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 Posted: Mon Dec 03, 2007 9:10 am
Thanks.
This character is generally cheerful, laid back and very flamboyant with a habit of womanising - and being rather successful at it at that.
I'll tell you more about him another time.
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Posted: Mon Dec 03, 2007 11:26 am
Gee, and I thought there wasn't much to read before, huh? I wonder if I'll ever have the time to read everything you posted. rolleyes
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Posted: Tue Dec 04, 2007 1:05 pm
This time, I have included the initials of the characters for ease. This is the beginning of chapter 7. Replies soon please.DM_Melkhar The audience chamber of the Fortress on the island – located in the south of Armaran – was just as gloomy and foreboding as the rest of the building. Upon what looked like a throne at the back of the room sat the amoral and baneful figure of ZNV garbed in black and red robes; her almost skeletal fingers clasping a burgundy sphere atop a wicked looking staff at her right side.
She rested her head in the palm of her left hand as she leaned against the armrest, watching the flickering apparition of a person she’d had hopes of recruiting. The apparition was that of the flaxen-haired man whose wavy locks fell across his shoulders with an unearthly grace.
“I do not know why you’ve come to me,” EK said. “I have no intention of waging a war against the world when there is absolutely no reason to.”
“And there I was hoping that you’d see things my way considering what you are,” ZNV's answer was apathetic. “It seems I have erred. Yet I cannot ignore why you will not tell me your reasons.”
“They are none of your concern,” EK retorted, furrowing his brow. “I do not ask you why you are plotting something as needless as this war. I want no part in such heinous activities.”
ZNV threw her head back and cackled at the remark. She ran a hand through her thick blonde hair and gave him a sensual smile.
“That is rich, very rich indeed coming from a vampire!” she scolded. “How unique can you expect to be, Earl? The notorious EK, a righteous vampire having lived more than three thousand years, preys only on the cruel and the twisted people of this world so that he may be called a saviour! You really are an amusing man.”
“You don’t know who you’re dealing with,” EK's words exuded malice and enmity as he stared the apparently one-eyed woman through the device they were both using to communicate. ZNV chuckled and pointed to herself.
“I? I don’t know who I am dealing with?” she replied mockingly. “You’re certainly entertaining EK, you have my compliments. You’ll have to pardon me now, as I have other business to attend to. It saddens me that I’ve wasted my time.” In blowing him a kiss and giving him another distrustful smile, she clicked her fingers and the device, which then deactivated itself. It was a deep purple dome-shaped object decorated with golden framework sitting on a pedestal, and was the larger version of a much smaller model.
“L, when is it due to awaken?” the sorceress shot a glance in the direction of her subordinate who stood by the eastern exit of the chamber. The youthful man jumped and cast his gaze to ZNV, cleverly concealing the fear in his heart. His shoulder-length fair brown hair was held back by a small black clip, which revealed a clean scar that ran from his left temple all the way down to the base of his neck. Ordinarily, such a scar could have been made by a blade, but in L's case, it had been done through the use of magic. He also wore the shining white robes that glimmered in the light, marking him as an S Mage.
“Ah, you mean the Shadowsoul ma’am? When the wounds have healed and when the host’s body accepts its presence,” he answered.
“That should be fairly soon then,” ZNV mused. “Very good. We’ll see how that goes when the time comes.”
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Posted: Tue Dec 04, 2007 7:26 pm
What a neat excerpt! The characters are fascinating, and there's so much going on here!
I'll comment more tomorrow; I'm being bad and staying up past my bedtime. smile
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Posted: Wed Dec 05, 2007 5:10 pm
Lordy what a day. *shakes off snow* I love snow, but I hate driving in it when I'm surrounded by idiots...
OK, I'm back now, I've had dinner, and I'm all set to relax this evening. I promised to comment further, so here I am! smile
I like this better every time I read it. There's a lot of character development here, and they are excellent characters indeed. I want to know what happens with them next--they're really well done. Is this the same novel as the pirate guy? Or is this a different one? In any case, I think it's very good!
The foreshadowing about the Shadowsoul is excellent too... very tense and scary on several levels. And the dialogue is very fine. It's a good piece of work!
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Posted: Thu Dec 06, 2007 1:26 pm
It's all a part of the same novel. I've not told you much about the main character, initials (ZK). I simply want to post bits and pieces of the plot to see what you all think of it really.
Most of my characters are very detailed and developed. This is just a small part of them. The pirate, the vampire, the main character and several others all have very intricately detailed backgrounds, and a number of them intertwine with one another.
Thanks for the feedback Jasta.
What do you say of my aspirations to sweeping Rowling off her feet in the future? (Pardon my lack of modesty). The Shadowsoul is very significant to the plot, and if you want to know what it is, I'll do my best to explain in a very subtle manner.
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Posted: Mon Dec 10, 2007 7:04 am
I say go for it and sweep the woman clear off her laurels. *grins* I like complicated plots, good, intricate characterizations, and hints of angst and darkness. smile It all sounds good to me!
I'd love to hear more about the Shadowsoul, whatever you're willing to subtly discuss!
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Posted: Mon Dec 10, 2007 9:45 am
Hmm...let's see.....
I'll get back to you on that one. wink
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Posted: Wed Dec 12, 2007 5:32 am
In the meantime, you could perhaps read and comment on the stuff I've been posting in my topic? *bats eyelashes* smile Pretty please?
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Posted: Fri Dec 14, 2007 4:35 pm
There's lots of good description in the excerpt I posted in my writing topic... *grins hopefully*
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Posted: Sat Dec 15, 2007 2:16 pm
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Posted: Mon Dec 17, 2007 9:43 am
Hey Jasta, I'll take a look when I can as promised....I've just had so much to think about recently....sorry. sad
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Posted: Mon Dec 17, 2007 3:39 pm
Oh hey, it's OK--Life Happens, especially around this time of year. smile Get to it when you can!
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Posted: Sun Jun 29, 2008 11:47 am
I think I've mentioned this before, but I have trouble writing battle scenes without repeating myself too much, and to me it looks like the atmosphere just isn't there. So, I wondered if there was any way of adding tact into a battle scene regarding the description of it.
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Posted: Tue Jul 08, 2008 1:32 pm
DM_Melkhar I think I've mentioned this before, but I have trouble writing battle scenes without repeating myself too much, and to me it looks like the atmosphere just isn't there. So, I wondered if there was any way of adding tact into a battle scene regarding the description of it.
This is something I may include. It's likely to be changed and/or added to though. I'm going to be introducing this character soon (she's the one I've mentioned before).
However, please note that I don't want feedback about what you're not told. This is an extract that I wrote specifically for the purposes of feedback. I just want to introduce this character in this manner because she's a very dark and powerful person (more powerful than you might think and I can't tell you anything lest I give my game away and risk other twats on the internet catching on to it). For example, I don't want you saying "I don't know who the 'them' are". I don't care about that. It's JUST an extract that I randomly wrote for a mock introduction to see whether it fits and whether it gives the atmosphere I want. Think of her as the female Sephiroth. She's not insane and she's not on the bad side. She's an anti-hero with a big difference who happens to be a nasty, evil yet neutral yet........forget it you get the idea right?
This is the kind of music I put with it. It's a video but the music is the important bit - Enigma - Dancing with Mephisto.DM_Melkhar All of a sudden the air seemed to turn like it were sentient. It was the most unpleasant sensation of dread imaginable, and it wasn't natural. It was commanded. Who could turn the air around them evil and instil fear into others at will?
She was at least six feet and three inches tall with a strong yet lank and lithe physique. Everything about her was perfect; there was no need for it to be proven, and one could tell that her hand would kill in an instant. Even the way she moved was precise.
The woman pulled back the hood of her black cloak, revealing her identity.
She had copper-auburn hair that fell straight to her shoulders, and rigid aquiline features that told a very dark story. Her wolf-like emerald green eyes stared at them, devoid of emotion yet full of malice, but it was the black lines surrounding her eyes that told them exactly who she was. She was the most feared of the seven, the one known as 'the' perfect soldier.
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