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 Posted: Sat Apr 29, 2006 2:12 am
Devil_Influenced_Angel Elenyae A woman goes into a hardware store to buy something for her house. When asked the price, the clerk replies, "the price of one is twelve cents, the price of forty-four is twenty-four cents, and the price of a hundred and forty-four is thirty-six cents. What does the woman want to buy? ...easy one..i think. A nail for a drill...? xd No clue.
 Nup. And I can't give a clue to this..or it'll give it away. xp
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Posted: Sat Apr 29, 2006 2:14 am
Elenyae Devil_Influenced_Angel Elenyae A woman goes into a hardware store to buy something for her house. When asked the price, the clerk replies, "the price of one is twelve cents, the price of forty-four is twenty-four cents, and the price of a hundred and forty-four is thirty-six cents. What does the woman want to buy? ...easy one..i think. A nail for a drill...? xd No clue.
Nup. And I can't give a clue to this..or it'll give it away. xp Aww...ok...is it big or small?
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Posted: Sat Apr 29, 2006 2:15 am
It's...err...small-ish. They vary in size.
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Posted: Sat Apr 29, 2006 2:17 am
Is the answer supposed to be gross or just weird?
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Posted: Sat Apr 29, 2006 2:20 am
Um...normal-ish? As in it's not gross or anything. Tell me if/when you give up.
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Posted: Sat Apr 29, 2006 3:02 am
Okay, we'll just pretend you've given up 'kay? Cos I have to leave for the night...
The answer was: HOUSE NUMBERS!!!
One: 1 - 12 cents
Forty-four: 44 - 24 cents
One Hundred and forty four: 144 - 36 cents!
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Posted: Sat Apr 29, 2006 2:38 pm
o.O I don't get that. xd It could've been nails too.
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Posted: Sat Apr 29, 2006 2:46 pm
Here then:
Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing. He concludes by saying, "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed in an accident."
"OH DEAR GOD NO," Bush exclaims. "That's terrible!!"
His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the president sits, head in hands. Finally, the President, devastated, looks up and asks, "How many is a Brazillion??!"
-------
A contestant on "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" had reached the final plateau. If she answered the next question correctly, she would win $1,000,000. If she answered incorrectly, she would pocket only the $32,000 milestone money. And as she suspected it would be, the million-dollar question was no pushover.
It was, "Which of the following species of birds does not build its own nest, but instead lays its eggs in the nests of other birds?
Is it:
A) the condor;
B) the buzzard;
C) the cuckoo; or
D) the vulture?"
The woman was on the spot. She did not know the answer. And she was doubly on the spot because she had used up her 50/50 Lifeline and her Audience Poll Lifeline. All that remained was her Phone-a-Friend Lifeline, and the woman had hoped against hope that she would not have to use it, mainly because the only friend that she knew would be home happened to be a blonde. But the contestant had no alternative. She called her friend and gave her the question and the four choices.
The blonde responded unhesitatingly: "That's easy. The answer is C: The cuckoo."
The contestant had to make a decision and make it fast. She considered employing a reverse strategy and giving any answer except the one that her friend had given her. And considering that her friend was a blonde, that would seem to be the logical thing to do. On the other hand, the blonde had responded with such confidence, such certitude, that the contestant could not help but be persuaded.
"I need an answer," said the host. Crossing her fingers, the contestant said, "C: The cuckoo."
"Is that your final answer?" asked the host.
"Yes, that is my final answer." replied the contestant.
Thirty seconds later, Eddie said, "I regret to inform you, but that answer is... absolutely correct. You are now a millionaire!"
Three days later, the contestant hosted a party for her family and friends-- including the blonde who had helped her win the million dollars.
"Jenny, I just do not know how to thank you," said the contestant. "Because of your knowing the answer to that final question, I am now a millionaire. And do you want to know something? It was the assuredness with which you answered the question that convinced me to go with your choice. By the way, how did you happen to know the right answer?"
"Oh, come on," said the blonde. "Everybody knows that cuckoos don't build nests. They live in clocks."
-------------
Little Johnny watched the science teacher start the experiment with the worms.
* Four worms were placed into four separate jars.
* The first worm was put into a jar of alcohol.
* The second worm was put into a jar of cigarette smoke.
* The third worm was put into a jar of sperm.
* The fourth worm was put into a jar of soil.
After one day, these were the results:
* The first worm in alcohol - dead.
* Second worm in cigarette smoke - dead.
* Third worm in sperm - dead.
* Fourth worm in soil - alive.
So the Science teacher asked the class - "What can you learn from this experiment."
Little Johnny quickly raised his hand and said, "As long as you drink, smoke and have sex, you won't have worms."
---------------
A boy just started takeing showers. The first night he had a shower with his mom.
Mom: Dont look up.
So the little boy looks up.
Boy: Mommy, what are those? Mom: Those are my headlights.
The second night he takes a shower with his Dad.
Dad: Don't look down.
So the little boy looks down.
Boy: Dad whats that? Dad: That's my snake.
The third night he takes another shower with his mom.
Mom: Don't look down.
So the boy looks down.
Boy: Mommy, whats that? Mom: Thats my grass.
That night the boy had a nightmare. So he goes into his mom and dad's bedroom.
Boy: Mom!!! Turn your headlights on Theres a Snake in your grass!!!
----------
What's the difference between a teacher and a train? A teacher says "spit your gum out" and a train says "choo choo!!"
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A man was blissfully driving along the highway, when he saw the Easter Bunny hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the Bunny, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of his car and was hit. The basket of eggs went flying all over the place.
The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side of the road, and got out to see what had become of the Bunny carrying the basket. Much to his dismay, the colorful Bunnywas dead. The driver felt guilty and began to cry.
A woman driving down the same highway saw the man crying on the side of the road and pulled over. She stepped out of her car and asked the man what was wrong.
"I feel terrible," he explained, "I accidentally hit the Easter Bunny and killed it. There may not be an Easter because of me. What shouldI do?"
The woman told the man not to worry. She knew exactly what to do. She went to her car trunk, and pulled out a spray can. She walked over to the limp, dead Bunny, and sprayed the entire contents of the can onto the little furry animal.
Miraculously the Easter Bunny came to back life, jumped up, picked up the spilled eggs and candy, waved its paw at the two humans and hopped on down the road. 50 yards away the Easter Bunny stopped, turned around, waved and hopped on down the road another 50 yards, turned, waved, hopped another 50 yards and waved again!
The man was astonished.He said to the woman, "What in heaven's name is in your spray can? What was it that you sprayed on the Easter Bunny?" The woman turned the can around so that the man could read the label. It said: "Hair spray. Restores life to dead hair. Adds permanent wave."
--------------
A drunk was proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends late one night, and led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong. One of the guests asked, "What's that big brass gong?"
"It's not a gong. It's a talking clock," the drunk replied.
"A talking clock? Seriously?" asked his astonished friend.
"Yep," replied the drunk. "How's it work?" the friend asked, squinting at it. "Watch," the drunk replied. He picked up the mallet, gave it an ear-shattering pound, and stepped back. The three stood looking at one another for a moment. Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed, "You moron, it's ten past three in the morning!
---------------
A female computer consultant was helping a smug male set up his computer. She asked him what word he would like to use as a password to log in with. Wanting to embarrass her, he told her to enter "p***s". Without blinking or saying a word, she entered the password. She almost died laughing at the computer's response: PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH.
-------------------
A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected:
* a half-gallon of 2% milk
* a carton of eggs
* a quart of orange juice
* a head of romaine lettuce
* a 2 lb. can of coffee
* a 1 lb. package of bacon
As she was unloading her items onto the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her was watching.
While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single."
The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped of the drunk to her marital status. Curiosity getting the better of her, she said, "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on Earth did you know that?"
The drunk replied, "'Cuz you're ugly"
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Posted: Sat Apr 29, 2006 3:07 pm
xd Those jokes were great.
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Posted: Sat Apr 29, 2006 4:10 pm
Hmm... a riddle then.
A woman entered her apartment and was shocked to see the remains of her husband sprawled on the living room floor. He committed suicide. However, instead of reporting to the police, she calmly prepared herself tea before doing her houseworks. Why?
No, she didn't kill him.
Hint: She expected him to be dead when she got home.
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Posted: Sat Apr 29, 2006 4:27 pm
Because really those we're the ashes of her husband. Cause she had him cremated to remember. But I'm guessing she had a cat that knocked the jar of ashes over and usually did that.
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Posted: Sat Apr 29, 2006 4:31 pm
Full Metal Keyblade Because really those we're the ashes of her husband. Cause she had him cremated to remember. But I'm guessing she had a cat that knocked the jar of ashes over and usually did that. Ekzzzakto (precisely)
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Posted: Sat Apr 29, 2006 4:36 pm
raizen_jorad Full Metal Keyblade Because really those we're the ashes of her husband. Cause she had him cremated to remember. But I'm guessing she had a cat that knocked the jar of ashes over and usually did that. Ekzzzakto (precisely)
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Posted: Sat Apr 29, 2006 4:44 pm
Full Metal Keyblade Because really those we're the ashes of her husband. Cause she had him cremated to remember. But I'm guessing she had a cat that knocked the jar of ashes over and usually did that. rofl That was good.
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Posted: Sat Apr 29, 2006 5:12 pm
Kind of like your riddle and is REALLY easy to solve but... here's another one:
A girl went to a funeral of her sister's classmate. While there, she met a handsome guy. The next week, her sister died. Why?
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