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Posted: Tue Jul 29, 2008 10:08 pm
The Week of Greed Whereas before it was to enjoy the last treasures, now the corruption has progressed to just possessing them, whether or not they are being used or enjoyed. Gather all that you can and hoard, for it is yours, in these last days, and that may be all that matters. That something, other then life, was yours.
I am not alone.
It seems a cliche...a witticism. Oft repeated down the ages. We are always and never alone. In ourselves, in others. But in the physical sense of the labyrinth, I have always been alone. Just myself and my mistress who is the maze herself personified. But there is someone else now. I have seen the footprints burned into the stone that only I have trod. I have seen the water-splashes of the fountains where drops spatter like blood to a violated body. Hands were plunged into the crystalline liquid, drawing from the fountais its life-nourishment. I can even sense the air itself impunged by the passage of a form not my own.
Rage results. My beloved has no others. Had none. I am betrayed by her. By him. Although I know not whether this is a male or female, I feel intrinsically that my mistress flirts with another man. Whether she invited him initially or merely dalliances with him due to the happenstance of his arrival I know not. But I will brook no other here. I have tracked him long and far through dazzling turns and corners, but always he fades in view. As if he is a figment of mist. Or as if he knew the secret of getting out that I do not.
For I had lost that certainty for a time that this mistress is as much a paramour as a cage. I had forgotten that these corridors lead ever back on themselves. That as a rodent I scurry thereabouts to the study of others. That I am the pawn and not the player. This would not do....at all. If "he" knows the way I seek, then I will have that too.
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Posted: Sat Aug 09, 2008 9:17 am
Week of War From all the brewings of the proceeding weeks, now sparks the battles for the last treasures: land, food, water, resources, people, money, whatever it is. Some have and others have not, and there will be strife to determine who will have in the end.
There is no sun here.
I come to this realization sometime in the various meanderings. I've stalked a phantom that is more than a play of light. But from where the light generates I cannot say. That there are shadows indicate that from some place there need be an orb in the sky to generate the rays. But there is none. I am returned once more to the thought that this is all but a cage, and that there must be escape.
And then the distraction of my prey. He is more shadow than not now, a hazy phantom. And I pursue him into the forest of this labyrinth. My emotions have overtaken me. I feel violated, as if this sacred ground that only I trod has been dirtied by another. And that breeds in me a hostility that will see this foe driven from what is mine. My pace quickens as we flash as two sparks in amongst the twists and turns. We weave in an out amongst the statues and broken walls, into a destitute area that I did not know til now existed. It is not beautiful here.
And yet it is still mine.
The trespasser does not hesitate, fleeing before me. I am gratified by this show of flight. As a weaver of words, this mentality of fight is unlike me. Yet I feel flushed with the sensation of grappling with my prey, striking it dead, sending it in tatters. Even as creating in it a deterrant to any others that seek entrance here. My cage is now my castle and I protect it as such. Until that time that I can leave it willingly, to return at will, I guard it jealously.
But then my prey is gone, escaped where I cannot now follow. And my anger rises, not sated by the thought that I am alone and in posession. I have been robbed, cheated of my wrathful desires. For a time, there is nothing but fury in this sun-less land.
And then reason returns. Finally.
I lay in wait again. Doing as I do best, and weaving a trap to hold my prey when next he comes. For come he will. And I will have him.
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Posted: Mon Nov 03, 2008 9:53 pm
6 August 8th – The week of Plague – War is always followed by sickness. It is a dirty business, and carrion and blood breed sickness. So do siege and weapons themselves. Those not killed in the battle often fall to the disease that comes after.
This was not how I imagined it to be. Something did come, and I have clutched it to me as a beloved. But it was neither the prey I intended...nor a prey I wanted.
Sickness has lain on me. A fever that burns and does not cool. A heat both filled with filth and chill. It seems contradictory that a fire in the flesh causes an intense feeling of cold. This slow and creeping flame has torched all in my sight with its effects. It all falls now to the burning.
Skin sloughs, as rock crumbles. Colors shatter into red and sickly hues. Tapestries moulder and shred even as the fountains shatter in my eyes. In a blink they are gone, as water falls from them as blood. All becomes consumed with this slow sickness.
A thought comes to me...or tries. A slight tremble in the Dream that I am. But I cannot hold it, as we both slide into the encompassing illness that is now all there is...
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Posted: Mon Nov 03, 2008 9:53 pm
August 15th – The week of Famine – So many are dead, and so much is destroyed. What crops there were have been mostly destroyed, the remaining ones have not enough hands to tend them. Those that still live wane, bones poking at the thin covers of their flesh.
I am amazed by what greets me as fever fades. My beloved lies in shattered fragments. Discordant shards of light and shards of shadows. Whereas before there was beauty and symmetry, now all has been bled of color and richness. It is as if the very nourishment has leeched from my cage. Once I lost myself in its corners and nooks with the greatest of interest...I delighted in the twist and turns and surprises that lay just beyond sigh. Now it is a ruin. Ash and pale pages of a world. Dust. As if a great wind of carrion had picked it clean of all that made it lovely.
I traverse the expanses in total lack. I have become numb, even as the heat has left me lucidity. So much is confusion over how my emotions have raged from one extreme to another. I have never felt so entirely possessed as of late. But it is as a spark...it flares and burns and then dies out. The intensity has left me, and I wonder by what influence it came to begin with. This is not who I am, nor even who I once was.
I walk, and pace the cage that has not been fully sounded. It seems never-ending. Once I thought to escape it. But that was before the time of possession. Now it seems that all has fallen to silvery sand. All has been diminished and now crumbles. By what hand will this loveliness be rebuilt? Not mine...as I am a captive to this as well. For I am also gaunt and gray and fallow. I also seem to have no form or weight or color. Even as the world around me wastes into etherealness, so too do I.
From where shall salvation come? From where shall I snatch from this second fading a rescue? Or is this truly the finality that has never reached me? A sleep from which I will never waken...never walk...never again weave and plot.
What world has grown beyond deception that I am not needed? And is it a world that my golden angel walks now?
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Posted: Mon Nov 03, 2008 9:55 pm
August 22nd – The week of Decay – So many bodys, sickness, and filth everywhere, and yet also the blight extends to those last remaining plants that destroyed and over grew. Everything is falling apart rapidly into dust or rot. Everything is becoming a great wasteland, stinking and foul.
As those of old did penance while sitting upon ash, abasing themselves in the spectacle of misery...so too do I now sit. While there is no sacloth or rent garments, the silence is my torn clothing. The world around me as well is testament to a physical wail of punishment.
The thought does flit through my mind that here I face some sort of chastisement for deeds done and webs woven. But even now I have no regret. They were such lovely things, each in their own way. Meticulous and spun ever so delicately. Laced in both subtelty and lies. If there was to be punishment for this, I would have imagined it to be more than this ruinous, fallow place. Although it chafes and itches...and even offends my sensibilities to see such loveliness laid waste...there is no real feeling of suffering.
Not yet, at least.
The closest to that would have been the fever, now gone. The unquenching heat that did not cool. This dust-laden dryness is not a torment in of itself, for I have had little need of food or water. It is a luxury that I enjoy, true. But luxuries are merely that because they can be ignored. And while I am not one to often deny myself...I find it practical that I need not do so now. Of course, I wryly contemplate...I hardly have the choice.
But such is the way of deception.
I talk of this to the shadow, newly returned. I see not a form there, but know it to be nearby. I sense it from the corners of my eyes. And my trap is still laid, albeit now not as strong. So I lay now additional words as silken threads. I continue to mold this wonderful tapestry. And I, who have ever loved the beauty and majesty of words and tone, and voice and song...can make such a weave that has at times made gods weep.
Literally.
As I do so, I explain in part what I do. But only in part. This is my truest joy, and even in this strange and sickly world it has not left me. In response, I hear an echo of thoughts that seem very appropriate
"Come down and sit in the dust, O virgin daughter of Babylon; Sit on the ground without a throne, O daughter of the Chaldeans! For you shall no longer be called tender and delicate.
This amuses me. For although I am neither a daughter nor even a virgin...it is a learned and charmed thing to think. Apparently my shadow has a bit of a poet in him. Or a zealot. But one need not cancel out the other. We converse in quotes, my shadow and I. It is not a real conversation, not yet at least. But it is a dance, and a distraction. And very intimate. For in such things as memory, we cling to those things that make us feel wise, or lovely, or other than we are. Quotations become a screen on which we project what we are.
What sublime things words are. Out of all that has been created, by hand or god...surely they are the most intricate and beautiful of all.
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Posted: Mon Nov 03, 2008 9:56 pm
August 29th – The week of Hell – The so called dimensions of ‘hell’, where demonic races dwell, are forced open and merged one-on-one with the current planes. They may or may not be happy for this development.
There is a red tinge today. It makes the dust almost rosy and blush. The crumbling has stopped and I emerge from my ashy shackles with much patting down. My shadow, still here with me although not yet enamored...makes a small sound. I smile at him gently.
"Have you never seen me in truth? I think you have, beloved." I speak the words with honeyed affection. For this shadow is dear to me, on many levels.
There is a negative motion from him, and he falls back on a quote to cover his unease.
“The aim of art is not to represent the outward appearance of things, but their inward significance”
My eyes crinkle so slightly. I want to tease him that he is cute while trying to hide his awe, but I restrain. There will be time for such fondness later. For now I must play the part of the patient hunter.
"It is appropriate to a degree you do not yet grasp." I reply, for now past the use of counter-quoting. I wanted him slightly unsettled, but not startled. "For I am a great lover of art. Specifically the art of words. I believe what you quoted is from Aristotle as you call him? Appearance has import, it is true. But meaning is so much more than that. I applaud all who understand this." I smiled again. "But appearance has its place. I cannot help but love the drama and flair of it."
He says nothing, my shadow. I prod slightly for a reaction. "Surely you have seen me before. I exists in words and tales and fables. I spin in shadow and shade and mists."
"Dreams." came the reluctant admittance. "nightmares. I've been unwell."
News from without, no doubt. He has been out of this prison, I sense this and know it to be so. "A fever of late fell on me as well.Even as this world sickened, so did I. Was it likewise with you?" oh how perfectly sympathetic my tone plays! The controlled timber and slightest of whispers.
"Everything is bad right now."
I get a sense that he feels this a subconscious confession and the deliciousness of this scenario trills down my spine. "How so, Beloved? What is happening in your perception?"
"Punishment." he replied simply.
I restrain a scoff, for it is not entirely out of scope that one of my brethren is throwing a tantrum. If that is so, then the worlds are not beyond a Weaver as myself as I speculated. There is use yet, and need as well. "And you truly believe you and those with you merit this?"
He shook his head, hesitated and then nodded.
The poor, addled lamb! I do not lick my lips, but the anticipation is palatable in me. "But if all suffer, even those that do not deserve this...the truly white-souled also have no relief. An indiscriminate punishment is not deserved, beloved. Place these thoughts from you, for whatever you feel you have done to warrant this is likely a beautiful lie you have constructed for yourself."
"A...beautiful lie?" his tone was doubtful. "lies are not beautiful. They are sinful."
Alas! And yet the innocence is touching. "Everything is beautiful and ugly." I say softly "do you say that a mother that tells her child of Santa Claus creates sin and not wonder and joy?What of that same mother that hides from her child the extent of their illness commits a travesty?" I lean forward with some calculated urgency "What of fairy tales or fables?What of fiction or morality plays?To see in two colors only, black and white is to cast both in the most unflattering of lights. Must you shade your eyes to see the sun?If you did not wear special lenses, your eyes would be destroyed. Shades of both words and world have their place and beauty, beloved."
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Posted: Mon Nov 03, 2008 9:57 pm
To say I was appalled would be understating. I had fallen into cliche, my words reduced to pendantic mutterings. How...inelegant.
I must be more out of practice than I thought. There had been neither wit nor charm in my conversation. It was beneath me. Embarrassing.
I wander the ruins of my Labyrinth, bored. If I were truly out of practice, these walls would give me none. But my wanderings brought me to a thing that soon refreshed my mood.
A single sign of greenery. The tiniest of life in what had been decay and dust.
I sat, not heeding that the ground would touch me with dirty fingers. Cupping my chin in my long fingers I gazed at the slight sproutling. The imagery enchanted me.
I watched it grow. Time had no meaning to me here, and so none truly passed. I watched the leaves unfurl and spread, reaching to a light that was not here, but sustained regardless. The days and nights that were not real nurtured this fragile thing. I watched as it matured, a golden flower emerging like a shy girl at a dance. The petals flared like a skirt, twirling about the darkened center.
I so loved the color gold when touched by light. My finger brushed the flower gently, taking off it a faint sheen of pollen. My lips turned slightly upwards.
At peace I watched the blossom as it blew its life-giving kiss into the air that had no wind. And that air spread the pollen into a hundred different directions. Each carrying with it the promise of more to come.
I closed my eyes....and slept.
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Posted: Thu May 14, 2009 10:12 pm
Some might think - to judge from my supine pose - that I had resigned myself to this imprisonment. Nothing could be farther from the truth. While my body lay in the misty gray of a newly wakening field, my mind traversed far and wide. Options, riddles, pathways all pondered and caressed.
i was sure I had spooked my prey off with the ham-handed discussions of philosophy. But not permanently. Something told me that he was in his own way as entrapped as I. No, it was a matter of time before we crossed shadows again. What was needed was a surer way of handling him. Something to keep him interested and engaged. For I was very sure that he was the key to my freedom. If he had the ability to come and go at will, then surely he knew how others might do so.
*Beloved?* it was a half-hearted attempt to project thought and meaning beyond the confines of a prison I had not sounded. I felt no echo of it, no resound. The thought stretched spiderweb thin beyond my sight.
Nothing.
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Posted: Fri May 29, 2009 5:39 am
It started with a single leaf falling.
But the word itself was an inelegant injustice. The leaf did not 'fall' so much as dance and twirl, sprightly as any ballerina would. True, it had no legs, but the wind was its legs for this particular roundabout. It wove and bobbed and sliced through the stillness.
And where it touched, an explosion of color reached out. It met the grasses in a true and rambunctious tussle, fighting red and gold and green and orange.
And where one leaf had led the way, others were soon too dancing.
I blinked, for seasons had passed. And it seemed all too quickly, although time here had little meaning or weight. The shy greens had overlaid the grays and blacks, only to yield to the truly verdant and fecund. Those flowers now lay in their last throes, giving in to the inevitable autumn.
I could not recall if seasons had ever come to me here. For sure I watched as if it was the first and the last one I had or would see. My eyes were roving as a childs would be. For this had always been my most favorite of seasons, garish as some might think it.
I delighted in the sights and smells of it. Stretching out long legs to hear them rustle against the bed of leaves. I tilted my head back to my labyrinth, seeing but ruins there still.
In time it would regrow. I hoped I would not be here to see it.
The light on me was warmth and briskness at once. Luxiurious and alive-feeling. How I lusted the sensations of life. I never realized how little I did feel here.
And then he was there, obscured in the falling leaves, but achingly close. I restrained myself from embracing him, fearing to scare him off once again by an overbearing gesture. Where was my subtlety? My skill? So long unused I almost stumbled over my words as if I had stones in my mouth.
'beloved.' I greeted, voice as soft and gentle as the autumn around us.
My shadow looked at me, eyes wary and unbelieving.
Yes. Beloved. My one way out of here, my one tie to the realization that there was 'out'. I treasured and loved it and him more than any.
Any but one. But that too might come with time.
'I've watched the flames of autumn falling.' I continued. 'they dazzle so. Would you not join me?'
'Where am I?' his reply was unsure. Then grieved. 'why won't you leave me alone?!'
I was nonplussed at this. But it made my mind whirl in new directions. I had always assumed this traveller trode paths known. But he seemed genuinely bewildered, I now saw. Uneasy and - scared?
I scented blood - metaphorically speaking.
'I have no idea what you mean, beloved.' my voice oh-so honey. 'I thought you came to me in my loneliness. A specter, or will-o-wisp. A deliverer out of this quietude. I've missed you greatly. Would you not come sit and talk with me? If there is trouble, perhaps I may help. If you are lost - perhaps there is a way through that we can find together.'
A reaction in his face. He WAS lost. Somehow. Then -
My pulse quickened, but I stilled it. My face was kept serene and gentle. I could once talk a broken-winged bird to fly. This was similarly a challenge.
'please sit, beloved.' I coaxed in my most soothing voice. 'I cannot bear to see you upset.'
'Stop calling me that.' he answered, flushing.
'If you wish it. But after being here without another soul for so long - your coming is as to me a rapture. Can you fault me my emotion?' I looked down, but concealed beneath eyelashes I still watched. He seemed still unsure, but wavering. 'Please let me return the favor of your company. Allow me to help you however I may.'
After a few moments, he sat. We were two statues in a shower of reds and yellows.
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Posted: Tue Jun 02, 2009 2:11 am
...maerd a htiw nageb tI It began with a dream... .noitcefrep ton saw maerd eht dna and the dream was not perfection. Vistas of halls and stone, jewels and shades of green. But it was so oddly transparent. As if looking at it through a mist or cellophane. As I reached through, it seemed my fingers passed across the surface. The tips skimmed over as a stone across a pond. Ripples of reality, shades of fantasy, echoes of what was and is and will be. . .
My fancy was like that stone. And perhaps it was not my thoughts so much as my imagination. For this cage was built for me, against me...and most likely by or with me. Aren't most?
Curtains of glass, paths of beautiful and precious items. A path that leads ever back on itself. Words spoken in reverse, songs on their side. Poetry that is turned on its head and weeps upside down tearss that slide against gravity.
Stuff of fancy and wonder.
My breath was to me so loud and harsh. A long drawn out sigh of longing and loss. "How beautiful and rare." my voice a butterfly's touch. "Never again to be seen or enjoyed in this way...as we are now. But I feel that endings and beginnings are always here. Always happening, always blooming and fading." I was silent a few moments, gathering myself. In truth, I was deeply moved by such things, and always had been. Just because a thing was used did not mean it had no value. "Thank you." I whispered. "Thank you for sharing this with me." I turned my head just so, almost a shy movement. Coquettish. I saw that his eyes were on me as well, but were less wary now. In his own way, he too seemed affected. "Where am I?" he repeated finally. I was very careful now. "Besides being here with me, I gather? You *are* lost, aren't you, beloved?" "I said not to call me that." he objected, but faintly. "I...I don't know where I am...or where you are. Or where we are. I was...awake I thought, but maybe I'm dreaming now." "Or perhaps awake now." I ventured softly, encouragingly. "What else do you remember? Sight or sound or taste? Air or water or earth?" He smiled winsomely "Awake or asleep, it was long since I remember any of those things. I think...I think the world has gone mad, and I have gone there with it."
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Posted: Sun Oct 11, 2009 1:17 pm
the world has gone mad, and I have gone there with it
How odd those words felt, spoken here. How cadenced and normal sounding.
How...almost utterly pedestrian.
"Mad." I repeated, a quirk to my lips. "That is a word that means many things." and then added, lest my 'guest' take offense "which madness was this? Please tell me."
"The....the fire and brimstone kind." he finally said hesitantly "the kind that precedes the apocalypse. Or perhaps is the apocalypse."
The fire and Brimstone kind indeed. Recently enough I'd enjoyed my own version of that as well. Were they linked, I wondered.
"But surely those things were not without sensation?" I replied.
"Not from within my home." he said. "I...I don't think I've been well."
More interesting information. "Illness?"
"Of a kind."
"The madness within that you spoke of?"
"Yes."
"Not all madness is to be feared." I replied, feeling the words spoken. The actual sensation of it was glorious. I could sense the reverberation within the larynx, the vibration and the rumbling timber of it. It rolled from me, swelling and cresting. "Many cultures feel that the mad are the blessed. Indeed, that they are touched by the gods themselves."
An idea was beginning to form, nascent still. Out of reach I let it drift, knowing it would return when ready to form. Soon.
"Many cultures lock the insane up in the loony bin too."
"Of course they do." My smile had real warmth in it. "but why is that, do you think? Or if this conversation troubles you, we can merely be silent and continue to enjoy what is around us now."
"Talking is fine." he said quietly. "I like to talk."
Of course he did. Well, so much the better. More rope to hang a body from. A beautiful rope, the kind that could hold a Unicorn. There was almost a chuckle. How almost appropriate. For surely this child was as pure and chaste as one.
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