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 Posted: Mon Aug 21, 2006 7:01 pm
If Masuka had known the quiet and reserved lion that he had been as a cub, he was sure that she wouldn't have gotten along with him so well like she seemed to be doing now. He was glad that he had changed for the better. It meant that he could be having all this fun with her.
Smiling, he merely squeaked when she ruffled his mane and poked his belly. When she made the comment about fattening him up more, he faked a frown and tried to look hurt. "Are you calling me fat, then?" he asked, blinking and trying to keep a straight face as he did so. He was only playing with her, of course. "And of course not. This was just a one time thing." He winked then rolled onto his belly, his big mane brushing around in the dirt a little, though he tried not to get it too dirty.
Just when he felt compeltely comfortable and at ease, and just before he was about to tell Masuka that he liked her company, his Voice came back again.
She could be very useful. You should keep her around... do some things...
Suddenly disturbed, the bulky male scrambled to his paws and just stood there, a look of complete shock and horror on his face. This wasn't happening. After all this time of thinking his Voice had actually left him... it had only been lurking around the whole time. And it chose NOW to come back?
Glancing at Masuka, he realized that he must look like a total idiot.
"N-no, of course I don't mind," he said nervously, his mind still on his Voice. But he didn't want her to worry or anything, so he forced a weak smile before he glanced down at his paws, feeling completely embarassed.
Good...
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Posted: Mon Aug 21, 2006 7:10 pm
"Nah, you aren't fat, you are just right." She joked, well aware that she herself wasn't as plump as she should be, hunting had been hard, though she was sure she'd fatten up after a while in these lush lands. About to say more, she was interrupted by Tamu being startled to the point of dashing to his paws. Automatically assuming the worst, she too got to her own paws, tensed and ready to fight or take flight. However, after giving the area the once over with her gaze, she noticed that there was nothing, no incoming hyena pack, no two legger like back in the old place, just rolling landscape.
She turned her gaze instead to him, her jaw set in a look of concern. "Tamu? Are you all right?" There was no way she was going to ignore something like that, something had spooked him and she just hoped it wasn't her. His embarrassment only served to set off alarm bells in her head.
"What was it that gave you such a fright?"
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Posted: Mon Aug 21, 2006 7:21 pm
The unstable heir to the throne merely stood there, shaking and breathing hard. This couldn't be happening. This was bad, very bad. His Voice hadn't said a word these past few months and suddenly it appeared and was talking crap about how he should keep Masuka around. He would have agreed if he had been someone other than his Voice who had suggested it.
Distracted by his thoughts, his fur suddenly bristled when the lioness spoke, startling him. Forcing himself to calm down, he glanced down at his paws nervously. No wonder he had gotten more confident recently. His Voice hadn't been there to hassle him!
"I-I'm not sure," he said truthfully, eyes flicking back and forth frantically as he tried to figure this all out. What did it mean, the Voice coming back like that? Faintly, he heard a dark chuckle in the back of his mind.
When Masuka asked him what had scared him so much, he sighed and lowered his head shamefully. She had asked him a direct question, and there was no way he was going to lie to her. He had to tell her, but how? She'd probably think he was a freak, not fit to be a king at all. Not with his problem. But he knew he had to tell someone. His father already knew, but...
Don't you dare.
The Voice snarled in his head, but Tamu tried to ignore it.
"I..." he began, hesitating for a moment. This was probably the hardest thing he ever had to do. "I hear a voice in my head," he said quickly, trying to get it over with as soon as possible. Once it was out, he looking away from her, not wanting to see her reaction.
You'll regret that, lover boy.
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Posted: Mon Aug 21, 2006 7:39 pm
Masuka waited patiently as Tamu seemed to wage an inner war on himself. Her normally wild and confident gaze had become caring and softened by her concern for his plight, underneath her amazoness exterior, Masuka had some more gentle qualities. She didn't press him, just let him say what he wanted to, what he felt had to be said, ready to accept it if he decided to keep whatever inner troubles had stunned him so hidden from her.
However his reply was not something she could have expected, she raised a brow. "A voice?" Suddenly the situation was all too familiar, in her old pride Masuka had watched oblivious as captivity sent many of her elders mad, the seeds of what they called the "evil spirits" taking root in any lion at any time, placing everyone under suspicion. It had wrought havoc amidst them and Masuka had heard it all, from one who claimed faint whispers fed her lies to another who lost all sense and declared himself a two legger.
But Tamu was none of those lions, they had been penned together, unable to escape their enforced company, powerless to halt those evil spirits. Out here, things were different, the land was enormous and wild, the animals free and unrestrained. Any evil spirits in these lands could be fought and driven off, with time, she was sure, her grandmother had reassured her so long ago when, in the pen she spoke of the lands of her own mother, the lands Masuka now had the fortune of calling home.
Instead of shying away, she moved closer to him, nuzzling his neck affectionately. "A spirit, an evil spirit." she said, stepping back again "Don't ever listen to what it tells you, it will speak twisted lies, they feed on their impact on your actions, trying to lead you astray, the more you listen the stronger their hold becomes." Her pride had been spiritual and their beliefs had carried on to her.
"I don't know how true those words are, they are what I was taught but a little truth is found in all the old stories."
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Posted: Mon Aug 21, 2006 7:51 pm
Tamu waited out the silence with dread. What was going through the female's mind? Was she thinking of a nice way to let him down easy or the fastest way out of this place and away from him? It never occured to him that she may just accept the fact that he heard a Voice in his head. Not even his father had seemed to really accept it. And he understood that. A voice in someone's head was totally not normal.
Yet then he was completely shocked when Masuka nuzzled him affecionately, telling him to not listen to a word that his Voice said and that he'd only make it stronger if he did. Blinking, he watched as she pulled away. He longed to feel her warmth next to him again, but he knew that there were more important things to deal with right now.
"You... you aren't... afraid?" he asked cautiously, glancing up at her like a little cub who had done something wrong.
Of course she's afraid! You idiot, she's only lying to you so that she can hurt you later on. Don't you see? She's just leading you on...
"Shut up!" he growled, looking off to the side and away from her. Realizing that he had just spoken aloud, the future king gasped and backed away, his eyes wide. "I'm.. so sorry!" he said quickly, his ears falling back. He needed to get out of here. He was only making it worse by sticking around.
"I'm... sorry," he said again, backing away a few steps. "I'll just... I'm sure you don't want to hang around with a freak..."
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Posted: Mon Aug 21, 2006 8:07 pm
Masuka looked resolute as Tamu shied away, asking if she was afraid. No, she wasn't afraid, not this time anyway, Tamu had a chance and fear simply fed the confidence of the spirits. She had stood by and watched as her litter sisters and family succumbed to it, cowering in fear, unable to change it. Not again, she would not let the thing she had classed in her mind as less of a voice and more of a spirit, take him.
"Look into these eyes Tamu. You will not see fear there." And this was true, the only emotions reflected in those clear blue eyes were concern and some other, inexpressable care.
As he backed away, she matched him, step for step closer. "Don't distance yourself" she reassured him "I no more consider you a freak now than I did when I met you, a simple voice doesn't change your messy mane, your eyes. Why should it change anything else?" Fear did find it's fledgling wings in her heart then, but only at his fear and attempts to get away, they were too familiar, too reminicent and she knew she could not let him leave, that wasn't what he needed now, solitude only let him hear the words clearer.
"No. I do. I want to be with you, only moments ago I was dreading you leaving, don't let the voice, whatever it is, make that fear come true for me, I enjoy your company, no matter what."
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Posted: Mon Aug 21, 2006 8:32 pm
Don't you listen to her, you worthless piece of crap! She's lying to you, can't you see?
The Voice continued to snarl in his head, making him confused. He definitely trusted Masuka more than this thing that kept talking to him inside of his head, but it had been there long enough, had rooted itself far enough into his mind, that he really wasn't sure what to think.
Nonetheless, despite his struggles, he managed to gain control long enough to look into the female's eyes, doing as she had said. And indeed, he saw no fear. Never before had he seen someone so confident and sure, so caring towards him. It was almost too good to be true for him. It almost made him feel ashamed of himself, for giving in so easily and fearing the Voice so quickly before he even got a chance to figure it out.
Get away from her now. She's tainting you. Don't you see? She's the evil spirit, not me.
The Voice continued to speak to Tamu, this time, however, using a softer tone to try and convince him towards its cause. Masuka, however, was stronger.
Shaking his head, he ignored the voice and stepped cautiously towards her. The Voice had made him attack someone before, and he was afraid that it would happen again. He didn't want to hurt Masuka, not in a million years. He felt something there, something between them. Even if it was only friendship, it was a little more than he had with anyone else.
"If.. if I suddenly leap at you, please, Masuka, get away as fast as you can okay?" he asked, his fears pulling hard at his nerves. He knew he had to stay with her to get away from the Voice, but he really didn't want to hurt anyone again.
Furious, the Voice grew impatient. Listen to me! Back away from her or I WILL make you kill her.
"You.. don't control... me!" Tamu said through gritted teeth, taking another step forward. "I will not... hurt Masuka." He continued forward until his face was only inches from her. The Voice was silent now, and nothing had happened. Letting out a great breath, he let his head fall, as if he were exhausted from the whole thing.
"I'm so glad it didn't make me..." He couldn't finish his sentence. He didn't want to think of what could have happened to her if the Voice had influenced his actions again, like it had so long ago.
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Posted: Tue Aug 22, 2006 2:44 pm
Masuka stood firm where she was, much smaller than Tamu but nevertheless unafraid. She trusted her paws, trusted that she could get away if the need arose. She nodded. "If that's what you wish then I won't hesitate." her scar had been her reward for dilly dallying before, she knew better now. However, even if Tamu did lunge, her retreat would be a temporary one, she would not leave him stranded alone with the voice. As he spoke again, she nodded, cheering him on.
"That's it. YOU are the one in control, not it. It is you who control your own mind, never let it convince you otherwise." She almost panicked as he drew nearer and nearer, her heart racing, ears back, her every muscle strung tight, ready to flee if he moved. He was too close, too close and too dangerous. But just as she considered making a move to distance herself, his posture relaxed again, leaving nothing but exhaustion. She too tenatively followed his lead, her tail ceasing it's frantic twitching behind her.
A smile of relief spread across her features and she nodded "I have faith that you can control it. If you cannot, life has made me a fast, lean runner, I will escape, it's the only thing I'm good at." Again in defiance of his currently unstable state of mind, she gave him another nuzzle.
"You showed greater resolve than any lion I have ever seen in the face of such a powerful instinct. For that at least, I congratulate you." She pulled back once more and sat down.
"How long have you been hearing this "voice" of yours?"
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Posted: Tue Aug 22, 2006 2:56 pm
Tamu had seen how fearful the lioness had become of him when he stepped closer to her. It tore his heart up and it made him want to just run away and leave her alone, to just leave her in peace and to stay away so that there wouldn't be any chance of him hurting her. But then he relaxed and she relaxed, and everything seemed fine. The Voice wasn't speaking anymore for the time being.
Letting out a great sigh, he let his head hang as he stood there, his breathing a bit ragged from the whole thing. He had really thought that the Voice would have made him hurt her. If it had... he would have never forgiven himself for that.
When Masuka nuzzled him again, however, he blinked then glanced up at her. That was the second time she had done that. He wanted to return the gesture, but she had pulled away again before he had a chance to really do anything. Frowning at himself, he glanced down at his paws.
"Th-thanks," he said hesitantly, his nerves still fried from the scare the Voice had given him. "I'm sorry... if I scared you or anything. I would've never forgiven myself if something had actually happened to you... like... my brother." He shut his eyes and shook his head. That had only been a minor fight, that thing between him and his brother. But Tamu was bigger and much stronger now, capable of doing too much damage. He was surprised he had trusted himself enough to actually move closer to the female.
When she asked how long he had been hearing his Voice, he didn't answer for a few seconds. He was ashamed...
"Since.. since I was a cub," he finally admitted, his fearful eyes looking up at her. "But.. I haven't heard from it in months. Now that it's back..." He shook his head. "I just feel like something bad is going to happen."
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Posted: Tue Aug 22, 2006 3:15 pm
Masuka only wished that she could make him feel better, reassure him that it was not him she feared, only the voice that to her represented the one recurring thing in her life who had taken so much away from her. But words failed to help her on this.
At mention of his brother, she raised a brow, not critically, just curiously, however she pried no deeper. "The only thing I feared was that I might have given you reason to resent yourself. This is not your fault, that much is clear to me."
At his admittance of how long the voice had been present she looked thoughtful.
"Sometimes bad things have to happen before things can truly get better. If it had been lying dormant all this time, it was still there, just inactive. Maybe it's time to start along the rocky path of getting rid of it for good."
It was a bit like the badly healed injury, sometimes bones needed to be broken and re-set before they could truly heal. Perhaps this resurgence of the voice was the beginning of some much harder road Tamu would have to walk than the one so far behind him.
"Though if the voice is back, you will have a lot ahead of you." she laughed, trying to make light of the situation again "Though if you step out of line around me, I'll be sure to remind you where you stand if you'd like."
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Posted: Tue Aug 22, 2006 3:33 pm
Though he was glad that Masuka had stayed by him and had helped him to overcome the Voice this time, he felt that there was nothing she or anyone else could do to help him completely overcome the Voice for good. It had been there ever since he could remember, torturing him and scolding him. To him, it was something that was a part of him and it was something he couldn't just get rid of.
"No, you could never do anything like that," he whispered, looking down at his paws. "If I resented myself, it would be my own fault, not yours." And it was the truth. She was too perfect to have the blame of any such thing.
When she mentioned that sometimes bad things have to happen in order for things to get better, he blinked and looked up at her. He didn't exactly understand it. "Bad things have already happened," he sighed, shaking his head and looking down at his paws again. "I fought with my brother so long ago. I looked like a total freak in front of my father. I'm surprised others haven't become afraid of me after all this time."
Masuka went on to talk about how he should start trying to get rid of the Voice and how she'd be there to help him out, but he was too fearful.
"I don't want anything else to happen." He paused for a moment to look up at her. "I don't want to hurt you... or anyone else. I appreciate your help but... I just don't trust myself. I don't want to do to you what I did to my brother. I was only a cub then, and I still did damage. I'm bigger now.. too dangerous."
He shook his head again, letting it droop farther and letting his mane fall into his face, hiding it from her. All he wanted was to run away.
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Posted: Tue Aug 22, 2006 3:55 pm
Masuka held her head up haughtily, showing that gleam of her father, one of Mrost's most trusted generals. Her family looked death in the face on a regular basis, walking the knife edge. She wasn't afraid of it.
"I don't care." she stated calmly, precise. "Send me away now and you will do more damage to me with your words than you could with your claws. I'd never stop worrying about you. I do not fear death or injury but I fear you running to protect me from yourself."
It was crazy, she'd only just met this lion, but she didn't want to let him slip away, he fitted too well with her personality and his problems remained a secondary concern to her. Masuka had been alone all her life anyway, now she wanted to live, to care for someone else's welfare instead of her own, she wanted to help him.
"Life is full of bad things. All you can do is counter them with the good." she moved closer again, leaning down to look up at him from behind his veil of mane, a smile on her lips but fire in her eyes. "You can't give up. I won't let you." She was pushy but honest, further traits passed down to her from the father she had adored.
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Posted: Tue Aug 22, 2006 4:24 pm
Tamu looked up at Masuka through his mane, watery eyes blinking at her. No one had shown so much determination to help him or so much care towards him. It was almost unbelieveable. Almost.
"Thank you," he breathed, almost in relief. "I appreciate you being around." He smiled slowly, as if being happy would bring back the Voice to make him miserable. "But still... promise me to run away if I try to hurt you, at least until I calm down?" he asked, his eyes showing genuine concern for her. Like her, he didn't want her to slip away, not for anything in the world.
He stayed silent for a few moments as he just watched her eyes, those beautiful blue eyes that he adored so much. He wanted so much to just nuzzle her like she had him, but he was afraid that she would see it as him being too forward. He was afraid that he'd scare her somehow. So he remained distanced from her.
"So how about that tour of the lands?" he laughed nervously, attempting to come out of his dark hole for her.
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Posted: Tue Aug 22, 2006 4:43 pm
She let her usual easy grin rest once again on her features, content that for now the worst had passed. "If that's what you want then the moment you try to harm me, I'll run. Promise." she nodded, anything to set his mind at ease. She met his gaze easily, with the confidence of a lioness who moved through life without looking back, without regrets. For her it was over too soon as he broke away and suggested they continue their tour.
She was only too glad to put the occurence behind them for now and continue to explore the Kusini.
"I'd love to."
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Posted: Tue Aug 22, 2006 4:53 pm
Tamu smiled, really smiled. Purring slightly, he leaned forward and nuzzled her neck gently. Afterwards, he bumped her shoulder playfully then leaped forward a few feet before stopping to look back at him, a smile still on his face.
"Then shall we?"
Stop playing, lover boy, and leave that girl! the Voice snarled in his head. But, for once, the lion ignored him.
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