Welcome to Gaia! ::

*~ Okeys Jashu, how about this one? ~*

Look at me rappin to no end
Jashu just showed me how to begin
Again I rap about girls ability
Showin how we initially
Used to make it seem that we
Realistically speaking we don't try new things
Stings how we can never see
All the things we girls can be
Three times four times five
The question exists to survive
Revive the long lost answer
So much like cancer
Answer please soon rise again
Not from the mouths of men
Then again we girls can come to see
To enternally be
The rappers of tomorrow
Leaving sorrow
Our minds adapting to discontinuation
Of monutmental relations
Nations of male rappers
No more mumblin on about were due
But rather what we should do
You all know what we are capable of stuff
So show me now what you think your made of
Shove your doubts and show me
Homies

*~ Better? ~*

I saw some good transitions in there. Lesson 2, add words even if it's unnecessary if it keeps the beat of syllables sounding good. Let me draw an example from your rap.

You wrote:
Three times four times five
The question exists to survive

Count the syllables in the first line, there are five, I know that we're going archapella, but it sounds nice with a kind of flow beat. Your second line appears to have 8. But see how it sounds like this.

Three times four times five,
The question exists, on how to survive.

5 syllable followed by ten syllable. Thus making the beat drop every 5.

or,

Three times four, four times five,
The question exists on how we are to survive,

6 by 12. Beat drop on 6.

You want atleast some of these in there, people will just have that feeling that it sounds good by that. Especially if the lyrics are good.

Also watch out for words that sound close together, you might need to accent it for it to rhyme with the other word, but it works all the same. Just mix it up. But a good improvement. :]

Ya'll rappin' s**t, so it's time to shout,
Amp reppin' the east side time to blow 'em out,
I'm in the Windy City, and it's time to blow,
I dont feel like rappin' some b***h a** ho, tho.
Whoa, back up son, you don't know who I am,
You never been in a battle with a rappin Uncle Sam.

Damn, look at those 24 inch rims,
Make me feel like a king in my Mecades Benz,
Ya'll some fools making rhymes for hoe's,
Ya betta step off cuz I'm on my toes,
Oh, what now son I'm smackin' fire,
You're rappin sucks worse than the b***h at Lube & Tire.

I got over a hundred MySpace friends,
Syke, I already got a crew inside my Benz.
Boom, get out my ********' way,
I'm beastin' from the east the hardcore ******** the west side I'm shoutin' my s**t,
I might just punch you and say "you're it".

I got 'cha in hoe check, don't try and struggle,
Ya ********' round like some Harry Pot Head, "Muggle",
You're just some stupid kids from ol' Hollywood,
So suck my d**k just like ya mom would.

OooOooOooOohh..... By the By, Jashu has some Mad Skillz.

Go and rehearse, cuz I'm shuttin' you down with one verse,
No need to curse, What you talkin' about G? The Chi is in the Midwest,
I see your as ignorant as all the rest,
Don't you know where your cities at, what you tryin' to rep'?
Buzz off pest, shoo fly don't bother me,
I drop so many rhymes, probably wrote me a biography.
Humbly, I rap up the suckahs and leave them old and crumbly,
Gullibly, I lead you into my lyrical traps,
Leavin' you with limbs short on words for raps,
Midnight snacks, I eat you emcees like cat do to mouses,
My block is so crooked, even Santa is afraid to come to our houses,

[Quickie.]

Home Boy Its all Bout that P-H-I-L-L-Y EAST SIDE!

I heard ya like smoke, so I set the East in flames,
Make noxious gas to have you dwindlin' in mind games,
Got ya wack a** faces in the obituary picture frames,
Leavin' blood trails back to the Chi Pistols with blood stains,
Takin' the weak East by the reins, and sittin' it down for domestication,
I muzzle you dawgs n' put em in solitary like exocommunication,
I own the nation, as far as I can see there ain't such thing as the east,
We spit in your faces, and ain't carin' the least,
Call me the rap priest, cuz I'm preachin' this sermon,
Bendin' them niggas ova and given em' what they deservin,
Leave em' still hurtin', with a killin' sting to their vibe,
Educatin' them so well, even the east throw up the westside.

Work on it dude, your rhymes are wack.

Yo You b***h a** hoe you not from the West side
You reside in the Chi, where all the bitches get punched in the eye
"hmm " By the East ***** i stab with a shank *****;s will call me left eye
You dont have no place to judge or be a priest you probably ******** the dialy lamma bbbbbb be cool before im come to the Chi and swell yo lip up like sea food, or every body on Gaia gonna see yo b***h a** on the news im tha boy in blue im just speakin the truth, I got all the hoes in the Chi in they birthday shuite's and none of them wit you....


I right it like this i cant put it in your way

Can't spell write, right, but I guess two wrongs ain't gonna make it alright,
When you see better rhymes on Doctor Suess it's a sad sight,
I leave your a** tremblin' with fright, Tossin' n' Turnin' all night,
Don't know anything about Midwest n' pickin' a fight,
Tryin' to get on the big kids ride, ain't even regulation height,
I got Philly chokin' in my grasp tight, Babies in the lime light,
Real might, is what I lay on you emcees in the East,
If disses were food, you'd be eatin' a feast,
Care the least, to swear every second,
I'd rather show you real rhymes comin' from a legend,
So don't pretend, you can comprehend, whether the game gives or lends,
Send, repends, for your lonely weekends,
Because I hit hard and make sure I leave dents,
I play with words, turn cent to sense, Don't hide from the genocide,
So take the mic home and come back when you can actually rhyme.