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Well, you and your ex chose to have unprotected sex. Yes your gym teacher put you under a lot of stress, but if you couldn't have afforded to have a baby at this point in your life, then it's really not completely his fault. You and your boyfriend shouldn't have been having sex, or even unprotected sex. End of story. I don't mean that in a judgemental way, I'm just being quite blunt.

But the miscarriage wasn't your fault, and you should seek medical help. I've heard it's dangerous to not get medical attention after having a miscarriage.
That's all I can think of to say. If you can do it without your parents finding out, you could try your family doctor or Planned Parenthood. If you can't, then tell your parents and ask them to take you to a doctor or a hospital. Don't put your future health/fertility at risk because you don't want to get checked out.

Glad to hear you are doing better, and I'm sorry for your loss. heart

Honestly I just wanted to let the whole thing be behind me. However I work in the medical feild and after finding at least two other women who suffered problems after going to the smae doctor I reported her to the college of physicians and surgeons. Last I heard she was under investigation. I would hate to see a legal clinic shut down, but she was truly not a good doc.

To the young women who suspect they suffered early misscarages, I strongly recomend that you see a doctor after a suspected miss. sometimes you can have what is referred to as "RETAINED PRODUCTS OF CONCEPTION" parts of the placenta stuck to the uterine wall (this can happen after a normal delivery as well) This is dying tissue and can die inside you and become infected and cause you to get very very sick. Sometimes a very early (ie: before one month) misscarrages can pass fully without medical intervention, BUT if the bleeding soaks a pad more than one per hour, or you get a fever, or SEVERE cramping then you NEED to seek medical help immidiatly! Also after a suspected misscarage, PLEASE DO NOT use a TAMPON! Let a cycle or two go by and use pads. It is just safer as you cervix is open sligtly because of the misscariage.


Thank you all for your kind words.

Sad as it may be, it makes sense. She was 15. How many 15 year olds want to go through with a pregnancy? How biologically and mentally and cognitively developed is the average teenager? Not fully developed at that age.

My former landlady had her daughter at 14 or 15, and I'm guessing she did it naturally, or with few painkillers, because she said it was the most painful thing ever, and that she will never have any more children. She's 26 now.

I try to be pro choice. It is your body that has to go through the changes of being a pregnant mom. But then I also see my own loss. I wanted my baby so bad, so how can someone else just throw theirs away? If you can't handle the consequences of having sex, then just don't do. Abortion shouldn't be used as an easy way out. It should be used at the only way out. I just think if you think that you are mature enough to be having sex then you need to be mature enough to handle the consequences. Like pregnancy or STDs. Always use protection and if you can, get birth control. I was using condoms when I got pregnant, the condom had a hole in it. It is rare that something like that will happen, but it does. Abortion isn't an easy choice for any women. And abortion itself is very painful. They pretty much take a hook up you and scrape the baby out. Anyone doing an abortion should look at parents who can't have children. They want babies, but can't make their own. They are always loving people, I have found. Abortion isn't the only option. But don't keep having sex just because you know you can always have an abortion. Thats wrong. If it was a serious accident, or something, it is different. I dunno. confused

My mom had an abortion I think right before my second oldest sister... or maybe right before me. Either way, she did.

The child was going to die and everyone knew it. Its brains were coming out of its skull. There was no question of survival, and if my mother had the child it could have possibly harmed her greatly.

My mom decided to undergo induced pregnancy to get rid of the child. She told me that she felt it move around the night before -- the first trace of movement from the child for months. She cried, but she went through with it.

My mom is Pro-life. I'm sure some nights she stays up thinking about that child. But it wasn't her fault.


Isn't murder okay in self-defense?

I'm actually somewhat surprised I hadn't posted here on my own experience sooner. I'm a detailed writer, so parts of this may seem somewhat... R-ish rated. My apologies in advance.

How It Happened...
It all started one night in March. I honestly can't say which night because, as to be described later, I lost a good portion of my memory.
Basically, my boyfriend at the time and I had plans to eat out that night. But there was a small fight, and during so, he told me he would have canceled anyway because a few days prior, without my knowledge of course, he made plans to have a 'guy's night out' with some of our other friends. (Apparently at the time, they didn't want me around because in their eyes, I was this whiny little b***h.) Now the house they were at was far off from where I was, in town, so after being ditched, I was basically stuck.
So I tried to keep myself busy at least...
I was downtown shopping from store to store and, with no ride home at the time and with shops beginning to close as the day ended, I got very bored. I called a friend of mine who lived nearbye to come and meet me, with the intention of exploring this abandoned house near the river or getting some food somewhere and watching a movie. He only lived a few miles away, so he wouldn't take long to get to my location, or so I thought. But apparently he was waiting on his mother (his ride) who was taking a considerably longer time than she said when my friend and I talked on the phone.
So... I decided I'd take a small walk, turn around, and by the time I was back, they'd be ready and on their way. The place I intended walking was a river trail through town. (The Animas river runs in a zig zag right through the city of Durango, CO.)
Parts of it are very shady and depressing due to the abandoned buildings, construction sites, and fenced properties on the one side, and on the other is the river. A rocky formation of the trail kept the trail well hidden as well. Though it wasn't nessisarilly the smartest place to be walking, it was at the time, the most relaxing.
I was a very easily depressed person back then.
Anyway. I started trekking forward. There was street noise and cars and a park with some joggers, and that's where the trail really began. It's after crossing a bridge that it gets shady such as described above.
I was crossing said bridge, thinking on my life issues and enjoying the fade out of busy traffic, when somebody suddenly grabbed me from behind. The person grabbed my mouth hard with one hand and it hurt and I couldn't scream. With the other, somehow, my arms were behind my back. Somehow in the struggle, I was turned around, and pulled to somewhere in the direction I had come from. (Which I'm assuming upon recolection was in the shadow of a large abandoned house.)
I was pushed on the ground to my stomach and quickly grabbed again.
He let go of my mouth with the hand before and I could feel him squirming and making rough movements as he held me down.
I whimpered, in shock at first, and couldn't close my eyes. But while I know they were open, I can't remember seeing the surroundings or hearing anything other than his breath or my own heart beat.
Being that my friends do silly things like that to me, at first, I had to ask myself if it was perhaps my friend pulling a prank or something of the sort. But I knew it couldn't be him.
I noticed one of his hands was away from my arms causing a looser grip for some reason, so for a moment, I was able to turn around, and able to catch a glimpse of him. I did not see much. But from his dress and body type, I assume he was my age or maybe a little older. Of his appearance, all I can pin point was his pale vampire white hands, his skinny and tallish frame, and his black hoodie (hood up, I'll mention) with some kind of large circular white or light colored print on the front. Very soon after, I was pushed back and again held by the arms once more.
Well I can guess why he was making hasty movements and why one hand was occupied... There was a pause, and I noticed the cool air hitting my skin on my waist, hips, and thighs. That second I realized my pants were down, I felt the something push between my closed legs, and then with a thrust of his body, some sudden horrid pain. And again, and again once more. Within' seconds I was sobbing but again a hand had my lips latched shut.
You can easily guess what it was...
And everything went blank.
I don't remember anything else about the intercourse.. o_o
I remember waking up on the grass with my pants up, but unzipped and unbuttoned. I remember it being odd that my jaw hurt and parts of my legs felt numb. I reached down, felt around and pulled my hand to my sight to check for blood, but there was nothing. With that, I told myself I was okay enough to walk, so I got up, got to a phone, and attempting to call my boyfriend and one of 'what I think' is one of my best friends. But they wouldn't talk to me. I called up crying and starting to ask for help, but the friend cut me off telling me I wasn't aloud to talk to them and that they weren't going to pick up that night anymore because they were all under the assumption I was only calling to argue/b***h at my boyfriend. The people I wanted to be there and care just weren't, and wouldn't even let me explain. I felt horrid; My voice was so empty to all of them. Had they been there, I think I would have had enough support and courage to go the hospital and take an immediate anonymous rape kit. (Which probably would have included a dose of PlanB.) But even if I got a hold of them, I had the suspicion they wouldn't believe me anyway...
Anyway... When I couldn't get a hold of them, I called my mother and asked her to come and pick me up. I did not tell her what happened yet. Only that I was very tired for some reason.
I burried it all, with no intent of ever telling a soul. Honestly, I had even forgotten until around a month later; A month later when I began to wonder "Where is my period?"
A week passed since I was supposed to go on it, and I told myself "it could be irregular this month."
Another week passed, and I told myself "in another week, I'll take a test to see..."
Fear prevented me from doing this at first, but on May 5th, I finally took said test.
I already knew I was pregnant though; Something just told me in my heart that I'd be seeing a little plus sign, no doubt. And I was right.
One would think I would be crying and sobbing right then and there; But I was already having a horrible day. My (now ex) boyfriend and I had just fought, and he was physically and sexually abusive, I had just dropped out of school, feeling like a failure and disapointment, and at the time, my best friends didn't want anything to do with me. I couldn't feel anymore depressed than I already was. If anything, I would describe myself as lifeless. I felt like a doll. Something you could stick a thousand pins in, but it would never change its listless expression. I suppose perhaps the fact that I was at my friend's house when I took the test made me a little more comfortable, but that night I found out she actually didn't like me or consider me a friend because she believed what the highschool hype portrayed me as over my word.
After taking the test, I took a long shower.
After getting out, I called my boyfriend and told him. He came over, we talked, and another friend that was there heard and everything. Which, is both good and bad. At the time, he didn't believe me but lied and said he did. Then he really DID end up believing me later when we discussed privately. But, he ended up telling a friend, who couldn't keep her mouth shut, and it escalated into a rumor within' a week.
The next day, I told my mother. It was hell. I had to tell her about the rape and it was depressing and awkward.
It also pissed me off because of her reaction.
She basically thought I was lying about the rape to cover for my (now ex) boyfriend's and my mistake.
"You're too calm about this all, Ali" she said. I don't remember how I answered.
I was indeed calm. How was I supposed to react?
I don't remember much of the sex itself, only the prelude to its events, and I had my own time to think and cry myself to sleep. Besides, it's better in my opinion to tell her with my blank face on than a mopey sad one.
Around a week later, I had my first appointment with Planned Parenthood after deciding I want an abortion.
Many reasons as to why.
#1. I do not like small children or infants. I consider them pests.
#2. I'm just going into modeling. HELLO, do I HAVE to explain how much a kid could ******** that up?
#3. I would rather have a child I actually want someday rather than have it out of obligation. A gift forced is no gift.
#4. I wouldn't mind attending college someday.
#5. Highschool is still in option as well.
#6. I was 15 and emotionally, and physically unequipt to have a baby. (One of my physicals basically said I could die in childbirth with my health at the time.)
While there in the clinic, the b***h nurse called the police and I HAD to report the rape. It was very annoying because they kept asking all these detailed questions over and over again and I just couldn't remember. They also thought I wasn't being honest because of how it just rolled off the tongue. I'm SO sorry I wasn't illogical or frantic about the situation. /Sarcasm.
You know. I hold the same feeling toward the situation that day that I do now. Yes, it was terrible. But it's OVER, god damn it. It's in the past. There is NOTHING I can do to change it now. Yes, I can watch out in the future, and learn, but that's it.
So...
On May 23rd of 2007, I had a surgical abortion.
The fetus was a little over 8.5 weeks old.
(Let me just mention that the idea of abortion does not phase me in the slightest. I am and have been a pro-choice activist so I know my facts in and out of the process, development of the fetus at the time, etc.)

The Abortion Itself...
This is actually a quote written in a different guild two hours after the abortion.


My Current Opinon?
I regret NOTHING. Really, I'm glad I don't have some kid holding me back from my life.

3nodding