Welcome to Gaia! ::

I'm relieved I'm not the only one who thinks that death is nicer than life in some ways--that the good things in life aren't worth it. I think this a little more harshly, even when I'm happy. I'm not stupid enough to want to kill myself and waste my life, but I do wish I could get life over with a lot. I just want an end.
It makes me regret the fact that I'm alive and sound like this when I know there have been people who want life so much more. And I wish I could give it, because they deserve it more than I do, because I don't know what to do with it and can't do anything with it, because I'm sick of feeling this way.
I've been failing at school. I know, it's stupid to be depressed over, but everyone around me works so hard, and succeeds. I've worked hard enough that I've literally bled digging my nails into my skin while stressing, and still failed. I'm failing at something that means I'm disappointing others as well as myself, and I hate it.
I used to think I could at least draw, or create things, ideas, art, stories.
I haven't been able to draw since the pic I drew for KKD. I keep trying, then ripping up the paper; I feel like crap about it because I always promise at the very least a ******** drawing because I have friends I'd never be able to repay and I still can't do anything right. I haven't been able to come up with any new stories or even anything to help finish my main one. I can't even think anything happy lately.
And even better, I think I've dropped an old crush to move onto someone who's even more impossible for me to like. Someone who probably just humors me half the time, but I think I'm still falling. It's pathetic.
I think the worst part about the past month is having hope. It reminds me that story, about how in Pandora's box is the last thing that could kill anyone's spirit--telling you everything bad and how/when/etc. it would happen. I prefer it that way. I keep getting my hopes up for the littlest things and they get crushed. But it keeps happening and happening and happening and I'm just so tired. I think it's the main reason I'm feeling so drained and just tired. I keep trying to get on with my ******** life and it's like the s**t refuses to stop hitting the fan. I haven't gotten a single piece of good news for a month. Just more people getting sick/hurt/dying, me failing more, my parents stressing, my brother getting laid off. The happiest thing that's happened is that my brother hugged me.
At least, I'm glad I have this guild because I feel like I need to type this, but I can post it somewhere where it won't necessarily be seen, but it's been said. And I don't care how pathetic I sound with my whining, I can just say it, or how sad it is that I've only been able to laugh whenever I visit this place or read something (and I've been trying to drown myself in books...). But I'm glad this place exists even for overdramatic idiots like me; I'd probably be freakishly depressed without it. It's kind of stupid since I doubt anyone even knows me much or cares much. I guess...
It's a relief to type to someone or just type thoughts onto a computer screen--and not have to think and just type, just brainvomit. I've been so tired lately. You don't need to read my textwall rant. I just... I guess it's like graffiti? It's there, but I don't care if no one understands it or even reads it. Just that it exists and I was the one typing it is enough. I'unno if that's the point of this thread or not, but that's how I'm using it. Makes me feel better, anyway.

EDIT: I was hoping I'd be the first to post on page 300; thought there wasn't enough posts. Slightly stupid.
And if I sound weird, sorry. I'm in a weird mood.

You knew people were going to need to look that up, weren't you? XD

And while I'm on this subject, I would like to say that I absolutely hate bishounen. D:<

Nothing wrong with that, just know that a lot of otaku friends of mine wouldn't know the term and some of the guys would claw their eyes out if they found out the wrong way. XDXDXD Made me giggle a little, imagining their reactions.
And I never turn safe search on, myself. More brain bleach needed, but also more efficient. :3

EDIT: Absolutely love bishounen...? /sees lack of verb.

EDIT: @ Tart. Why yes it is. 8D

Girly guys in anime to make a yaoi couple or purely for fanservice are overused, yeah. And s'okies. :9

I came back from my first day of school 2010. I apparently embarrassed myself by going to the wrong class. Apparently, we had personalized learning in the room D9. I read my time table wrong and went to D12. The teacher in D12 is my History / Geography teacher for this year. Bad impression T__T

Also, I move up from being in B1 to being in A1. I'm in some of the same classes as my Ex. D: I always sit at the back and when he peeks at someone to talk to them ( behind him ), he always stares at me. T___T

Also, some people are so really dumb in my Class. Agh. F-MY-YEAR.

I hate not knowing if I'm that way or not.
Obliviousness is...... A curse.
@.@

I'm so ******** aggravated I'm just shaking in hate.

I kinda went overboard on a person who sent me a chain letter earlier that I will probably get me warned for trolling and flaming.