Fuggin Random a** Discussion

[windy - b e l l s_]

Ok
I feel the need to address some things – for everyone’s sake.
First of all, Scorpi, bby – you don’t sound prissy. You’re very right in your statement, and completely justified in your feelings. In fact, everyone in this guild has every right to be angry or annoyed with me right now. And if you are, I seriously want to you know that I apologize for being so ******** lame all of the time.

Secondly, I understand that Kayla and I have been absent for like, EVER (me in particular). In fact, I take the bulk of the blame for the guild’s inactivity and dilapidated state. I am fully aware that my not being present in the guild is a big part of the problem and that I keep giving the same excuse – I’m busy and life sucks.

Now this excuse is getting redundant and I’m sure most of you are sick of hearing it; especially since Kayla and I are working on a brand new role-play, and I’ve been active on other forums on Gaia and in several onexones. So here is the blunt truth of it; my life has been busy and crazy. I’ve been through a lot of ups and downs in the last couple of years, and I’m sure to be through many more in the upcoming year. Kayla has recently moved from her home state to Colorado and has stuff of her own she’s working through. But we both recognize that we owe you guys more than what we’ve given. Certainly, life and its events play a large part of my not being present, but is not the whole reason for it all. A lot of MY inactivity (I need to make this clear here, I’m speaking for myself in this following bit and not for Kayla) has been the result of a very defeated attitude concerning the guild and an overall lack of inspiration and motivation. This lack of inspiration is something that has been blocking me from truly writing most anything, rp related or otherwise, since early 2012 (minus the rare blurb, drabble, or short onexone post). I’ve found it particularly hard to reply to posts in the guild, and this is through of the fault of nothing but my own mental blocks. I’ve attempted several times to write out replies for rps, especially Her Eyes, and for whatever reason I’ve not gotten more than a half a paragraph in before giving up each time. On top of that, guilt and shame have prevented me from even trying to approach the guild after so long. Terrible excuse, but I’m a terrible human being sometimes ^^;;

For me, this new role-play between Kayla and I has pretty much helped me to drag myself up from the muck I’ve buried myself in. That’s why I’m so excited about it. I don’t think I’ve been able to express to Kayla just what it means to me. Her coming to me with this idea and then letting me run with it has done wonders for my poor, sickly muse. I know it sounds stupid and silly, but it’s the simple truth of it. It has inspired me to not only jump back into something I have a passion for but has given me motivation to be better at ALL of this. Not just the guild, or role-playing but everything. By nature, I’m a messy, unorganized person with little to no time management skills. And I tend to drive myself into a state of self inflicted un-motivation and I procrastinate a lot. ESPECIALLY when something intimidates me or begins to become overwhelming. I tend to run into things head first without much thought, only to turn around and run away like Brave Sir Robin. The guild is a prime example of this.

I’ve learned a lot in the last year and like I said, this role-play was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Except in a good way xD I’m using this as an opportunity to work on my time management and my tendency to run away from things that get too overwhelming. I’ve set up a personal writing log, and I’m attempting to make this year one where I actually meet and accomplish my goals. It’s going to be difficult and I’m likely going to fall short in a lot of areas, but I’m going to try. Not just for my sake, but for the sake of all those around me, and that includes you guys. You guys deserve much better from me as a supposed leader of the guild, and as a friend. I am not going to put this guild on the back burner any more, and I’m certainly not going to shy away from other opportunities to play out other stories and try new things either.

Now, Kayla and I have been going back and forth quite a bit about how to approach all of this. After reading Scorpi’s post and Nasta’s reply I’ve come up with this “compromise”: I would like to try working on our posts in the guild, and cleaning it up bit by bit. There’s not going to be a magic fix for the inactivity of this guild and it’s going to take a while. I’m personally going to take an hour or two every week to clean up the guild and spruce things up. There a lot of DEAD role-plays here and they need to be moved so that we have a better idea of what is still going. And there are some other ideas I’m turning over in my brain to get things going again. I just need to work on them some more before proposing anything to anyone. I’m working on my replies owed, and I’ve actually got an idea for you and I Scorpi that I need to pm you about. We will not be placing our new rp here as we’re going to use at as an opportunity to get out of our comfort zones as far as role-playing and writing is concerned instead. :]]

However, I’ve got another rp in the works that I am going to use as our sneaky recruitment tool once the guild is cleaned up. It’s called Bangarang and will take place in a world where demon hunting is a thing. xD The rp will be made to have several story arcs going at once and will hopefully be as fun and wild as I’m going to try and make it. I’m also considering reviving Do Not Panic and using it as a recruitment tool as well. After all, who doesn’t love zombies? But that would be well on down the road. ANYWAY - before I go overboard and bite off more than I can chew, I’m certainly going to have to figure out just what my limits are.

So here I am, at the end of my little schpeel and I find myself needing to ask you guys your forgiveness. I know I’ve done little in the past to make this blurb seem any more true or valid than previous ones. But I really am trying to be better and to do better by you guys. I’m probably just going to need some time and patience ^^;; If anybody has any suggestions, ideas, qualms, or anything (even if you just want to yell at me and get some stuff off your chest) – please pm me and let me know.

Kayla – if there is anything you would like to add, or anything you feel I’ve misworded please post and let us know. <3

I love all of you, and I’m sorry I don’t show it as much as I should.


EDIT:

A little side note: I know new role-plays seem counter intuitive as well. I just feel like as is, the guild has so few rps that have the potential to be active again and so many that are just straight up dead with no hope of resurrection, that it isn't such a bad idea to attempt creating new things. This might help get people excited about the guild again, and drive people, including myself, to be a little more active.