|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Wed May 16, 2007 10:37 am
Flower beamed but it faded as soon as he had finished his thought. Her eyes lit with understanding. "Ah I-I see." She said softly. So he thought she wasn't happy. That's not a big deal is it? To her it is. When people see others upset they ask questions and questions lead to difficult conversations which lead to confessions. Lord knows where that would take her. But she definately didn't want to find out.
"I'm h-happy." She told him, smiling for emphasis. It wasn't a complete lie. She was, sort of happy. More so than she had been in a long time. But he was still a male, an adult male.
It was an old irrational phobia but her father was the only male she had ever known besides the Soquili she had just met. But he was far too large to accost her in the fashion her father had.
But it was an option with Ahote.
She wanted to trust him. The mare wanted to let her barriers down, the ones she had painstakingly erected to protect herself. She had to control her breathing when he was close to her, touching her mane, innocent though she knew it was.
She had felt his breath on her neck and it was all she could do to seem aloof. Her heart was still racing but, thankfully, slowing a bit. She just didn't have it in her to get cross with the male, she was far too lost in her own thoughts.
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed May 16, 2007 10:52 am
Ahote tried to keep his smile plastered on his face. Hearing her say that she was happy, still with her nervous studder, tore at his heart. He could tell that she wasn't truly happy, and who knew if she ever would be. He had guesses of what had happened to her. The way she got tense when her back was turned, or whenever he touched her. But he couldn't go make assumptions.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean it that way. I'm sure you are happy. But I just get a feeling that you're very scared and nervous inside. I don't know why, and I'm not asking you to tell me, because I know that its really none of my business, but I still can't help feeling that there's something you're battling inside. And I can't help wanting to make it better. That's just the way I am."
He sighed, thinking that he probably went to far, and half-expecting Flower to stand up and leave.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed May 16, 2007 11:11 am
Flower licked her lips and stared at her hooves. Her eyes were downcast and she looked as if she might cry. She seemed to be fighting the urge to do so, her cheeks burning red. She shook her head and took a deep breath. "I-I can't." She croaked. Her breathing was becoming a bit ragged and yet controlled. Her ears were pinned back at a forty-five degree angle.
There was no way she could tell him. It was too painful, and embarrassing. She also felt like it was all her fault and she provoked these attacks. Maybe that was how Daddies showed their little girls they loved them? But then why had it upset her so? She had no idea. But she knew if Ahote got close to her she'd bolt.
"D-D-Doesn't matter...s'm-my fault." She added in the same strangled tone, her brows furrowing deeply. She had all ready said too much, trusted too much. Being in the company of another had been nice, it seemed normal and made her feel that she wasn't so awful of a person.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed May 16, 2007 4:21 pm
Flower's words confused Ahote. He hadn't really asked her a question, and she almost seemed to be having a conversation with herself, or something unseen and unheard. It was yet another sudden change that startled Ahote.
"Hey....are you all right?"
He didn't want to ask more than that, for fear of upsetting her again, and making her leave him. He had never seen somebody so upset before, and it had hit him like a brick. What could have possibly happened to her to make her so nervous?
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed May 16, 2007 4:58 pm
She couldn't even bring herself to look at him, as her chin began to quiver slightly. She rose to her feet, still staring at the ground. "F-Fine, I-I'm fine." She told him, forcing a smile onto her face. However it looked more like a grimace.
"G-Gods! C-Can't we talk a-about something e-else all ready?" She snapped, trying to stop the hot tears from slipping over her lashes.
She just couldn't understand it. Everything had been going so well. She hated herself for being so transparent. She thought she knew how to hide her emotions better than this.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu May 17, 2007 7:42 am
Ahote's eyes were wide open, and his face was full of pure shock. He had been trying to talk about something else, but Flower had gotten so tense again. What was he supposed to do?! Ignore her as she tensed up and mumbled nervously to herself? Well, he just couldn't do that. He brought himself to his feet so that he was eye-level with Flower.
"Look, I tried talking about something else." He was trying so hard not to raise his voice. Flower was throwing him in many loops, but he truly wanted to help her, and hoped that they could be friends. Even if they never saw each other again, he would always remember her, and that he couldn't help her at all. He had to try.
"I'm just so confused. I don't know what's going on, and every time I try to steer back to normal conversation, something like this happens again. Why won't you talk to me? That's probably added a lot of tension to your situation. You haven't vented on anybody, and you've kept all this painful emotion bottled up. You're going to explode if you keep this up."
His voice was desperate. He was genuinely concerned about Flower, and was dying to help her before she got hurt, emotionally or physically.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu May 17, 2007 8:24 am
Flower raised her head to it appeared that she was looking at him, a deep scowl on her face. As she blinked tears spilled over her long lashes, and ran down her face, and her nostrils flared. "D-Don't you see t-that I can't talk t-to anyone?" She asked seriously.
If she told him anything she'd be vulnerable, and that was the last thing she wanted to be. What if telling him opened the door for him to do the same. He had no right to be frustrated. She was! All she wanted was to be normal, to have friends and find a mate. But her phobias were really holding her back, and intellectually she knew this, but she just couldn't make herself talk.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu May 17, 2007 8:35 am
Ahote expected an answer like this. He sighed and continued to look at Flower. He was pretty much fed-up with being soft and kind about this. Maybe she needed a little tough love.
"Well, why not? That's the only way that anybody will ever be able to help you. Otherwise, nobody will know what's wrong. And if you're not willing to reach deep inside yourself and talk about this so that I can help you, then tell me now, because I won't waste my time."
He might have gone a bit too far, but it was really true. How could she ever get help from anybody if she didn't open herself up?
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu May 17, 2007 9:32 am
Her ears went backwards as far as they could go and she quickly laid down in the grass and seemed to be weighing her options. For a brief second her eyes met his. She didn't have the strength to argue or evade him anymore.
"W-Will you keep t-this q-q-quiet?" She asked softly, praying to the gods that she could trust him.
While she waited for an answer she tried to calm herself. 'He can't change what happened. No one can. But what's the worst he can do? Sure, he can hate me, think I'm horrible and never see me again. S'not like I deserve friendship anyway. I've got my two-legger, what more so I need?' She thought knowing full well that was a lie.
Ahote was so kind, and caring. She was within a hair's breadth of loosing a possible friendship. She had never even known the chance could be possible for her. She let out a deep, shaky breath before continuing. "M-My f-f-father...," She swallowed hard, not really knowing how to put this into words.
"H-He liked t-to play t-this game. B-But it r-really wasn't a game. H-He'd...he'd...he'dtouchmethewayIknowhewasn'tsupposedto." She said in one big, giant breath. Her cheeks burned with a red that didn't seem possible, her head bowed as a fresh stream of tears slid down her face. She braced herself for the laugh or look of disgust.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu May 17, 2007 9:48 am
Ahote was surprised that Flower finally agreed to talk to him about what was bothering her. It seemed that she had put up so many walls, and was going to refuse to take them down until it became too late and ruined her.
"Of course I'll keep it quiet."
As she laid down and began speaking to the ground more than to Ahote, he strained to understand her. As she softly blurted out what had happened, it took Ahote a moment to make sense of the extra-long word that she had made out of her sentence. But when he figured it out, a sense of even more shock fell over him. No wonder this poor mare was so tortured.
At first, there was a look of disgust on his face, but it was in no way directed at Flower. How could anybody do that to another, let alone a father to his young daughter. But when he looked back at Flower, seeing the tears in her eyes, his disgusted look melted into one full of sympathy. He lowered himself back down to the ground, lying next to Flower, but not too close, not wanting to make her any more nervous.
He really didn't know what to say, so he just remained silent, lying by her side. It was her turn to talk, to let all the poison out of her that had been forced there by her father. She probably hadn't ever told another soul about this, and now it was time to let all the emotions flow out, and Ahote was there to listen and support her.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu May 17, 2007 12:26 pm
How she wished she had more parsley! Her stomach seemed to churn violently and contort itself into massive knots. The mare just stared at the ground, not knowing what to say or do. She expected him to laugh or think she was a loony and leave.
But he hadn't...
And for some reason he was still there. She wasn't too sure she wasn't going to sick up. "I-I just...s'why I-I guess I c-can't trust." She blurted out. Word vomit. Nice. It took a lot for her to admit that. "O-Of all the m-mare you could have r-run into," She laughed dryly but there was no happiness in it. "Y-You find the s-screwed up one." She said before looking to him. "I-I'm sorry t-to waste your t-time A-Ahote." She added seriously.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu May 17, 2007 1:20 pm
Ahote looked at her seriously.
"Flower, you're not wasting my time. If I didn't want to be here and support you and help you, then I would have left a long time ago. Think about it, if I didn't want to help, would I have stayed around when you yelled at me?"
He smiled a little. He was glad that she was getting this all out of her system, and it probably felt pretty good to her, too. If not now, it would soon.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri May 18, 2007 3:40 pm
She smiled sheepishly. "I-I guess not." The mare agreed, her cheeks loosing their rosiness, but still slightly pink. "I-It's such an a-a-amazing feeling to n-not have to hide i-it from a-at least one other b-b-being." She told him, her eyes still shining with tears.
She was amazed that he still stuck around. Maybe she wasn't so awful after all. She felt as if a large weight had been lifted off of her chest. He also hadn't seen that as an invite to do something along the same lines as she had once feared.
So maybe...just maybe this is what having a friend was. Yes, feeling safe enough to talk, letting your hair down and just enjoying yourself. Well, also enjoying the other's company but that was a given.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat May 19, 2007 2:49 pm
Ahote listened, and was overjoyed to hear how much better she felt after sharing her secret with him. He knew that it would help her. She just needed that little extra push to be able to come out and say it.
"I'm glad I could help you with it. I know that the problem isn't completely solved, and the memory of it will never go away, but I'm so glad that you feel better. That's what friends are for, you know. I'm here to help you when you need it. I won't make any judgement on you because of what happened in the past. And especially for something that wasn't your fault."
Thinking more about what her father had done to her, Ahote's stomach turned over some. It made him sick to think that somebody who you're supposed to trust and look up to would take complete advantage of another like that.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat May 19, 2007 7:19 pm
"I-I have no idea h-how t-to properly t-thank you." She told him. "Y-You're very sweet. This means the world to me." She added, not realising her speech impediment was finally gone. She brushed away her tears with the back of her 'wrist'.
For the first time since they had met her eyes shown with happiness. This time it was forced, fake, but a true, genuine feeling. She hadn't felt this good in ages. Now that the pink elephant had been talked about and sort of discussed she felt over the moon.
"You've truly given me a gift Ahote." She told him, a soft smile playing at her lips.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
