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 Posted: Fri Jul 22, 2011 4:48 am
Sergeant JJ Giesta I could believe it, it is werid how it seems some people have a lot of Drama and some dont have any at all. And yeah, relationships often are the cause of a LOT of drama cases out there for a lot of people. 3nodding
Yeah... I'd believe it. I would think that for the most part it isn't really either party's fault that the drama exists when it comes to relationships either. I feel that to place all of the blame on just one person is kind of shallow-minded. I would say that some people are better off with just being friends instead of getting into a relationship with each other, though.
Drama tends to exist where people are trying to be more than they should be. If these people could see the truth instead of trying to be something more then maybe there would be a lot less drama in this world. (We are really not that important in some situations, but just because we aren't that important in those situations doesn't mean that we aren't important in the grand scheme of things.)
but my soldiers stay eternal. Drama tends to come and go but yes I do agree its not one person fault entirely Drama can happen to anyone any time and often when you dont expect it. Yes, it does seem a lot today's world is getting more and more narcissistic and "Me" based. sweatdrop
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Posted: Sun Jul 24, 2011 2:22 am
Giesta 3nodding Drama tends to come and go but yes I do agree its not one person fault entirely Drama can happen to anyone any time and often when you dont expect it. Yes, it does seem a lot today's world is getting more and more narcissistic and "Me" based. sweatdrop
Well... I could say that I know why it is that people are becoming more and more narcissistic (and I would likely be right according to what I just read on it out of a wiki passage), but I am not going to assume that all parents are exactly alike or that it is even necessarily the parents' fault. I was not trained to be a counselor or a therapist and therefore it really isn't my spot to try to dive into another person's mind or even to have them try to dive into their own mind without the ability to give them a mental life jacket.
I will go ahead and admit that I would have a bit of a problem when it comes to being narcissistic according to what I read about it. Narcissus kind of reminds me of myself in some ways. I don't think that it is a bad thing to respect yourself, nor is it wrong to think (or know) that you look good.
but my soldiers stay eternal.
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Posted: Sun Jul 24, 2011 8:16 am
Sergeant JJ Giesta 3nodding Drama tends to come and go but yes I do agree its not one person fault entirely Drama can happen to anyone any time and often when you dont expect it. Yes, it does seem a lot today's world is getting more and more narcissistic and "Me" based. sweatdrop
Well... I could say that I know why it is that people are becoming more and more narcissistic (and I would likely be right according to what I just read on it out of a wiki passage), but I am not going to assume that all parents are exactly alike or that it is even necessarily the parents' fault. I was not trained to be a counselor or a therapist and therefore it really isn't my spot to try to dive into another person's mind or even to have them try to dive into their own mind without the ability to give them a mental life jacket.
I will go ahead and admit that I would have a bit of a problem when it comes to being narcissistic according to what I read about it. Narcissus kind of reminds me of myself in some ways. I don't think that it is a bad thing to respect yourself, nor is it wrong to think (or know) that you look good.
but my soldiers stay eternal. Agreed, somethings have changed in these few years since I was a child and I am sure since you were and it just seems that kids just are not as prepared for the world as even was as little prepared as I was in my growing up. And yes, I am good at talking and reassuring people but I myself am the least able in my mind to go about telling a person what they should do mentally as a person because I myself have issues as well that I fight every day so I try to give a opinion but say to think things out carefully when its something important I give advice on. I do also agree that some Narcissism is a good thing, its just when it goes over board and it becomes all consuming that a person forgets the world around them (The way the original narcissius forgot the world in the myth) it become a problem and something to stay away from.
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Posted: Sun Jul 24, 2011 12:43 pm
Giesta 3nodding Agreed, somethings have changed in these few years since I was a child and I am sure since you were and it just seems that kids just are not as prepared for the world as even was as little prepared as I was in my growing up. And yes, I am good at talking and reassuring people but I myself am the least able in my mind to go about telling a person what they should do mentally as a person because I myself have issues as well that I fight every day so I try to give a opinion but say to think things out carefully when its something important I give advice on. I do also agree that some Narcissism is a good thing, its just when it goes over board and it becomes all consuming that a person forgets the world around them (The way the original narcissius forgot the world in the myth) it become a problem and something to stay away from.
It would seem that a lot has changed since I was a little boy. None of the parents really seem to spend any time with their kids anymore and tell the kids to go play in their room and stay out of their hair until it is time to eat. My parents made sure that I stayed around them most of the time just to make sure that I didn't end up doing something stupid and end up killing myself. My parents would never accept the way that these parents are towards their kids. (Of course, my dad is so submissive that he would never stand up to these parents and tell them that the way that they do things is just messed up.)
Anyway... A counselor without life experience is a mistake waiting to happen. You can know everything that the books happen to say and know every way that the books happen to say that you should approach the situation, but without experience you really don't have a deep enough understanding of any kind of situation to help anybody else out. I think that you have half of the puzzle with the fact that you have the experience, and you might have enough to give advice as long as you don't tell a person that it has to be this way or that way but you tell them that they need to go with their most rational idea of what is the best decision for them.
Basically, the story of Narcissus was about this guy who was extremely attractive and fell in love with his reflection when he saw it in a pool while he was drinking water. There are many versions of this story and I am pretty sure that every version ends in his death due to him not being able to pull away from his reflection due to his attraction to it. I really think that it is an interesting tale to say the least.
but my soldiers stay eternal.
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Posted: Mon Jul 25, 2011 12:01 pm
Sergeant JJ Giesta 3nodding Agreed, somethings have changed in these few years since I was a child and I am sure since you were and it just seems that kids just are not as prepared for the world as even was as little prepared as I was in my growing up. And yes, I am good at talking and reassuring people but I myself am the least able in my mind to go about telling a person what they should do mentally as a person because I myself have issues as well that I fight every day so I try to give a opinion but say to think things out carefully when its something important I give advice on. I do also agree that some Narcissism is a good thing, its just when it goes over board and it becomes all consuming that a person forgets the world around them (The way the original narcissius forgot the world in the myth) it become a problem and something to stay away from.
It would seem that a lot has changed since I was a little boy. None of the parents really seem to spend any time with their kids anymore and tell the kids to go play in their room and stay out of their hair until it is time to eat. My parents made sure that I stayed around them most of the time just to make sure that I didn't end up doing something stupid and end up killing myself. My parents would never accept the way that these parents are towards their kids. (Of course, my dad is so submissive that he would never stand up to these parents and tell them that the way that they do things is just messed up.)
Anyway... A counselor without life experience is a mistake waiting to happen. You can know everything that the books happen to say and know every way that the books happen to say that you should approach the situation, but without experience you really don't have a deep enough understanding of any kind of situation to help anybody else out. I think that you have half of the puzzle with the fact that you have the experience, and you might have enough to give advice as long as you don't tell a person that it has to be this way or that way but you tell them that they need to go with their most rational idea of what is the best decision for them.
Basically, the story of Narcissus was about this guy who was extremely attractive and fell in love with his reflection when he saw it in a pool while he was drinking water. There are many versions of this story and I am pretty sure that every version ends in his death due to him not being able to pull away from his reflection due to his attraction to it. I really think that it is an interesting tale to say the least.
but my soldiers stay eternal. Parents now are no where as close to their children as my parents or your are to you it seems new parents now are ironicly enough very Narcissistic and seemingly more worried about themselves than their children though there are a few exceptional cases that stand out that are not that way. Thanks, I do try to give sound advice when a person asks me a question or if it is a question pertaining to their life or the life of those around them. Though I do try to be careful and just give my opinion in such special matters pertaining to such things as family and personal decisions on a person's part to do with their life and say that with what advice I give for the person to think things threw completely before they do anything majorly important life changing ect. and if it is really important to make sure and ask some one far above me the questions first or immediately afterwards. I would feel very very bad for a person to have something go terribly wrong on my advice or word and I think I would be crushed. Yes, as far as I know Narssisius does die in every version I have ever heard of the story he is so in love with his reflection that he stares at it till he dies and if I remember correctly he turns into a flowers of some kind as a sign of mercy by the gods something like that. (Its been a while since I have read that particular story.
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Posted: Wed Jul 27, 2011 2:49 am
Giesta 3nodding Parents now are no where as close to their children as my parents or your are to you it seems new parents now are ironicly enough very Narcissistic and seemingly more worried about themselves than their children though there are a few exceptional cases that stand out that are not that way. Thanks, I do try to give sound advice when a person asks me a question or if it is a question pertaining to their life or the life of those around them. Though I do try to be careful and just give my opinion in such special matters pertaining to such things as family and personal decisions on a person's part to do with their life and say that with what advice I give for the person to think things threw completely before they do anything majorly important life changing ect. and if it is really important to make sure and ask some one far above me the questions first or immediately afterwards. I would feel very very bad for a person to have something go terribly wrong on my advice or word and I think I would be crushed. Yes, as far as I know Narssisius does die in every version I have ever heard of the story he is so in love with his reflection that he stares at it till he dies and if I remember correctly he turns into a flowers of some kind as a sign of mercy by the gods something like that. (Its been a while since I have read that particular story.
Sadly, I, recently, have only known one lady who was close with her child. She and her daughter are practically best friends and you can see the bond that they share. It really is a refreshing to see the two of them being as close as they are when you typically see two types of parenting and both of them are bad.
I hate to say this, but I don't try to give advice anymore. I used to give beautiful advice back when I was younger... and then I noticed that nobody ever took my advice because they had their own ideas of how things should be done. It would seem that since I started noticing how others refused to ever take my advice that I have started asking people what they think that they should do. If they happen to tell me that they don't know what they should do, then I tell them that they know what they want to do and to just follow what their gut is telling them to do. (It is pretty sad, but it is what you have to do with most people. It annoys me that my counselor does the exact same thing with me, but I guess that I deserve it with the way that I give it.)
but my soldiers stay eternal.
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Posted: Wed Jul 27, 2011 3:26 am
Sergeant JJ Giesta 3nodding Parents now are no where as close to their children as my parents or your are to you it seems new parents now are ironicly enough very Narcissistic and seemingly more worried about themselves than their children though there are a few exceptional cases that stand out that are not that way. Thanks, I do try to give sound advice when a person asks me a question or if it is a question pertaining to their life or the life of those around them. Though I do try to be careful and just give my opinion in such special matters pertaining to such things as family and personal decisions on a person's part to do with their life and say that with what advice I give for the person to think things threw completely before they do anything majorly important life changing ect. and if it is really important to make sure and ask some one far above me the questions first or immediately afterwards. I would feel very very bad for a person to have something go terribly wrong on my advice or word and I think I would be crushed. Yes, as far as I know Narssisius does die in every version I have ever heard of the story he is so in love with his reflection that he stares at it till he dies and if I remember correctly he turns into a flowers of some kind as a sign of mercy by the gods something like that. (Its been a while since I have read that particular story.
Sadly, I, recently, have only known one lady who was close with her child. She and her daughter are practically best friends and you can see the bond that they share. It really is a refreshing to see the two of them being as close as they are when you typically see two types of parenting and both of them are bad.
I hate to say this, but I don't try to give advice anymore. I used to give beautiful advice back when I was younger... and then I noticed that nobody ever took my advice because they had their own ideas of how things should be done. It would seem that since I started noticing how others refused to ever take my advice that I have started asking people what they think that they should do. If they happen to tell me that they don't know what they should do, then I tell them that they know what they want to do and to just follow what their gut is telling them to do. (It is pretty sad, but it is what you have to do with most people. It annoys me that my counselor does the exact same thing with me, but I guess that I deserve it with the way that I give it.)
but my soldiers stay eternal. They sound like they have a beautiful relationship that mother and daughter you mentioned have, I hope they continue to keep that relationship alive. 3nodding Giving advice is hard to do, it can be good but it can be taken in so many ways depending on who you tell, some will take it well, most will take it as "Preaching" or as a person being a "Know-It-All" and just ignore it. Though to do it as you said to ask them if they know and then if they dont tell them to trust their "Guts" is a good idea to me. Consider that your counselor say that is a common form of therapy. Freud used to do all of his therapy by asking a person questions that have to be answered by a question from the patient. Basically if he asked you "How do you feel?" Then when you answered he would then ask "What do you think makes you feel like this?" Basically it was a way for the patient to work out in their own mind what the problem was and them the therapist could then work with them to control the situation once the root cause was found.
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Posted: Thu Jul 28, 2011 2:03 am
Giesta They sound like they have a beautiful relationship that mother and daughter you mentioned have, I hope they continue to keep that relationship alive. 3nodding Giving advice is hard to do, it can be good but it can be taken in so many ways depending on who you tell, some will take it well, most will take it as "Preaching" or as a person being a "Know-It-All" and just ignore it. Though to do it as you said to ask them if they know and then if they dont tell them to trust their "Guts" is a good idea to me. Consider that your counselor say that is a common form of therapy. Freud used to do all of his therapy by asking a person questions that have to be answered by a question from the patient. Basically if he asked you "How do you feel?" Then when you answered he would then ask "What do you think makes you feel like this?" Basically it was a way for the patient to work out in their own mind what the problem was and them the therapist could then work with them to control the situation once the root cause was found.
Most people that I know don't really want you to tell them what you think that they should do as much as they want to hear you tell them what they are already thinking just so that they can hear somebody agree with them. I, typically, don't agree with other people or say what they want to hear. I tell them things like they are and annoy them because I won't bend my mind to seeing things the way that they want them to be seen. The fact that I do this and the fact that it annoyed them made me stop giving my advice on things that I know that they don't really want to have the truth about. My way of doing things really has very little to do with anything that Freud would have done, but really it is my way of just brushing off the possibility of having them ignore what I have to say just so that they can do what they really feel that they want to do anyway.
I have often wondered whether my counselor was just trying to brush me off when she does what I tend to do with other people. I wouldn't understand why she would be trying to brush me off when she is getting paid to counsel me, but I do question why I see a lot of myself in her. (I, also, tend to wonder why she tells me not to personalize anything about anything when if something concerns me then I am partly to blame if things fall apart because I could have made different moves to hold things together. If I put all of the blame on the other person's shoulders then I feel that I am in the wrong, but it is the same way if I take all of the blame onto my own.)
but my soldiers stay eternal.
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Posted: Thu Jul 28, 2011 2:05 pm
Sergeant JJ Giesta They sound like they have a beautiful relationship that mother and daughter you mentioned have, I hope they continue to keep that relationship alive. 3nodding Giving advice is hard to do, it can be good but it can be taken in so many ways depending on who you tell, some will take it well, most will take it as "Preaching" or as a person being a "Know-It-All" and just ignore it. Though to do it as you said to ask them if they know and then if they dont tell them to trust their "Guts" is a good idea to me. Consider that your counselor say that is a common form of therapy. Freud used to do all of his therapy by asking a person questions that have to be answered by a question from the patient. Basically if he asked you "How do you feel?" Then when you answered he would then ask "What do you think makes you feel like this?" Basically it was a way for the patient to work out in their own mind what the problem was and them the therapist could then work with them to control the situation once the root cause was found.
Most people that I know don't really want you to tell them what you think that they should do as much as they want to hear you tell them what they are already thinking just so that they can hear somebody agree with them. I, typically, don't agree with other people or say what they want to hear. I tell them things like they are and annoy them because I won't bend my mind to seeing things the way that they want them to be seen. The fact that I do this and the fact that it annoyed them made me stop giving my advice on things that I know that they don't really want to have the truth about. My way of doing things really has very little to do with anything that Freud would have done, but really it is my way of just brushing off the possibility of having them ignore what I have to say just so that they can do what they really feel that they want to do anyway.
I have often wondered whether my counselor was just trying to brush me off when she does what I tend to do with other people. I wouldn't understand why she would be trying to brush me off when she is getting paid to counsel me, but I do question why I see a lot of myself in her. (I, also, tend to wonder why she tells me not to personalize anything about anything when if something concerns me then I am partly to blame if things fall apart because I could have made different moves to hold things together. If I put all of the blame on the other person's shoulders then I feel that I am in the wrong, but it is the same way if I take all of the blame onto my own.)
but my soldiers stay eternal. So basically the people around you dont want to hear someone else's advice unless it perhaps agrees with what they already think in the first place making them right already. I am the opposite, I would rather a person give me their advice and listen to it and then make an informed decision that way I have as many options as possible to take care of a situation that I maybe in or need help with. 3nodding Blame is a powerful thing, it can be the basis for some many things as well. Grudges, Blame for situations which are beyond peoples control often get sent back as grudges against God, and of course blame comes from all directions from all things it seems so it would be very hard to find a place without blame existing already in that place.
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Posted: Thu Jul 28, 2011 8:42 pm
Giesta So basically the people around you dont want to hear someone else's advice unless it perhaps agrees with what they already think in the first place making them right already. I am the opposite, I would rather a person give me their advice and listen to it and then make an informed decision that way I have as many options as possible to take care of a situation that I maybe in or need help with. 3nodding Blame is a powerful thing, it can be the basis for some many things as well. Grudges, Blame for situations which are beyond peoples control often get sent back as grudges against God, and of course blame comes from all directions from all things it seems so it would be very hard to find a place without blame existing already in that place.
Nope, most of the people around me really don't want to hear what you have to say unless it agrees with what they are already thinking. Some of them will fight you tooth and nail just to try to make your opinion change to being what their opinion is, and some will just agree with you while you are in front of them just to spare your feelings and then do what they want to do behind your back. (Opinions are like butts in the fact that everybody has one and a lot of them stink.)
I, personally, would like to hear what somebody else has to say about some situations because sometimes I just need to make sure that I am not about to do something extremely stupid that I will end up regretting later. If I ask somebody for their opinion then I am really wanting to know what their opinion is so that I can understand more than what is just being thought in my often clouded mind. I may still do what I am feeling is right, but that tends to only happen when I do not see enough evidence to point to another person's views. (If you tend to come across as being a moron in the way that you are presenting things then I will not listen to you.)
Blame IS an EXTREMELY powerful thing. I tend to have to have somebody to blame for everything (which I regret is my way of processing situations), but I tend to try to look at the whole picture instead of just one aspect of the picture. Just as it takes two to make things go right in a relationship, it also takes two to make things go wrong in a relationship. I realize that my opinion on relationships is just as opinion, but it is my way of viewing things concerning relationships. I could use a lot of words to explain my beliefs on this, but I don't really feel that you have the time to read all of that.
As for the last paragraph that you posted (or should I say that last thought that you posted), I think that you may have a point... I am just not sure that I understood everything that you were saying as well as I would have liked to. I was wondering if you might be willing to go a little bit more in depth with that paragraph so that I might be able to be certain that I understood what you were saying and not end up coming off like an idiot by responding to something that I may or may not be right in my understanding of.
but my soldiers stay eternal.
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Posted: Fri Jul 29, 2011 2:19 am
Sergeant JJ Giesta So basically the people around you dont want to hear someone else's advice unless it perhaps agrees with what they already think in the first place making them right already. I am the opposite, I would rather a person give me their advice and listen to it and then make an informed decision that way I have as many options as possible to take care of a situation that I maybe in or need help with. 3nodding Blame is a powerful thing, it can be the basis for some many things as well. Grudges, Blame for situations which are beyond peoples control often get sent back as grudges against God, and of course blame comes from all directions from all things it seems so it would be very hard to find a place without blame existing already in that place.
Nope, most of the people around me really don't want to hear what you have to say unless it agrees with what they are already thinking. Some of them will fight you tooth and nail just to try to make your opinion change to being what their opinion is, and some will just agree with you while you are in front of them just to spare your feelings and then do what they want to do behind your back. (Opinions are like butts in the fact that everybody has one and a lot of them stink.)
I, personally, would like to hear what somebody else has to say about some situations because sometimes I just need to make sure that I am not about to do something extremely stupid that I will end up regretting later. If I ask somebody for their opinion then I am really wanting to know what their opinion is so that I can understand more than what is just being thought in my often clouded mind. I may still do what I am feeling is right, but that tends to only happen when I do not see enough evidence to point to another person's views. (If you tend to come across as being a moron in the way that you are presenting things then I will not listen to you.)
Blame IS an EXTREMELY powerful thing. I tend to have to have somebody to blame for everything (which I regret is my way of processing situations), but I tend to try to look at the whole picture instead of just one aspect of the picture. Just as it takes two to make things go right in a relationship, it also takes two to make things go wrong in a relationship. I realize that my opinion on relationships is just as opinion, but it is my way of viewing things concerning relationships. I could use a lot of words to explain my beliefs on this, but I don't really feel that you have the time to read all of that.
As for the last paragraph that you posted (or should I say that last thought that you posted), I think that you may have a point... I am just not sure that I understood everything that you were saying as well as I would have liked to. I was wondering if you might be willing to go a little bit more in depth with that paragraph so that I might be able to be certain that I understood what you were saying and not end up coming off like an idiot by responding to something that I may or may not be right in my understanding of.
but my soldiers stay eternal. I will explain a bit more clearly now. I mean that in this world as a whole *Blame* is an impossibly hard thing to separate yourself from or to exclude from your life and that as well if a person could manage to do so, I do think that it would be beneficial to that person or persons but it would be very very hard to accomplish or to find that place where Blame doesnt exist. Even at that Blame is so common and surrounding everyone that even if you could manage as I mentioned above to separate yourself from it somehow it would be impossible to do so without someone out side of your life and therefore your control/ will-power ect. to keep themselves from blaming you for something. Basically, You - Blame = Very Very Hard / Nearly Impossible without work and effort. Someone, Friend/ Family/ Stranger + Blame = Impossible for a person to remove on their own without the other person's forgiveness which seems to be in short supply in the world right now. And of course nowadays people would rather hate and hold grudges than forgive them and be released only on the grounds of sheer laziness it seems in some cease or that they *Want* to have someone to hate.
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Posted: Fri Jul 29, 2011 11:45 am
Giesta 3nodding I will explain a bit more clearly now. I mean that in this world as a whole *Blame* is an impossibly hard thing to separate yourself from or to exclude from your life and that as well if a person could manage to do so, I do think that it would be beneficial to that person or persons but it would be very very hard to accomplish or to find that place where Blame doesnt exist. Even at that Blame is so common and surrounding everyone that even if you could manage as I mentioned above to separate yourself from it somehow it would be impossible to do so without someone out side of your life and therefore your control/ will-power ect. to keep themselves from blaming you for something. Basically, You - Blame = Very Very Hard / Nearly Impossible without work and effort. Someone, Friend/ Family/ Stranger + Blame = Impossible for a person to remove on their own without the other person's forgiveness which seems to be in short supply in the world right now. And of course nowadays people would rather hate and hold grudges than forgive them and be released only on the grounds of sheer laziness it seems in some cease or that they *Want* to have someone to hate.
Okay, you do have a bit of a point. There are quite a few people out there who do tend to hold grudges for years and never get over these situations. I know that I held a grudge against one of my special education teachers for the longest time because she called me an idiot when I was in the second grade. It was my opinion that a teacher should never call her student an idiot or say anything negative against any of them.
The good thing about my holding the two people in a situation at fault now is that I don't have to obtain grudges seeing as how grudges just take way too long to get over. I blame everybody and I refuse to hold a grudge against myself so I can't hold a grudge against the other person. It sounds pretty simple.
but my soldiers stay eternal.
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Posted: Sat Jul 30, 2011 3:11 pm
Sergeant JJ Giesta 3nodding I will explain a bit more clearly now. I mean that in this world as a whole *Blame* is an impossibly hard thing to separate yourself from or to exclude from your life and that as well if a person could manage to do so, I do think that it would be beneficial to that person or persons but it would be very very hard to accomplish or to find that place where Blame doesnt exist. Even at that Blame is so common and surrounding everyone that even if you could manage as I mentioned above to separate yourself from it somehow it would be impossible to do so without someone out side of your life and therefore your control/ will-power ect. to keep themselves from blaming you for something. Basically, You - Blame = Very Very Hard / Nearly Impossible without work and effort. Someone, Friend/ Family/ Stranger + Blame = Impossible for a person to remove on their own without the other person's forgiveness which seems to be in short supply in the world right now. And of course nowadays people would rather hate and hold grudges than forgive them and be released only on the grounds of sheer laziness it seems in some cease or that they *Want* to have someone to hate.
Okay, you do have a bit of a point. There are quite a few people out there who do tend to hold grudges for years and never get over these situations. I know that I held a grudge against one of my special education teachers for the longest time because she called me an idiot when I was in the second grade. It was my opinion that a teacher should never call her student an idiot or say anything negative against any of them.
The good thing about my holding the two people in a situation at fault now is that I don't have to obtain grudges seeing as how grudges just take way too long to get over. I blame everybody and I refuse to hold a grudge against myself so I can't hold a grudge against the other person. It sounds pretty simple.
but my soldiers stay eternal. I do agree that it should not be allowed for a teacher to call their student an idiot or for that matter any derogatory name like that due to future unintended consequences, had such an incident when I was in early middle school years from a teacher who had far to easy of a temper to be a teacher in the first place in my opinion. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm, I see well I do hope that it does work out for you and that in the end it makes things more acceptable for you in the matter of whos at fault and not holding grudges.
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