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 Posted: Thu Aug 02, 2007 12:11 am
Thanks it's 1:20 here and I am beaten for the day..
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Posted: Thu Aug 02, 2007 12:32 am
You're not rushed at all. =D
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Romeo for Tay Vice Captain
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Posted: Thu Aug 02, 2007 7:33 am
The events of previous days had left him and his horse drained, too tired to continue the journey to the castle of four spires, Sariel decided sleep was truly for the best even though he would be late for his training; a good night is never late for training. Slowly he climbed from his valiant steed and set foot onto the earth, a small shiver running down his spine as he realized he was closer to the wolves this way. The thought of food and rest overpowered the wolves for the time being, collecting firewood and a meal for the night more important then anything the forest could possibly throw his way. Quickly he began to move around the small clearing that surrounded them, his nimble fingers scooping wood from the ground and into his long willowy arms; it would make great firewood. The fire was strong, the dead October branches snapping and cackling as the smoke rose up into the sky; what a dreadful cold place at night.
Sariel tied his horse beside him next to the fire and reached into the saddle bags it was carrying, rummaging around and pulling out a small deer skin containing a chunk of meat; it wasn’t much for a rumbling stomach but it was all that was left. Slowly he rooted around for a solid stick, once finding one he secured the raw meat and let it cook over the open flames; his body falling backwards into the soft grass and his eyes closing happily, there was nothing really to worry about…
The scent of the meat traveled far into the wooded areas beyond him, past the small creek, through the bare rolling hills; the warm scent contradicting that of the cool twilight air. A low and ominous howl raked through the still calm, the loud surprise sending flocks of blackbirds shooting into the air like a reverse of a falling star, that one low sound becoming a symphony of different notes; all as potentially deadly as the first, all filling Sariels heart with dread.
Bloodlust…
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Posted: Thu Aug 02, 2007 9:14 am
((I would really like my skills to improve also. I plan on posting here soon, but at the moment I don't have any time.))
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Romeo for Tay Vice Captain
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Posted: Thu Aug 02, 2007 2:33 pm
You did wonderful, Sariel.
I just have one more thing to add, and you should be good:
although the story does revolve around the character, you may have wanted to explain such busy events more and the setting he was in, but all and all, you did wonderful! Your description is truly beautiful. =D
And Beautifully!
I would be more than glad to help you!
I'm on all the time, so I'll catch you when you have the time. ^__^
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Posted: Thu Aug 02, 2007 4:41 pm
Lol, it was early when I wrote that. I would love to continue should you have any more excellent suggestions, if not I am sure I will be fine.
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Romeo for Tay Vice Captain
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Posted: Thu Aug 02, 2007 5:11 pm
Well, if you believe you can go on, then I think you would be just fine. But I'm still around to help if you ever need it!
You really do have talent, and if you keep on writing, you'll just keep getting better and better.
If you want to, I'll have you marked as...
the first Graduated student of the school! ^___^
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Posted: Thu Aug 02, 2007 5:40 pm
I would love to be a graduate, however I will always be a student.
Thank you dear Kiki, I am very greatful for your wonderful help and should I need anything else you will be one of the first people I come to.
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Romeo for Tay Vice Captain
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Posted: Thu Aug 02, 2007 9:32 pm
And I'll always be here to help you in your writing should you struggle!
Congratulations then, Sariel! mrgreen
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Posted: Fri Aug 03, 2007 10:38 am
Why does it sound like the devil is laughing...Username: Xx_In Love and Lonely_xX
Alias: Ashlay
What sort of things do you lack in: Hmm, I lack the detail factor. I have trouble describing things, appearances, surroundings, anythingl ike that.
What would you like to work on: Well, since it is my biggest problem, I would like to work on giving general details, perhaps I should start with surroundings.
How would this work best for you?: Maybe give me a small scenario or something that needs an in-depth description.
Will this process improve you?: Perhaps. I've never actually tried anything to make my writing better, so it may.
Other: ...I don't believe there is. Not at the moment anyway. ...leaving me haunted tonight...
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Romeo for Tay Vice Captain
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Posted: Fri Aug 03, 2007 3:01 pm
Hello there then, Ashlay! =D
Hm... description?
So, you need help with the setting, character description, and actions... to fit them all in one place...
Alright!
I'll get a a post up of my own and show you where I put my own description to fit in with the character and all.
We'll go from there. ^_^
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Posted: Fri Aug 03, 2007 3:16 pm
Alright. This is just a mere layout on where to put description so far. In my next post, I'll help you with actually describing the actions and setting along wht character in it. =D Quote: It wasn't for another hour that school started. The first day, to be exact; where teachers would be talking all day, explaining what their classes were to have and be worked with throughout the long year. The students would watch with curiosity and excitement as their summer finally coming to an end, and some would be more than disappointed as they dreamt off, the teacher's words unclear in their own little world. Others would immediately fall asleep, so used to sleeping in and staying up late. But all and all, the colours of the people in the teenage world of high school were to come together again, separating themselves into groups with their friends, fresh gossip about one an other's summer the topic for the next few weeks and how excited they were to there. Remington could only smirk and laugh at such behavior. --->In the starting paragraph, I explained the setting. The first paragraph in an rp post could be many, many things with description: You could immediately start out with description, describing the character, or everything in the setting with the character fitting along in it. In this paragraph I didn't really get to describing much about Remington, only a mere sense of attitude he gave towards the wonders of the first day of his senior year in highschool. It isn't nessacary to show a bunch of description of the character after finishing a main topic.
He was one of the boys who literally suffered from "Senioritis", even on the first day. They say, that during a students last year of school, they become lazy, laid back, excited and unable to do their work because they're excited to graduate. Remington, going into his senior year on this very day, had already been infected by such a proposal, the slouch of his shoulders, slung backpack and continuing yawns a mere example. He was only going to school because he had to, and well.. for other reasons: first of all, he and his friends never really got a chance this summer to hang out altogether for a good amount of time. One was always busy with his parents, the other on a trip, one grounded because of a mistake they made. In school, since they all had lunch together, they could hang out, skip, and there wouldn't be parents' wishes to hold them back. he second reason was the girls: Remington hadn't had a lot of such flirtatious company this summer, since he could never keep a dedicated relationship going anymore. ---> When you enter the second paragraph, description either becomes easier or more difficult. In the first paragraph you have a choice to revolve it around: either the point of the story, the setting, the actions your character makes or the character appearance in general. The second paragraph you have to tie description together while switching to an entirely different topic, growing from the first paragraph into a minor topic for the much larger. This paragraph revolves around Remington's actions in the school after I described the setting: remember, the setting isn't always the area, but the way things may happen around that character. When working with the second paragraph, try to tie description in as I have stated so people can get a feel of the character and the setting.
Well, and the fact that he could be such an airhead. As the two-story high school came into view through the trees as he continued to walk down the road, his house merely blocks away, he couldn't help but to think of the other reasons on why such things were problems. It was one of those things that the government usually kept secret, that parents tried to shelter their children for because they would else wise be considered a freak. Remington was a creature of air, one who needed to be of a free spirit, not one tied to one woman constantly. It was fun to mess around with them here and there, but other than that, they were pointless and worthless in his eyes. Remington was a spirit of freedom, of air and clear skies--- He was an Anka. And no one knew. ---> In this 3rd paragraph, I got into more detail about how the character had come to this point in his life and why his personality was the way it was. When you get more into description, you want to try and mix it up, so people reading and role playign with you get the feel fo the character and how they fit into the story and point of that post. By going deeper and deeper into lengthening your posts, you can always switch up the order, but in the end you want to end up with the same things.
How had he pulled that off? Well, Remington didn't discover such a spiritual energy until his freshman year at this same high school in Crystala. Of course as a child his parents always thought there was something wrong with him because he was so light, wondering why he ate so much more than his older brother Ethan did or any other children for that matter. His bones were as light and thin as a birds, his body more muscle than fat ever; even being a senior in high school he weighed less than 110 pounds! With a lean, tall body, the girls were always attracted. Remington could only smile and smirk at that--- if only they knew. If only they knew the power he had in himself, if only anyone knew. the problem was, he could never show it because an Anka was so large. So through his angst of freedom, Remington was a free, trouble-making spirit, with the physical abilities no other had. With Avian blood and bones, along with in his body, he could run for much longer, could fight much stronger and was much more agile. ---> Now, concluding description can be tricky. You can end description with actions, history of the character, dialogue that gives people curiosity and much more. With this post of my I grew the setting, his personality, and his history together to make sense into the person he is, which is a little thing I could call, "Molding together." It makes the post have a lot moe sense and action to the character and surroundings.
He stood across the street now, standing and staring at the school before him. He couldn't help but sigh to himself; his parents had stayed home early this morning only because they would make sure he would make it to school. But his friends were waiting for him.
Besides, who said he had to go to class, anyway? ---> And when you end all the description together after curiously going through the molding stages to make your character, settings and actions come together, you always want to end on the same page and conclude what your character was doing in the first place what they're going to do. This finishes the molding and gives new oppurtunity to the person you're role playing with. Alright, I just had to get the rundown on how we're going to work with description. Then we'll actually start on how to describe and mold the actions you choose, whether you want to mix the paragraphs with certain things first and last or no. ^__^
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Romeo for Tay Vice Captain
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Posted: Fri Aug 03, 2007 7:04 pm
Btw, Kiki is freaking amazing.
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Posted: Fri Aug 03, 2007 7:12 pm
Hehe, thanks Sariel.
But I'm just helping. ^__^ I still try to improve on my writing and all too.
Aha.. I used to be a horrible writer back in the days.
I used formats such as:
Rikki: I can't believe you did that! *Slaps and runs away to hide in a tree*
Inamu: How could you do that!? *Runs after her*
Scareeeee. xD
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Romeo for Tay Vice Captain
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Posted: Fri Aug 03, 2007 7:16 pm
Hold on to your dreams becuase...Okay...let me try this...
The crash of thunder and the pounding of the rain on the windows woke the girl up that night. It was dark in the room, all except the nightlight, casting a small light througout the room and creating demonic shadows against the wall. As she opened her eyes, she saw the moon attempting to shine through the thick cloud covering, illuminating the rain.
As her eyes opened, she saw that the door was slightly ajar, not at all how she remembered her mother leaving it. Pushing back the soft warm covers, she sat up and swung her feet off the bed. She walked over to the door and peeked through the crack, into the hallway. Seeing nothing, she turned back, pushing the door closed behind her.
Shrugging her shoulders slightly, she tossed her light brown hair over her shoulder and adjusted her tank top as she sat back on the bed. She pulled the covers over herself once again and watched the shadows dance and play on her walls, lulling her into a sound sleep.
...your nightmares might seem like they're your reality
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