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 Posted: Sat Dec 08, 2007 9:46 pm
Nudge one hundred and thirty-nine
139. If I'm sitting in my camp, hear a twig snap, start to investigate, then encounter a small woodland creature, I will send out some scouts anyway just to be on the safe side. (If they disappear into the foliage, I will not send out another patrol; I will break out the napalm.)
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Posted: Sat Dec 08, 2007 9:47 pm
Nudge one hundred and forty
140. I will instruct my guards to look for the chamber pot when checking a cell that appears empty. If it's still there, the prisoner has escaped, and they may enter and search for clues. If the chamber pot is not there, then either the prisoner is perched above the lintel waiting to strike them with it, or he decided to take it as a souvenir (in which case he is deeply disturbed and poses no threat). Either way, there's no point in entering. heart
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Posted: Sat Dec 08, 2007 9:49 pm
Nudge one hundred and forty-one
141. As an alternative to not having children, I will have lots of children. My sons will be too busy jockeying for position to ever be a real threat, and the daughters will all sabotage each other's attempts to win the hero. heart
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Posted: Sat Dec 08, 2007 9:50 pm
Nudge one hundred and forty-two
142. If I have children and subsequently grandchildren, I will keep a three-year-old grandchild near me at all times. When the hero enters to kill me, I will ask him to first explain to her why it's necessary to kill her beloved grandpa. When the hero launches into an explanation that's way over her head, that will be her cue to pull the lever and send him into the pit of crocodiles. After all, small children like crocodiles almost as much as Evil Overlords, and it's important to spend quality time with the grandkids. heart
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Posted: Sat Dec 08, 2007 9:51 pm
Nudge one hundred and forty-three
143. If one of my daughters actually manages to win the hero and openly defies me, I will congratulate her on her choice, declare a national holiday to celebrate the wedding, and proclaim the hero my heir. This will probably be enough to break up the relationship. If not, at least I am assured that no hero will attack my Legions of Terror when they are holding a parade in his honor. heart
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Posted: Sat Dec 08, 2007 9:52 pm
Nudge one hundred and forty-four
144. I will teach my guards to stand in reasonable formation when they fire at the hero so he cannot duck between them and cause them to accidentally shoot each other.
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Posted: Sat Dec 08, 2007 9:53 pm
Nudge one hundred and forty-five
145. My dungeon cell decor will not feature exposed pipes. While they add to the gloomy atmosphere, they are good conductors of vibrations and a lot of prisoners know Morse code.
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Posted: Sat Dec 08, 2007 9:54 pm
Nudge one hundred and forty-six
146. If my surveillance reports any unmanned or seemingly innocent ships found where they are not supposed to be, they will be immediately vaporized instead of brought in for salvage. heart
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Posted: Sat Dec 08, 2007 9:56 pm
Nudge one hundred and forty-seven
147. I will classify my lieutenants in three categories: untrusted, trusted, and completely trusted. Promotion to the third category will be awarded posthumously. heart
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Posted: Sat Dec 08, 2007 9:57 pm
Nudge one hundred and forty-eight
148. Before ridiculing my enemies for wasting time on a device to stop me that couldn't possibly work, I will first acquire a copy of the schematics and make sure that in fact it couldn't possibly work.
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Posted: Sat Dec 08, 2007 9:58 pm
Nudge one hundred and forty-nine
149. Ropes supporting various fixtures will not be tied next to open windows or staircases, and chandeliers will be hung way at the top of the ceiling.
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Posted: Sat Dec 08, 2007 10:00 pm
Nudge one hundred and fifty
150. I will provide funding and research to develop tactical and strategic weapons covering a full range of needs so my choices are not limited to "hand to hand combat with swords" and "blow up the planet". heart
Ok, by my own strange thoughts, I should keep going but I think this is far enough and I wouldn't mind going to bed. So, ha Shoafy! I have finally reached ahead! And of course, you'll totally pass me by but that's the fun of it, ay?
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Posted: Sun Dec 09, 2007 4:59 am
burning_eyes
Okay,I think it's fair to say I've fallen behind.
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Posted: Sun Dec 09, 2007 6:07 am
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Posted: Sun Dec 09, 2007 6:08 am
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Reply
