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 Posted: Wed Jul 26, 2006 1:24 pm
naughty_but_nice_05 why did the mexican throw his wife of the cliff? tequila i know it's bad but i'll try harder in my next post....promise sweatdrop
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Posted: Wed Jul 26, 2006 2:09 pm
~xXx~Nikki4187~xXx~ San Francisco- *Prohibits elephants from strolling down Market Street unless they are on a leash. *It is illegal to wipe one's car with used underwear. *Persons classified as "ugly" may not walk down any street.(I've seen LOTS of ugly people out there) *It is illegal to pile horse manure more than six feet high on a street corner. *Giving or receiving oral sex is prohibited. Shasta Lake- One may not raffle off a dog as a gift in any public place. Temecula- Ducks have the right of way to cross Rancho California St. at all times. Thousand Oaks- Before a business may have a "going out of business sale", they must obtain a special permit from the city manager. Walnut- *Ice cream men must obtain a license before selling any ice cream from their car. *Kites may not be flown above 10 feet over the ground. *Children may not wear a halloween mask unless they get a special permit from the sheriff. *Persons may not pick flowers from the city parks. *Males may not dress as a female unless a special permit is obtained from the sheriff. *One may not leave sand in their own driveway I have a friend in Temecula--I'll have to send her this! lol These are great... Where do you get them? Or do you want to save your source until later?
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Snow White Jinx Vice Captain
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Posted: Thu Jul 27, 2006 8:55 am
naughty_but_nice_05 How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? (Does he employ a splinter group?) I have an answer for that one! All the wood that woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood!! xd
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Posted: Thu Jul 27, 2006 8:57 am
bandaidd ~xXx~Nikki4187~xXx~ San Francisco- *Prohibits elephants from strolling down Market Street unless they are on a leash. *It is illegal to wipe one's car with used underwear. *Persons classified as "ugly" may not walk down any street.(I've seen LOTS of ugly people out there) *It is illegal to pile horse manure more than six feet high on a street corner. *Giving or receiving oral sex is prohibited. Shasta Lake- One may not raffle off a dog as a gift in any public place. Temecula- Ducks have the right of way to cross Rancho California St. at all times. Thousand Oaks- Before a business may have a "going out of business sale", they must obtain a special permit from the city manager. Walnut- *Ice cream men must obtain a license before selling any ice cream from their car. *Kites may not be flown above 10 feet over the ground. *Children may not wear a halloween mask unless they get a special permit from the sheriff. *Persons may not pick flowers from the city parks. *Males may not dress as a female unless a special permit is obtained from the sheriff. *One may not leave sand in their own driveway I have a friend in Temecula--I'll have to send her this! lol These are great... Where do you get them? Or do you want to save your source until later? One of my friends just moved back from Temecula... I just did a search for stupid state laws... I don't remember the name of the site... I'll do another search for it later on after I get back from the dentist...any state you want me to post in here after I find it?
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Snow White Jinx Vice Captain
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Posted: Thu Jul 27, 2006 9:00 am
WARNING!
I try not to forward too many warnings, but this
one is important!
I hope I'm not too late. Send this warning to
every person on your e-mail list:
If someone comes to your front door saying they are
conducting a survey on deer ticks and asks you to take
your clothes off and dance around to shake off the
ticks ..... do not do it! IT IS A SCAM !
They only want to see you naked. burning_eyes I wish I'd gotten
this yesterday. I feel so stupid now. redface stare
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Posted: Thu Jul 27, 2006 9:02 am
bandaidd WARNING! I try not to forward too many warnings, but this one is important! I hope I'm not too late. Send this warning to every person on your e-mail list: If someone comes to your front door saying they are conducting a survey on deer ticks and asks you to take your clothes off and dance around to shake off the ticks ..... do not do it! IT IS A SCAM ! They only want to see you naked. burning_eyes I wish I'd gotten this yesterday. I feel so stupid now. redface stare
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Snow White Jinx Vice Captain
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Posted: Thu Jul 27, 2006 9:08 am
Only the Aussies...
After every flight, Quantas Airline pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The chanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next fllight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Quantas' pilots and the solutions recorded by maintenance engineers. By the way, Quantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.
(P= The problem logged by the pilot.) (S= The solution and action taken by mechanics.)
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget
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Posted: Thu Jul 27, 2006 9:22 am
I find these funny so I figured I'd share them....
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Snow White Jinx Vice Captain
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Snow White Jinx Vice Captain
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Posted: Thu Jul 27, 2006 9:30 am
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Posted: Thu Jul 27, 2006 9:42 am
sweet! I wish I could get on photobucket....it's blocked. gonk I love gir!
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Posted: Thu Jul 27, 2006 11:33 am
European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy.
The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.
Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.
By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with " z" and "w" with "v".
During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl.
Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.
Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze furst plas.
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Posted: Thu Jul 27, 2006 11:34 am
WOMEN'S REVENGE
"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the
woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet
I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied, " but my husband refused to come
shopping with me, and I figured this was the most
evil thing I could do to him legally."
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Posted: Thu Jul 27, 2006 11:40 am
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax
pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
and still be afraid of a spider.
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Posted: Thu Jul 27, 2006 11:42 am
MARRIAGE SEMINAR
While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with
communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened to the
instructor, "It is essential that husbands and wives know
the things that are important to each other."
He addressed the man,
"Can you describe your wife's favorite flower?"
Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and
whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it?
The rest of the story gets rather ugly...
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Posted: Thu Jul 27, 2006 11:46 am
CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down
the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can
help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of
tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct
aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton
balls and a ball of string on the counter.
She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for
some tampons for your wife? He answers, " You see, it's like this,
yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes,
and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling
papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.
So, I figure if I have to roll my own ........... so does she.
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