Darwin Awards
EIGHTH PLACE:
In Detroit , a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of
water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate
to retrieve his car keys.
SEVENTH PLACE:
A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned when he
ran," accidentally jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run.
SIXTH PLACE:
Buxton, NC : A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he had dug
into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beach-goers said Daniel
Jones, 21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind, and had
been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom Thursday afternoon when it
collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach, on
the outer banks, used their hands and shovels, trying to claw their
way to Jones, a resident of Woodbridge, V A , but could not reach him.
It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free
him while about 200 people looked on. Jones was pronounced dead at a
hospital.
FIFTH PLACE:
Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc , as he fell face-first
through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was
caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth (to keep
his hands free) rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.
FOURTH PLACE:
Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in Selbyville, Del , as he won
a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with
four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.
As Ron White often says: " You can't fix stupid." These people prove
it is a terminal condition. As always, competition this year has been
keen.< BR
THIRD PLACE:
The following mind-boggling attempt at a crime spree in Washington, DC
appeared to be the robber's first (and last), due to his lack of a
previous record of violence, and his terminally stupid choices:
1. His target was H&J Leather & Firearms; A gun shop specializing in
handguns.
2. The shop was full of customers - firearms customers.
3. To enter the shop, the robber had to step around a marked police
patrol car parked at the front door.
4. A uniformed officer was standing at the counter, having coffee
before work. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a
hold-up, and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol.
The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, the police officer
with a 9mm GLOCK 17, the clerk with a 50 DESERT EAGLE, assisted by
several customers who also drew their guns, sever al of whom also drew
and fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics.
Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the
shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics
identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt in
the exchange of fire.
HONORABLE MENTION:
Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover township, NJ, and his
wife Bonnie was also injured, when a quarter-stick of dynamite blew
up in their car. While driving around at 2 AM, the bored couple lit
the dynamite and tried to toss it out the window to see what would
happen, but apparently failed to notice the window was closed.
RUNNER UP:
TACOMA, WA . Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when
one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from the
Tacom a Narrows Bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew
more heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the
bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they
discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope.
Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that
a coil of lineman's cable lay near by. One end of the cable was
secured around Bingham's leg and the other end was tied to the bridge.
His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot
off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy salt
water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. "All I can say" said
Bingham, "is that God was watching out for me on that night. There's
just no other explanation for it." Bingham's foot was never located.
AND THE WINNER...
Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt (Paderborn, Germany) fed his
constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more than
a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged- up pachyderm
finally let it fly, and suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of
poop! Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to
give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast
unloaded on him. "The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected
defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his
head on a rock and lay unconscious as the elephant continued to
evacuate his bowels on top of him" said flabbergasted Paderborn police
detective Erik Dern. With no one there to help him, he lay under all
that dung for at least an hour before a watchman came along, and
during that time he suffocated. It seems to be just one of those freak
accidents that proves... "s**t happens."
YOU CAN'T FIX STUPID...
In Detroit , a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of
water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate
to retrieve his car keys.
SEVENTH PLACE:
A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned when he
ran," accidentally jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run.
SIXTH PLACE:
Buxton, NC : A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he had dug
into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beach-goers said Daniel
Jones, 21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind, and had
been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom Thursday afternoon when it
collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach, on
the outer banks, used their hands and shovels, trying to claw their
way to Jones, a resident of Woodbridge, V A , but could not reach him.
It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free
him while about 200 people looked on. Jones was pronounced dead at a
hospital.
FIFTH PLACE:
Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc , as he fell face-first
through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was
caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth (to keep
his hands free) rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.
FOURTH PLACE:
Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in Selbyville, Del , as he won
a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with
four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.
As Ron White often says: " You can't fix stupid." These people prove
it is a terminal condition. As always, competition this year has been
keen.< BR
THIRD PLACE:
The following mind-boggling attempt at a crime spree in Washington, DC
appeared to be the robber's first (and last), due to his lack of a
previous record of violence, and his terminally stupid choices:
1. His target was H&J Leather & Firearms; A gun shop specializing in
handguns.
2. The shop was full of customers - firearms customers.
3. To enter the shop, the robber had to step around a marked police
patrol car parked at the front door.
4. A uniformed officer was standing at the counter, having coffee
before work. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a
hold-up, and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol.
The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, the police officer
with a 9mm GLOCK 17, the clerk with a 50 DESERT EAGLE, assisted by
several customers who also drew their guns, sever al of whom also drew
and fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics.
Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the
shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics
identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt in
the exchange of fire.
HONORABLE MENTION:
Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover township, NJ, and his
wife Bonnie was also injured, when a quarter-stick of dynamite blew
up in their car. While driving around at 2 AM, the bored couple lit
the dynamite and tried to toss it out the window to see what would
happen, but apparently failed to notice the window was closed.
RUNNER UP:
TACOMA, WA . Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when
one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from the
Tacom a Narrows Bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew
more heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the
bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they
discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope.
Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that
a coil of lineman's cable lay near by. One end of the cable was
secured around Bingham's leg and the other end was tied to the bridge.
His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot
off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy salt
water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. "All I can say" said
Bingham, "is that God was watching out for me on that night. There's
just no other explanation for it." Bingham's foot was never located.
AND THE WINNER...
Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt (Paderborn, Germany) fed his
constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more than
a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged- up pachyderm
finally let it fly, and suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of
poop! Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to
give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast
unloaded on him. "The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected
defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his
head on a rock and lay unconscious as the elephant continued to
evacuate his bowels on top of him" said flabbergasted Paderborn police
detective Erik Dern. With no one there to help him, he lay under all
that dung for at least an hour before a watchman came along, and
during that time he suffocated. It seems to be just one of those freak
accidents that proves... "s**t happens."
YOU CAN'T FIX STUPID...
My dad forwarded it to me, woo.
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