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 Posted: Tue May 16, 2006 8:54 pm
*snuggles Green* Thankums for the exchange! I hope I helped you out some~. And no! Don't be worried about shortness, honestly, it's quality, not quantity, and I'm sure your concept is giving everybody's tired eyes a break wink .
But whoo Impossible! She's really stealing the show from Nathan mad d. I wonder if people only like her for the excuse to say oink, eh? And eee! I thought the crush thing might've been over the top and someone would've gone "eww" but I'm glad you got it, Green. You are so on my brainwave!
FINALLY! Someone who understands that when two people are alike, they clash! I thought I was the only person in the world. But yes, I can see how they might threaten each other. But the circumstance in which they meet does matter. 'Cause they could always meet by playing a prank on the same kid (this is so bad, I'm RPing the scene out now! XD) and then becoming friends because of that bond. BUT YEA! You rock, Green.
Eee! I'm so glad I got the Green heart of approval whee .
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Posted: Tue May 16, 2006 9:04 pm
Thank you, too, luv. <3
You're such a flatterer. XD! Really, my writing makes my own eyes bleed. Its been rough as I've only spent the last day and a half planning it out. I wanted to get critique and spruce it up because particular sections were causing problems. >.<
I bet he hates that, doesn't he? XD I thought the comparrison was accurate, even if she doesn't feel that way towards Nathan. I thought it would be a unique way to portray the daemo/forgotten relationship.
*boogies on kaboosh's brainwaves* 8DDD
Very, very true. Wouldn't it be so cool if they did meet? We should do an RP, win or not. ninja
Pfft. You always had the Green heart of approval.
*didn't know there was such a thing* XDDD
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Posted: Tue May 16, 2006 9:25 pm
I think everybody's their toughest critic. And I especially hate when I've read something of mine ten times over and just go "ahhh!" Thankfully all this flowed out pretty naturally, though. I got lucky XD.
Ooooh, you bet'cha he hates the attention Impossible receives/will receive. I mean c'mon! he's all about being the star of the show.
*all of a sudden has the urge to boogie* gonk
Yes, Nathan + Ripley RP sounds very verrrry enticing. Mmmm~
I know! I made it up, isn't it spiff? But it's because you use the heart so much, it's trademark, man!
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Posted: Wed May 17, 2006 8:19 am
Elias: scream He mistreats others?!?! Send him over to my house and I'll whip him into shape! He needs to learn what it feels like to have your hair matted to your forehead in sweat! He needs to know what it feels like to have every muscle in your body (and those you didn't know you had) screaming in agony after a hard day's work. That's what he needs.
XD Sorry about that, Elias couldn't hold it in...
Comments: I have nothing else to add on his powers, appearance or personality biggrin Although I just kinda feel that the 'alternate' pesona is overused somewhat... couldn't it be simply that his ego or id is too strong for him to resist? Or that he is unaware or unconcerned about those he feels aren't worthy to be his peers?
Impossible = CUTEOMGHABIMUSTMEETHER! THEYSHALLBEAWKWARDANDADORABLETOGETHERFOREVERANDEVER!!!
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Posted: Wed May 17, 2006 8:40 am
Actually, I quite like the way you put it, I'll look into working that into my concept, possibly.
BUT! The whole reason I used the alternate persona was just for differentiating purposes. It's like Nathan, but forgetting any human being conscience stuff. It's not really like an alternate persona that he has no control over, because he can get out of it.
I just imagine really big things happening to him along his life that his normal self would surely not agree to but because some drive inside him is pushing him to, he will accept it. And that's where the alternate persona comes in.
This is a very good point, though and I was a tad worried about it when I wrote it. And, the way you put it sounds perfect, so I'm definitely going to have to weigh out some things.
Thanks so much Huni! And yea, Impossible + Habi... mad d. I love that web-ish tail! So hawtt!
I relalllly want somebody to whip Nathan in shape, because he so needs to be. Go Elias! You show him who's boss mad d.
Oh wait, am I supposed to be rooting for my own boy? Hehe.
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Posted: Wed May 17, 2006 4:46 pm
First off, I'd like to say I really like this concept! The rich boy and his pig. That and I'm an Animal Farm lover. I was tossed by the pig chosen for his daemon at first, but you explained it very well.
There are just a few little things that makes me wonder. First is the matching scar from the exacto blade, given by his father. Why would his rich father have an exacto blade to start with? If possible I would give it to him right as he comes out of the book, perhaps linking back to his life as a peasant in Russia? It would make more sense and offer up an introduction to who he was before he emerged from the library.
Another thing is that you say that he's bold and daring, yet at the same time he refuses to let his clothes get messed up. Does he change right after he does something daring? Go home to shower after every trick? Or does the daring consist of something less physical? (And unlikely to get him dirty?)
The superiority complex is fun. I'm sure many of the other Feedee will have an interesting time with that heart I know Walter would probably find it amusing.
And the powers, I know you say that his way with words and manipulation is his power, but I would think the "Alternate Nathan" is a power, (not a helpful one, mind you,) and could be added to that section.
I also thought for a second that it might be interesting for him to be able to morph into other people, seeing as how you described his ability to change faces and ideals at a moment's notice. (Er, unless he feels that the person isn't worthy of his skills, that is.) But that's just a thought.
As for Impossible, well, I think she's adorable! For a second I thought you had given her wings, but not having them works better in this case^^
Good luck! I hope this helps heart
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Posted: Wed May 17, 2006 5:02 pm
So you didn't think the Alternate personality was a bit much? And very good point, that is almost a power, someone taking over him and it certainly isn't a good one.
The exacto knife thing... I was just thinking that his father was doing some handy work around the house and this led to that and bam- Nathan was scarred. However you brought up seomething tremendously important! I totally forgot to incorporate something from his past, eh? You gave me a wonderful idea, I'll definitely go in an edit up a few things about that scar. Ice, I could just kiss you!
Anyhow, moving on XD. Did I really say that? Bold and daring but his clothes have to be in prime condition? Uggh, I'll definitely have to remedy that. Must've been a finger splurge. But I'd say his daring is pretty much all around, anything that'll get him attention. I'mma have to go in there and fix some things, thank you for bringing this to my attention, majorly.
I'm glad you see the superiority as fun, I meant it to add to Nathan's personality, not exclude him from the kids. Because I know snobby people that are still pretty cool Amusing, eh? Just hearing that amuses me!
WOWWOWOW. That morphing thing- into other people. I can see it now and that could bring in a lot of plot twists and arcs, hmm? I really like that! I'm going to have to look into that and see if it all works out smoothly. But oh man, I just got some inspiration. Whee!
Yea, if the ender banner things threw you off then sorry mad d. I just thought that piggy looked so adorable! And I'm glad you like Impossible and definitely happy that you understood my choice for her being a piglet.
This helped so much! Thank you for the luck and most especially the crit! Wheee! I've got major idea-age. Hurrah!
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Posted: Wed May 17, 2006 5:44 pm
To say first off, I am not an Animal Farm lover, but certainly wasn't the worst book in existance. (I'm the 1984 Girl. XD)
But... WOW. You totally drew me in. I read the quote at first and was like, "UGHH. Bad freshman memories" whoa though. Totally awesome character.
I have to point out first, prod through Halo's character, Otium some. He's the black and white baby, but he has a thing with greed/money/wealth. You may want to contact her incase your future ideas conflict! <3 (There may be something with the clothing appearence too, be sure to checkcheck.)
Though, I must say, I do love the utter simpleness of his character. Yes, while he is the proper prim and rich kid, he's got a strange down to earth sentiment about him. (Hope that's what you were trying to portray) The only thing that bugs me...
Is that appealing ability? The way you described it seems rather extreme. I know he's quite the talker, but if it was meant to be to that extreme, I think you may be better slashing out the extreme part and adding in a second ability. It seems kinda fake when you can make anyone believe you. (Don't get me wrong though, it fits perfectly into his character!)
And that blind aspect, it is a rather striking idea. I'm not sure if you described the purpose to its full effect unless you were keeping it a secret? As in, Impossible goes blind, but just because he has lust and she's supposed to stop him? Kinda confusing, or maybe I missed something. XD;;
But Impossible, oh she's DARLING. I want a piglet now. And I love the fretting over Nathan, she's just so cute. I have a slight irk at the hatred between them though. A forgotton and a daemon share a deep bond, and I think deep down, Nathan should be able to at least cope with her. Right now I feel. "Aww, little pig. T__T" Just a little future insight that you may want to toy around with so they aren't killing each other in the near future, that would be bad. XD;;;
Anywho, LOVELY to read, I enjoyed your descriptions througly~ Sandy is blonde right? XD I thought of it more of a light brown. Lotsa kids having the blonde hair/blue eye combo lately.
Enough rambling! Good luck to you, you certainly caught my eye~! <3
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Posted: Wed May 17, 2006 5:57 pm
from that fatty paragraph Deep down, Nathan does care for Impossible. First off I just wanted to state that there is a bond between them and there ISN'T some perpetual hate thing. I tried to get that across in the Relationship paragraph. It's more sort of a love/hate relationship, you know? And Nathan will only be confused about it because he "hates" Impossible so much but loves her so much, too. I hope that made some sense, or showed you my intents. I'm very happy to hear that you managed to overlook your Freshman "ughh" ness. In fact I'm quite pleased that I'm hearing from one of the book haters. This means my concept doesn't only appeal to those who appreciate the book- yay! I'm very aware about Otium and I'm glad you pointed it out, I think I will speak to Halo about having a look at Nathan to see what she thinks. And I noticed their attire was very similar, too. I've been keeping my eye on Otium, so we'll see. yes! I was going for that simpleness. I mean, the guy's uber stuck up but beside that, he's just any old kid trying to have some fun in his life. I'm really happy that you caught that. Well, I'm glad you think it fits the character and, perhaps I'll put a stopper on the ability or something? BUT! I have yet to edit from Ice Queen's crits and there's an idea I'd like to play around with. So we'll see, but thanks for pointing this out. Well you might've missed something, but that's probably because I haven't told you! I think it may make a lot more sense when you see the event happening. I just wanted to keep some huge plot aspects about Nathan in the dark. But I'll check into whether or not I should add some more description in there~ Yep! Sandy is blonde, or at least in my book. And I know! I'm quite aware. but I was hoping that nathan's VERY VERY combed hair and his brilliant blue eyes would help him stand out from the rest. Yay! Thank you so much again Tia, for the crits and the good luck. Whee! Note: some editing will surely take place tonight. I've still gotta get the guardian info up, after all!
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Posted: Wed May 17, 2006 6:04 pm
Aaaah. Yes, thank you for clearing that up. ^^ I was slightly fixated on the idea that it was leaning to more of the hate relationship. But the love-hate, clarifies it A LOT. <3
Heh, I suppose if I actually read it on my own and was not forced, it would have been better. ^^
Sorry, forgot about not changing yet. XD Yes, a stopper ability sounds good, or perhaps a charm limit. ^^
Yay~ I felt I missed something at first, but that's good~
XD He will~ I was just noting. Poor Iqbal has to cope with around 3 other kids that have bi-colored eyes.
Welcome, welcome, I'm glad it helped. ^^
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Posted: Wed May 17, 2006 10:59 pm
I put a sort of restriciton, but I'm open to ideas. When I was trying to think of things that would make the power not-so-powerful my mind totally blanked D:. Any ideas, anyone? What's this 'bout a charm limit, Tia?
And, I changed the scar story. I also tried to add in a sentence about the whole appearance and dirty thing. Made some modifications to the powers. And I think that's pretty much it. Oh! Got the guardian story up, finally. Just gotta get two more things up, but for now I'm content to go into the first round with this.
But yay! I just had to say thank you guys all so much for your crits. You're all life savers! And of course, you can keep 'em coming throughout the competition (probably, who knows what Phoo's got stored away in that mind of his, however x3).
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Posted: Tue Jun 20, 2006 10:48 am
Just wanted to bring this up because I made a major update powers-wise. If you want to know why and waht not you can just check out the front page~. And, as always, please do enjoy!
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