Third was never cruel to them directly, never had anything but the kindest smile and sweetest words for his dear little sister and his daemon. Still Constant was worried, and Aelinye somewhat wary. The shift in Third's demeanor was so subtle that animals and children picked up on it when adult humans would not.
Third still went through the same motions as before with the same behavior, it was an underlying motivation that was different, somehow dark. Constant caught glimpses of it every now and then, a stray half-snippet of thought, never enough to be complete, never enough to accuse Third with or justify any argument. Third was not terribly good at keeping things from his daemon, but this strain of himself seemed somehow beyond her grasp. It was like a person she never knew, or did know but could not remember. It was strange like forgetting your own address, or the name of your best friend. You should know it, it just seems to cease existing in your mind, hidden as thoroughly as a passworded file. What the password was, Constant did not know. Perhaps Third knew the password and kept it from her. Maybe he would give it to her if she asked, but asking would require an explanation as to why she wanted to know.
For the first time, Constant was not entirely sure she trusted Third enough to ask him. She was not certain what he would do. For his own sake, she did not want to push him, but she did not know how to bring him back, either. It was as if he was standing just on the other side of a line, and if she was not careful he would walk away from the line and her on the other side.
How do you tell someone something they are not conscious of in themselves? Ask and they will deny it, because they have no way of knowing it is there. Fail to ask and watch it grow like the unseen cancer it truly is. If you tell the person, it might save them, but the surgery could also kill them.
Constant was, she feared, totally out of her league, and without the mean necessary to communicate with another for advice. She had to work this out on her own. How to confront him without pushing him away (which could kill them both), how to tell him without evoking his wrath. And it was some sort of wrath, something dark and terrible and hidden, which made it all the more formidable. It could sneak around and hide and avoid her attacks if she did not anticipate its movements. Maybe it was like the wind, something futile to struggle against because how can you stop something your teeth cannot bite into but can kill you by pulling you up into the air and dashing you to pieces against the ground?
Though similarly disturbed, Aelinye was hardly as troubled. The Iridae knew only that her brother was slightly less happy, and somehow something was wrong, but he still read to her and bathed her, and in some of those moments he was his previous joyful self. She had not known him long enough to determine which was the real Third and which was the intruder.
And like the man who does not know he is in Paradise until he has been thrown out of it, Third was blind to the problem and its affects on Aelinye and Constant. Somewhat less so Constant, who seemed depressed to him when he thought she should be happier that they were proving the adults wrong and taking care of Aelinye all by themselves. He tried to make her happier by reminding her of these successes, but to no avail. "See, look at all we've done? Everyone was wrong and we were right!" he would say, with such exuberance he thought it should be contagious. His daemon only nodded her head and thought to him, <
He knew Constant would come around in time, suspected she was upset about her lack of freedom and wanting to go exploring. Obviously, they could not so easily leave when they had to take of Aelinye, which he apologized for.
<
It was late at night now, and Third was just done penning the last notes to his diary. It was not a particularly interesting entry, except perhaps for the note at the bottom, written carefully:
Fate begins with a purposeful motivation.
He placed his pen on the table next to the page and let the ink dry before slipping it into the drawer with the rest -- everything he had written except the entry after leaving Trant. The pieces of that page were long gone by now in some dimensional compost heap, wherever trash from the Neighborhood went.
Aelinye was already asleep in her crib, and Constant beside her. The Iridae had, in the past weeks, gradually come to accept Constant's soft fur and fall asleep to that, which left Third more time to write. He felt guilty when he wrote during the day, since that was when Constant and Aelinye were awake and most likely to need him, or want him to play or read books. Third took his current book from the table and went to join them in the crib. The two sleepers barely stirred at his entrance.
Third opened to the last page he had read and resumed learning the history of the Roman emperors. Their rises, their falls, their living spectacles.
For some reason he found his eyes hard to focus, his head nodding. Without realizing it, he was asleep.
Third knew immediately this was wrong. He had enjoyed a true night of sleep only once in his entire life so far, and that had been bordering on unconscious, without dreams or memory of any time elapsed.
This time, Third was conscious of something happening, and his first instinct was to try and escape it. Part of the reason he avoided sleep was the nightmares, or maybe it was better to say the nightmares prevented him from sleeping. How that his eyes were closed he was desperate to avoid them.
The nightmares did not come. Third flailed helplessly in his own mind, unable to summon his body, and found he was standing on dark green grass in a forest of leafy trees under a moonlit sky, none of which had been there a moment before. A dark, still pond lay beside him.
It was not real moonlight because in some strange way Third could see the trees in this forest quite clearly and without any blue tint. It was night as some artist might paint it, remaining truer to daylight colors than night ones. It was still and quiet as a stone, so quiet that when he heard a drop of water it sounded like a dictionary dropping right behind him. He turned.
"Oh, Third," she said, and it was all that was needed to put tears in Third's eyes. He ran forward almost blinded by the saltwater, never mind that he was walking across water to meet her, and flung his arms around her waist and buried his face in her lap, sobbing with joy.
Emperial smoothed his hair with her hands. She was exactly as he last remembered her on World Zero: skin so pale it glowed, hair flowing around her in a vast halo, white sarong dress secured just under featureless breasts, vivid blue eyes alight with love and curiosity, the pupils almost fully contracted. Emperial whispered to him as her fingers drifted across his hair, "Shhh."
Third looked up at her with loving awe. Just as she had before, she drew him up into her lap and wrapped her glowing arms around him. She kissed him on the head. Third gave a little giggle and wiped the tears in his eyes.
"I am sorry for coming to you like this," she said. "It was the only thing I was able."
Third shook his head. No, it was fine, of course.
Emperial smiled down at him, and he bathed in that radiance. "What have you been doing, my son?" she asked, infinitely kind and patient, and Third felt ashamed. She kissed him again and then smiled. "No matter. It was as much you as any other path."
Not understanding those strange words, Third looked up at Emperial in confusion. Did she mean to say that being so cruel to the others was what he truly wanted? But it felt so wrong, surely it had not been him that had done those things.
Emperial continued. "We are many people, Third, you and I. They are all of them us and we are all of them."
Still Third did not understand.
"You will, in time," smiled Emperial. "What matters now is that you understand I am Emperial, and she is me. She is not exactly the same, but she is trying oh so hard, Third. Can you find it in yourself to forgive her?"
Third brought his head up sharply. Of course he could.
"Good." Emperial's smile spread across her face to her eyes, filled with joyous pride. "She is not perfect, but none of us are. We must forgive the faults of others, and hope that they forgive the same in us."
Third opened his mouth, but Emperial pressed a finger against his lips. "I know," she said. "Have faith."
Third relaxed into her arms, sighing with understood happiness. This was his mother, and now that he was with her everything was perfect.
Emperial let him enjoy this contentment for a moment, but conscious of her time, said, "Do you remember the story of the little girl who was brought into the Underworld?" Third nodded his head. "Well," said Emperial, "she was never able to remove the taint of that dark place, but there were times when it was useful. There were times when it was necessary to believe the worst in people, and to hate them. Hate can be a powerful tool."
Once more, Third was confused, shifting uncertainly in Emperial's arms.
Emperial gave a thoughtful hum, almost a sigh. "There will be times when you find love is ineffective and hate is necessary. I would never wish a universe requiring this, but there are limits to what I can do. When you come upon such situations, it is important that you remember what you are capable of, what all people are capable of when pushed too far."
Third looked up at Emperial, but her gaze was off on the trees. She was not smiling. He took her hand and gave it a little squeeze. Then the smile returned, and she looked back at him.
"When you left World Zero, when you changed it, you took a piece of me with you. Always remember that I am with you, Third, and that I love you unconditionally, and I forgive you. I will always love you."
Third's mouth opened. He realized that their time was at an end. The trees, the night, it was all disappearing. Emperial was disappearing.
"One more thing, Third. When you are ready, read Ender's Game, but never a moment before, even if someone suggests it to you. You'll know when the time is right."
It was fading quickly now. Third finally spoke: "I love you, too!"
Third opened his eyes. The room was quiet. Constant shifted in her sleep at his side. His book lay on his lap, open tot he same page he had left it, and for a moment he wondered if any of it had been real.
Third touched a hand to his chest, where Aelinye's talisman had previously hung. The space was empty now, but was it? He thought back to World Zero, remembered how he Changed it, and realized when he turned that knowledge of Changing on himself that he had been changed by World Zero as much as he had changed it. There was a piece of that place inside him. It had been Emperial, and she words she spoke were true, and she was going to be with him forever. Tears came again to Third, happy with the revelation. He looked at Constant and Aelinye, slumbering so peacefully. To an onlooker, there were three of them, but Third now knew there were four.
He would keep it to himself, since the other two would not find the comfort in it he found. It was enough that he alone knew. Blinking away the tears, Third picked up his book where he had left it.
