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People who talk about their cell phone plans are really pissing me off. You know when they whip out their phone and start gabbing. As soon as they hang up, they start telling you all about how great their ******** cell phone plan is. No one cares. “But wait, I get free nights, free weekends, free in plan calling, free family plan, free text messaging and free picture messaging!” Well then, if all this s**t is free, why are you paying 70 dollars a month for it? And I’m personally sick and tired of these idiotic commercials for ring tones. Every ******** jack off half musician is turning their already vile music into ******** ring tones. Your music sucks enough as it is, turning into an 8 bit audio file that sounds like it came from a video game system from the 1980’s is not going to enhance the quality of it. And that’s another thing, I miss the good old fashion phone ring. Rrrrringgg. What the ******** happened to this? Now all you get is some poor quality version of Mozart’s requiem blasting out of some kid’s cell phone. Yes, Mozart would be proud to know that some of his greatest works are now so unappreciated that they are used merely as a ring tone to let people know that someone is on the other line. Wonderful. You know what? If I made ring tones, it would sound like this: “Hey, follow the sound of my voice and kill whoever is holding the phone.” I bet the owner of that phone wouldn’t let it go past the first ring.

On another topic, people who lose their car in the parking lot. “Hmm, I don’t know, let’s see. Where did I park?” Well gee; I mean it’s only a twenty thousand piece of machinery that you’re still making payments on, why on earth would you want to remember where you left it? Seriously! And another thing about cars, certified pre-owned. When the hell did used cars become ‘certified pre-owned’? Huh? That’s ******** bullshit! It’s just a way to get you to pay more money. People used to be like “I’m not going to pay six thousand dollars for that car, it’s ******** used!” Now because they’re been manipulated by marketing word play, now they’re like “I only paid six thousand dollars for a certified pre-owned vehicle.” Great. Certified pre-owned. Now you have documentation stating that this car officially had the s**t beaten out of it by its previous owner. That’s like getting married to someone who already had a divorce. “Well, she’s not divorced, she’s certified ********. Yes, she was married, but not anymore. Her divorce papers clearly certify that she was ******** by another man prior to me ******** her.” So keep that white dress at home on the wedding day ladies…it’s meaningless. I’m done…. damn it!