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 Posted: Mon Dec 12, 2011 5:55 pm
49/520
Tonight however... Well, to be honest, I just want to curl up in a ball and cry. Stupid emotions.
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Posted: Mon Dec 12, 2011 5:56 pm
49/519
Why do I want to cry? Well, thats a tad more difficult to explain. It's just how I'm feeling tonight... I mean, the first thing I can think of to explain it is, "homesick". But that makes no ******** sense. I'm sitting in my bedroom as I type.
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Posted: Mon Dec 12, 2011 5:57 pm
49/518
The next word that pops into my mind is "lovesick". Which only halfway makes sense. Besides, I've been there before. This is not it.
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Posted: Mon Dec 12, 2011 5:58 pm
49/517
So now I'm back to where I started. No clue how to explain it.
But I do have a good idea what IS wrong..
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Posted: Mon Dec 12, 2011 5:59 pm
49/516
It's that boyfriend of mine.
Well, that looks too incriminating. It's not his fault I'm so easily depressed. It's not his fault that he has no access to his phone..
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Posted: Mon Dec 12, 2011 5:59 pm
49/515
..It's not his fault that he's been gone for 43 days...
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Posted: Mon Dec 12, 2011 6:00 pm
49/514
..It's not his fault I haven't heard his voice in all that time...
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Posted: Mon Dec 12, 2011 6:01 pm
49/513
..It's not his fault I spend each day agonizing at school, wishing for it to pass faster, only so I can get home and be disappointed that the mail has not brought me a token.
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Posted: Mon Dec 12, 2011 6:02 pm
49/512
It's not HIS fault he's at basic...
Er... Technically, it is, but I'm ignoring that minor detail.
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Posted: Mon Dec 12, 2011 6:04 pm
49/511
Hell, I should be HAPPY. I get to see him in 9 days... Why can't I be happy about that? Why does that make me hurt even more? Why do I miss him even more knowing that I'll see him before I know it?
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Posted: Mon Dec 12, 2011 6:05 pm
49/510
Hell, why did I even have to ask that. I know the damn answer.
It's because I know that it'll just be all the sooner he leaves again. The sooner this haunting pain returns. The one that lurks in my dreams.. Why do I miss you so much?!?
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Posted: Mon Dec 12, 2011 6:06 pm
49/509
But that's not completely it. I know that the sooner you're gone... The sooner I will grow fearful again.
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Posted: Mon Dec 12, 2011 6:07 pm
49/508
Because, while I know that "absence makes the heart grow fonder", I also know that it allows the heart to wander. And I'm terrified every morning that I wake up, not knowing if today is the day that I hate myself for letting my heart lose you.
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Posted: Mon Dec 12, 2011 6:08 pm
49/507
I wake up each morning afraid that my heart will indeed wander... It's not like it's not getting the chance.. And each time I feel a new flutter, I want to cry out for it's betrayal.
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Posted: Mon Dec 12, 2011 6:09 pm
49/506
But the thing is... It knows how much it's hurting itself. I think it does it just to spite me. Just to let me agonize over it later..
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