Welcome to Gaia! ::

Jamal frowned and rubbed at the back of his neck, his characteristic action when he was feeling uncomfortable or debating something privately. "Awen, I'm -fine-. A lil' ******** up in da head maybe from all this s**t, but I'm fine," said the black man in a level, yet slightly gentle tone. "Things jus' come off wrong at da time o' somethin', I guess...I know ya meant well."

He hunched over his lap, careful to keep his claws from cutting into his leg on accident as he dropped the one hand back down to rest on his knee.

"Naw...jus' gettin' a drink. Been wanderin' through da jungle fo' da last few hours cause I ain't got anything else ta do, then figgered the river was a good place ta get a drink. Was jus' gonna sit in da water 'n' think or somethin, I guess." Jamal sighed and flicked his whiskers absently, which as another habit he had started to pick up thanks to his transformation. The damn things were so sensitive that it was hard to ignore they were there.

He watched her stretch out in the water, thinking that maybe she might be hiding something from him by her facial expressions and body language, but didn't ask. He had a feeling where it might go and if she wanted to go there, then she would. He certainly wasn't going to ask for it.

Jamal considered it for a moment before more or less shifting forward onto his hands and knees, then moved forward in a crawling fashion until the water met his chest. The water had the same sort of calming effect as the jungle did, which was nice. Plus he probably wouldn't hurt to have a bath.

He easily floated/paddled out to where it was a bit deeper before submerging completely, then surfacing shortly after to shake the water from his massively-dreadifying cornrows. The water -was- pretty nice. Jamal let himself bob there whilst he let the water run down his neck, feeling better about stuff in general. Yay for the healing properties of water.

Jamal lifted a brow in mild surprise. "Oh really? Damn...that's ********' amazin'..." But then again, she was further along than he was and he knew how the senses could just with just one transformation. Like his whiskers. He could feel drops of water dangling from the tips and the sensation was weird as hell. "Pretty ******** up what ya can end up bein' able ta do after changin' once...so I kin imagine 'bout anything's possible where you're at. At least you're a'ight wit' it."

He smiled, this time more like his old self, and flicked water from his elongated ears before turning over to float on his back. Thankfully the current wasn't too strong, so he didn't go too far, too fast.

Jamal chuckled some, keeping his eyes closed as he drifted lazily. "As long as you doin' okay wit' it, then I guess dat's all anyone could ask fo'..." he mumbled. This was nice...this was relaxing...this was...

"I love you Jamal"

Fuuuuuck.

He opened his eyes, feeling a very painful twinge in his head as he heard those words. Oh man this was going to get awkward so fast...WHY couldn't things have just stayed uncomplicated. Love was such a strong word... Jamal thought maybe she had understood that a relationship wasn't right for him, but apparently not. She seemed to still be holding on.

"Awen," he started, slowly his floating by shifting into a sitting position, his face contorted into an expression of sadness and exasperation. He didn't want to hurt her feelings, even though it was too late for that. "I..I thought we..went through this..."

Jamal sighed. He knew...KNEW this was going to happen. Dammit to hell.

"Awen. Look at me," he said after a long pause, reaching out to carefully touch her shoulder, then wincing when he saw ugly, angry wounds there that he had inflicted at their last meeting. "We need ta talk 'bout this...it ain't doin' no good ta jus' keep avoiding it."

He gave her a very calm, level look, which was odd considering the situation. Jamal was not stupid; they had talked about it, but it was more HIM talking than her. He knew she had to have something to say.

"It wasn't a real talk cause I did most of da blabberin' 'n' it wasn't at a good time...now I know you got stuff you wanna say dat you jus' ain't sayin'. What good is dat gonna do? Don't apologize ta me cause ya ain't got nuthin' ta be sorry fo'."

He did feel bad; this was all his fault. He should have known better than to get tangled up in something like this.

Jamal listened as she talked, having decided he had talked enough on the subject until she got her say in. They had to reach an understanding otherwise this was never going to go away. The kiss brought a feeling of guilt with it, but he tried his best to shake it off and instead pulled her closer into a hug which he hoped she wouldn't resist because he'd feel worse.

"I was gonna tell you somehow...I jus' didn't know how to. I shoulda known betta than ta think I could change fo' anyone," he said hesitantly, peering down at her with what he hoped looked as sincere as he felt. "We is jus' two diff'rent kinds of people...yous right 'bout dat...I can't hurt you no mo' wit' stuff I can't seem ta change. It ain't fair to you or me."

He sighed, brushed at her hair idly and super-carefully with his fingers. "Awen, jus' cause I can't commit ta nothin' don't mean I'm jus' gonna forget things. I want ya ta be happy so dat ain't gonna happen wit' me, but I'll be damned if anythin' bad happens ta you at da hands of anyone else wit'out me goin' after 'em. There be only two people on dis island dat got dat guarentee 'n' you is one of 'em. I don't care what happens ta me if I go after 'em but ******** me if I'mma sit back after someone hurts you. Ya still ma shorty...jus'...diff'rent, like you said."

Regardless of what happens between them, Jamal was not kidding when he said that he would seriously go after anyone who messed with Awen. He still cared for her, but not in a way that would allow Jamal to be who he was and have her be happy.