|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Tue Jun 20, 2006 6:37 pm
Without thinking, Kayne reached out and grabbed her by her hand to pull her into his bedroom. He shut the door and pinned her gently up against it, leaning down to kiss her softly.
"That's not good enough Jess. What's the real reason? You're going cold on me... I deserve to know why," he said softly, looking down into her eyes.
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Jun 20, 2006 6:54 pm
His movement was quick and unexpected, Jess didn't have the time or thought to stop him. As he broke the kiss to speak she pushed him away from her by the shoulders.
"Don't you ever do that to me again." She said to him, her voice low and serious. "Never push me around like that, never." Taking a deep breath she looked at him and then to the closed door, she didn't like not being in control.
"Why? because Kayne through this whole incident I have felt like a mother or an aunt more than your girlfriend. I mean I want to comfort you and I want to be there for you but ... you're attitude is so childish. Because that's what you are, you're a teenager. Cirrus was right, that voice inside your head was right. I helped cause this mess and the only way I can think to put it right is to bring her back and fade away."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Jun 20, 2006 7:14 pm
Kayne stared at her for a long time, then turned and walked across his room. He ran an agitated hand through his hair as he tried to work out his fogged up thoughts.
"Forgive me Jess. I'm sorry if I'm a little lost as to what is expected of me in this situation. I've never had a mother, aunt, or girlfriend to help me through the unexpected changes that keep getting thrown in my face. I'm doing the best that I bloody can here. I'm sorry if that's not good enough for you, and maybe you're right," he said, finally turning around to face her. "Stick to the guys your own age. Obviously they're much better for you than I. Obviously they'll understand you, be able to read you without you having to say a word... be able to give you whatever the hell it is you really want."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Jun 20, 2006 7:24 pm
Jess didn't know what to say, she hadn't meant it like that. Closing her eyes for a few moments to think she took another deep breath and looked at him.
"What I mean is, I'm not used to being the adult in the situation, I just don't know what you want me to do. I try and you push me away, when I move away like I think you want you drag me back."
She swallowed again, still holding his eyes.
"You need someone stron who can make life decisions, who can take care of you. I can't do that. Every descision I have ever made has blown up in my face. It's not about what i want, it's about what you need and you don't need someone like me to screw your life up even more than it already is."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Jun 20, 2006 7:50 pm
"I don't want a bloody mother Jess and I don't want you to make my decisions for me, and thank you for pointing out incredibly screwed up my life is," he smirked wryly. "You are the first thing that has ever made sense to me. Unfortunately what I want and need from you right now, I can't have because of our situation. Pushing you away... was the only thing I could think of Jess, to keep me from falling completely apart everytime I was near you."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Jun 20, 2006 8:06 pm
Jess stopped for a moment and laughed. In all the drama and emotional upset she had completely forgotten about their "situation," but still, that was not the only reason he had been ignoring her.
"How is that supposed to make me feel Kayne. You give me the cold shoulder then when you need holding I'm supposed to some running. It doesn't work like, I'm not a toy you can pick up and put down as and when."
Now she wanted to hit something, backed into a corner with nowhere to run and no clue as to what to do next.
"I told you Kayne everything I touch turns to s**t, why the hell wouldn't you listen to me? If you had listened we wouldn't be here. If I can't give you what you want when you most need it, then I'm useless, obselete. You should just let me go." She hadn't been aware of it before she stopped talking but she was crying. She hated feeling out of control and useless, ever since Cirrus had dissapeared she felt nothing but.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Jun 20, 2006 8:23 pm
Kayne was getting more and more frustrated. He had known that this was not going to be easy, but he felt even more helpless as he watched something he had worked so hard to save crumble apart right before his eyes. As the tears started to roll down her face, he hesitated only a moment, before walking back up to her and wrapping his arms around her. He planted a kiss on the top of her head.
"You are not useless or obselete, and I sure as hell am not going to let you go. Not now. Not when we've come so far. I'm sorry I pushed you away Jess. I lost sight of everything because I don't feel... like I have a purpose anymore. I don't know what it is anymore," he said softly as he started to rub her back.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Jun 20, 2006 8:40 pm
Jess pulled away from him and looked up into his eyes.
"Ugh you're going to force me to give you a Miyagi lecture." She said shaking her head. "Kayne your purpose is your life just as her purpose is hers. That's what she is doing. She hasn't run away. Not really, she's just off trying to find out what she wants from life."
Sniffing and brushing away her tears she looked up at him.
"You need to do the same. I know it's hard, but now you know she is safe you need to think about letting her go. Not from your life, but from this cage you've built up around the two of you. Be selfish for a while, think about what you want to do and do what you want, enjoy it. That's what she is doing."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Jun 20, 2006 8:53 pm
Kayne listened to Jess, really listened to her. Something about the way she put it finally gave him a ray of clarity through the confused haze that had been clouding his mind. After a silence had hung between them for a moment, Kayne tightened his arms around her and hugged close.
"See... this is why I fell in love with you Jess. You are truly the only thing that makes sense to me. Don't pull away now. You are what I want. I enjoy being with you. Hell... I even enjoy arguing with you... most of the time," he said softly with a small smile as he rested his head on top of hers.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Jun 20, 2006 10:26 pm
IN the silence Jess buried her head against his shoulder. It felt good to feel weak for a moment. Giving in she wrapped her arms around him also having he own moment of clarity. Kayne gave her something she had never had before. Normality, well, most of the time.
She didn't want to walk away from him, no matter what her head told her to do.
"I'm sorry." She mumbled against his shirt. "I know this is hard for you I just don't know what to do. I want you but this made me think maybe it's not for the best, maybe we're just making things worse for each other in the long run."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Jun 20, 2006 10:40 pm
"Maybe that's true. Maybe we are making things worse in the long run. But you're right Jess... I hate to say it, but you are right... about Cirrus. She needs to find her own way. This whole time I thought it was because I had abandoned her... but it was reallly because I moved on. Like I am supposed to. Maybe... we're not making things worse. Maybe we're making things better," he said softly, squeezing her tightly.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Jun 20, 2006 10:54 pm
Jess laughed and looked up at him.
"Making things better?" She smirked cupping his face in her hands. "Maybe, just in a ******** up round about way. Not that I'd expect anything less."
Giving a small smile she kissed him softly pulling back to run her fingers up to his soft hair.
"I'm sorry." She said resting her head against him again and holding him tight.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Jun 20, 2006 11:06 pm
Kayne smirked at her analysis of his small epiphany. "Good," he said against her lips. As she held him he gently lifted her up off the ground.
"I'm sorry too Jess. Things will get better now I guess," he said softly, kissing the side of her neck then putting her back down.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Jun 20, 2006 11:12 pm
She nodded and smiled at him.
"Yes and you need to sleep." She said pushing him backwards towards the bed. "Because if you don't at least try I'm going to have to knock you out."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Jun 20, 2006 11:27 pm
Kayne smirked as she shoved him, then grabbed her hand and pulled her with him to the bed. He sat back and stretched out on it, tugging her down to sit next to him.
"I guess that means you are staying then. Otherwise I might just pretend to fall asleep and wait till you leave," he grinned and held his arms open to her.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
