Alright lemme see if I can answer bits and pieces of this...
Camwen
----Why does the (almost 18 year old) girlfriend need to move in to your household? Does she have no place else to go? Is she being kicked out of her house and has no money? If this is someone that doesn't have a job and won't be contributing to the household expenses she is only going to
make it more difficult to save enough money to find a place of your own.
If she does have a job and a place to live, why isn't your husband moving in with her?
Hmm why is she moving here? The somewhat uncensored answer? She simply wants out of her parents house and wants to be with the man she loves? She is planning on getting a job out here as well as continuing her education... As for why he isn't getting a place with her? Again at the moment that financially isn't possible.. eventually I'm sure that is the plan.. but he also wasn't going to just quit his job and leave his kids behind to go down to be with her in N.C. .... hope that answers that one....
Camwen
-----Are you and your husband now legally separated? Do you have to file something for that? And can you be legally separated and still live at the same address together? Also if you are legally separated are you now free to date other people or can that still be held against you?
Technically from what we have read, been told and heard if it is a no-fault divorce no Legal seperation needs be had... However it does state that we have to not be living together.. but they don't really question that one. With the exception of the fact that my name is on our new lease it wouldn't be that hard to convince a judge that we are not living together and that I am simply here at the house to watch our children while he is at work... And technically if Adam wanted to be an a** and get proof of me being unfaithful he could go down and get a divorce tomorrow basically.. w/o the year wait I believe and because I would be charged with adultery he would get custody of the girls... I don't forsee him being that much of an a**.. but again not really wanting to take the risk.. who knows I could start Pmsing next week and piss him off and suddenly who knows right?
Camwen
As for your relationship with Noch. Here are some questions to ask yourself. Do you feel real passion towards him or not? Or do you just really need comfort from someone. Do you often shape yourself and your feelings into what others need you to be or feel? What do YOU need?
What do
I need? *scratches her head... * Good question.. I think I would have to walk away and come back tomorrow or a year from now to truly answer that one... It's probably a long list lol A rubber room and all the mozzy-sticks I can eat??!!?? lol j/k bad time for jokes?? lol Do I feel passion towards him? Or do I just need comfort?? Wow Cam.. you really should start hosting your own talk show or something.. suddenly I feel like I'm on a barbra walters show. *sweat starts dripping down forhead* I'm sure I need comfort.. I'm usually the one to give it and with all I'm going through.. (all of this marriage crap aside just dealing with my brother's death is enough to make me want to curl up and be taken care of...) Do I NEED comfort though? It all depends on the meaning of that.. I can live w/o it.. And I can get it from other people.. family who is grieving as well and friends I've known for years who are always there to be supportive... So I don't see me turning to Noch for that reason if that's what you are getting at...
Camwen
I think it's too late to worry about ruining the friendship. Be honest (as someone else very wise advised) and the friendship with endure or not on it's own. If you are truly just worried about the kids and legality of the divorce that's one thing. But don't use that as a way to avoid your own feelings or the truth. Usually when I hear someone say they don't want to ruin the friendship it means you don't feel the same way but don't want to be responsible for hurting the other person (especially during a time you need comfort). If you do love him back than let yourself love him without guilt.
"If I do love him.. love him w/o guilt..."
Okay.. first of all I think that's getting a bit ahead of where I'm at.. Of course I care about him.. He's been the best friend I've had for quite some time and he's been here for me through alot.. (even when he was still out in CA) I was there for him the day his step-grandmother passed away so yes I do care about him.. and I don't feel guilty about it... I wasn't using that as an excuse... My fear was more along the lines of "Once you cross a line you can't just go back.. and if I am willing to give this a shot and it doesnt work out? then I've lost a really really good friend... " I don't want to loose that...
Camwen
Frankly if this marriage is over and you want the kids to come through this ok the first priority is to work out a serious budget (not just you -all adults living there) and find out a way to change the living situation as soon as possible. Find out exactly what you need to put the divorce in motion and work out how you want to handle custody. If you each found other people to love and keep you happy that's great but everyone living together like that can not be good for anyone involved.
Let yourself grieve for the things you cannot do anything about. Work on the things you can change. Even the huge things are not unsurmountable if you take them one step at a time. As long as you keep moving forward you can eventually look back and be amazed and how much you were able to accomplish.
One more thing. Take some time each day if you can to NOT think of any of this. Take a walk by yourself or just listen to a nice song- or just sit in a room alone. Anything to just free yourself from your troubles for a few minutes.
As all advice - take what you find useful (if any) and throw out the rest
smile My thoughts are with you. ((((hugs))))
As for the rest of this Camwen.. I will take it into consideration.. It is much appreciated advice.. truly it is.. And believe me I will be following the bit of getting a financial strategy going so I can get out of here a.s.a.p... That was kind of the idea I had in mind when I asked for the divorce in the first place.. Life just keeps getting in the way of my goals... But I'll keep my head up and keep going cause that's what I do... Thanks again for all the advice everyone... *hugs*
