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 Posted: Tue Aug 30, 2005 1:51 am
Yes, its about that time again where im going to conplain how im NOT FEELING. It is currently 1:39 AM pacific standard time and I want to chew my insides out for the following reasons:
1) I ******** can't feel. AHAHAHA THIS IS DAMN GREAT!
2) -_- I dont want to take my sleeping pill which contains a large dosage of anti-depressants in it...
3) *takes a deep breath* AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
4) *continued screaming*
Well now... I hate these pills... Efexor (sp) in the morning Trasadone (sp) at night! Wow, they hand out pills like candy in mental wards and you have to just go with the flow when your out. They shouldent be called anti depressants they should be called anti felling any emoation medication. Just wonderful... So, I sit here... And I feel like... Nothing. Yeah, I wish I had emoations to share with you all... I really did... But... Eh. Whats wrong with feeling depressed? Why was it ever wrong to feel something so natural, sadness? Why do people see it is something bad? Why do they take my emotions away from me? Why do I feel like a robot? I may seem full of life, giggly, happy in person... But in reality, im a well... Nothing. =) I wish I knew how to feel anymore... But as you can see, im ranting to you on how im not feeling. So... I guess its about time I take my meds and push myself through a dark hallway... Its kinda pathetic I cant even sleep naturally anymore... Yeah, I am a pretty pathetic life form arent I? I could be considered less than human... Maybe if I ever do get my feelings back, maybe I can cry next time I feel sad insted of sitting here and writing on how I want to feel sad right now but I dont have any feelings to show. =) Doctor says im still depressed, and that I have to stay on medication. Oh well... Ill wait. Not like I was depressed when I was in the mental ward anyhow... I was just trying to get high.... Oh well, the ward was fun. =D And im not joking either. Oh and, mother says I need to be a kid and not try to grow up so fast. I tell mother I dont know how to be a kid, daddy wanted me to take care of his kids first. Guess I will never know what being a kid feels like. Thanks dad! Your the greatest!!! *mutters* You stupid ******** a*****e... -_- I hope you go to heaven so I dont have to see ypur lame a** in hell... Yeah, "love you too". Goodnight world... The time is now 1:51 AM. PST.
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Posted: Tue Aug 30, 2005 2:18 pm
Soleq Immediate_stance I'm feeling exceptionally insecure right now, but I really did most of it to myself and so it's a mixed feeling between guilt, self-pity, and worry. : ( What happened? I invaded someone's privacy out of fear of something bad and discovered it was worse than I thought, and this person seems to be avoiding me right now anyway when I really depend on them to get by.
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Posted: Tue Aug 30, 2005 2:38 pm
School starts in 8 days. My bf and I are going to two seperate schools. Fuuuuck this is going to be really hard =(
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Posted: Tue Aug 30, 2005 4:02 pm
[~Rommie~] School starts in 8 days. My bf and I are going to two seperate schools. Fuuuuck this is going to be really hard =( First, I want to say that some people live in different states, or even countries from the people they love. But I would like to sympathize. It will probably be very difficult. Will you be able to see him at all?
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Posted: Tue Aug 30, 2005 4:21 pm
[~Rommie~] School starts in 8 days. My bf and I are going to two seperate schools. Fuuuuck this is going to be really hard =( It's possible. Just take each day as it comes, find time to talk, and most of all, make the most of the moments you're together. While I'm no fan of LDRs (and certainly not OLRs), if there's a will, there's a way.
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Posted: Tue Aug 30, 2005 4:45 pm
I''m just used to seeing him everyday and talking to him a lot, but he hasn''t be online a lot recently and neither of us like talking to anyone on the phone. I know I have to make time, it''s just not going to be easy ''cause he lives a bit away so it''s not like I can walk there. Bah, I sound so stupid >.<
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Posted: Tue Aug 30, 2005 4:49 pm
[~Rommie~] I''m just used to seeing him everyday and talking to him a lot, but he hasn''t be online a lot recently and neither of us like talking to anyone on the phone. I know I have to make time, it''s just not going to be easy ''cause he lives a bit away so it''s not like I can walk there. Bah, I sound so stupid >.< Nah, not stupid. Just new to love.
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Posted: Tue Aug 30, 2005 4:51 pm
Immediate_stance Soleq Immediate_stance I'm feeling exceptionally insecure right now, but I really did most of it to myself and so it's a mixed feeling between guilt, self-pity, and worry. : ( What happened? I invaded someone's privacy out of fear of something bad and discovered it was worse than I thought, and this person seems to be avoiding me right now anyway when I really depend on them to get by. Depending on how you invaded their privacy, it's probably better that they have to face the reality of the situation. It's probably nothing against you, rather, it's that they aren't comfortable in their current situation.
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Posted: Tue Aug 30, 2005 4:55 pm
Vampress-NE- ffzman Wow. I'm hopeless. Okay, as some of you (All of you if you look at my b-day in my profile) know, I'm a teenager. Most of you also know how that is. Well, anyway, it's basically because of that whole thing. Basically, I am attracted to girls way too easily. I don't mean attracted in the sense of just physically attracted, or a momentary thing. I mean attracted as in it lasts for months at a time with one girl. I lose sleep, and sanity for that matter. Now, if this isn't enough of a burden on me, I'm starting to do worse in school because of it. Now, my parents are yelling at me, and taking things away, and they don't know that that's only making it worse. I like rant/blog/whatevers, it's like one huge exhale. *sigh* Ok... Well are you talking about something we humans call a "crush"? You know... A good way to think about it is like this... If you like a girl, a big "+" is doing well in school. Doing well means that you have to sleep, and be sane. If you really like her, do well, and get her. =)
heart See, that doesn't work though. I have the amazing talent of being attracted to girls who are either taken, or I know have absolutely no interest in me. I do appreciate you trying to help though.
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Posted: Tue Aug 30, 2005 5:36 pm
Soleq Immediate_stance Soleq Immediate_stance I''m feeling exceptionally insecure right now, but I really did most of it to myself and so it''s a mixed feeling between guilt, self-pity, and worry. : ( What happened? I invaded someone''s privacy out of fear of something bad and discovered it was worse than I thought, and this person seems to be avoiding me right now anyway when I really depend on them to get by. Depending on how you invaded their privacy, it''s probably better that they have to face the reality of the situation. It''s probably nothing against you, rather, it''s that they aren''t comfortable in their current situation. Um, I logged into their e-mail (they hadn''t changed the password, despite my requests) and used it to get a password to a site they were using. I disagree, though, I know she''s had ample opportunity to call or mail me, and yet she hasn''t done so to even say hello.
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Posted: Wed Aug 31, 2005 12:25 am
ffzman Vampress-NE- ffzman Wow. I'm hopeless. Okay, as some of you (All of you if you look at my b-day in my profile) know, I'm a teenager. Most of you also know how that is. Well, anyway, it's basically because of that whole thing. Basically, I am attracted to girls way too easily. I don't mean attracted in the sense of just physically attracted, or a momentary thing. I mean attracted as in it lasts for months at a time with one girl. I lose sleep, and sanity for that matter. Now, if this isn't enough of a burden on me, I'm starting to do worse in school because of it. Now, my parents are yelling at me, and taking things away, and they don't know that that's only making it worse. I like rant/blog/whatevers, it's like one huge exhale. *sigh* Ok... Well are you talking about something we humans call a "crush"? You know... A good way to think about it is like this... If you like a girl, a big "+" is doing well in school. Doing well means that you have to sleep, and be sane. If you really like her, do well, and get her. =)
heart See, that doesn't work though. I have the amazing talent of being attracted to girls who are either taken, or I know have absolutely no interest in me. I do appreciate you trying to help though. Hey, you knever know.. They might like you. And besides... I know how that taken thing goes.. It suxorz!!1 >_<
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Posted: Wed Aug 31, 2005 11:12 am
Vampress-NE- Yes, its about that time again where im going to conplain how im NOT FEELING. It is currently 1:39 AM pacific standard time and I want to chew my insides out for the following reasons:
1) I ******** can't feel. AHAHAHA THIS IS DAMN GREAT!
2) -_- I dont want to take my sleeping pill which contains a large dosage of anti-depressants in it...
3) *takes a deep breath* AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
4) *continued screaming*
Well now... I hate these pills... Efexor (sp) in the morning Trasadone (sp) at night! Wow, they hand out pills like candy in mental wards and you have to just go with the flow when your out. They shouldent be called anti depressants they should be called anti felling any emoation medication. Just wonderful... So, I sit here... And I feel like... Nothing. Yeah, I wish I had emoations to share with you all... I really did... But... Eh. Whats wrong with feeling depressed? Why was it ever wrong to feel something so natural, sadness? Why do people see it is something bad? Why do they take my emotions away from me? Why do I feel like a robot? I may seem full of life, giggly, happy in person... But in reality, im a well... Nothing. =) I wish I knew how to feel anymore... But as you can see, im ranting to you on how im not feeling. So... I guess its about time I take my meds and push myself through a dark hallway... Its kinda pathetic I cant even sleep naturally anymore... Yeah, I am a pretty pathetic life form arent I? I could be considered less than human... Maybe if I ever do get my feelings back, maybe I can cry next time I feel sad insted of sitting here and writing on how I want to feel sad right now but I dont have any feelings to show. =) Doctor says im still depressed, and that I have to stay on medication. Oh well... Ill wait. Not like I was depressed when I was in the mental ward anyhow... I was just trying to get high.... Oh well, the ward was fun. =D And im not joking either. Oh and, mother says I need to be a kid and not try to grow up so fast. I tell mother I dont know how to be a kid, daddy wanted me to take care of his kids first. Guess I will never know what being a kid feels like. Thanks dad! Your the greatest!!! *mutters* You stupid ******** a*****e... -_- I hope you go to heaven so I dont have to see ypur lame a** in hell... Yeah, "love you too". Goodnight world... The time is now 1:51 AM. PST.
heart HEY SAM. I LOVE YOU, KAY? biggrin
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Posted: Wed Aug 31, 2005 2:08 pm
Soleq [~Rommie~] School starts in 8 days. My bf and I are going to two seperate schools. Fuuuuck this is going to be really hard =( It's possible. Just take each day as it comes, find time to talk, and most of all, make the most of the moments you're together. While I'm no fan of LDRs (and certainly not OLRs), if there's a will, there's a way.
Haha, you're so wrong. Sometimes.
Actually, I would consider my relationship a LDR, not a OLR because I've actually seen him a couple times.
Anyways... people shouldn't b***h about not being at the same school as their boyfriend/girlfriend. I'm 1000 miles away from my boyfriend. Har har har.
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Posted: Wed Aug 31, 2005 10:04 pm
Leviticus can shove it Vampress-NE- Yes, its about that time again where im going to conplain how im NOT FEELING. It is currently 1:39 AM pacific standard time and I want to chew my insides out for the following reasons:
1) I ******** can''t feel. AHAHAHA THIS IS DAMN GREAT!
2) -_- I dont want to take my sleeping pill which contains a large dosage of anti-depressants in it...
3) *takes a deep breath* AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
4) *continued screaming*
Well now... I hate these pills... Efexor (sp) in the morning Trasadone (sp) at night! Wow, they hand out pills like candy in mental wards and you have to just go with the flow when your out. They shouldent be called anti depressants they should be called anti felling any emoation medication. Just wonderful... So, I sit here... And I feel like... Nothing. Yeah, I wish I had emoations to share with you all... I really did... But... Eh. Whats wrong with feeling depressed? Why was it ever wrong to feel something so natural, sadness? Why do people see it is something bad? Why do they take my emotions away from me? Why do I feel like a robot? I may seem full of life, giggly, happy in person... But in reality, im a well... Nothing. =) I wish I knew how to feel anymore... But as you can see, im ranting to you on how im not feeling. So... I guess its about time I take my meds and push myself through a dark hallway... Its kinda pathetic I cant even sleep naturally anymore... Yeah, I am a pretty pathetic life form arent I? I could be considered less than human... Maybe if I ever do get my feelings back, maybe I can cry next time I feel sad insted of sitting here and writing on how I want to feel sad right now but I dont have any feelings to show. =) Doctor says im still depressed, and that I have to stay on medication. Oh well... Ill wait. Not like I was depressed when I was in the mental ward anyhow... I was just trying to get high.... Oh well, the ward was fun. =D And im not joking either. Oh and, mother says I need to be a kid and not try to grow up so fast. I tell mother I dont know how to be a kid, daddy wanted me to take care of his kids first. Guess I will never know what being a kid feels like. Thanks dad! Your the greatest!!! *mutters* You stupid ******** a*****e... -_- I hope you go to heaven so I dont have to see ypur lame a** in hell... Yeah, "love you too". Goodnight world... The time is now 1:51 AM. PST.
heart HEY SAM. I LOVE YOU, KAY? biggrin KAY!!! =D lol. heart
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Posted: Wed Aug 31, 2005 10:55 pm
You can disregard anything I have said. None of it matters anymore. He dumped me tonight. Sad thing is, never really realized how much I cared about him.
He said he can''t let emotions get in the way of his goals. And I was entering a school ful of diversity and I would find someone I truly loved. What does he think I felt for him?
Whatever. I saw this coming. I refuse to cry, I refuse to take this like all my friends who break down for a few days. I''m sorry for bitching about us being at two different schools, I was afraid this would happen and that was the root or my comments. I''m sorry for posting this here and sounding like the typical annoying breakup heartbroken girl but I needed somewhere to say this and I have a sinking feeling that my friends are tired of me.
So simply right now, I feel like s**t, I feel worth s**t. I know I shouldn''t but I can''t help it.
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![[~Rommie~]'s avatar](https://a1cdn.gaiaonline.com/dress-up/avatar/ava/9e/3f/bb1d5fa143f9e_flip.png?t=1224032207_6.00_00)
