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 Posted: Sun Oct 22, 2006 5:14 pm
Miika didn't move when the familiar feel of the fingertips moved against his palm... he didn't react, didn't lock fingers. He simply sat there, waiting for Alex to change his mind - and so it would seem he did. The bird was very odd to Miika, seeing as there was a side where he was more physical, and then the side that thought everything over, that analyzed his every move and generally decided against contact that was this sweet.
Yes, the contact was sweet to Miika, it relaxed him... comforted him, in a way. At the other's slow change of mind as he went from one phase to the origional, more logical, phase, he let out another chuckle. Deeper, with more meaning behind it, though the meaning was a little hard to decipher.
Offering a very gentle smile, he closed his eyes and thought on the other's words, that brought a soft laugh through his lightly parted lips. "If we get lost and hide together, the better the chances are of not being found since we, ourselves, would be lost. The best place to get lost would be..." Miika trailed off - within each other - the sentece was finished in his mind, and his mouth was open to say it, but no words came out.
A light laugh filled in his incapability to express those words. Rushing it, that would definately be rushing it. Although, they could get lost within each others arms - but that could be rushing it itself - so his laugh was the best way to fill in the rest of the sentence as he shook his head and fell silent.
The silence and his laugh could end up teasing the other's mind and curiosity, but there was no way he was going to finish that sentence. He didn't care if he had to make up something cheesy, he wasn't going to say what was filled within his own mind... the truth to himself. Why express that so soon? that would probably scare Alex away if anything.
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Posted: Sun Oct 22, 2006 5:45 pm
Fingertips remained resting lightly, making no move to retreat nor advance, apparently content with the modicum of half-satisfaction they had ventured upon. It had been a very long time since the bird had indulged in anything that lent himself satisfaction over that which he presumed to be a more correct course, deriving pleasure from doing that better and more right thing than... he was becoming muddled again. To desire what was... good... that was the goal. In desiring the good, in pursuing it, then did one practice...
It was those complicated considerations that were drawing him away from making sense of anything now, to the point that when he let them go all he could cling to was rhyme and silliness - he wanted to do more than rest fingertips on a palm, somewhere in his mind he wanted much more than to do just that... but something else - propriety? - kept him from giving in.
Strange though, how he... could... he hoped... no... wasn't sure what to think about the unspoken words he could swear he heard drifting now on the tail of Miika's trail to silence. No matter how many things or exactly how they were said, it was just... too soon to really know what was going on. Though wasn't that the point, in some respect or another? This wasn't a state one typically understood, no matter how many times--'this'?
Oh bother.
Miika's laugh lifted his spirits somewhat, rising flutterings once again and - propriety be damned - fingers trailed over palm to rest more fully upon it, intertwining with knuckles and nails, soft and intent. Alex's lips pressed together in the briefest pause - he didn't want to waste any more time on the problems those had been bringing than was absolutely necessary. "Maybe if I know where you are and you know where I am we won't be so lost as to never be found again," he murmured half-heartedly, not quite meeting the other's gaze. It was difficult to understand, even when he wasn't thinking.
Oof. What irony.
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Posted: Sun Oct 22, 2006 6:23 pm
Miika closed his eyes as the other's fingers moved further into his palm. Fingers twitching lightly before slowly, very slowly, they curled around the other hand that was inching into his own. Miika was, without a doubt, probably behaving just as oddly as he thought Alex was. He, himself, couldn't make up his mind on whether to be a busybody or a thinker.
Still painfully obvious that Miika wasn't planning on filling in the rest of his sentence that his laugh had covered up, he watched the other as he looked away, brows furrowing lightly as his lips pressed toghether into a light, neutral frown. Gently uncurling his fingers, he slowly - nearly hesitantly - removed his hand from beneath Alex's own.
Sitting up and leaning back against the wall, forgetting about his tattered wings and his stitched up shoulder, he watched the other as he gently bit down on his lower lip, trying to make a neutral expression appear on his face rather than slight disappointment that the other was inable to keep the gaze when he said those words.
"And just where, exactly, are you Alex?" Miika asked softly--no, requested. He couldn't help but wonder exactly what the other meant by that. Physically, they were together... but was he speaking of mentally, or perhaps emotionally?
If the statement lied between emotionally, a slight problem could arise, as Miika wouldn't lie to the other about what he was filling - but he still wouldn't finish the silence that his laughter had taken over - that would be far too soon to discuss. Emotions were easier to speak of than a silence, to him anyway. Emotion-wise he could just say 'I'm slightly confused but I feel this way' or 'I'm starting to think of you as a friend, but you should know,' blah, blah, blah. Mentally was more difficult to speak of since his own thoughts left him in a haze of confusion.
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Posted: Sun Oct 22, 2006 7:06 pm
A dawning, the breach of radiant sun over darkened waters - wine-dark sea indeed, the seas are blue not maroon - and he felt a revelation coming on. It came first in the form of a personal, specific memory, then of collective memory - of the idea and concern of 'the loaded question', a concept of which he had heard Kingsley so frequently complain in more innocent years and a practice he had many times been accused of following himself.
And for the first time, now, he felt it hanging in the air as a challenge, rather than something which had issued forth from his own mind. Not a challenge in the way Miika had intended it but in that... Alex really didn't know how to answer. Such was clearly apparent in the way he pushed himself slowly up onto his elbows, mouth opening slightly but to the benefit of not a single syllable.
The withdrawal of the hand had been a signal, realization that something hadn't clicked yet between them. Of course it hadn't. It never seemed to. Perhaps because they didn't know what it was, which was why the cycle always turned to thinking without action rather than action without... they could find the happy medium, they had to be able to... More than a prerogative, an absolute necessity. He wanted nothing more than to understand, then to find...
What, again? Oh dear...
Lips pressed together in uncertainy, the bird tucked a few strands of hair behind his ear again, the nervous habit now clearly defined by repetition. "Already lost, I suppose," he said honestly, absently, feeling no need to say anything but the odd little metaphors that came to mind - they meant something, after all, if he was thinking them in that precise way and wording. The frown permeated now, inching itself into his pose, "I... with you, would be the most appropriate definition."
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Posted: Sun Oct 22, 2006 7:49 pm
"Then we are lost together, Alex," Miika stated softly, meaning that he was lost and with Alex. Closing his eyes for a moment, he ran a hand through his crimson bangs and black hair, his wings twitching against the wall he sat against.
Miika thought for a few moments before he decided to lay back down again, this time on his back. The things he did were probably the most unhealthy for his wings, but it wasn't really like they weren't capable of taking the damage the demon put on them. "I..." A pause, a stop.
Thinking through what he was going to say, he sighed softly and shook his head. Just what was he going to say? Well, he knew what he was going to say and since he started it, he might as well finish it, right? "...wouldn't have it any other way, Alex. Silly and cheesy as that may sound."
A slight frown fell over his lips as he closed his eyes and relaxed against the bed, knowing that he was laying close to the bird, and finding comfort in that fact alone... Though he still had the urge to reach out and brush fingers across those wings, he resisted.
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Posted: Sun Oct 22, 2006 8:11 pm
What did he see, when he closed his eyes? Was he hoping not to see? Or was there something he could only envision when the real world disappeared? It seemed as though it were an oft repeated habit, something to be catalogued and referenced every time it passed... perhaps he should've been already, and might better understand Miika by now if he had. But no, analysis was not the way to go, whatever the psychologists and their many textbooks would have him believe. Human relations should not be defined in large quantities, when it is the individual that makes up everything in any given situation.
Lost together... It couldn't be so bad. Nothing was so bad when there was someone else, he'd found. All those years alone... he'd always sought someone, even if unconsciously, and always felt slightly less whole when there hadn't been someone to trust. And when there had been someone... no intimacy had been required, other than the intimacy of that loyalty and understanding. And it had been so very precious...
So wasn't it just typical then, that he should be seeking Miika? If he wanted to be brutal and self-effacing about it, perhaps. But... he desperately wanted this to be something more... and in wanting it to be more, did that automatically--no, definitions, definitions! Like finding metaphors the author had never actually intended in the text. Reading between lines that weren't actually there. Besides which, why should he... he had people here, had trust and love unlike he'd had in... ever before. Because when else had he been with his friends and at peace? Without secrets and terror? So...
It was difficult to know what 'found' would be, as well - was that what Miika would prefer lost to? To be lost together rather than possibly found and... apart. It was... a strange comfort. But as before, when he'd acknowledged that he'd rather be stumbling through this crazed definition of existence with his demon than never having encountered it... "Cheesy is layman's terms for 'I'm too macho to deal with myself'," Alex said thoughtfully, managing to conceal the torrents of conflicting arguments reeling through his head all over again, "I'd rather be lost with you than..." trailed off, slight frown as he glanced away, once more unsure, "Found..."
And no addendum. Because there wasn't a found. You... had to keep being lost. In order to ever accomplish anything worthwhile. So if you could be lost with someone that was... important. Oh, he was getting royally sick of revelations. Yet when they came in the presence of Miika... something simultaneously intoxicating about them, despite their brain-breaking tendencies.
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Posted: Sun Oct 22, 2006 8:34 pm
Miika slowly opened his eyes and rolled onto his side once more, reaching out a hand to brush fingers along Alex's face softly, tracing gently to the wings. Very tenderly brushing his finger tips across the other's wings, he smiled gently and listened to him speak.
"What about everyone else... There were others before me, friends, family..." Miika said as his touch became more sweet and tender than anything else, showing his affection through his finger tips before he slowly pulled his hand back, though not completely away from Alex.
"You would rather be lost with me than found by them?" Confusion was mixed in his voice along with a certain curiosity. Moreso confusion than anything else. Shaking his head softly, he let out a light sigh. "That.. can't be right... I'm just speaking out of our league," Miika whispered, rejecting himself.
"I... like what we have, but... a part of me wants more... I can't exactly place what 'more' entitles, but..." Miika stopped himself there, frowning lightly at himself rather than at anything else. Confusion nestled in amongst his emotions. He really couldn't pick out exactly what he was feeling. "I thought... you should know."
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Posted: Sun Oct 22, 2006 8:58 pm
To be lost and found and lost again... fluidity of definition and actual situation, for things had so rarely been definite in those years of chaos, especially at the end - though perhaps after it... things had died down a little. No pun intended. "It's... different," the bird said rather than protested, face tilting towards those fingers and a shiver darting across his shoulders when fingertips reached wings once more.
There was an ache at the departure of that touch - he... couldn't remember ever wanting this kind of... intimacy so very badly. It was... entirely different, as he'd said - so completely other than any other 'found' he'd experienced in his life. Perhaps because this wasn't 'found', but 'lost'.
But with confessions came the opportunity... and something of the imperative to return in kind. To do anything else would be not only to leave Miika hanging rather precariously in the balance but to be disallowing himself some modicum of respite. "I don't... know where I am, perhaps, but they do - in respect to themselves. And that's..." he broke off decisively rather than let himself trail off into endless ellipses. A smile, small but reassuring, "You don't have to be lost everywhere at once, I guess."
And then... unsure of how to continue. Because that was the backbone of it. They both... it... something was off... though something was also undeniably 'on' - or 'there' or 'here' or 'clicking' and... it was just a jumbled... half mumbled... This was when words failed, then. As he knew they eventually must. No wonder he spoke so little to Oliver these days.
Unable to articulate a proper response, Alex instead reached forward, lips still together though seeming about to part, and he mimicked Miika's previous brush and caress of cheek, own fingers lingering for a second longer at the beginning of the curve of cheekbone before trailing down to chin and then falling away to the space between them, those barely touching lips now curved into a likewise bare smile, serene and almost narcotized. Intimacy. Lost, with each other. A touch, fragile and... unprepared. ...all right...
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Posted: Sun Oct 22, 2006 9:37 pm
Miika smiled at Alex and his words, but said nothing in reply. He didn't really have anything else to say. He had let the other know what he felt he needed to know, and that was simply... that... for the moment. A tingling built up beneath his skin at the soft touch of the other, enjoying every moment of it.
Opening his eyes, he looked towards Alex. Was this feeling - the aching of departing - what Alex felt when Miika brushed his finger tips against the other? He would have to be more careful. The touch was very much welcomed, and he liked it, but the feeling that lingered wanting more of that was barely tolerable to the demon.
"Alex," Miika said softly as he looked upon the other, eyes scanning over his face - over his barely parted lips - then settled upon his eyes. Trying to think of what he should do, to say goodnight or stay up in these moments, he gently bit his lower lip in thought.
"Please, don't change your mind," He whispered softly as he leaned closer to the other's ear. Hesitating there for a moment, breathing softly on Alex's skin, he closed his mouth and gently pressed his lips to the bird's well structured cheek. Pulling away from the tender kiss, he closed his eyes.
"Sorry," He whispered gently. Even if the kiss was accepted instead of denied, he was still sorry for having done so. It was too early. Too soon, wasn't it? It was spontaneous, and it didn't feel... wrong to do so, but then again Miika had little to no sense of right and wrong.
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Posted: Sun Oct 22, 2006 9:56 pm
Breathe in, a catch, breathe out, smooth but disjointed because of the interruption - however welcome - of yet another new plane of play. No, it wasn't play. Something... 'serious' wasn't so correct as... important, and therefore... words failed again, though this time he couldn't think of any actions to cover for the evaporation of all things eloquent. Instead he let himself breathe, relaxing into realization and the... delicacy of the sensation, of lips that had brushed over skin, Miika's lips, his skin...
A kiss was a kiss, but it meant something else when there were people and their personas behind it, especially when those people kept stumbling over all the ways in which they couldn't bear to be dissimilar - or... no, it wasn't a desire to assimilate, just... to remain in each other's company and from that derive a pleasure that accentuated, heightened when company was highlighted by touch, by lips, by--breathe, breathe.
'I can't', he wanted to say, to confess, let that breath waste away into words that meant less than he wished to communicate. To change one's mind, especially when something... had to be right, beyond all doubts - because he harbored no doubts over whether he ought to be here, only certain fears that were easily banished in lieu of... this. This that was...
Those eyes were closed again, he still wasn't sure... what they feared, what they wished for, what was imagined when real sight was cut off so thoroughly. What...
Alex closed the bare distance between them then, shifting and easing his way to be lying nearer than ever before, a brush of knees, proximity of limbs, the return of smile, and he searched for Miika's hand, taking it in both of his own to take it closer, just lightly brushing against those smiling lips. "For what?" not so much a genuine question as acceptance in turn.
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Posted: Sun Oct 22, 2006 11:31 pm
Miika bit his lower lip at the sudden change that had happened. Limbs touching against one another - not brushing against, but really touching - his hand in Alex's hands, gently against those smiling lips.
Swallowing hard as he tried to find words, he opened his eyes and gazed at the other, his lips slowly parting though no words came out. There they went, failing him yet again. They had been doing that a lot lately, and it was getting to be a bother.
"I thought--" A continuation after a short pause, "I was afraid it would upset you..." A soft, light-hearted laugh escaped his parted lips as he watched the other intently. This time there was a new urge. An urge to gently place an arm loosely around his waist--no, now that would probably upset him.
That may be too much contact. Here they were - out on a limb--they were out on a limb, weren't they?--very close together already. He didn't want anything to happen that would make Alex break away. That was his main concern. Now that they were touching like this, it would... be rather difficult to break apart..
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Posted: Mon Oct 23, 2006 12:15 am
A change, washing over and into, throughout and within... echoing - no, nothing was empty enough here to echo. It was... full. The air, the space, everything inside... to the brim, with something finally easing out of anxious quietude to be revealed and revealing, a comforting blanket of open, the... odd dichotomy of being wrapped in exposure.
What he wanted now was... more clear, perhaps? An escape from denial. It wouldn't be so bad to give in, because logic hadn't brought him here, hadn't allowed for--for--
He didn't want words now, nothing overly complicated or verbose. Just expressions and little whispers or something very similar in intent and action at the very least. And yet... he couldn't quite bring himself to that abandon, not just yet... therefore...
However much it might... feel... almost a disappointment to himself as well. Mrf. Other small, unhappy and dissatisfied noises. ...Everything had a price. Everything had to be considered. Mrf again. The bird's head bowed slightly as he pressed his lips softly, to Miika's captured hand, smile fading into that kiss - no, more a brush of mouth. "Not in the least," he promised before those diverted eyes fluttered closed and, still holding the other's hand closely, almost like a security blanket he mumbled, "Think I'm sleeping now..."
Sleep. Time to think. Well. Not really. But a little respite... and a time to put things in perspective? Hopefully.
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Posted: Mon Oct 23, 2006 4:12 pm
Miika smiled softly and watched the other, completely content with how things were going at this moment. They enjoyed each others company, and now Alex was getting some sleep. Oh, sleep... he had nearly forgotten about it. Ah well, he really didn't need sleep. Best to stay awake for as long as possible to watch over Alex...
Slowly moving an arm to place it loosely over Alex's waist as the other slept, he closed his eyes and allowed his mind to wander on a few things. Just exactly what was going on with Mikkael and Maybe? were they safe from the vampires yet, or not. Just where was that blasted angel at anyway...
The instructions he had given the other were quite simple: Find out if Maybe and Mikkael had found any distractions that would get in the way of the threat that was made, and send Alex's clothes to the asylum. Even a complete and utter idiot would be able to follow those directions - well, perhaps not, but still... They weren't that complicated in the least.
Shaking his head softly against the pillow, he opened his eyes to look upon Alex one more time, smiling softly for really no apparent reason at all. Perhaps, simply because Alex was beside him and this close... All he knew was that every doubt of Alex changing his mind and leaving had slowly drifted away and he had a new found confidence, though he wouldn't get too egotistic over it. Closing his eyes, he slowly drifted off into a light, comfortable sleep.
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Posted: Mon Oct 23, 2006 5:50 pm
Funny how dreaming never solved anything. Or... or not so odd, perhaps, if he were to go on defining dreams as fabrications. Only so much the subconscious worked out on its own in the middle of fantasizing, apparently. Especially when dreams weren't... always entirely productive.
Alex found his way back to the waking life with a new sort of ache. Not absence of touch or consideration, because now he was warm and comforted and didn't... really want to move all that much, because this distance - or the lack thereof - was... not so much intoxicating as... it covered him, buried him and sheltered. Discouraged wanting anything else.
But he really was getting kind of hungry.
Still the conundrum of not wanting to leave this... because not only did it feel... safe? Was that the word? Unconditionally... Something. But there was... Miika's eyes were closed again, and this time... he had no anxiety over what they might be hiding from, what they might be hoping to see instead of the world about. Because in sleep there was an inherent gentleness to everyone... A gentleness so... unexpectedly fitting? Etched as if it belonged there forever.
Still. Food.
Cautiously as possible, hoping not to wake his demon in the process, Alex edged out of Miika's hold, detaching his own fingers edgingly slowly from Miika's as he slipped into a sitting position only to realize, through a combination of instinct, experience and a certain familiarity... There was someone else in the room. And the 'how' of the matter wasn't nearly so pressing nor urgent as the 'why'.
"Marks?" spoken in hushed incredulity as he stared at the figure standing at the foot of the bed, in all the relaxed glory that preceded... who knew? Not even Alex, who unarguably knew the demon better than any other ever had, ever would, couldn't begin to guess whether Marks' intention was--what--
He wasn't here out of any sense of duty or concern, no one would bother accusing him of either. He had in fact done his utmost to avoid any sort of contact whatsoever with the kid since the arrival. Therefore it wasn't surprising that this itself would be something a little more than a surprise.
Hell if he was going to explain himself though. The reason for his interloping was a more touchy than he cared for it to be, and yes it had ******** dictated he seek out the one person in the world he'd pick eating hot coals over associating with again. Besides, newfound confidence... if it could be called that, had brought him straight out of all those damning, lingering... enh, he wouldn't go so far as to call 'em 'anxieties', but they'd been... close as he could get, maybe.
Whatever, they were gone. It didn't matter. Didn't matter that he was here to see Rob either, because Rob didn't matter anymore. Finally.
"You really are quick about these things," he snorted in amusement by return, gesturing towards the still sleeping demon Rob had been unconsciously cuddling with since his arrival. "Let's see how psycho this one is, why don't we?"
And without further warning, before Rob could even think to stop him - and that the kid hadn't predicted it was an extra boost of confidence to the demon - Marks stepped up onto the bed. Wings spreading for balance as he leaned down over the two kids - moreso Rob's new friend, however - and spoke very, very loudly. "Morning beautiful," smirk, "Was it good for you too?"
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Posted: Tue Oct 24, 2006 2:03 pm
Miika's eyes snapped open and instantly narrowed at the demon hovering above him and Alex. Slowly a smirk appeared over his features as his eyes dialated to be eve more cat-like than before. Looking up at Marks after glancing briefly towards Alex, it should have been rather obvious to the robin that the presence of this demon had awaken his own, or rather, encouraged him to come out and play.
"Better than it was for you, I'm sure," Miika spat out in return to the other as he sat up at a rather casual pace. All the while his eyes were locked on Marks, taking in every little movement he made. His torn wings folding out behind him (they did need a little bit of a stretch), he continued to smirk before glancing over to Alex.
"Who is this demon?" He asked in a bit of a hiss, though most of it was growled at. A rather usual way for the demon to speak - in hisses and growls - no matter who it was directed to. Eyes quickly shifting back towards Marks before he simply scooted out of the bed and stood up, gently pushing Alex behind him.
---
Somewhere down on the bottom floor, a new scent arrived when a Wolf stepped into the asylum. Stopping, he lifted his head and sniffed about. Bird... Demon... Demon... One bird and two demons, but no fox... Without Andie around, surely two demons being here meant trouble for the bird? or perhaps it was simply a little love-triangle.
Aleksandir had learned that those weren't uncommon now days. Shaking his head as he began to follow the scent, he moved up the stairs and onto the second floor. Stopping at the hallway, he sniffed, his ears flopped over slightly. A soft growl came from Alek's throat as his tail lashed. Finally, his ears picked up some sound, causing them to p***k up instantly making him look more like his breed. Next floor up.
Turning back to the staircase, he allowed his hand to glide along the railing as he slowly, but surely, made his way up the stairs. No reason for him to rush, right? The most he would probably get out of it would be watching a nice little show... If trouble arised too far, though, he would be forced to stop it if Andie did not return to do so himself. After all, he had to keep his brother's asylum somewhat tidy, now didn't he? Turning, he stopped in the hall, waiting patiently to hear the next set of sounds to pinpoint the room.
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