was mad now because he had the answers but he couldn't tell anyone. Pan didn't quite understand how those thoughts were able to be heard. But perhaps this scary Jekyll and Hyde complex should come to an end and the only way Pan could think of stopping it is just by talking... How he was gonna do that, he had no idea.
Pan frowned when he really tried to think of how. He didn't know what would happen so it would probably be safer if he did go outside.. just for a little while... but then there was Carpo... Pan would leave a note when everyone was asleep.
"I.. I don't wanna be taken away.. so then... I guess...... just hold on to them..." Pan looked away from the screen and Carpo, ".. Will you give me time to think about this.. please?" he muttered quietly, almost nervously, fearing Carpo would figure out whatever was on his mind... his boyfriend was so perceptive like that.
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Posted: Thu Jan 05, 2017 12:34 am
kawaiihogoshatenshi [mb. thought I posted for this o//.//o] Zed frowned deeply at the explanation and turned to Orion, who seemed much more relaxed. "We didn't question Sans Espoir because it's not our job. Our job is to rescue our citizens should they accidentally cross the border. Nothing more, nothing less," Orion said as he flipped through Carpo's file some more. "The only reason why we have these files is because your government wanted us to know about you due to the fact that your rebel group is generally armed and dangerous... Our actual knowledge of the innerworkings as a whole is very limited." "Yeah, but if what he said is true. We could certainly have our government investigate, right? I mean they are breaking the human rights code." "Not without actual evidence... Otherwise we would risk starting a war," Orion said as he watched Rene start to set the table.. The blond man looked bothered by all this talk, probably because he didn't understand the intricacies of most of it.... ------ Carpo nodded at his words and slowly looked back up to him. "Alright... I will. Just... don't decide to do anything risky... okay?"
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Posted: Fri Jan 06, 2017 11:07 pm
Alpha frowned at Orion's words. He knew that that would be the case that this group would need evidence.That's what Alpha was trying to tell Carpo earlier.. but of course, Orion and his group would get no where with out the proof they wanted. Alpha glanced at Zed while he wasn't looking. s**t.
Zed knew that Alpha and the other had evidence. If Alpha hesitated now, they could really lose their shot at all this. Sure, Alpha was the one that wanted to tell the officer, but now he was forced a handicap by the red head. Though Carpo's fear was warranted and Alpha didn't wish for Pan to go through more than he has, the leader was stuck with the decision for the better outcome. Should Zed spill his guts or Orion asks for the evidence, Alpha feels like he has no choice but to hand over the things he ha-.. Alpha had only pressed one of his pockets and remembered that Carpo had taken the evidence upon himself to hold...
Damn it.. Where the hell is Carpo...?
He thought to himself. He gave Orion, "I see.." as the current answer. He watched Rene set out plates and Alpha couldn't help but get up and approach the blonde and offer a hand to set out the food.
"You need help?" he asked.
~
Pan bit his quivering lip and debated if he was going to tell Carpo of his plan or not. He wasn't sure if he was going to really get in trouble with the others if he were to leave. But.. if he left a little note. He'd just come back, he wouldn't run away... he just .. needed to think clearly with no interruptions.
While mind was running wild, he found himself reaching out to Carpo and lightly clinging to his shirt. "......." he was silent and glanced down at the little drive that held it all. He reached to grab it.
"so.. I should hold on to this..?" he asked.
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Posted: Mon Jan 16, 2017 8:07 pm
Zed paused for a moment, as if considering letting Orion know what he knew. But instead he kept his lips zipped. After all, he really, really, really shouldn't have let them hack into those government files. If they found out and didn't like what was found, he could be fired.. or put in jail... or or... Well, he couldn't think of anything else. He just knew that it would be really, really bad. So, he didn't say a word and instead just started fiddling with the silverware that Rene had placed in front of him. Orion noticed the shift in character, but said nothing and instead merely thanked Rene as he handed him a plate. Rene had grabbed seven plates, forks, and knives, but had forgotten cups. He turned to grab them, only to pause as Alpha asked if he could help. "O-Oh yes that would be lovely... Um.. Can you put the chicken on the table and start cutting pieces up... It makes it easier to serve," he said with a slight smile as he handed him a knife and gestured to the chicken... "Be careful for the bones." --- Nodding, he watched as Pan held the drive between his fingers. "Yeah... Just don't let Alpha know I gave it to you until you know what you want to do with it...," Carpo said, figuring that that would be the best way to keep Alpha from getting mad. "Now come on... I think Rene is almost finished with dinner."
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Posted: Thu Jan 26, 2017 12:30 am
Unbeknownst to Zed's turmoil, Alpha reached for the same knife Pan once had earlier and started sharpening it once he had placed the chicken on the table.
"Hey, do you think we should wait for your captain? I'm sure she'd like to enjoy the meal with us..." he asked the other two officers, really though he was just kind of stalling for time for Carpo and Pan to come back. Of course, knowing Carpo, any form of their proof would probably have to wait a day or two. Still, thinking about how strung up Carpo must be, thinking about what the two were doing right now would probably just cause Alpha to blush.
~
Pan nodded and understood Carpo's instructions, placing the flash drive in his pocket. He was about to lead the way back out of the computer room when Pan paused and blocked the doorway.
"What about you?" he asked out of the blue.
"Are you alright? You're not scared? Not just of me.. but... well everything that could happen from here?" Pan asked with eyes of worry. His head tilted and the world around them felt empty for a minute. Pan seemed to only focus on reading the movement of Carpo's green eyes as he held that serious but concerned stare.
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Posted: Mon Feb 27, 2017 2:37 pm
"Oh yeah! I'll go get her from her office. I'm sure she'll be happy to hear that we've got something hot for dinner tonight," Zed said with a smile as he got up from his seat and headed off," you guys can probably start eating right away though. It might take a bit for her to finish what she's doing." And with that, the young man was off, leaving them alone with Orion. The lieutenant made no move to eat, however, and instead just began organizing the files again. --- Cargo was thrown off guard when Pan blocked his path. Staring up in confusion for a few moments, he opened his mouth to speak, but no words formed.. of course, he was scared, of TR, for Pan, of the uncertainty of their situation. But he couldn't just say all of that. If he did, he would just worry Pan. And the last thing Pan need was to worry about him when he had far more pressing matters at hand. At the same time though, he didn't want to lie to him. Not after how open Pan had been with him. With a deep breath, he nodded and looked down at the ground. "Of course I am....I have no clue if we'll succeed and I'm scared that I'll lose you somehow...." he said, as he slowly took Pans hands," but I'll probably die either way.... and at least this way I'm helping someone else. You know?" ((Omg I'm so sorry. I've been really busy all month))
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Posted: Thu Mar 02, 2017 12:40 am
kawaiihogoshatenshi Its no worries, I've done that to you countless of times ^^; I'm always happy to keep this story going
When Zed left, the light tension in the room dissipated for only a few seconds and then skyrocketed unlike before. Now it was just the two refugees with their interrogator... And it wasn't that Alpha was intimidated by him or anything, though not an impossible idea, the long haired man just seemed like the room required a lighter air for conversation. So Alpha gave no words to the captain until the thought of Pan and Carpo resurfaced in his mind. There seemed to be Alpha's way out of the awkward tension that seemed to last forever.
"Whew... well uhh... Speaking of missing people, where could the other two have gotten?" Alpha smiled awkwardly, looking around the room as if trying to catch a glimpse of the couple that clearly wasn't there. He was about to get out of the room and go search for them, but then that would leave Rene alone with this captain and WHO KNOWS what this man would do to Rene in order to get more answers...
"Hey, I can set up the rest here, do you mind getting Carpo and Pan?" he asked Rene, thinking that if the two were doing anything sexual, Rene could handle it better than he could.
~
Pan frowned at the words spoken from Carpo's lips. Though the information was saddening, still Pan's expression stayed soft. With Carpo's honesty, Pan's resolve to help his lover make things right seemed to solidify for him, even if he'd have to go against the people who created him.
But Carpo's cold words to himself. That death lurked for him no matter what they did. Pan didn't like that talk. The way Carpo seemed to accept death already made Pan feel like he was prematurely loosing something. But what what could the albino say that he hasn't already said? How many times is he going to feel selfish and want to beg and plead Carpo to get help from someplace- somehow? And then in the end, Pan would never speak a word to the red head. Pan wondered how many times Carpo has had to hear words such as those. Maybe not just by Pan himself, but maybe Carpo's previous lovers and friends. How many times did Carpo have to have those stare at him and wonder why he doesn't get the help he deserves? How many times have people ever imagined that Carpo chooses to stay that way, or that he could always put his own health before everyone else's well-being..?
How many more times will Carpo be able to stay so strong...?
Pan held back his tears again. He was going to make that effort from now on. Carpo did not need to see him cry. It must be aggravating to have a lover that only cries around you. No more crying.
"Mm... " Pan started. His cheeks were pink as his chest swelled with a sad, sweet warmth that enveloped him as he still tried not to cry, so he smiled instead as Carpo took his hands. "..." he paused unsure of how to reply.
"I wish you'd never stop helping me. I love you.." Pan answered, repeating his affection once again.
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