Welcome to Gaia! ::

Doing all right, getting frustrated with a ton of things. So, we're pretty much twiddling our thumbs right now. xp

Hello Everyone!

I thought I would get myself aquainted with this thread since me and my new beau Steve have been hitting it off pretty seriously.

You can call me either Tiro or Kay. :3

Yesterday we got wonderful news that he's been accepted into the Canadian forces! I was so proud of him, and even more touched that he decided to stay in our local area to go his...uhm, Regiment training? I'm quite new to this all, but he wanted to join the local Regiment in Kelowna, BC instead of doing a 13 week training in most likely Quebec (BMQ? I think?) Just to stay with me. I was overwhelmed at his little sacrifice but he assured me this was what he wanted and in the end after all the training he could still be deployed at some point in time being part time here rather than full time across the country!

We did speak seriously about him doing full time work in Alberta, at the base close to edmonton; but for the fact that my heart is set on Calgary (I have an extensive close nit group of friends there and the fact that I could be near guaranteed a job as a Medical office assistant when I finish my course in June) Had me dreadding moving to Edmonton. I was also offered to live on the barracks....but I just couldn't do it. We have plans to start a family but I would find that extremely hard to cope with when I have no support but him.

I wanted him to do what he thought best; but he told me that he would give it up anyday to come live with me in Calgary. So I know i've found the perfect man, and seeing that he's giving up so much for me I told him that if he wishes to be deployed overseas for a tour that I wouldn't stop him. We seem to have found a very happy medium, so it looks like I will be joining the ranks of a military wife soon! <3

I was curious though if anyone here has lived on site with their military other? How was the experience for you?

Also; how does having a spouse being gone so much for training and tours affect the kids? I have all these curiosities in my mind and no one to help answer them!

Been awhile since anyone has posted in here again! After a year of lost-paperwork and other such nonsense, Chris finally made his E6 on 01 March. mrgreen


Anywho, thought I'd post this up as I found it on another forum's military Spouses board I frequent. It was originally posted on another forum before that and I guess the non-military wives got pissy about it...but I've noticed being a military spouse is like having a loved one die: people say the stupidest crap to you thinking it's helpful or appropriate to say.

I know I've heard quite a few of them and there were some good other ones added after from responses. (Don't ask about the numbering on it...it came that way apparently. LOL) Anyone who's had a deployed spouse I'm sure has heard more then a few of these.

S/O What not to say to Mil-Wife

1.“Aren’t you afraid that he’ll be killed?” (This one ranks in at number one on the “duh” list. Of course we’re afraid. We’re terrified. The thought always lingers at the backs of our minds —but thanks brilliant, you just brought it back to the front. Maybe next you can go ask someone with cancer if they’re scared of dying.)

2.“I don’t know how you manage. I don’t think I could do it.” (This is intended to be a compliment. Though, its just a little annoying. Here’s why: it’s not like all of us military wives have been dreaming since childhood of the day we’d get to be anxious single moms who carry cell phones with us to the bathroom and in the shower. We’re not made of some mysterious matter that makes us more capable, we just got asked to take on a challenging job. So we rose to the challenge and found the strength to make sacrifices.)

3.“At least he’s not in Iraq.” (This is the number one most annoying comment for those whose husbands are in Afghanistan. What do they think is happening in Afghanistan? An international game of golf? Guys are fighting and dying over there.)

4.“Do you think he’ll get to come home for Christmas/anniversary/birthday/birth of a child/wedding/family reunion, etc?” (Don’t you watch the news? No! They don’t get to come home for any of these things. Please don’t ask again.)

5.“What are you going to do to keep yourself busy while he’s gone?” (Short answer: Try to keep my sanity. Maybe there’s a military wife out there who gets bored when her husband leaves, but I have yet to meet her. For the rest of us, those with and without children, we find ourselves having to be two people. That keeps us plenty busy. We do get lonely, but we don’t get bored, and drinking massive amounts of wine always helps keep me busy.)

6.“How much longer does he have until he can get out?” (This one is annoying to many of us whether our husbands are deployed or not. Many of our husbands aren’t counting down the days until they “can” get out. Many of them keep signing back up again and again because they actually love what they do or they VOLUNTEER AGAIN and AGAIN to go back to Iraq b/c there is work that needs to be done.)

7.“This deployment shouldn’t be so bad, now that you’re used to it.” (Sure, we do learn coping skills and its true the more deployments you’ve gone through, the easier dealing with it becomes. And we figure out ways to make life go smoother while the guys are gone. But it never gets “easy” and the bullets and bombs don’t skip over our guys just because they’ve been there before. The worry never goes away.)

8.“My husband had to go to Europe for business once for three weeks. I totally know what you’re going through.” (This one is similar to number two. Do not equate your husband’s three week trip to London/Omaha/Tokyo/etc. with a 12-15 month or more deployment to a war zone. Aside from the obvious time difference, nobody shot at your husband or tried to blow him up with an I.E.D., your husband could call home pretty much any time he wanted to, he flew comfortably on a commercial plane, slept between crisp white sheets and ate well, paying for everything with an expense account. There is no comparison. We do not feel bonded to you in the slightest because of this comment and, if anything, we probably resent you a bit for it. Comparing a 12 month combat deployment to a few weeks business trip is like comparing a shitty ford taurus with mercedes convertible.)

9.“Wow you must miss him?” (This one also gets antoher big “duh”. Of course we miss our men. There are some wives who do not and they’re now divorced.)

0.“Where is he exactly? Where is that?” (I don’t expect non-military folks to be able to find Anbar Province on a map, but they should know by now that it’s in Iraq. Likewise, know that Kabul and Kandahar are in Afghanistan. Know that Muqtada al Sadr is the insurgent leader of the Mahdi Army in Iraq and that Sadr City is his home area. Know that Iran is a major threat to our country and that it is located between Afghanistan and Iraq. Our country has been at war in Afghanistan for seven years and at war in Iraq for five years. These basic facts are not secrets, they’re on the news every night and in the papers every day —and on maps everywhere.)

1.“Well, he signed up for it, so it’s his own fault whatever happens over there. (Yes, ignorant, he did sign up. Each and every day he protects your right to make stupid comments like that. He didn’t sign up and ask to be hit by anything, he signed up to protect his country. Oh, and by the way, he asked me to tell you that “You’re welcome.” He’s still fighting for your freedom.)

2.“Don’t you miss sex! I couldn’t do it!” (hmmm, no i don’t miss sex. i’m a robot. seriously…military spouses learn quickly that our relationships must be founded on something greater than sex. We learn to appreciate the important things, like simply hearing their voices, seeing their faces, being able to have dinner together every night. And the hard truth is, most relationships probably couldn’t withstand 12 months of sex deprivation.)

3.“well in my opinion…..” (Stop right there. Yo, I didn’t ask for you your personal political opinions. Hey, I love a heated political debate, but not in the grocery store, not in Jamba Juice, not at Nordstrom, not in a restaurant when I’m out with my girls trying to forget the war, and CERTAINLY NOT AT WORK. We tell co-workers about deployments so when we have to spend lunch hours running our asses off doing errands and taking care of the house, dog, and kids, they have an understanding. We do not tell co-workers and colleagues because we are giving an invitation to ramble about politics or because we so eagerly want to hear how much they hate the President, esp. while we’re trying to heat up our lean cuisines in the crappy office microwaves.)

last but not least….

1.“OH, that’s horrible…I’m so sorry!” (He’s doing his job and he’s tough. Don’t be sorry. Be appreciative and please take a moment out of your comfortable American lives to realize that our soldiers fight the wars abroad so those wars stay abroad.)





What I personally thought should have been added to the list would be the following gems I've heard more then once...
"All soldiers are baby killers/killers/idiots/meat heads/some other lame-a** generalization." Seriously people. Most soldiers in the military do not join because they want to hurt other people or want to play with guns--they join because they wanted a stable career, it was the only way to get training they wanted, many my age here, they joined because they saw what happened on 9/11 and wanted to help anyway they could and didn't know what else to do, they needed a way to fund their college, and goodness knows there are even more reasons then that! Besides that, you know how much KILLER TRAINING they get? Nil.

"Are you going to move home?" While I'm guilty of this one myself at times and thinking of where I am as "not home," it's still annoying to hear all the time. What is my current place I live, a crash pad and nothing more? I don't have my family with me now? I don't have a life here?


xd Feel free to share other things you've had said to you that make you seriously WTF or wonder about other people and their mindset.

If Canadian special forces are like their American counterpart, chances are he'll be out more often but it will be for shorter periods of time, won't be able to tell you where he's going/was, or much of anything until it's declassified and he's debriefed on what he can tell you. I think because of the nature of what they do, you likely won't hear from him during the times he's out either which can make it hard and cause worry. I asked my husband about SF and what happens if a mission goes awry and he says that they have many mottos including, "no man gets left behind," so he honestly didn't think that what you were told would be the case. He'd have the other men serving with him to back him up as well as the govt. trying to get them out as well. He also mentioned this *does* happen from time to time, but it's not common anymore--like Cambodia or Iran missions. SF receive excellent training and if he does go that route, you'll know he's with dedicated others who will watch out for him and he'll do the same for them.

So sadly, I don't know very much either except little bits here or there I hear from my husband when he goes on his SF kicks.


As for the list, I don't know if that's the case everywhere. Maybe Canadians are more understanding of things or know what is or is not appropriate to say to someone else? XD I can always hope.

A lot of the reason I moved 1200 miles away from my home to the base my husband was deployed from was because back there, no one really understood what I was going through and I'd get weird/stupid comments and questions all the time. So while I was alone, there were many other people going through the same thing I was and it made everything more tolerable.

#6 is actually about ETS dates, I believe, not length of deployments. I wasn't bothered when Chris was out and people asked me roughly when he was coming home. However, being constantly asked when he can be free of the military all the time can be tiring--moreso for him then me because I'd love to see him decide to go civilian again, but the earliest he'll be out is Feb. 2011 so we have awhile--and what's more irritating is when I explain he wants to go career I often get a look of disgust and the ever-fantastic, "OH," followed by akward silence. Because no one in their right mind would want to stay in after one term, you know. rolleyes

Hi, Bane!

How long have you been in and if you don't mind saying, what duty station are you at?

Oh, looking to be a dual-military household? surprised What does your decision depend upon, if you don't mind my asking.

Welcome to the guild. smile

Welcome to the group, heaven! smile

How are you feeling about his leaving in a month? What branch of service is he entering and what job is he being trained to do?

Does it mean you'll be moving sometime in the future as well? ninja

Sorry, so many questions to ask when they first get in. Heh.