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 Posted: Sun Feb 25, 2007 8:06 pm
Lucas' ears folded back and he winced. His mouth kept landing him into all sorts of trouble. He held up a hand placatingly.
"I...I'm sorry. I didn't mean...I'm not calling you an animal. I asked because it looked like you were in control, like you'd mastered the serum or learned to repress things. I thought there was some secret to it. I'm not trying to start anything. I... I'm just scared. I'm scared of waking up one day to find myself hunting something in the jungle. I'm afraid of losing myself. I don't know my own thoughts anymore." He slumped. "I'm not a violent person. I've never struck anyone before. But I lost control. I got angry, lost control, and lashed out." He shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "I don't know what I'm thinking anymore. Zach kept telling me to accept being an animal. Shoving bloody turkeys in my face and offering me a piece. Telling me to love the labs for 'saving' me from my pathetic life and giving me this 'gift'. To accept my 'noble calling to be a dhole'."
He wasn't sure why he was telling Ambrose this. The words just fell out.
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Posted: Mon Feb 26, 2007 12:12 am
Ambrose's anger faded as the man placated him, apologizing and whether he realized it or not, showed signs of submission. Ambrose huffed and crossed his arms but didn't take the seat again.
"I am in control." Ambrose re-emphasized sharply. "I... " he didn't want to show a weakness to the boy, but... he did sound like he needed assistance. "repression... is no stranger to me. And it is indeed a part of what I do. There... is a time for everything... repression of base instincts when you really don't want to express them... but finding another outlet for them later or through a similar method. If you don't want to snap at someone ... or bite... go on a run or play some sort of physical game... it... satisfies the same sort of need. It is like any sort of anger management. Just because the instincts come from a new part of your DNA does not necessarily make you need to deal with it any differently than you would with any other sort of impulse that you would have disliked. How did you learn not to punch your teacher when you received a grade you didn't like? Or even someone hitting on a girl you liked? Humans are not without instinct either. And I don't see why dealing with those in favor of behaving how society or you yourself deigns you should should be any different than it is now."
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Posted: Mon Feb 26, 2007 12:50 am
He stared off at the corner of the room, but could still see Ambrose out of the corner of his eye. "I...guess." What he said made sense, but was this a case of it being easier said than done?
He wanted to ask more questions, but ones that came to his head were some he worried would only upset Ambrose again.
"I'm sorry. The last few days have not been...good. I'm not thinking clearly. I didn't mean to upset you."
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Posted: Mon Feb 26, 2007 12:53 am
Ambrose paused for a moment, watching the man before finally nodding. It pleased a part of him that Lucas was looking away and didn't meet his gaze. His tail was held high and his shoulders straight and squared. There was certainly more instinct in Ambrose's actions than he cared to admit or even consciously realized. "It has not been the best few days for me either." He finally acknowledged.
"Perhaps you need some more rest. I hope that what I have said might help you."
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Posted: Mon Feb 26, 2007 1:06 am
"Maybe." He had slept a lot over the last couple of days. Would more help or would he continue to wake up like this? A complete wreck? He massaged a temple, then looked over at Ambrose. His voice was flat and his face empty. "I hope things get better for you. I'm sure the labs will fix your wall and catch Jamal."
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Posted: Mon Feb 26, 2007 1:09 am
Ambrose nodded stoically again. It went without saying that he hoped so as well. "Good luck to you, Lucas. And.... thank you again for the blanket. Things.... will get better." He hoped that Lucas wouldn't prove him wrong.
He lifted a hand in a small parting wave before heading to the door.
He glanced once over his shoulder at the russet, slouched figure before making his exit.
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Posted: Mon Feb 26, 2007 1:18 am
He did not believe anything would get better. There was nothing that could make things better short of a serum that reversed that changes and a way off this rock.
Before Ambrose could shut the door completely the dhole called out to him. "If you see a red dragon named Zach... avoid him."
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