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 Posted: Sun Apr 23, 2006 1:01 pm
my thoughts are with you. Vent vent vent, you need it. I can see that everyone here will be here for you.
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Posted: Sun Apr 23, 2006 7:36 pm
thank you all for your support. You'll never know how much it means to me. *hugs all* i finally got our room straightened out except for hanging the marriage certificat. I feel horrid because eric knows somethings up he keeps turning all the pictures of tim around so you only see the back of the frame and he finally today will actually go in my room and sit on my bed. He's been acting out alot and really whinny. I wish i could do more for him but how do you explain all this to a 4 yr old? I have to go for the fetal testing wed and i need to go back to the obgyn early to make sure baby is ok because of stress especially considering that i weigh the same i did 3 weeks ago and this far in (25 weeks) thats not a great thing especially considering my total weight gain this pregnancy is only 1-2 lbs total = its all from stress and stuff just different forms. I just pray my kids are ok. I'm lucky to have such an awesome mom. She and my brother and his long term girlfriend have been really supportive and helpful. I'm also considering going back to church. Its all i have left to cling to that there is a higher power, that all this is for a reason and that he is in a better place and his torchered soul is not suffering anymore.
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Posted: Sun Apr 23, 2006 7:58 pm
About Eric, keep it simple and don't euphemize [ie, saying Tim went to sleep, went on vacation, etc. He'll take it literally rather then realize it's another way of saying something and it could cause confusion and maybe fear of whatever phrase you chose.]. He's still too young to understand death and what it means, let alone the circumstances behind it. So I'd keep it really simple and if it's easier to tell him Tim is with God now then to say that he's dead, then that might be a good route to take. I'm only looking at the religious angle as you've said you'd like to go back to church. As he gets older, you can explain more as he's able to understand.
Keep us posted in the Pregnancy thread with how you're doing! heart
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Posted: Mon Apr 24, 2006 9:49 am
I agree with pirate on that one. I know it is different, but I was 7 when my grandad died, my family told me he had gone to sleep. For a long time I didn't want to sleep incase it took me away like it took him away.
I think honesty is the best policy in simplest terms. Telling them he is with God may help him find something to turn to when he misses his daddy.
Also if you return to the church, is there somewhere the kids can go to learn about god etc? That could help you, as you might not get so many awkward questions
Really hope wednesday goes ok, let us know eh? *hugs*
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Posted: Mon Apr 24, 2006 11:38 pm
I've gotta agree with Pirate and Jools. Just a simple honesty is best in my experiences. While mine isn't the same circumstance, when my mother died, my little cousins (whom I'm close with, and who knew my mother well) asked questions, as kids do. I told the youngest girls that my mother went to Heaven to be with God.
The eldest child, a boy, wasn't satisfied with just that answer, he wanted to know why, so I used more detail. I asked him if he believed that God put people on Earth for a reason. He nodded, and I told him that when a person finishes their purpose in life, God rewards them by bringing them up to Heaven to be with Him. He seemed okay with that answer, so I left it at that.
And if you'll be returning to church (and I think it's probably a good idea...spirituality has a way of helping us through times like this, and if nothing else, the social support you can get makes such a difference in my experiences), a spiritual explaination will be easier to take in.
All that being said, I admire your strength. Take care of yourself and your wee ones and remember we're all here for you.
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Posted: Tue Apr 25, 2006 4:06 pm
When my Grandmother died from liver cancer last October, my two children were very curious about it as well. They wanted to know why they couldn't go visit her anymore.
For a while I struggled with what exactly to tell them (since they were only 3 and 4 at the time).
finally I decided that telling them the truth would be best, but I wasn't going to be brutal about it. So I told them that she now lives with Jesus in Heaven. I told them that she was real sick and died from it, but that she wasn't sick anymore and that she was happy now.
It worked for them. They understand that much and can make better sense out of it.
So I'm gonna agree with Dirge and Jools here as well. Tell them truth, but do it in terms they can understand and relate to.
And yes, do keep us updated on your pregnancy! heart
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Posted: Sun Apr 30, 2006 12:46 pm
At the request of dA_fUnKy_mOnKeY, I am locking this thread and moving it to our Archives subforum.
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