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 Posted: Mon Feb 08, 2010 6:58 pm
Little Miss Fortune Can forum assistants see our crew subforum? ._. Nope :3
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Posted: Mon Feb 08, 2010 7:00 pm
Valheita Little Miss Fortune Can forum assistants see our crew subforum? ._. Nope :3 Are you Charlies Xavier? eek
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Posted: Mon Feb 08, 2010 7:25 pm
I am depressed. I know I'm depressed, or, I know an episode of depression is starting to come in. I don't know why or what caused it. Maybe my medication isn't working or something like that.
I feel so alone. The friends I have at shool aren't even real friends. They're just not. It's all. . . so shallow and empty. I can't be deep. I can't feel or talk deep with them. The other day I was with them and one of my friends was talking about a girl he used to be really close with. . . but then she just stopped hanging out. And so he was like "screw her." It feels to me that that isn't the kind of friendship where if one person is really upset, the others will stop what they're doing to take care of them or even try to understand what's going on.
I feel so alone. I sprained my ankle the other week and I texted that same friend. It was about half an hour before he texted me back, uninterested. I was all alone and trapped down there and I had nobody.
They don't and they can't understand the depths of the problems I have. Every day, in every class, I sit with earplugs in my ears because the sounds of people chewing gum and eating food all around me make me insane. It leads to anxiety, constantly, and embarassment. I feel like I'm crazy. And I can't tell them. They can't, won't, or aren't able to understand what goes on.
I left class today and I went to my room. I slept for four hours. I hit the snozoe button countless times. I couldn't get out of bed. My laundry basket is oerflowing because I can't do my laundry. I just can't. I can't do anything. I can't concentrate or study. I can't focus. I'm bored to death anda t the same time, I don't have the time to do anything.
I had a mental breakdown last week, on Wednesday. I cried and panicked, went to class, left early, and cried some more.
Depression is something I've fought since I was in the eigth grade. Right now, I can't fight. I can't do anything. I sit and cry or I sleep, or I run away and hide in my room.
I don't have anyone or anywhere to turn to. I don't have any real friends IRL and anybody on here, well, I'm just accused of bringing my emotions into the guild where they (as I've been told) don't belong.
The only place I found some solstice is breaking. The people you think you can trust are the ones who talk out one side of their mouth. In a place where all is supposed to be open, functioning, and working, people only say their problems when they can use it as ammunition towards other people. Everything is so one-sided it's horrible. I cannot be emotional. I must suck it up and get over it. Apparently. The words I say and the things I do are turned inside out and upside down in the one place where it is assumed I should at least be given the benefit of the doubt.
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Posted: Mon Feb 08, 2010 7:41 pm
CleoSombra I am depressed. I know I'm depressed, or, I know an episode of depression is starting to come in. I don't know why or what caused it. Maybe my medication isn't working or something like that.
I feel so alone. The friends I have at shool aren't even real friends. They're just not. It's all. . . so shallow and empty. I can't be deep. I can't feel or talk deep with them. The other day I was with them and one of my friends was talking about a girl he used to be really close with. . . but then she just stopped hanging out. And so he was like "screw her." It feels to me that that isn't the kind of friendship where if one person is really upset, the others will stop what they're doing to take care of them or even try to understand what's going on.
I feel so alone. I sprained my ankle the other week and I texted that same friend. It was about half an hour before he texted me back, uninterested. I was all alone and trapped down there and I had nobody.
They don't and they can't understand the depths of the problems I have. Every day, in every class, I sit with earplugs in my ears because the sounds of people chewing gum and eating food all around me make me insane. It leads to anxiety, constantly, and embarassment. I feel like I'm crazy. And I can't tell them. They can't, won't, or aren't able to understand what goes on.
I left class today and I went to my room. I slept for four hours. I hit the snozoe button countless times. I couldn't get out of bed. My laundry basket is oerflowing because I can't do my laundry. I just can't. I can't do anything. I can't concentrate or study. I can't focus. I'm bored to death anda t the same time, I don't have the time to do anything.
I had a mental breakdown last week, on Wednesday. I cried and panicked, went to class, left early, and cried some more.
Depression is something I've fought since I was in the eigth grade. Right now, I can't fight. I can't do anything. I sit and cry or I sleep, or I run away and hide in my room.
I don't have anyone or anywhere to turn to. I don't have any real friends IRL and anybody on here, well, I'm just accused of bringing my emotions into the guild where they (as I've been told) don't belong.
The only place I found some solstice is breaking. The people you think you can trust are the ones who talk out one side of their mouth. In a place where all is supposed to be open, functioning, and working, people only say their problems when they can use it as ammunition towards other people. Everything is so one-sided it's horrible. I cannot be emotional. I must suck it up and get over it. Apparently. The words I say and the things I do are turned inside out and upside down in the one place where it is assumed I should at least be given the benefit of the doubt.
Hrm? Who said that? Am I blind? Don't hold 'em back. Nicht a good thing to do at all. confused
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Posted: Mon Feb 08, 2010 7:49 pm
CleoSombra I don't have anyone or anywhere to turn to. I don't have any real friends IRL and anybody on here, well, I'm just accused of bringing my emotions into the guild where they (as I've been told) don't belong.
The only place I found some solstice is breaking. The people you think you can trust are the ones who talk out one side of their mouth. In a place where all is supposed to be open, functioning, and working, people only say their problems when they can use it as ammunition towards other people. Everything is so one-sided it's horrible. I cannot be emotional. I must suck it up and get over it. Apparently. The words I say and the things I do are turned inside out and upside down in the one place where it is assumed I should at least be given the benefit of the doubt. I know how that feels. Every word I say outside of the guild is scrutinised by people who wish to find fault with what I say, merely because of the color of my skin name. You're always welcome to PM me and chat Cleo, or talk to me on Skype in those rare instances I'm on it ^^
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Posted: Mon Feb 08, 2010 7:52 pm
Valheita You're always welcome to PM me and chat Cleo, or talk to me on Skype in those rare instances I'm on it ^^ This. '0' I barely talk to you anymore, and I know I haven't been the nicest person sometimes... but I'd love to talk. It's been worrying to see you post so little...
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Posted: Mon Feb 08, 2010 8:14 pm
*Gives Cleo A Great Big Internet Hug* heart
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Posted: Tue Feb 09, 2010 1:43 am
CleoSombra I am depressed. I know I'm depressed, or, I know an episode of depression is starting to come in. I don't know why or what caused it. Maybe my medication isn't working or something like that.
I feel so alone. The friends I have at shool aren't even real friends. They're just not. It's all. . . so shallow and empty. I can't be deep. I can't feel or talk deep with them. The other day I was with them and one of my friends was talking about a girl he used to be really close with. . . but then she just stopped hanging out. And so he was like "screw her." It feels to me that that isn't the kind of friendship where if one person is really upset, the others will stop what they're doing to take care of them or even try to understand what's going on.
I feel so alone. I sprained my ankle the other week and I texted that same friend. It was about half an hour before he texted me back, uninterested. I was all alone and trapped down there and I had nobody.
They don't and they can't understand the depths of the problems I have. Every day, in every class, I sit with earplugs in my ears because the sounds of people chewing gum and eating food all around me make me insane. It leads to anxiety, constantly, and embarassment. I feel like I'm crazy. And I can't tell them. They can't, won't, or aren't able to understand what goes on.
I left class today and I went to my room. I slept for four hours. I hit the snozoe button countless times. I couldn't get out of bed. My laundry basket is oerflowing because I can't do my laundry. I just can't. I can't do anything. I can't concentrate or study. I can't focus. I'm bored to death anda t the same time, I don't have the time to do anything.
I had a mental breakdown last week, on Wednesday. I cried and panicked, went to class, left early, and cried some more.
Depression is something I've fought since I was in the eigth grade. Right now, I can't fight. I can't do anything. I sit and cry or I sleep, or I run away and hide in my room.
I don't have anyone or anywhere to turn to. I don't have any real friends IRL and anybody on here, well, I'm just accused of bringing my emotions into the guild where they (as I've been told) don't belong.
The only place I found some solstice is breaking. The people you think you can trust are the ones who talk out one side of their mouth. In a place where all is supposed to be open, functioning, and working, people only say their problems when they can use it as ammunition towards other people. Everything is so one-sided it's horrible. I cannot be emotional. I must suck it up and get over it. Apparently. The words I say and the things I do are turned inside out and upside down in the one place where it is assumed I should at least be given the benefit of the doubt.
I know how you feel about the friends thing, *hugs* i hope you ll be ok and although we dont really talk much ,if you ever wish to speak to someone or anything im usually about so if there anything i cans do let me know ^.^
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Posted: Tue Feb 09, 2010 1:53 am
Secret:First off:
I cant really swim
anyway now thats off my chest,
I ve began to distance myself from people as i am afraid of lashing out, after returning from London, i returned and felt as if i didnt belong /alone. after spending a day home with my parents, my mum revealed to me that im a failure and that i bring dishonor to the family and that i m better off dead.
I deserve that much for not being able to surpass their academic expectations.
Im alone and i dont know who to trust or what to do
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Posted: Tue Feb 09, 2010 3:22 am
Kamdage Secret: First off:
I cant really swim
anyway now thats off my chest,
I ve began to distance myself from people as i am afraid of lashing out, after returning from London, i returned and felt as if i didnt belong /alone. after spending a day home with my parents, my mum revealed to me that im a failure and that i bring dishonor to the family and that i m better off dead.
I deserve that much for not being able to surpass their academic expectations.
Im alone and i dont know who to trust or what to do
And that's kinda bad what your mum said to you D: But you know, there's always people who will be like that, who will try to push you on edge to see how you react, or they just need to test you. Don't take it as something offensive, just use it as a reason to do better and to prove others wrong. The best thing is to do what you can do, and don't feel like a failure.
As for the academics, it's NEVER to late, and you're young anyway, you have plenty of time. If you don't meet her expectations, then there's nothing you can do, just be yourself and carry on as you're doing. Study well and keep pushing yourself to do better. (But don't push too much D: ). You're never alone, you can always confide in here ^^, Or maybe to friends you meet or will meet at Uni?
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Posted: Tue Feb 09, 2010 5:37 am
I really have to pee, but I'm too lazy to get up just yet. Infer what you will about my level of laziness from that. xD
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Posted: Tue Feb 09, 2010 5:57 am
Dystopian Lover I really have to pee, but I'm too lazy to get up just yet. Infer what you will about my level of laziness from that. xD ₲reen acid on your Ϩʞ↕и
gonk Not something I needed to know you lazy person!
xD I get lazy like that too though.. x.x; Still
₣eels like you're dieing ΔɠΔ↕и
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Posted: Tue Feb 09, 2010 7:39 am
*hugs Cleo* I don't know what to say, but...I care...not that that helps much. sad
Secret #1: I lack the ability to get over things.
Even if I want to forgive and forget, and even if I try to forgive and forget, I can't ever seem to do so fully. It's always been this way for me. And the deeper something cuts me, the harder it is to ignore the scars.
I could easily find out just how long it's been...but I don't think I want to know. If I'm still able to remember in ten years...it will feel just like this.
Secret #2: I have a cinnamon roll...it's all burned and yucky though. I don't want to eat it.
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Posted: Tue Feb 09, 2010 8:51 am
Kestin Sha Secret #1: I lack the ability to get over things.
Even if I want to forgive and forget, and even if I try to forgive and forget, I can't ever seem to do so fully. It's always been this way for me. And the deeper something cuts me, the harder it is to ignore the scars.
I could easily find out just how long it's been...but I don't think I want to know. If I'm still able to remember in ten years...it will feel just like this.
/hugs
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Posted: Tue Feb 09, 2010 10:15 am
Divine_Malevolence Hrm? Who said that? Am I blind? Thank you Val, Nim, Carmella, Kamdage, Kestin. <3 Nim - yeah . . I haven't been on the internet at all that much. Mostly just doing nothing.
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