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 Posted: Sat May 27, 2006 6:40 pm
oh im sorry(think evil tyler, think evil) ummm. i hate you all...
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Posted: Sat May 27, 2006 8:52 pm
*classic anime sweatdrop* ok then... and either colour your post or put the (()) around it... otherwise it's clasified as a story...
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QueenOfPuzzles Vice Captain
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Posted: Sun May 28, 2006 9:29 am
((Okay. ^^ I'll comment here then.
It's looking good so far. ^^ Can't wait to see what will happen with her school things and the character herself.
This is a little bit of advice I seem to give to everyone, so yes to some it may sound repetitive and also don't feel like you're the only one. Have you ever heard of SVI? Subject, Verb, information? And the different forms of sentences: simple, compund, complex, and compound complex? If not I'll pm you further information on it. My suggestion to you is to play around with your writing. The easiest way for me to get the main point across is to say make them longer, shorter, use semi colons and colons, etc. Combine some of your sentences. Right now you are using mainly Simple sentences, and so the reading gets repetitive and slightly choppy at times. When your sentences use commas, semi colons, etc. you are usually using another form of structure (even unknowingly) and it makes the reading more pleasing to one's ears.
Your plot seems to be running well though. ^^ Can't wait for you to post up more!))
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Posted: Sun May 28, 2006 11:45 am
you don't need to tell me... I already know that my writing needs form a personality and things like that... but it's kinda hard...
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Posted: Sun May 28, 2006 5:18 pm
XxBangbang.im.a.banditxX oh im sorry(think evil tyler, think evil) ummm. i hate you all... no you dont... stare
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Posted: Sun May 28, 2006 5:32 pm
((That's a great story so far, Si. ^^ I don't really have any criticisms for that story. The plot looks like it'll develop really nicely as well.))
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Posted: Sun May 28, 2006 6:59 pm
Nibi no Nekomata XxBangbang.im.a.banditxX oh im sorry(think evil tyler, think evil) ummm. i hate you all... no you dont... stare
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Posted: Sun May 28, 2006 7:53 pm
(( Yaaay. I'll definately keep reading this. ^^ Maybe I'll notice something to critique, later~ ))
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Posted: Mon May 29, 2006 7:32 am
(( ok yeah i dont hate you all...))
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Posted: Mon May 29, 2006 6:23 pm
mwahahaha, you just can't stay angry at us... we're so lovable!
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Posted: Tue May 30, 2006 3:24 pm
((yeah i love you all. i'll never make a good darkness master. if being an app. of darkness doesnt work out i may try and switch elements. i dont really want to but my all around sunny disposition doesn't fit the darkness role. i like darkness but im to happy all the time.))
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Posted: Tue May 30, 2006 11:20 pm
Oh yes, and cuz I know Silent's gonna be posting in here...
Silent, your mule can't be accepted cuz she/he doesn't have enough gold. ^^; I guess somebody changed it so that it costs 50 g to get in! Your poor character must be EXTREMELLLY poor. =((
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Posted: Wed May 31, 2006 4:33 pm
AnimeDreamz Oh yes, and cuz I know Silent's gonna be posting in here...
Silent, your mule can't be accepted cuz she/he doesn't have enough gold. ^^; I guess somebody changed it so that it costs 50 g to get in! Your poor character must be EXTREMELLLY poor. =((
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Posted: Wed May 31, 2006 4:35 pm
XxBangbang.im.a.banditxX ((yeah i love you all. i'll never make a good darkness master. if being an app. of darkness doesnt work out i may try and switch elements. i dont really want to but my all around sunny disposition doesn't fit the darkness role. i like darkness but im to happy all the time.)) ((so am i.. just because your darkness doesent mean you gotta be goth or depressing.. what the hell gave you that idea?))
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Posted: Wed May 31, 2006 4:42 pm
Nibi no Nekomata XxBangbang.im.a.banditxX ((yeah i love you all. i'll never make a good darkness master. if being an app. of darkness doesnt work out i may try and switch elements. i dont really want to but my all around sunny disposition doesn't fit the darkness role. i like darkness but im to happy all the time.)) ((so am i.. just because your darkness doesent mean you gotta be goth or depressing.. what the hell gave you that idea?))
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